The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione
by evilrabidplotbunnies
Summary: THIS STORY IS DANGEROUS. IT HAS CAUSED NUMEROUS PEOPLE TO BE KICKED OUT OF LIBRARIES, RECEIVE STRANGE LOOKS FROM FAMILY MEMBERS, AND GO CLINICALLY INSANE. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, READ THIS STORY. ESPECIALLY NOT CHAPTER 19.
1. The Fight

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Hey, it's me, evilrabidplotbunnies. Please read and REVIEW! You know you want to… It'll make me update sooner!

**Okay, so I am currently in the process of editing this story, starting from the beginning and working my way to the last few chapters so far. So, if you find some things that don't correspond with one another, please, please bear with me as I try to sort things out. There will be no major changes in the plot of the story; just a few errors will be fixed and lines added. Oh, and I'm also fixing a few chapter titles. Thanks for your patience!**

Disclaimer: This world belongs to J. K. Rowling, but maybe I will inherit it when she dies.

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Chapter 1 - The Fight

"DRACO, YOU BLOODY GIT!" **(A/N: Don't you love my opening line of my story?) **Hermione Granger yelled from halfway across the Charms classroom. She threw a copy of Advanced Potions at Draco Malfoy, who ducked just in time.

"HA! YOU MISSED!" Draco yelled gleefully, that is, until another book hit him right in the face. "OOF!" he exclaimed, falling over behind a desk.

"Now, now, stop that!" Professor Flitwick said, attempting to get the two students' attention. "Now, really! I said stop!" No one heard him. The Gryffindors and Slytherins were excitedly watching the fight, cheering for the person of their house.

Hermione couldn't even remember how the fight had started. There had definitely been some insults, name-calling, and such, but she forgot what had compelled her to begin pummeling Draco with assorted school supplies. Draco, on the other hand, forgot exactly what he had said that had enraged Hermione so much that even Harry and Ron could not hold her back from murdering him.

"STOP!" Flitwick yelled at the top of his tiny and fragile lungs, but he was ignored. The students formed a circle around Hermione and Draco, blocking anything from view.

Just then, Professor Snape entered.

"WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE?" he roared. The crowd immediately dispersed, revealing an angry Hermione, frantically throwing punches at a whimpering Draco.

"CEASE THIS DISPLAY OF MADNESS AT ONCE!" Snape commanded in his very Snape-like way.

The display of madness ceased.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" Snape asked in a highly dangerous tone that made poor Neville, an innocent bystander, nearly pee his pants.

"Well," Hermione tried to explain, but got a deadly glare from Snape.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor for arguing with a teacher!" Snape said.

"But-' Hermione tried.

"And another twenty for talking back!" Snape said. The Gryffindors groaned. The school year had just begun, and, thanks to Hermione, their house points were already in the negatives.

"You two, come with me," Snape said. "You're going to see the headmaster about this at once!"

Hermione was dismayed. She was a good student, one who constantly followed school rules (to some people's annoyance) and got good grades all the time. She couldn't stand being in trouble. Hermione felt annoyed that she had lost her temper with Malfoy, who was just being his usual self. But then again, the look of terror on Malfoy's face when she was about to punch him was absolutely priceless. Well, actually, it was worth approximately fifty galleons.

The two of them walked up the staircase to Dumbledore's office, Hermione, resisting the urge to start beating up Malfoy again. Hermione pushed open the door and went inside, followed by Draco.

"Professor, I-" Hermione began.

"Take a seat," Dumbledore said.

Draco and Hermione sat, Draco scooting his chair as far away from Hermione as possible, until Dumbledore gently glared at him.

"Severus," Dumbledore said.

"Yes, sir?" replied Snape, eager to see some severe punishment doled out to Hermione and some lesser punishments for Draco.

"You are free to go."

Snape faltered. He desperately wanted to know what sort of punishment the two would have.

Dumbledore looked at Snape, implying that it was time for him to leave.

"Yes, sir." Snape turned around and left Dumbledore's office. He proceeded halfway down the stairs, then silently went back up and laid his ear upon the door like a teenager about to happen upon some juicy secret.

"Yes, I know what the two of you have been up to, damaging school property, hurting your fellow students (Dumbledore gestured at the number of bruises that covered Draco's usually pale face), and, wasting enormous amounts of class time, all because of hatred for each other," Dumbledore began in a solemn tone. "It is not unusual for these things to happen between members of different houses, but I recommend that they cease at once."

Hermione looked down at her feet, feeling ashamed of herself. Draco looked at the ceiling, trying to ignore Dumbledore.

"I do believe that the only way to reconcile the two of you," Dumbledore continued, "is to give you some form of punishment to ensure that this sort of violence will never occur again."

Hermione's eyes widened. Draco looked a slight bit apprehensive.

"So, as your punishment, I'm going to sentence you to…" Dumbledore thought for a while, and started smiling, "…to accomplish ten tasks set by each other."

Snape snickered from behind the door.

"WHAT! I have to do ten things that Granger says?" Malfoy shouted, eyes widening in horror.

"I have to do ten things that Malfoy says?" Hermione raised her voice as much as she dared. It didn't take a genius to figure out that no good could come from this arrangement, which was convenient, for Draco wasn't exactly a genius.

"That would be correct," Dumbledore said, very amused. "And you are forbidden from ordering the other to do something that will physically harm a human being or is exceedingly dangerous, or ordering him or her to perform more tasks."

"I'm still not doing it," Draco crossed his arms and frowned.

"Oh, I think you will," Dumbledore said, with a twinkle in his eye. "For until you complete all ten tasks, you two will be chained together. But, you will only be chained during weekdays; on weekends, you are separated and do not have to complete any tasks. Draco, your first task will be tomorrow, Hermione's first task the next day, your second task the day after, and so on and so forth. Good luck!" Dumbledore said, hastily making his way towards the door, worried that he might be the target of a brutal attack from the two students, by the murderous looks on their faces.

"Wait, Professor," Hermione said, trying to find a way out of this. "Is there any other punishment that we might do instead?"

Draco nodded his head hopefully. The idea of being ordered around by Hermione didn't seem very appealing at all.

"Well, yes, there are," Dumbledore said in consideration. "But I think this one will suit the two of you better. The two of you will need to make a list of the ten tasks and give them to me so I can review and approve them by tonight before dinner. You two will only be chained together from the start of breakfast to after dinner. I believe all of your classes happen to be together, and you can return to an empty classroom during your breaks. And, do not attempt anything on each other while the two of you are being chained, or else there will be serious consequences. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir," Draco and Hermione answered. They were in for a rough time together. If they had any idea of what would happen during the next few weeks, Hermione would have hung herself and Draco would have… complained a lot.

"As of right now, the two of you will be chained," said Dumbledore, waving his wand and muttering a spell.

Hermione glanced down at the chain.

"Sir? May we cast an invisibility charm on it, so that… well…" Hermione began.

"So we aren't assaulted with ten thousand questions as to the nature of the chain," finished Draco.

"You may," replied Dumbledore. "In fact, I will do it for you." Hermione had begun to take out her wand, but put it back inside the pocket of her robes.

Dumbledore waved his wand again, and the once golden chain became invisible. Hermione, however, could still feel it there, and tugged on it.

"Ouch! Watch it, Granger!" Draco said, annoyed.

"Sorry, Malfoy," Hermione replied absent mindedly. Apparently, the chain was shorter than she thought.

"If you don't mind, I have things to do, so I must ask the two of you to please leave my office," Dumbledore said, returning to his desk.

Hermione and Draco left the room. Suddenly, on the way down the stairs that led from Dumbledore's office, Hermione realized something that surprised her and troubled her a great deal: _she had apologized to Draco Malfoy_.

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In the Transfiguration classroom, Draco and Hermione were busy making their lists. Hermione let out a snort of laughter while writing number eight on her list. Draco looked a bit apprehensive and tried to peek at the list.

"_What_ are you doing?" Hermione asked, looking up.

"Nothing of your concern, Mudblood," Draco replied, adding the finishing touches to his list. However, he was having trouble coming up with the final task. He had many humiliating ideas, but none that were _perfect_.

After a moment's consideration, Draco thought of something and wrote it down. He had finished his list.

"Done yet?" Draco asked her impatiently. He was becoming slightly uneasy, knowing that his reputation would go down the drain if anything utterly humiliating happened to him. In fact, it would end up at the bottom of the sewer next to some disgusting rats and who knows what. But let's not go there… yet.

"Done," Hermione announced, putting away her quill and rolling up her parchment. The two of them walked to Dumbledore's office and gave him their lists, before heading off to dinner.

The two of them tried their best not to trip anyone on their way to the Great Hall. After all, walking with a chain on your wrist and being connected to someone you absolutely hate takes some getting used to.

Finally, they made it to the Great Hall, having tripped only seventeen people and two teachers. Oh, and Mrs. Norris, let's not forget that.

"What do you think you're doing?" Harry asked angrily as Draco took a seat next to Hermione.

"Umm…" Draco faltered, unsure of whether to tell him of his and Hermione's "assignment".

Draco looked at Hermione, who shook her head ever so slightly.

"We've been assigned by Professor Dumbledore to sit at each other's tables for the next few weeks as punishment," Hermione replied casually.

Harry gave a small and understanding nod.

"All right, but why do I have to sit at the Gryffindor table? Why can't you sit at the Slytherin table instead?" Draco hissed to Hermione.

"Okay, we'll do that at breakfast!" Hermione snapped. _This was the worst day of my life,_ Hermione thought, _So far._ She thought bitterly. Who knew what kinds of things Malfoy would force her to endure? Well, at least she could have her revenge on making Malfoy do the things that she wrote down…

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Note: Please review!


	2. Draco's Attitude Makeover

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: I really want you to know what Draco and Hermione put on their lists, but I don't want to spoil it, sorry! If I tell you, the rest of the story won't be as funny, because you'll already know what happens. Here's Task 1 for Draco! Please read and REVIEW! I want to know what you think! This chapter isn't that funny, but I PROMISE the future chapters will be hilarious!

Disclaimer: Maybe I can steal the Harry Potter world from J. K., but until then, I only own the plot.

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Chapter 2 – Draco's Attitude Makeover

Dumbledore was nearly rolling on the floor, laughing at what Hermione and Draco had written on their lists. _This will be very amusing,_ Dumbledore thought. He immediately transferred Draco's first task from Hermione's list onto another piece of paper, and prepared to send it to him by owl early in the morning.

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The next morning, Draco woke up, feeling unusually happy, but suddenly remembered all thought had taken place yesterday afternoon. Draco groaned inwardly. Then, he saw a tawny owl perched on the windowsill. He opened the window, wondering who it was from. He took the note from the owl's leg, and read what it said, feeling very annoyed. The note said:

_Task #1: Be nice to all of the Gryffindors, especially Harry and Ron._

Draco stuffed the note into his pocket, and got dressed, before heading down to the Great Hall. Once there, he found Hermione waiting for him, and as soon as he walked by, they felt the magical chain appeared on their wrists again, even though they couldn't see it. Draco and Hermione took seats at the Slytherin table, as Hermione had promised. They tried to avoid the stares from the Slytherins, but they had little explaining to do, for the word had already spread around the entire school that they were forced to sit at each other's tables for their meals and to spend time with one another, and some even went as far as to say that the two were forced to sleep together, although hardly anyone were the brand of daft to believe such a thing, except for Pansy that is.

"DRACO! POOH-BEAR!" Pansy cried shrilly.

She got up out of her seat to attach herself to Draco's arm, a daily ritual that left Draco, as well as everyone within a fifty-foot perimeter, highly disgusted.

"Ugh, what's she doing here?" Pansy wrinkled her nose at Hermione. "I heard that if you get too close to her, she'll give you AIDS."

Hermione glared at Pansy. "First of all, I don't have AIDS. Second of all, you can't get AIDS from standing next to someone. Thirdly, how the heck do you know about AIDS anyway? It's a Muggle disease, and you shouldn't joke about it regardless. Fourth of all, _shut up_."

Pansy looked taken aback.

"Malfoy," Hermione said, moving onto her next point.

"What," Draco snapped, purposefully avoiding Hermione's eyes.

"You know about the first task?" she asked.

"Yep," Draco replied miserably. "I'm guessing Dumbledore sent it to me. He could have picked a better owl; the one he used was ugly. Just like you."

Hermione glared at Draco as he casually buttered a slice of toast.

Draco looked up. "Have I offended you, dear Mudblood? My apologies, I know you're still getting over the fact that you're overly hideous-"

SLAP.

Draco was enraged. "How dare you touch me!" Draco snarled.

"How dare you touch Draco-poo!" Pansy added in.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Malfoy. Have I offended you?" Hermione mocked.

Draco gave Hermione a venomous glare. "I'm going to make your life hell the next few weeks, you know that?"

"Being chained to you _is_ hell, Malfoy. And just wait until your eighth task; I'll show you hell."

"Oh, come off it Granger, you can't possibly come up with worse tasks than me," Draco scoffed.

"Try me."

"Propositioning to me already, Granger?" Draco sneered. "I knew you were loose-"

"Take that back."

"No."

"TAKE IT BACK!" By now, half the people in the Great Hall were focused on Draco and Hermione.

"Or what?"

Hermione wanted to get her hands on him, tear him limb to limb, but resisted. She took a deep breath to calm herself before doing something that could get her killed, or worse, expelled.

"Lamaze breathing, Mudblood?" Draco sneered.

That did it.

SMACK!

The Gryffindors cheered.

The teachers pretended not to see what had happened, after all, it was too early in the morning to be giving a detention, especially since the incident was likely to repeat itself at a more convenient time when the teachers did not suffer from pre-class drowsiness.

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After breakfast, the two of them made their way to the Transfiguration classroom, and took a seat. Hermione sat next to Ron, and Draco sat between Hermione and Pansy, who looked slightly upset that she was within five feet of a Gryffindor.

McGonagall walked in. "Good morning class," she said. "Today, you will be paired up with a partner and will practice human transfiguration for the first time. For now, concentrate only on a part of their body, such as an arm or a foot, and do try to take this seriously, last year we had a poor girl's head permanently transfigured into a fly, and it flew away."

Everyone, even Hermione, seemed a bit nervous about human transfiguration, for this was their first Transfiguration class since school started, and half the class had forgotten everything they'd learned the previous year.

"Hey Weasley, want me to turn you into a galleon? Then you'd have some money to spend," Draco said gleefully.

"Draco! Apologize!" Hermione said. "Hello? Task #1!"

Draco sighed. It had been twelve years since he had apologized to anyone, and he didn't want to break his record, but it had to be done. Besides, Hermione would be completely humiliated when she performed her tasks, especially number 9!

"Sorry Weasley, for what I said," Draco said miserably.

"And don't call him Weasley, his name's Ron," Hermione said, enjoying herself.

"Sorry, _Ronald_," Draco muttered.

"Hermione," Harry said uncertainly. "Why is Malfoy being nice?"

"No reason," Draco said hastily, not wanting them to know that he had to perform ten tasks set by Hermione. "Because I'm nice," he added. "Wait, that didn't make sense…"

Hermione rolled her eyes.

Draco fought the urge to insult Hermione, and instead, focused his attention on the tasks she would perform for him.

Hermione had an idea. She knocked over her inkbottle and said, "Draco, could you pick that up for me?"

Draco made no response, but realized that the second Hermione had to perform her tasks, he would have her do worse things than pick up inkbottles.

"Sure Granger, I mean, sure _Hermione_," Draco replied, his voice dripping with hatred. He picked up the bottle, set it on the table, and proceeded to wipe the spilled ink off the floor. _Oh, she'll get it, alright. By the time all the tasks are complete, I'll have my revenge, and Hermione will be ruined. Muhahahahaha!_ Draco laughed to himself.

"Malfoy," Hermione said slowly. "What are you doing?"

Draco suddenly realized that he most likely had a maniacal look plastered upon his face. "Nothing," Draco said. _She'd better enjoy it while she can, because tomorrow, she's gonna pay._

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Note: Please, please review!


	3. The Death of Miss SmartyPants

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: This chapter might not be as interesting, but I assure you the future tasks will be VERY HUMOROUS. Read and REVIEW! It makes me update faster!

Disclaimer: I have an evil plan to take over the world of Harry Potter, but until I do so, only the plot is mine. Boo-hoo.

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Chapter 3 – The Death of Miss Smarty-Pants

Hermione woke up the next morning with an unusual feeling of dread. She got out of her bed and yawned. Then, she noticed something that made her miserable. Sitting on the windowsill was a large tawny owl. It flew to Hermione, landing on her bed with a _plop!_ She unfolded the note that it was carrying and read it to herself. Her task wasn't as bad as it could have been, but Hermione had a feeling that her future tasks would be much worse.

_Task #1 – Stop being smart and fail all of your assignments. Stop being a know-it-all and let me be smart for once, so you'll have to tell me all the answers! Ha! And you can't give me any wrong answers!_

Hermione put down the note and sighed. After the completion of these tasks, her reputation would be ruined forever. She was anxious to get this task over with, so she could witness the results of Draco's tasks planned for tomorrow.

Hermione went down to the Great Hall, and found Draco waiting for her.

"I see you've discovered your first task," Draco said smugly.

Hermione glared at him. She would have her payback by the time these tasks were done. Draco had no idea of the humiliating things that he would be doing these next few days.

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After breakfast, Hermione and Draco went to Potions class and, by Draco's "orders", took a seat in the front, where everyone could see them. Snape walked in moments later, finding nothing out of the ordinary.

"Good morning class," Snape said in a pained voice that was a cross between acute constipation and a sore throat. "Today, we will first review for a quiz about the properties of Polyjuice Potions, and then you'll take the quiz. I don't see the point in reviewing, since you're all going to fail anyways, but the Headmaster recommends it, so I have no choice. The first question, what are the main ingredients involved in the making of Polyjuice Potion? Anyone?"

No one, not even Hermione, raised their hands. Harry and Ron had taken Polyjuice Potion in their second year, but forgot the ingredients, and didn't dare answer anyways, since Snape would be suspicious as to why they knew so much about it. Everyone was surprised when Hermione's hand did not automatically shoot up as soon as Snape was finished asking the question.

"Miss Granger?" Snape asked. "Since you are a phenomenal genius and miss smarty-pants, could you please enlighten us on this topic?"

"No, Professor. I… I don't… I don't know," Hermione stammered. She knew volumes of information about Polyjuice Potion, but couldn't answer, because of her first task.

Everyone gasped when Hermione admitted that she didn't know.

"Are you implying that Miss Hermione Granger, infamous bookworm and annoying know-it-all has no idea?" Snape raised one eyebrow. Hermione wondered how he even managed to make his eyebrows look greasy.

"No, sir. I really don't know!" Hermione repeated. This was embarrassing.

"Really?" Snape said, raising his eyebrows. "Does anyone else know?"

"Tell me," Draco whispered to Hermione.

"No!"

"Tell me!"

"No!"

"_First task!"_

Hermione paused, and then reluctantly obeyed, whispering some facts that she knew about Polyjuice Potion to Draco.

"I know, sir!" Draco shot his hand into the air in a Hermione-like fashion, making her even more upset. "Polyjuice Potion's main ingredients are powdered bicorn horn and… Uh…"

"Shredded boomslang skin!" Hermione whispered hurriedly.

"Shredded boomslang skin! Um… Correctly brewed, Polyjuice Potion enables its user to become another person of their choice. A tiny bit of the other person is added to the potion, before it is consumed. The effects of Polyjuice Potion last for only one hour, and repetitive use is required to maintain results," Draco said in a monotone, having no idea whatsoever of what he was actually saying.

"Well done, Mr. Malfoy," Snape commented. "Twenty points for Slytherin."

Hermione was boiling with rage. She had lost her reputation, and Draco had taken all of her credit. But then again, Snape wouldn't have given Gryffindor points anyways…

"And what are the dangers of using Polyjuice Potion?" Snape continued.

Draco kicked Hermione in the leg, asking her for more information. This time, Hermione had an idea, but her plan was ruined as she remembered that the note said something about giving Draco only the correct answers. She reluctantly whispered to Draco, who promptly raised his hand once again.

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy?" Snape asked.

"If brewed improperly, Polyjuice Potion can cause its drinker to mutate into various things, have certain body parts of the other person, of become very ill…" Draco said, feeling very confident. "If used with an animal hair, Polyjuice Potion can have deadly effects."

Hermione winced, unpleasant memories flowing back to her.

"Excellent answer, Draco," Snape said. "Fifteen points to Slytherin. And now, here is your quiz, you have twenty-five minutes, starting… now!"

Draco looked at his quiz. He knew none of the answers, so he used the first task to his advantage.

"What are the answers?" Draco whispered to Hermione.

"I'm not telling," Hermione said, already filling out her own quiz.

"You have to!" Draco said. "Task number 1!"

Snape cleared his throat loudly at Draco and Hermione.

"Fine, let's trade quizzes." Hermione whispered, erasing her name and putting Draco's on top. Draco was busy scribbling "I don't know! I'm an idiot!" on all of the blanks, and handed his quiz to Hermione.

Needless to say, Snape nearly had a heart attack (I say _nearly_ because the Gryffindors weren't _that_ lucky to have something threaten Snape's health so early in the school year) while grading these quizzes, and Hermione was on the verge of sneaking into the Draco's dormitory and killing him in the middle of the night (which, of course, she did not do, because it would have been very un-Hermione-like of her). But, however, she _did_ plan some… _revenge_.

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Note: Thanks to everybody who previously reviewed!

Please review!


	4. Malfoy's Secret Crush

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks to all of my reviewers so far; I really appreciate you taking your time to review, and it truly means a lot to me!

Disclaimer: My plan has been foiled. I have been reduced to merely owning the plot, unless someone intends for that to be taken away from me as well.

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Chapter 4 – "Malfoy's Secret Crush"

Draco awoke to a fairly pleasant day. _Wow,_ he thought. _The sun is shining, a breeze is blowing, no classes today, could this day be any more perfect? The birds are singing, the leaves are rustling, an owl is hooting… WAIT! An OWL is hooting? What the-_ Then, Draco remembered that today was his second task. _Oh, great. The owl is hooting, the window is open, it's getting cold in here-THE COVERS ARE BEING YANKED OFF OF ME!_

"Draco?" a thick voice said. "Are you okay?"

Draco raised one eyelid. "GOD, CRABBE! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M SLEEPING?"," he snapped. He took the note from the tawny owl. Suddenly, what had seemed like a perfect day suddenly got worse. A whole lot worse.

_Task #2: Put posters on the walls, spread a rumor, put it in the Daily Prophet, and do everything else possible to tell the entire school that you are in love with Moaning Myrtle._

Draco glared at the note before ripping it to shreds. This task would ruin his reputation forever. And he had to put it in the Daily Prophet? How on earth was he supposed to do that? Draco made his way to breakfast, meeting a smiling Hermione on the way there.

"So, what do you think?" Hermione said, obviously in a good mood.

"I was an idiot to put all of the good tasks at the end," said Draco through clenched teeth.

"Really, now?" Hermione inquired, knowing that she was being very annoying.

"Yes," Draco snapped. "You wait, I'm gonna get you back (quote from TV show: "That's So Raven"). Wait till you see what I've got planned for you!"

"Oh, yeah?" Hermione retaliated. "My series of humiliating tasks has just begun. Soon, you'll be so pissed off, you can't even walk straight!"

"I can walk straight!" Draco snorted, before nearly running into a pole. "…I can walk straight."

Hermione had the satisfaction of knowing that she got to him (or so she thought) by the look on Draco's face. For a moment there, Hermione was scared that Draco had planned something so horrible and humiliating that she would never be able to show her face around Hogwarts again. But, thinking back on all of the things that she planned, there was no way that Draco's tasks could be better than Number three on her list. The good news was that she only had to endure one more task before Draco would have to…

"Granger?" Draco asked. Hermione had a strange expression on her face. At first it looked like fear, but soon it changed to a look of smugness. Draco was slightly worried. Hermione was the genius of the century, who knows what she could have planned? But, if the rest of the tasks were worse than this, one day, someone would find a dead Draco on the bathroom floor.

"Draco?" Hermione said, realizing now that Draco was the one who was thinking to himself.

"What?" Draco said, snapping out of his thoughts.

"I've decided to give you a helping hand. I've already stuck the posters to the walls, sent the Daily Prophet a story about you and Myrtle, and arranged for Myrtle to meet you and sit with you during lunch and dinner," Hermione said sheepishly. Last night, she realized that there was no chance of Draco doing all of those things, and get the article to the Daily Prophet in time for the morning's newspaper, so Hermione asked permission from Dumbledore, and went ahead and did all the work. And now, she was enjoying the results.

"WHAT!" Draco shouted. He raced into the Great Hall, dragging Hermione with him.

The two of them took a seat at a table and began to eat. Draco was somewhat relieved that Hermione had done all the work for him, so all he had to do was sit back and ignore the crude remarks from all the other students. That, however, was easier said than done. Suddenly, a newspaper came flying across the Great Hall and hit him right in the face. Draco was beginning to wonder who threw it at him, when something caught his eye. He immediately grew hot with rage and his pale face turned beet red. Printed on the front page was:

_**MALFOY'S SECRET CRUSH**_

_DRACO MALFOY REVEALS ALL OF HIS SECRETS, ALONG WITH A JUICY LOVE STORY THAT'S GOT ALL THE STUDENTS BEGGING FOR MORE! "I FIRST NOTICED HER DURING MY THIRD YEAR AT HOGWARTS," MALFOY CLAIMS. "THE SECOND OUR EYES MET, I KNEW IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT! EVER SINCE THEN, I'VE BEEN GOING INTO THE GIRLS' BATHROOM JUST TO SEE HER; I CAN'T PUT HER OUT OF MY MIND! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HER! HER GLASSES, HER FIGURE… I LOVE HER, AND SHE'S MINE! ALL MINE! SOMETIMES, I THINK IT WAS MORE THAN JUST LOVE, IT WAS PURE DESTINY." THE SEVENTH YEAR HOGWARTS STUDENT HAS ENORMOUS WEALTH, AND NO ONE EVEN DARED TO DREAM THAT HE WOULD LOVE A GIRL LIKE THIS, A GIRL WHO HATED AND DESPISED HIM. "I HATE THAT MALFOY KID, HE'S NOT EVEN MY TYPE," CRIED A DISGUSTED GIRL WHO WISHES NOT TO BE NAMED. BUT, THE SECRET IS OUT. THE GIRL THAT MALFOY HAS HIS HOPES SET ON IS MOANING MYRTLE, AN UGLY GHOST. WHEN ASKED ABOUT THE STRANGENESS OF HIS NOT-SO-SECRET DESIRE, MALFOY SIMPLY RESPONDS THAT IT WAS PURE LOVE THAT DROVE HIM TO THIS POINT. HE LUSTS AFTER HER, DREAMS OF HER, THINKS OF HER EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY, AND YET SHE BEARS NO THOUGHTS TOWARDS HIM. MALFOY'S YOUNG HEART HAS BEEN SEVERELY CRUSHED FROM THIS DEVASTATING BLOW. "I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS SUCH A JERK, HATED BY EVERYONE. I HAD NO IDEA! EVEN A GHOST HATES ME! BUT I'LL STILL LOVE HER, UNTIL THE DAY I DIE! SHE IS DEFINITELY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!" SOBBED A MISERABLE DRACO. AND, I WOULD HAVE TO AGREE, BEING HATED AND REJECTED CAN BE VERY HURTFUL, AND WE ALL SECRETLY HOPE THAT THIS YOUNG LOVER MAY NEVER RISE AGAIN._

Draco was furious. Not only had Hermione written about his "crush" on Myrtle, she had taken it a step further: a full on Malfoy-attack. She was gonna have to face his wrath…

The Great Hall was silent. Draco slammed the newspaper onto the table, amidst the giggles of the Gryffindors (he had picked the wrong table to sit at today).

Draco turned on Hermione, who met his enraged gaze with a smug one of her own.

"Personally, Malfoy, I think she's too good for you. I mean, must imagine what the kids will look like," taunted Hermione.

"Granger. This is it. You. Will. Die." Draco pronounced every syllable of every word with pure venom. "Hermione Granger is going down."

"As long as you go down first," replied Hermione, locking onto his gaze.

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The rest of the day had been just as horrible. Everywhere they went, people were whispering his name, making up stories about him and Myrtle, even going so far as to say that they had six kids and were planning to move to an tropical island in the Pacific. But, no one had dared to say anything to Draco's face, saving him a lot of trouble to explain why this had happened.

Myrtle never did show up for her lunch or dinner dates, much to Draco's pleasure and Hermione's disappointment. But, the teasing and taunting only grew worse, as rumors of Draco's "rejection" spread around Hogwarts faster than Snape's flatulence.

By the time the day was over, Draco was simply glad that it was Hermione's turn next.

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Note: Please review! I want to know what you think! Do you have any theories about future tasks? Review, people! Review!


	5. When Love Howls

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: IMPORTANT! I absolutely loved your ideas (and some of your theories are quite accurate!). I will be using some of your ideas, because they're really good, and I'm too tired to make up new ones. Thanks to reviewer IluvDraco, I have an idea for the ending of the story! By the way, I am trying to put in more plot development instead of just having them wake up, read their task, be humiliated, and go to bed. So, these chapters might be a bit longer, or I might split into more chapters. I have decided to make this story a lot longer than expected…

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Disclaimer: If I was a rich girl… lalalalalalala… I would buy Harry from J. K. Rowling!

Chapter 5 – When Love Howls

Hermione was already awake by the time the tawny owl arrived. She took the note and read:

_Task #2: Send a love Howler to Snape, as well as two hundred boxes of chocolate hearts. I will pay for them myself, to spare you and your family from starvation._

Hermione could almost imagine Draco sneering when he wrote that sentence. _How will I ever survive after this?_ Hermione thought miserably. She got to work, taking out a piece of parchment and thinking about the words that she should write on her Howler.

_Dear Professor Snape,_ Hermione wrote, but decided to change it.

_My dear Severus,_

_I love you._

_Sincerely,_

_Hermione Granger_

_Too, simple,_ Hermione thought. She crumpled it up and started again.

_My darling Severus,_

_I have loved and admired you since the day we met. I love you very much. _

_Yours truly,_

_Hermione_

_No, that's not right,_ Hermione thought. She crumpled it up and pulled out another piece of parchment. This was a lot harder than she had imagined.

Twenty minutes and forty-seven crumpled letters later…

_I CAN'T DO THIS! _Hermione shouted furiously inside her head. It was hard to write a love letter to someone that she greatly disliked. Feeling very frustrated, Hermione gathered up her things and went down to breakfast, admitting defeat. On the way there, she met up with Draco, who was impatiently waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs.

"You're late," Draco commented. "Having trouble with love letters, are we?"

"Shut up, Malfoy," Hermione said.

"Pity, the pathetic little Mudblood doesn't even know how to tell someone she likes him. Or her," Draco added, returning Hermione's icy glare.

"Too bad the only people who love you are Crabbe and Goyle," Hermione replied.

"Why you little-" Draco began, but was cut short by Hermione's knuckles crashing into his face. "OWW!" Draco yelled. He immediately returned the punch, but ended up yanking Hermione forward (because of the chain) when he pulled his arm back. Hermione landed painfully on top of him, and he two of them toppled down another flight of stairs, before tumbling into the Great Hall, to their embarrassment. Hermione immediately pulled herself away from Draco, disgusted. She promptly marched to the table where Harry, Ron, and Ginny were sitting dragging Draco along. Harry and Ron looked amused, while Ginny was curious as to how they ended up like that in the first place.

"Hermione, what happened?" Harry began to ask, but was silenced by a menacing look from the angry brunette. He took the hint and resumed eating.

The five of them ate without a word. Then, suddenly, Draco burst out, "Here comes the mail!" very gleefully.

Hermione was suspicious. "Wait, you didn't-" but the smug look on Draco's face told her everything. "You bloody ferret! You insolent little bug! How could you!"

But, she was interrupted by a surprised gasp that circulated around the entire Great Hall. To Hermione's dismay, everyone knew what it was. Snape had just received a Howler. Hermione buried her head in her hands, while Snape opened, half curious, half terrified.

"MY BELOVED SNAPE," Hermione's voice burst out very loudly. "YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF MY DAY, BECAUSE OF YOU I FIND REASON TO LIVE. I KNOW THAT I AM ONE OF YOUR LEAST FAVORITE STUDENTS, BUT I CAN'T HELP SAYING THIS, I LOVE YOU!" Hermione cringed at those words, while the entire hall turned to stare at her. The Gryffindors, however, were a bit kinder and some of the seventh years tried to spread the rumor that this was all a horrible prank, but it didn't get very far.

"I HAVE LOVED YOU SINCE THE DAY WE MET, SINCE THE MOMENT YOU CALLED ME AN INSUFFERABLE KNOW-IT-ALL. I HAVE HAD FEELINGS TOWARD YOU EVER SINCE. I CANNOT SAY THIS ENOUGH, I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE MY DESTINY!" the voice said. And, just when Hermione thought it was all over and couldn't get any worse, the voice let out a big "Mwah!" (Kissing sound, I don't know how to spell it), and everyone burst into laughter. Even Ron started laughing, while Harry and Ginny tried their best to stifle a giggle. Meanwhile, Draco was rolling on the floor. Hermione was utterly terrified, and immediately ran out of the Great Hall, dragging the still laughing Draco along with her.

Hermione didn't stop running until she reached the girl's bathroom, where she completely collapsed and cried her heart out. Even Draco was starting to feel the slightest hint of pity, but he shoved it away. But, Draco had to admit, Hermione looked passably cute when she was upset.

Hermione stood in front of one of the sinks and splashed her face with cold water. Draco resisted the urge to pat her on the back and comfort her, but just stood behind her instead, passionately praying that no girls would walk in and find them in that state. Besides, Hermione would probably slap Draco if he dared approached her. At this moment, Draco was seriously regretting fulfilling this task for Hermione. He wondered if she would ever be okay again.

After what seemed like an hour of waiting for Draco, Hermione's tears finally subsided, and she dried her face with a towel.

"Let's go," she muttered to Draco, who had no intention of staying.

The two of them made their way to class, where all eyes were on Hermione the entire time. She fought back her tears, which were suddenly flowing back to her. She tried not to think about what had happened earlier that day, but the flashbacks were playing continuously in her mind. All of the students and teachers roaring in laughter, Harry, trying hard to stifle a giggle, Draco rolling on the ground; it was just too much for her to bear.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of people. Hermione completely zoned out during her classes, all she could think of were ways to get Draco back. She thought of the rest of the tasks, but she doubted if they were good enough.

_If the next week is like this, I'll never survive,_ Hermione thought, wishing that she had never fought with Draco during Charms class in the first place. Then, this never would've happened; she wouldn't be chained to Draco. Instead, Hermione would've been enjoying her last year at Hogwarts with her friends, but after what happened this morning, she doubted they were completely with her.

Meanwhile, Draco's thoughts were wondering to what had happened. He regretted hurting Hermione like this. Draco thought back to last night, when he had prepared the Howler to get Hermione back for printing the article about him and Myrtle. Now, he just wished to be dead, rather than face Hermione. Draco was certain that she would get him back for this, and he truly deserved it.

Hermione's only consolation was that today was Friday, meaning that the weekend was almost here and that she could enjoy two days without tasks or being chained to Draco. When it finally came, Hermione was overjoyed. She spent Saturday and Sunday as she normally would, doing lots of homework and spending about 99.9 percent of her time in the library. Sadly, the days passed so quickly, and, before she knew it, it was Monday again.

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Note: I got the idea for the chain from the story called "The Prank War". It's really good, and I highly recommend it. Don't forget to REVIEW!


	6. Hugs and Apologies

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Sorry for the spelling and grammar mistakes, a couple of letters get left out whenever I load the chapter into "Documents" and post it; I don't know why.

Disclaimer: I only own the plot and my new desk, which I bought yesterday…

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Chapter 6 – Hugs and Apologies

Draco Malfoy awoke the following morning feeling slightly better than he felt last night. He had hardly gotten any sleep at all, for he felt guilty about what he did to Hermione. _At least she'll get her revenge,_ Draco thought, for today was his third task. Only six days had gone by since he and Hermione had that fight in Charms class, but it felt like a century had passed. Today, however, the owl wasn't by his windowsill, but had flown away, leaving the note. Draco began to wonder why the owl left, when he picked up the note and read it.

_Task #3: Hug McGonagall in the middle of Transfiguration class, and say that she's your favorite teacher in the whole wide world and you wouldn't be able to survive a single day without her._

_Well,_ Draco thought. _It could've been a lot worse._ Normally he would've dreaded hugging one of his least favorite teachers, but after what he did to Hermione, he deserved it.

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Hermione was waiting for Draco right outside the Great Hall. As much as she hated to acknowledge this, Draco had gotten to her. Hermione couldn't go two seconds without some students walking up to her and asking if she truly loved Snape. Hermione's reply had always been no, but most people thought that she did anyways, which really annoyed her.

Draco reluctantly made his way to the Great Hall, knowing that he would have to face and angry Hermione once he got there. Surprisingly, the angry Hermione that he had expected was somewhat calm and quiet, very much preferred.

"Hello Hermione," Draco said.

"Hi," Hermione muttered, still in a horrible mood, but not wanting to show it.

The two of them went and sat down with Harry and Ron, Ginny being nowhere in sight. The four of them ate quietly, until Harry broke the uncomfortable silence.

"So, Hermione," Harry started, not sure of what he planned to say.

"What," Hermione said flatly.

"Um, do you, er… want your pancakes?" Harry blurted out, with nothing better to say. Hermione didn't notice this, but immediately handed them over without a word. Ron, who was busy stuffing his face, finally looked up and realized that he was being left out of the conversation.

"Hey, what are we talking about?" Ron said. When no one replied, he felt somewhat disturbed and asked, "Hey Harry, want your pancakes?"

Harry stared at him blankly. He handed them over as Hermione had done. Ron resumed eating, leaving the three of them in another uncomfortable silence.

Pretty soon, it was time for class, and, much to Draco's dismay, Transfiguration was their first class of the day. He and Hermione went to the Transfiguration classroom and took their usual seats. McGonagall walked in after them.

"Good morning, class," she said in a tired voice. It seemed that she, too, was in a bad mood today. Draco hesitated to perform his task, but was met by a sharp kick from Hermione, which meant that now was the time.

"Professor?" Draco asked. "Could I say something?"

"If you must," McGonagall said, obviously annoyed.

"You're-my-favorite-teacher-in-the-whole-wide-world-and-I-wouldn't-be-able-to-survive-a-single-day-without-you," Draco said, all in one breath. But, most of the class understood what he was saying, and even those who didn't had an idea of what he was talking about. Then, Draco got out of his seat (which, by the way, was at the front of the classroom) and hugged McGonagall. Everyone gasped and waited for McGonagall's reaction.

"That's nice," McGonagall said, her tired expression unchanging.

Hermione was highly disappointed. She was hoping that Draco would be completely humiliated, but McGonagall didn't even seem to notice what had just happened! Worst of all was that the class didn't say anything either, and Draco also seemed unaffected. He simply returned to his seat and smirked at Hermione, who was deeply enraged.

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The very second class was over, Hermione rushed out of the classroom and headed off, having no clue where her feet were taking her. Hermione felt angrier than she was yesterday. Her attempt to humiliate Draco had failed horribly, and she had to wait until the day after tomorrow to be able to see him do something embarrassing. Besides, who knows what she would have to do tomorrow?

"Hermione, slow down," Draco said, completely out of breath.

"Fine," Hermione said, and stopped abruptly, causing Draco to crash into her.

"What's wrong with you?" Draco demanded.

"Me? What's wrong with ME?" Hermione said, her voice rising dangerously. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO STARTED THIS WHOLE MESS! YOU'RE ALWAYS BEING RUDE TO ME AND CALLING ME MUDBLOOD! YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE ME AND MY FRIENDS ALONE! IT WAS YOU!" Hermione shrieked, losing control.

"WHAT DID I DO?" Draco said, getting mad. "YOU ALWAYS BRAG ABOUT HOW GOOD YOU ARE IN EVERYTHING, AND YOU CALL ME FERRET! IT WAS YOU WHO TRY TO GET BACK AT ME FOR EVERYTHING, BUT WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU!"

"_WHAT DID YOU DO?_ YOU RUINED MY LIFE! YOU'VE HUMILIATED ME! YOU'RE DOING THIS TO HAVE REVENGE! WELL, YOU'VE JUST HAD IT! I'M THROUGH WITH THIS! I QUIT!"

"You-can't-quit!" Draco said through clenched teeth. "WE'RE CHAINED UNTIL WE SORT OUT THIS WHOLE MESS! OK? JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND STOP YELLING!"

"FINE!" Hermione said and stormed off. Draco reluctantly followed to stop from being dragged along again.

"Hermione, WAIT!" Draco yelled. People were already beginning to gather around the two, and Draco didn't want any extra publicity.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT? HUH? COME TO THROW ANOTHER INSULT AT ME AGAIN?" Hermione shouted, her face now wet with tears.

"No," Draco said, trying to calm himself down. "I'm _sorry._ I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to you. Sorry for calling you Mudblood, sorry for fighting with you, sorry for all of it! There! Happy?"

Hermione paused. _This can't be happening, Draco apologized? Why is he being so nice?_ Hermione thought furiously. She had fully expected him to fight back and keep yelling at her, instead of saying sorry. This was so wrong. Hermione felt ashamed that Draco would have the nerve to apologize right then and there.

"Yes," Hermione snarled. "I'm happy." She wasn't going to give in now, not after all the screaming she just did, it'd be too right. Just too right. But, a little voice in her head was telling her to apologize as well. _No!_ Hermione told herself fiercely. _I can't apologize to him, he's Malfoy. Lying, cheating, stealing, lousy ferret of a human! No! I'm not sorry!_

Hermione walked away, leaving an astonished Draco behind, that is, until he was yanked along with her. _Could this day get any worse?_ Draco thought to himself. Little did he know, things were about to turn ugly…

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Note: Sorry to leave you hanging off a cliff like that, but I'm really busy and HUNGRY! Thanks to all of my reviewers! I've gone to many of your profiles and read a lot of your stories! They're really good, and I feel honored that you're reading and reviewing mine!


	7. I Never Want to See Another Chocolate He

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks to all of my reviewers!

Disclaimer: No time to type it, read previous chapter…

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Chapter 7 – "I never want to see another chocolate heart again!"

Draco was on the way to the Great Hall, and he felt strangely subdued. He thought back to their argument and wondered why he even bothered to apologize to Hermione. Part of that still creeped him out that he was being nice. Nice! A Malfoy is never nice to a Mudblood! But, what was it that made him apologize anyway?

Draco thought back to when he had seen Hermione crying in the girl's bathroom. She had looked so miserable and helpless that it would've been hard not to say something nice to her. But, Draco knew that it was something else that made him treat her better. Perhaps he needed time off from being his usual snotty self.

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Hermione walked down to the Great Hall in silence. She was upset. Very upset. It infuriated her that Malfoy hadn't gotten the humiliation that he deserved, and no one seemed to care at all that he "likes" McGonagall! Hermione let out a groan of frustration. She entered the Great Hall, with all eyes on her. Hermione wanted to die right then and there.

Draco took a seat at the Gryffindor table, avoiding the murderous glares from the other students. Somehow, word had gotten out that it was him who played the trick (no one else knew about the tasks) on Hermione, and the Gryffindors were furious.

Hermione laid her head on the table and sighed. _This day can't get any worse,_ she thought bitterly. On the contrary, it can…

Suddenly, without warning, a dark brown owl flew in from the high window in the Great Hall. This was strange, for mail usually comes in the morning, not during lunch. The owl flew towards the teacher's table and landed in front of Snape. It deposited a large heart-shaped box before his plate. Horror and realization dawned on Draco as he saw Snape pick up the pink box. Then, another owl came and dropped off another box. Soon, the entire staff table was filled with heart-shaped boxes. Snape, seeing that the owls had finally ceased to arrive, picked up the top box and opened it. He unfolded the note that was inside, glanced at it, and fainted.

Hermione had a bad feeling about this…

Then, one of the Slytherins got up from their table (which was closest to the staff table) and picked up the note, reading it out loud.

"My dear Severus, my love for you is worth more than a million hearts and sweeter than the chocolate inside. With every piece that you eat, please think of me! Your sweetheart, _Hermione Granger_!"

Everyone laughed. Dumbledore laughed. The teachers laughed. The students laughed. Even the Gryffindors, who had been defending Hermione all morning, laughed. Harry laughed. Ron laughed. Ginny was nowhere in sight. Neville was rolling of the floor laughing. Draco laughed a tiny bit to hide the fact that he was feeling horrible guilty on the inside. Hermione was mortified!

She marched outside the hall and, after covering a good amount of distance, whipped around to face Draco, whose expression was almost as sour as hers.

"Hermione I'm-" Draco started to apologize, but was immediately cut off by Hermione's fist punching him in the face. "Oomph!"

"Hmph!" Hermione said, and ran off at top speed to the Gryffindor common room, dragging Draco painfully up the steps.

"Ooof! Oww! Eeek! Ahh!" Draco yelled and gasped as his body came into contact with the stairs several times. He was dragged all the way into the common room, which was mercifully empty at that time. Hermione stormed inside, and the Fat Lady didn't even bother to ask the password, but swung open and the closed sharply, smacking Draco in the behind.

"Yah!" Draco cried out, leaping into the Common Room.

"C'mon," Hermione muttered. She ran over to her favorite armchair and gave it a big kick. Then, she repeatedly punched a green couch that was sitting nearby. After that, Hermione ran across the Common Room (dragging an already bruised Draco along) and plopped onto a large sofa, giving up her attack on furniture.

"AHHHH! RUG BURN!" Draco screamed, sporting red marks all over his arms and legs.

Hermione sighed. This was going to be the longest day of her life, as well as the first time she had planned to skip class because of her fury. Draco was in for a rough time, considering that he was unable to go anywhere without a raging bookworm not too far behind him.

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Note: I'll write more later… PLEASE REVIEW!


	8. A Dreamless Sleep and a Sleepless Dream

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: I think I should make this clear, this takes place after HBP, except Dumbledore's alive, Snape is not evil, and neither is Draco. Harry is Quidditch Captain, and so is Draco. Ron is still keeper, Ginny is a chaser, and I'll let you know if anything else comes up. I'm still deciding who the other Quidditch players will be… The new DADA teacher is undecided; I don't know if I'll make references to him or her in the story. I think I will just leave that out, unless I get any better ideas… Thanks to all my reviewers! By the way, in case you're confused, it was Draco who sent the chocolate hearts, because he did the third task for Hermione, remember?

I have no idea why I chose this title for the chapter, it's really weird… it sort of just popped into my head…

I warn you ahead of time that this chapter is a bit… cliché.

Disclaimer: Oh boy, I just hate not owning something, don't you?

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Chapter 8 – A Dreamless Sleep and a Sleepless Dream

Hermione was not in a good mood. Besides having her reputation ruined by the previous events of today, she was exhausted, just skipped class for the first time in her life and was bound to get in trouble for it, and plus she had a mountain of homework yet to be done. This day had been stressing enough, and she didn't need another addition to her nearly full schedule. The worst of it was: Malfoy was out to get her. From the Howler in the morning to the chocolate hearts at lunch, the tasks were definitely becoming a list of ways to make Hermione's life miserable… And they were working. For the rest of the afternoon, all she did was sit in the Gryffindor common room and pray that no one entered.

Draco was sitting on an armchair, carefully examining his "wounds". Hermione was watching him intently. It had never occurred to her that Draco could suddenly become so… cute. Hermione kicked herself for saying that, literally. Draco looked up, and their eyes met. Hermione found herself drawn helplessly to the depths of his eyes. They were so… meaningful, as if they had something to say. Hermione kept on staring, as if in a trance. She dared not even blink, in case this magical moment should slip away unexpectedly.

Hermione finally looked away, feeling highly ashamed of herself. She had entertained a slightly romantic thought about Draco Malfoy. It was a tiny thought, but a romantic thought, none the less. Draco continued staring at Hermione, although she didn't notice. He too was thinking along the same lines…

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Hermione lay in bed, unable to sleep. It was 3 AM, and yet she hardly felt tired at all. Her anxiety about the next task was getting the better of her, and Hermione couldn't stop wondering what kinds of horrible things Draco would make her do. Hermione's head was already full of terrible ideas, and she shuddered at the thought of herself doing something… with a certain Malfoy. But then again, the thought wasn't all that bad. Hermione was torn in half. Half of her felt impartial (or maybe a bit more towards the "like" side) and the other half wanted to murder Draco on the spot. Little did she know, inside the Slytherin common room, a very tired Malfoy was sitting in front of the fire, thinking of her.

Hermione couldn't stand it. She had to do something, anything. She got out of bed and made her way downstairs to the common room, looking for something to entertain her and get her mind off of the third task. Finding nothing, she exited the common room and walked to the prefect's bathroom on the seventh floor, more than ready to take a nice, relaxing bath.

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Draco Malfoy was restless. He paced around the common room, and his mind was uneasy. He knew what Hermione's third task would be, and wondered if she was still mad at him. Knowing her, she probably was. Draco had to do something to occupy him for the rest of the night. Sleep was the farthest thing from his mind at the moment.

Draco stepped out of the Slytherin Common Room. He walked to the prefect's bathroom, hoping that a good long bath would do him some good. Draco walked up the stairs to the seventh floor, eager to relax and rest his mind. He was in for a big shock…

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"Ohhh," Hermione moaned as she took off her pajamas and got into the large bath tub. She had filled it with all kinds of bubbles, which were so thick that they seemed like a giant layer of foam. She swam around the giant tub and immediately felt a lot better. But, that was about to change…

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Draco pushed open the door to the prefects' bathroom and many flowery scents (no doubt from Hermione's bath) rushed into his face. Draco looked around and his mouth dropped. It was Hermione. He was frozen to the ground. She looked so beautiful, and Draco noticed her wonderful form, half covered in bubbles. He was both horrified at seeing her in such a state, and amazed that no one else had ever noticed her before.

Hermione dipped her head under the water and brought it back up in one graceful motion. She was gorgeous. Draco couldn't believe his eyes. He let out a tiny gasp, which Hermione heard. She whipped her head around and saw him. The two of them stared at each other. Draco still had his mouth half open, and Hermione was in shock. It took a moment for them to realize that Hermione was half naked, and she ducked under the water and reached a hand out, groping around for her towel.

"You… you… I… um…" Draco stuttered. Hermione's head emerged from under the water, and she looked at Draco, half frightened, half embarrassed. "I'll be going now," Draco finally managed to spit out. He raced out the room, afraid that Hermione would get angry and splash him or something. Outside the prefect's bathroom, Draco almost ran into someone he definitely didn't want to see.

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The moment Draco went out the door, Hermione sprung out of the bath tub and threw her clothes on at lightning speed. She quickly toweled off her hair and grabbed all her stuff, before practically running away from the prefect's bathroom. She was still in shock. Just then, she bumped into one of her least favorite people in the whole world…

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Note: Sorry for the short chapter, I'm really busy and want to update for you guys…

PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU WANT ME TO UPDATE THE NEXT CHAPTER! Just hit the little _Go!_ button, you know you want to… Please? Pretty please?


	9. Unexpectedly

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks to all my reviewers!

Sorry if the last chapter was a bit rushed, I'm having trouble getting this story moving without making it too fast paced. I hate long chapters; that's why mine are so short… Again, thanks to all my reviewers! You've bombarded me with so many reviews that I guess I just have to update… By the way, some of your ideas on who they run into are right. I try to make this less cliché, but sometimes I can't help it… I need this part on the story. Here's chapter 9, I'm not sure when I'll have chapter 10 up…

Disclaimer: I own nothing that you recognize, and everything that you don't.

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Chapter 9 – Unexpectedly

It was Snape. Hermione stopped dead in her tracks.

"Well, well, well, miss Granger," Snape drawled. "On another midnight excursion, are we?"

Hermione could feel Snape's eyes on her. Her pajama shirt clung to her slightly wet skin and was VERY revealing.

"Um… I… um…" Hermione tried. Draco was standing next to Snape, avoiding Hermione's eye.

"I see," Snape continued. "I suppose you wouldn't have a valid explanation?" he said, whipping around to face Draco. He too, was speechless.

"Err…" Draco began. "It was like this… um…"

"Hmph," Snape snorted. "That would be a detention for both of you," he said, annoyed by the fact that he was putting his favorite Slytherin in detention.

Hermione looked down at her feet. _Detention!_ She thought. _Great, my flawless record has been hopelessly ruined. Wait till Harry and Ron find out I got a detention!_

Snape glanced at the two students and said, "Well, what are you waiting for? Back to your dormitories!"

Hermione immediately rushed off, disappointed in herself. What had began as a harmless soak in the tub turned into a nightmare. Hermione only wished that she was dreaming.

Snape turned on his heel and went back to his room (or wherever teachers sleep), leaving Draco consumed in his thoughts. He was having a heated argument with himself, and it seemed as if the Pro-Hermione side was winning.

_She's so cute!_

_**She's a Mudblood!**_

_She's hot!_

_**She's the bookworm!**_

_Look at her body!_

_**She's a Gryffindor! You can't associate with her!**_

_But I love her!_

_Whoa, did I just say that!_

_**No, you hate her!**_

_No, I don't!_

_**What would happen if your friends found out!**_

_I don't care! They won't be my friends, then!_

_**What if your father found out!**_

"…"

_I DON'T CARE! SHE'S MINE!_

"I must have her," Draco muttered to himself. But, he wasn't alone. Not at all.

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Hermione walked up the steps to the Gryffindor Common Room. Then, she suddenly remembered. She forgot her shampoo, the Muggle-made Herbal Essences, the only shampoo in the world that could even have a shot at taming her bushy hair. Hermione considered going back for it… but didn't want to get caught again. She went up the steps and into her dormitory. After lying in bed for a few minutes, the thought of leaving behind her shampoo kept on bugging her. _Alright, you win, I'll go get it,_ Hermione thought reluctantly. Sometimes, when her brain was fixed on something, it had to be done.

Hermione got out of bed and walked all the way back to the Prefect's bathroom on the seventh floor. But this time, she went by the back door, on the other side of the bathroom, in case Snape was lurking around. She entered the bathroom and walked over to the tub. Picking up her shampoo, Hermione was about to leave, when she heard a noise outside that sounded a lot like someone saying "Yes!". She went out into the front hallway to take a look, but there was nothing there. _That was strange,_ Hermione wondered. _I could've sworn I heard someone say something…_

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Inside his office outside the dungeons on the first floor, Snape was absolutely delighted. He had finally pinned something on Hermione Granger and gave her detention! Snape was pleased with himself. Finally, he had something worthwhile to brag about to the other teachers. _I gave Hermione Granger detention! Ha!_ He thought happily. Even though it meant putting Draco Malfoy in detention too, but it was worth it. Snape thought back to earlier in the night. He had been reading a fairly good book, when an owl appeared outside his window. Snape had been curious to know why someone would be sending him a note this late at night, and took the tiny piece of paper.

_Three guesses who is out of bed at this hour. Hint: She's outside the Prefect's Bathroom on the seventh floor with a certain Slytherin. If you get her, you owe me ten galleons for telling you._

_Most sincerely,_

_The Lioness_

Snape had been utterly confused. Nevertheless, he went up to the Prefect's bathroom on the seventh floor to take a look, (he much needed a bath himself) and found Draco Malfoy leaving the bathroom with a dazed look on his face, a look that immediately changed into horror at seeing him. Minutes later, a flustered Hermione Granger walked through the door, and Snape knew that what he did tonight would be worth more than ten galleons.

Snape snapped out of his thoughts and began to write a note back to "The Lioness" and realized that he was broke. _Great,_ Snape thought. _Where am I gonna get ten galleons?_

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Draco turned around and left the hallway. Then, he felt his arm brush past something.

"Hello?" Draco called out, certain that there had been something there. "Anybody there?"

No one answered. Draco decided to give up; he had enough on his mind at the moment.

Draco walked back to the Slytherin Common Room, his head full of thoughts about Hermione. He was still unwilling to admit that he liked her, but, she was definitely good-looking. Draco got into his bed and sank into a deep sleep...

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Note: Please review! Thanks to all my constant reviewers; your reviews urge me to post the next chapter before you all get mad at me or something, not that you would… right? RIGHT! Okay, please review!

And, if you want me to read a story you wrote, just let me know and I will do my best to remember to read it!


	10. How to Disrespect a Teacher

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks to all of my wonderful reviewers; keep the reviews coming! By the way, a special thanks to my 100th reviewer, whoever you are… I keep forgetting to honor you in the past few chapters; I think you reviewed in chapter 7… I'm really busy these few days, but I want to get the rest of the story typed up, ready to post.

ALSO, A HUGE THANKS TO FERRETLOVER WHO TOLD ME THAT IF YOU PRESS CONTROL B YOU GET BOLD AND CONTROL I YOU GET ITALICS! Thank you! You've saved me enormous amounts of time, especially since I'm typing on a laptop and you have to sweep your finger across the square.

Also, the Draco and Hermione are only chained from the start of breakfast to the end of dinner. I haven't worked out how they go to the bathroom and it's too late to add it in, so just pretend they found a way. I know that the chain was an idea from the Prank War, which is an awesome story except it hasn't been updated for a long time, but I promise I have something planned for it and hopefully my idea is different from that of CrazyGirl47, the author.

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I wouldn't be saying I didn't.

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Chapter 10 – How to Disrespect a Teacher

Hermione awoke the next morning with the events of the previous night still playing through her mind. First, Draco had seen her nearly naked, then Snape gave her detention, and there was also the creepy voice she heard in the hallway. Needless to say, Hermione was less than happy.

She reluctantly climbed out of her four-poster bed and started to dress herself. Then, she remembered. Today was supposed to be her third task! Hermione looked towards the window and saw the owl flying towards her. She opened the window and let it in, taking the note.

_Task #3: Be mean to everyone, especially the teachers. Make sure you interrupt class a lot, call people names, start a fight with Potter and Weasley, and insult every single teacher during class today. Get a detention in every single class._

Hermione nearly screamed out in horror. A detention in every single class? She had already gotten one yesterday, what would people think if she got more? Plus, she had Charms, Herbology, and Transfiguration in the morning and Potions, Muggle Studies, and History of Magic in the afternoon. Six detentions would kill her record, which had already been stained from the detention from last night.

Hermione sighed. Life was tough on a seventh year, everyone had said so. But she had never imagined that she would be one of life's victims. Hermione dressed herself and went down to the Great Hall, feeling ready to kill Draco. At least she would have many chances to take her anger out on other people throughout the day.

"Hello, _Malfoy_," Hermione said through gritted teeth. Draco began to reply but stopped at the murderous look on Hermione's face.

"Um… Granger?" Draco said, not wanting to hear an answer. "Are you okay?"

Hermione glared at him.

"Listen, I'm sorry about landing you in detention," Draco said, unsure of whether or not to apologize. He immediately realized that staying silent would have been a lot better.

"Sorry? You, are sorry? For what, ruining my life! HOW COULD YOU! YOU, YOU-" Hermione found herself unable to finish because of her uncontrollable anger and flung the note at Draco instead.

Draco picked up the note and realization dawned on him. "Oh," Draco said, knowing that he was in for a great display of Hermione-rage. "Yeah, I'm just gonna go now…" Draco began, but then realized that he was, once again, chained to her.

He started to back away, but realized that it was no use. There was nowhere to run. Thankfully, at that very moment, Professor Dumbledore walked by.

"Professor!" Draco said, praying that there was a way out.

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore answered, knowing exactly what was going on, having read the tasks himself.

"Is there any way to get rid of this!" Draco said pitifully. **(A/N: I always find it funny to imagine Draco pleading for something… Aww…)**

"I'm sorry, Mr. Malfoy, but you'll have to deal with it, it's part of the way to get you two to _get along with each other_," Dumbledore answered, smiling inwardly.

"But, but, I… it's… SHE'S GONNA KILL ME!" Draco yelled a little too loudly. People were stopping on their way to the Great Hall and staring at yet another Draco/Hermione conflict.

"No, I cannot get rid of it, although if you research it a bit you might find a way yourselves, although that might require a bit of effort, time, good study skills-" Dumbledore said, but was cut off.

"THANK YOU, PROFESSOR!" Draco yelled and made a mad dash for the library, this time, dragging _Hermione_ up the steps.

Dumbledore chuckled to himself. There was no way that the two would find anything in the library about the chain… or so he thought.

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"Draco, what are you doing?" Hermione asked frantically as she tried to remain on foot instead of toppling over again.

"I'm looking for a way to get rid of the chain!" Draco said, running into the library faster than Madam Pince could look up from her book. Draco began randomly pulling books off the shelves and flipping through them. Hermione was stunned to find Draco looking through books, and soon decided to help. The two of them searched for about ten minutes, until the excitement from the possibility of finding a way to get rid of the chain died down.

"I'm hungry," Draco complained.

"Well, if you hadn't dragged me down here on your quest to find a solution we might have gotten a decent bite to eat!" Hermione snapped.

"Stop being such a pain, just because you can't find anything," Draco said.

Hermione slammed her book shut.

"That's it! First of all, you shouldn't even be talking! If I wasn't here to help you, you can't even tell one end of the library from the other!" Hermione yelled.

"Oh pardon me, Miss I-think-I'm-so-smart-just-cause-I'm-such-a-suck-up! You started the fight that led us here in the first place!" Draco replied.

"Ugh! Why am I even talking to you!" Hermione said to herself as she walked out of the library. She picked up her Charms book and ran to class, knowing that she was at least a half hour late.

Draco suddenly remembered what Hermione's task was and decided to enjoy it while it lasted.

Hermione burst into the Charm's classroom and took a seat at an empty desk. Everyone could tell she was upset. Draco followed her close behind, wondering whether or not Hermione had forgotten about her task.

"Miss Granger, might I ask as to why you are tardy?" Flitwick asked.

"Shut up," Hermione said without thinking. At first she felt ashamed, but then she remembered the tasks and decided that she might as well continue.

"Excuse me?" Flitwick managed to spit out. The entire class was in shock, especially Harry and Ron.

"Hermione, what's gotten into you lately?" Harry demanded.

"Go away Harry," Hermione said. "Just because you're the Boy Who Lived doesn't give you any right to know anything about me!"

"Err, Hermione?" Ron ventured.

"Yes, Ronald! You little weasel; I've seen you and Lavender making out in the hallways, IT'S SICK! Ha! And she thinks you're still with her, you little cheater! Hmph! And I bet Padma in Ravenclaw thinks you're entirely devoted to her too! And what about Susan Borne, the Hufflepuff! Screwed her twice, didn't you! You think you're so great, yeah? WELL YOU'RE NOT! I HATE YOU! You know what; I have had enough of you and Harry always using me! Cheating off me on tests, asking for my notes, having me help you with homework, I'm through with you two!" Hermione yelled. Ron was turning red, Lavender was crying, Harry had his mouth half open, Flitwick was shocked at Hermione's outburst, and Draco was trying so hard not to laugh.

"Miss Granger, really, that's enough!" Flitwick said, getting slightly angry.

"OH, YEAH!" Hermione said. Harry knew she'd lost it. "WELL, YOU'RE A LOUSY NO-GOOD MIDGET FOR ALL I CARE!"

"Detention!" Flitwick said, his voice rising. The Gryffindors gasped. "I'LL HAVE NO MORE OF THIS!"

"YEAH, WELL ME NEITHER!" Hermione said as she grabbed her books and flung them on the floor in front of Flitwick. Hermione stormed out of the room (she seems to be doing that a lot lately), taking a laughing Draco with her.

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Note: REVIEW! Please?


	11. Granger's Guide to Getting Detentions

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Wow! Thanks to all of my reviewers! I'm still figuring out who my 100th reviewer is, but soon I might need to honor my 200th reviewer as well… Keep reviewing!

Plus, as I said before, the idea for the chain comes from the Prank War by CrazyGirl 47. I had a theory about the chain while reading the Prank War and decided to use my idea in this story…

Disclaimer: So what if I don't own HP?

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Chapter 11 – Granger's Guide to Getting Detentions

Hermione stomped down the hallway, part of her screaming at her for yelling at Ron, and the other part of her being seized by a reckless daring. The reckless part of Hermione was glad to have let out all her anger on Ron and wanted to do something bold and prove that Hermione was no average bookworm. The sensible part of Hermione was going mad.

Draco was also torn apart. Part of him wanted to feel pity for Hermione and part of him wanted to laugh at what she did. And the last part of him felt like plotting something terrible against her for revenge for all the things she did to him.

Draco and Hermione found themselves at the library soon, and decided to research about the chain for a while. Hermione dreaded returning to class, but couldn't skip the rest of her classes because she still had to complete the task. She and Draco sat down and began pulling books off the shelves. So far, Hermione was completely stumped. The library had never failed her before!

Draco, on the other hand, had rarely been in the library and was still getting used to the sight of so many books and educational material. Needless to say, Draco was not a happy camper.

Almost a half an hour had gone by, and still no one had found anything. Hermione was muttering under her breath while reading to herself and Draco, who had gotten bored a long time ago, was casually flipping through books at random, pretending to look for information. Suddenly, Hermione looked up.

"It's time for Herbology," Hermione said, annoyed by the fact that all of the books she had looked through had been entirely useless.

"Hmm?" Draco said, pretending to have been consumed with the book.

"Let's go," Hermione said, dreading the outcome of her next class.

"Whatever you say," Draco said, tossing the book on a nearby table.

Hermione was too anxious to pick it up and put it where it belonged. The two of them walked to Herbology class in Greenhouse 3 and saw that class had already begun. _Great, _Hermione thought. _More attention to me._

The two of them entered the greenhouse.

"Miss Granger and Mr. Malfoy," Professor Sprout said, slightly amused (she heard about what had happened earlier). "You're tardy. Ten points from Gryffindor and Slytherin!"

"What!" Hermione exclaimed, going into bad-girl mode again. "But Professor, that's so retarded! You're taking off points just because I walk into class like two minutes late!"

"Twenty-two minutes is more like it," Sprout said sternly. She had an idea what was coming…

"That is so unfair! Just because you don't have a social life you're taking it all out on us!" Hermione said. She was just getting started…

Hermione walked to an empty place at the end of the greenhouse and stood there. She crossed her arms and glared at Professor Sprout.

"Miss Granger, please lose your attitude so we can get started!" Sprout said, somewhat angry.

"Well, it's kind of hard when we have an old slug for a teacher you know!" Hermione said, much to the shock of the Hufflepuffs, who have not yet heard the story from Charms class.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor!" Sprout shouted, feeling insulted.

"OH YEAH, WELL LET'S MAKE IT SIXTY!" Hermione shouted from across the room. Everyone though she had lost it. They were right. All of Hermione's anger went flowing back to her and she was upset about everything, the chain, the love Howler, the chocolate hearts, and Hermione was taking out all her anger.

"DETENTION!" Sprout announced.

"FINE!" Hermione screamed and yet again raced out of her room, having accomplished what she was supposed to do.

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Once again, Hermione ran down the hallways, not a clue where she was going. _Great,_ Hermione's sensible part thought. _I'm doomed to be a bad girl forever!_

Draco was sneaking glances at Hermione, feeling sorry for her, and also feeling glad that she had gotten what she deserved. Draco knew that making her get a detention in every class was a bit over the top, but had no idea how he could fix it. Part of him just wanted to keep torturing her. Suddenly, Draco had an idea. He stopped abruptly, but as yanked forward by Hermione's running.

"What!" Hermione snapped.

"If you don't want to do this, you can go to Dumbledore," Draco said slowly, still unsure of whether or not to help Hermione.

"Why are you telling me this?" Hermione wondered. She suspected that there was some unknown reason behind all this, but didn't know what Draco was up to.

"Because I feel sorry for making your life hell these past few days," Draco replied simply.

"Really?" Hermione said suspiciously.

"Seriously!" Draco said after seeing Hermione's look of doubt. "Don't worry, I'm still the arrogant, self-centered rich Slytherin brat you've always known, I just though, you know, maybe we can ask Dumbledore for a chance not to finish the task."

"Hmm… Okay, let's go," Hermione reluctantly agreed.

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Note: Please review!


	12. Dumbledore and Dobby

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks to all my reviewers! I really appreciate you guys taking time to review! I got some mixed feelings about the longer chapters, so I'll try my best to make them a teensy bit longer and still update often, but I usually don't write very long chapters so I'm still getting used to it…

Okay, according to my calculations, I think that my 100th reviewer is tiger-lily9240 and my 200th reviewer is Crush.Summer.Pink. (I might've counted wrong…) But you guys are all really special to me and I'm so glad I have a great bunch of people reading my story!

Disclaimer: I'm all out of disclaiming ideas, try again later.

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Chapter 12 – Dumbledore and Dobby

Hermione and Draco were standing inside Dumbledore's office.

"Now, tell me again what you want?" Dumbledore asked.

"I-want-to-skip-this-task-and-not-be-bad-anymore!" Hermione said in a big rush of words.

"What?" Dumbledore asked in confusion.

"She wants to skip the rest of the task," Draco explained, praying that Dumbledore would say yes.

"Well," Dumbledore said slowly, thinking this over. "I suppose a detention in every class was a bit harsh… Oh, alright."

"Yes!" Hermione squealed.

"But, in all fairness, we would have to do the same for Draco," Dumbledore continued.

"WHAT!" Hermione yelped.

"Yes, indeed, or else it wouldn't be fair," Draco said, giving Hermione his signature smirk. Hermione glared at him, knowing that he had persuaded her to go to Dumbledore for this reason.

"You-you…" Hermione stammered. But, she had to let Dumbledore do the same for Draco, or else she would once again be stuck with earning herself detentions.

"Draco," Dumbledore said. "Instead of having you only accomplish half of your task as Miss Granger did, I think it would be more suitable to allow you to postpone one of your tasks until a more suitable time."

"But, Professor!" Draco said. He had hoped that he might be excused from a certain task, but postponing it? Draco hadn't expected this and started to object, but Dumbledore had already made up his mind.

"So, it's settled. Draco, you may choose to postpone any of your tasks to a more appropriate time, and I encourage you to complete the task in the following week," Dumbledore said. "Oh, and Miss Granger, you will be required to serve out your three detentions as planned, and Draco, I'm sorry, but you will have to join her."

Hermione and Draco left Dumbledore's office and went to the library instead of returning to class.

"I can't believe this!' Draco complained. "I have to serve three detentions with you!"

"Shut it, Malfoy," Hermione said, having had enough complaints against her for the day.

The two of them entered the library and began researching the chain while avoiding being caught out of class by Madam Pince. Hermione continued to pull books off the shelves and flipped through them, eventually tossing each one aside. Draco was pretending to read a book about binding charms, but was secretly stealing glances at Hermione every few seconds. Hermione didn't notice this and continued to flip through books urgently.

"I'm hungry," Draco complained after what seemed like an hour.

"You're right," Hermione said. "We should go eat."

They left the library, Hermione, abandoning her pile of books, and headed towards the Great Hall. Sadly, lunch was over, much to Draco and Hermione's disappointment.

"Great, what are we gonna do now?" Hermione said, feeling ravenous.

"Hey, why don't we go down to the kitchens?" Draco suggested. Hermione reluctantly agreed. They walked down the corridor to the familiar portrait of the kitchens. On the way there, they passed a prefect, who scolded them for being out of class. Sadly, Hermione remembered that she used to be the one telling off other students for skipping class, and now, she was actually doing it.

They walked up to the portrait.

"Tickle the pear," Draco and Hermione said at the same time. They stared at each other for a second.

"How do you know about the pear?" Hermione asked.

"It's a long story," Draco admitted. Hermione was curious, but decided to fill her empty stomach and reached up to the portrait and ticked the pear, which gave a loud giggle. The portrait swung open and the two students stepped inside the kitchens.

Dobby the house elf immediately ran over to the two and greeted them.

"Miss Hermione Granger, friend of Harry Potter! What can Dobby do for you today?" Dobby squeaked. "Should I get you the butterbeer you wanted?"

"Yeah, thanks, that'll be nice, Dobby," Hermione said, briefly wondering how Dobby knew that she had wanted butterbeer at the moment.

"And one for Master Malfoy too?" Dobby said.

"Sure, Dobby," Draco said slowly. Hermione looked over at Draco, who had a strange expression on his face, but it soon passed over at the sight of food.

Dobby arrived carrying two mugs of butterbeer and balancing a large plate of cookies and biscuits on his head. Hermione wondered how Dobby managed to keep the plate from falling down when he had two enormous ears, but kept her thoughts to herself. Dobby deposited the items on a nearby table and pulled up (with great difficulty) two large armchairs. For a second there, Draco thought he saw something move next to the red armchair, but it passed so quickly that he thought he was imagining things.

Draco and Hermione both ran over to the armchairs (Note: Just so you know, the length of the chain will be explained in later chapters, I have a reason for it…). Hermione sank into a comfortable red armchair and immediately felt all of her worries wash away. Draco sat in a green armchair and sighed in contentment.

They both drank their butterbeers eagerly and Hermione felt herself become strangely warm inside. She looked at Draco, who, at the same moment, looked at her. Their eyes met. A magical moment. It seemed that for a second, Hermione knew that Draco loved her and Draco knew that Hermione loved him. But, as suddenly as the moment arrived, it disappeared. Hermione looked down at her mug of butterbeer, and Draco looked at the plate of cookies. For a minute there, Hermione had a feeling that Draco liked her, but he made no response and Hermione was in doubt. Draco felt the exact same way.

They both took a gulp of butterbeer and sat there.

"So, Draco," Hermione began, trying to break the uncomfortable silence.

Draco looked at her.

"Um… Do you…" Hermione said.

Draco continued to look at her, slightly amused at her loss for words.

"Do I what?" Draco said, looking her in the eye.

"Why did you ask Dumbledore to excuse you from a task?" Hermione asked.

"I thought it might come in handy," Draco replied simply.

Hermione raised one eyebrow.

"Okay, I admit it," Draco said reluctantly. A little truth wouldn't hurt… "I thought you needed a break. Me being excused from a task would just be a bonus. Plus, you'd owe me for getting Dumbledore to let you off the task."

"Well what do you want? Money? Test answers? A land of milk and honey?" Hermione asked. She had an idea what might be coming…

"That's for me to know and for you to find out, when the time is right," Draco said with a mischievous look in his eye.

"But that's just like you coming up with another task for me!" Hermione protested.

"No, in fact, I think you'll enjoy it," Draco said. Hermione pondered what on earth he meant when he said she'd enjoy it…

Soon, Dobby appeared and ask if they needed anything else. Hermione and Draco were still hungry from missing lunch, and "ordered" a couple of turkey sandwiches and a salad. Hermione felt horrible for making the house elves do something, but her hunger got the better of her. In a few minutes, Dobby arrived again with the food, and the two students dug in.

"Anything else Miss Hermione and Master Malfoy?" Dobby squeaked.

"No thanks, Dobby," Draco replied.

Hermione and Draco ate for a while, and then proceeded to talk. Hermione couldn't believe that she was talking to Malfoy, the ferret, but, to her surprise, he turned out to be a pretty decent person. Soon, the two of them were deep in conversation.

"Oh my," Hermione said, after glancing at her watch. "Can you believe that? It's almost time for dinner!"

Draco got up, and Hermione did the same. Dobby came rushing out to say goodbye.

"Bye Dobby, thanks for everything!" Hermione said.

"Bye Miss Hermione and Master Malfoy! Dobby must go join other house elves to make dinner!" Dobby said, and hurried off.

Draco and Hermione left the kitchens and ventured outside for a not-so-pleasant walk on the grounds…

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Note: Hey, everyone! Thanks so much for reading! Please review!


	13. Walking and Talking at the Same Time!

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks again, faithful reviewers!

Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah… If you speak the language of "Blahs", you know what I mean.

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Chapter 13 – Walking and Talking at the Same Time!

Draco and Hermione went outside to the Hogwarts grounds. Hermione was a bit nervous about being all alone with Malfoy, but soon, she came to realize that he wasn't at all as bad as he seemed. The two of the started to talk, yes, actually talk. Neither of them could believe that they were having a conversation, but they did…

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Meanwhile, Blaise Zambini was walking outside the castle. Suddenly, he was forcefully pinned to the wall by a girl in Slytherin robes.

"Pansy?" Blaise said. "That hurt."

"Blaise, I need you to help me with something," she said hurriedly.

"What?"

"I need you to help me break up Draco and Her-Granger," she said, looking worried.

"Well, what do you want me to do?" Blaise said uncertainly.

"Go up to Granger and tell her that Draco and I are together, and make sure she sees me with him," she said mischievously.

"Let me think…" Blaise said.

"Hurry up!" she said, glancing worriedly at her watch.

"No!" Blaise said, finally making up his mind. "Draco's my friend; I can't do that to him! And, as for Hermione… well… No, I'm not helping you!"

"Fine," she replied. Then, she did something no one expected…

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"AHHHHHH!"

The scream pierced the night air, and Draco and Hermione looked at each other in fear. They ran over to the source of the scream and found Blaise, lying on the floor, motionless.

"Let's take him to the hospital wing," Hermione said in a rush of words. She conjured up a stretcher and the two of them placed Blaise on it. Hermione levitated the stretcher into the building and they made their way to the hospital wing, avoiding the confused looks from the rest of the students.

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"Is he alright?" Draco asked worriedly.

"Yes, he'll be fine," Madam Pomfrey said. "He'll be in the hospital for a few weeks, perhaps even months; I don't expect him to regain consciousness until at least a few days later."

"What's wrong?" Hermione asked.

"I'm not quite sure at the moment; it seems that he has been hit with some sort of spell gone horribly wrong, I have no idea what his face is covered in. He has also hit his head terribly hard; he probably fell down after being hit by the spell. I don't think there will be serious brain damage, although I'm getting no brain activity so far."

Draco and Hermione had tried not to look at Blaise's face the whole time, it was covered in something horrible, and Hermione thought she recognized it, but couldn't seem to place what it was.

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Draco and Hermione walked out of the hospital wing. Dinner would be over in a few minutes, so the two of them decided to wait around for a while until the chain vanished.

"What do you want to do?" Draco asked.

"I think we should investigate the spot where Blaise was attacked," Hermione said, once again getting into the habit of detective work.

"Good idea," Draco said, and the two of them changed directions and went the other way. But since the chain happened to be on Draco's right hand and Hermione's left, they ended up bumping into each other when Draco turned to his left and Hermione turned to her right. (This is hard to explain in words, so try to imagine it… two people turning around each going the opposite way, but their hands are tied together… if you don't get it, just pretend they ran into each other) Hermione was on the left side of the hallway and ended up falling into Draco's arms. As much as both of them wanted to stay in that position, Hermione immediately scrambled off of Draco, and, while doing so, bumped into a broom closet. She screamed. A body had fallen out of the broom closet and onto the floor. They both knew who it was.

It was Pansy. She was lying face up on the floor, obviously unconscious. Rather reluctantly, Hermione conjured up another stretcher and they took her to the hospital wing.

"Back again?" Madam Pomfrey said in surprise. She examined Pansy and looked slightly worried.

"Two attacks in one day," Pomfrey said. "It's like déjà vu all over again."

"What do you think has happened?" Hermione said, feeling concerned, for she was one of the Petrified people in her second year.

"Nothing serious, but she's been given some sort of potion or powder that made her fall asleep immediately. I suppose she'll wake up in a few hours, depending on when she was put to sleep."

Draco and Hermione walked out of the hospital wing. By this time the chain was gone and Hermione made her way to the Gryffindor Common Room, reflecting on the events of that day. It was official. She liked Malfoy.

Hermione entered the Common Room and sat down in her favorite armchair. She didn't feel like doing homework and decided to relax for a while. The fight in Charms had only been about a week ago, but Hermione felt changed. She had become more reckless and daring these past few days, and Hermione wasn't sure if she liked it or not.

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Note: Review please… Please? (Makes sad puppy eyes at the computer screen…)


	14. Postponement is Perfectly Fine

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks to my fabulous reviewers, I love you guys!

Disclaimer: Ugh. That just about says it all.

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Chapter 14 – Postponement is Perfectly Fine

The next morning, Draco awoke feeling nervous about his task. He got out of bed and found the note on the ground, apparently the owls didn't have enough patience to wait around, and read the note.

_Task #4: Cheer for Gryffindor during the upcoming Quidditch game. Be sure to dress up as a cheerleader and borrow Luna Lovegood's lion hat._

_Oh no,_ Draco thought in a slight panic. He was the Slytherin Quidditch Captain and had completely forgotten about Quidditch! Draco rummaged around in his trunk and searched for his Quidditch schedule. The first match was Gryffindor against Slytherin on September 22, which was in only four days! The team hadn't even started practicing yet, and it was Draco's responsibility to keep the team in shape. Draco immediately began planning for the times of the Quidditch practices, they would have to be after dinner, to avoid any Hermione problems. Then, Draco jumped in horror. He still had to hold Quidditch tryouts for the Slytherin team! Draco couldn't believe that he had forgotten about all of this and even considered quitting his job as Quidditch Captain. But, since that would bring "shame to the Malfoy name" as Draco's father always put it, Draco had no choice but to try and squeeze in tryouts and a few practices.

Then, Draco remembered. Dumbledore would let him postpone one of the tasks; this one would be perfect. He could always cheer for the Gryffindor/Hufflepuff game next week. Draco headed down to the Common Room and made his announcement, half hoping that no one would hear him.

"Slytherin Quidditch team tryouts are after in the afternoon at four thirty, bring your own broom! We need two Chasers and one Beater!" Draco shouted to a large group of Slytherins about to go to breakfast.

After that, he ran off before anyone could ask any questions about the tryouts, the less people that came, the easier it would be to choose.

Draco ran down the Great Hall and found Hermione waiting there somewhat impatiently.

"Sorry, I'm late," Draco said, out of breath. "I had to figure out when to do Quidditch tryouts."

"So, when are they?" Hermione asked, mildly curious.

"This afternoon," Draco said.

"WAIT, so do I have to go?" Hermione asked, knowing what the answer would be.

"Yep," Draco said, enjoying the look of horror on Hermione's face.

"Great," Hermione said bitterly.

"Well, at least you don't have to ride a broom," Draco said, trying to make her feel better and not succeeding.

"Hmph!" Hermione stomped off, which would have been more effective had Draco not been attached to her arm and could properly look longingly after her.

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Draco was glad that he could postpone his task. For once, the day actually seemed somewhat normal. Draco didn't have to do anything embarrassing, Hermione wasn't yelling at him all the time, and Draco was almost quite happy.

Soon, the afternoon rolled around, and Draco went down to the Quidditch pitch, taking Hermione with him.

"Come on, we're going to be late!" Draco said.

Hermione walked as slowly as possible. Quidditch just wasn't her thing, and hearing Harry and Ron talk about Quidditch all the time really annoyed her.

"Draco, I can't go down there looking like this!" Hermione said.

"Looking like what?"

"I'M A GRYFFINDOR! People are gonna wonder what the heck I'm doing at Slytherin Quidditch tryouts!"

"So?" Draco said, feeling very annoyed.

"SO?"

"Fine, we'll transfigure you into Blaise; then you can-" Draco said sarcastically. He stopped short, seeing an idea flash across Hermione's face. "No," Draco said, knowing what Hermione was up to. "You can't be serious."

"Why not? It's a perfect idea!" Hermione said, taking out her wand.

"What am I gonna look like, constantly standing close to Blaise Zambini, who's supposedly in the Hospital Wing! Their gonna think I'm-"

"Don't worry," Hermione cut in.

"NO."

"Fine, then I won't go."

"No, you have to go!" Draco said. "Oh alright, you can transfigure yourself."

"But, I don't know how!" Hermione admitted.

"What! Just do it!"

"No, it can go horribly wrong and I might end up-"

"Like a furry feline?" Draco added, having found out about the Polyjuice Potion incident that occurred in the second year. "Wait a minute, we can use Polyjuice Potion!"

"No, that takes about a month to brew, and there's no time!" Hermione said.

"I have an idea, I know Snape probably keeps some already brewed; he was talking about it in the Potions lesson a few days ago!" Draco said, feeling very brilliant.

"Great, but how do we get it?" Hermione asked. Draco raised his wand. "NO! It's too risky!" Hermione cried out, but was unable to stop him.

"_Accio Polyjuice Potion!"_ Draco waved his wand. They waited. Nothing happened. Hermione was relieved. The sight of a flask of Polyjuice Potion zooming around was bound to raise some suspicion.

Then, all of a sudden, it worked. Hermione groaned. A flask of Polyjuice Potion flew towards Draco, who caught it in his hand.

"HA!" Draco proclaimed proudly. He gave the potion to Hermione, who was still shocked.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, YOU COULD'VE BEEN CAUGHT! STEALING POTIONS, EVEN FROM SNAPE, IS A CRIME!"

"Oh relax, nobody saw us! Besides, Snape will never know!" Draco argued.

"Fine, but we still need a bit of Blaise to complete the potion!" Hermione said.

"You're right," Draco agreed, and dashed off to the Hospital Wing before Hermione could object.

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Draco burst through the doors of the Hospital Wing and ran over to the bed that Blaise was lying on. He gingerly pulled out a hair and handed it to Hermione, who placed it into the potion. The potion bubbled bright lime green, and Hermione reluctantly drank it. It tasted strangely salty and Hermione had a hard time forcing it down. Then, Hermione's skin bubbled and turned dark. Within minutes, she had become Blaise.

"Whoa," Draco said. "Creepy."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Hermione screamed. She paused, then, "AHHHHHHHHHHH!

"What's wrong?" Draco asked, worried.

"I, I, I-I-I… I have… have a… AHHHHHH!" Hermione said, looking down.

Draco realized it at once. He felt sorry for Hermione, but was slightly amused.

"EWWWW! UGH!" Hermione complained.

"Let's go," Draco said, and the two of them walked down to the Quidditch field.

This would definitely be an interesting day.

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Note: Review, people! Please?


	15. Pretryout Emotions

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: A huge thanks to Amin Vanima Mellonea, my 300th reviewer! And thanks to all of you guys who bothered to review, I really appreciate it!

Disclaimer: You know what I'm about to say, so just pretend I already said it.

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Chapter 15 – Pre-tryout Emotions

Hermione and Draco walked down to the Quidditch field, Hermione, with a very disgusted look on her face.

"WAIT," Hermione said all of a sudden. "I can't go around looking like this!"

"Why not?" Draco asked, not seeing what the problem was.

"I'M WEARING A SKIRT!" Hermione shouted a little too loudly.

"Right," Draco said in a panic. This was definitely a problem.

"I have to go change," Hermione said, making a mad dash back to the castle.

"No, what will I look like, walking around with Blaise Zambini who is currently wearing Gryffindor robes and a skirt!" Draco retaliated. "Can't you use magic and make like a wig or something and pretend you're a girl?"

"I am a girl!" Hermione exclaimed. "And, yes, I suppose I could… _Porifera Mendelle_!"

Instantly, a light brown wig appeared and Hermione put it on.

"So, you want me to be me, a girl, pretending to be a boy, pretending to be a girl!" Hermione said, annoyed.

"Yup, sounds just about right, so can we get a move on!" Draco said, feeling rather irritated.

"Fine, let's go," Hermione said.

The two of them went into the castle and up to the Gryffindor Common Room. Much to Hermione's despair, Ron walked by right when they were entering the Common Room.

Ron gave a sexy whistle. Hermione half wished that it had been directed towards Draco, who wondered how Hermione, in a guy's body and dressed as a girl with a wig, still managed to look hot.

"You pervert," Hermione said. Thankfully, she still sounded like a girl.

Ron looked confused.

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"WOULD YOU HURRY UP?" Draco said angrily. Hermione was busy going through her clothes in search of a decent pair of pants.

"Okay, okay," Hermione said. "No need to get your knickers in a twist."

Draco looked mildly offended.

"So, how's this?" Hermione asked, holding up a dark green t-shirt and a pair of jeans.

"Oh my goodness, Hermione Granger is asking me for fashion advice? What has the world come to?" Draco said sarcastically.

Hermione scoffed. She started walking towards the girl's bathroom.

"Where are you going?" Draco asked.

"To the bathroom, so I can change," Hermione replied.

"Which one?"

Hermione paused.

"You know you have to go to the boy's," Draco said gleefully.

Hermione looked horrified.

"But I can't just walk into the boy's bathroom as Blaise Zambini wearing a skirt!" she said.

"Well, you can't walk into the girls' bathroom looking like a hot girl and coming out as Blaise Zambini!" said Draco.

"I look hot?"

"The point is: I can't walk into the girl's bathroom with you!" Draco said hurriedly.

"Fine," Hermione said. The two of them went to the boy's bathroom.

"Is there someone in there?" Hermione whispered.

Draco walked in, and Hermione did her best not to look inside.

"Nope, the coast is clear," Draco said.

Hermione walked in.

"So they do have those weird fountain thingys on the wall," she said in wonder.

Draco looked at her. Hermione blushed.

"I was just wondering," Hermione said.

"Whatever. Just hurry up and change."

Hermione walked into a stall and took off her uniform. She put on the green shirt and jeans and walked out. She admired herself in the mirror.

"Hurry up, someone's coming!" Draco said worriedly.

He was right. Soon, the door opened and someone walked in.

Hermione started to say "Hi, Harry," but stopped herself just in time.

"Malfoy, what are you doing here?" Harry said.

"What do you think, Potter?" Draco said.

Draco glared at him, before walking out of the bathroom with Hermione.

"That was close," Hermione said.

The two of them went down to the Quidditch Field again, and found that a large crowd had already gathered there.

"Great," Draco groaned. This was going to be a long day.

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Note: As usual, please review! It would make my day!


	16. Tryouts

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks to my 350th reviewer smarty-pants 88, and thanks to everybody who even bothered to review! I would thank you all by name, but that takes up too much time and space.

Disclaimer: You get the point.

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Chapter 16 – Tryouts

Hermione and Draco arrived at the Quidditch field, Hermione feeling very awkward, and Draco just plain annoyed.

"Okay, people," Draco said, getting everyone's attention. "Everyone who is not trying out, please go over by the stands!"

No one moved.

"Oh, so are you all here to try out?" Draco said nervously, praying that at least some people would leave.

"Yes?" Draco said hopelessly. "Alright then, um, would the fifth through seventh years step over to the left, and everyone else go away, because there are way too many people here and I'll never get through them all!"

The crowd split in half, with the older students gathering together in a small crowd at one end of the field, and the scared little first years looking like midgets standing among the fourth years, who were apparently annoyed that Draco wasn't going to let them try out.

"Chasers," Draco said. "Get your broom and start warming up. In a few minutes, I'll have each of you shoot five goals and the two that make the most goals against the current Keeper will be on the team. Meanwhile, I want all the Beaters to line up over there. I'm going to let out the two Bludgers and you will have to protect a chaser for two minutes. Clear? Good."

Everyone did what they were told, and the first through fourth years cheered on their favorite people.

The Chasers started practicing, except Draco had overlooked the fact that there was only one Quaffle. Soon, a large fight had occurred between two large Slytherin guys, and the rest of the fifth, sixth, and seventh years had gathered around them and were watching excitedly.

"Oh, great," Draco said miserably. He started to run over and break up the fight, but decided not to, since there was always the underlying chance that he might get injured in the process.

Hermione watched the fight go on and wasn't in the mood to do anything about it.

"BEATERS!" Draco shouted to a group of students. "Mount your brooms and grab a bat!" Then, Draco had an idea. "Start aiming Bludgers at them!" Draco yelled, pointing to the group of Chasers still arguing over who gets the Quaffle first.

The Beaters did what they were told, and the crowd dispersed instantly, after a few students were hit repeatedly by the Bludgers.

"DRACO!" Hermione screamed. "You can't do this! Imagine what Dumbledore would say!"

"Okay, fine. STOP!" Draco said, but sadly, no one heard him. Now, the angry Chasers were getting on their brooms and were chasing after the Beaters, who all scattered and were flying around in terror. The Quaffle was forgotten, and mass chaos had erupted. Meanwhile, the two Bludgers were still zooming around, unseating the occasional student who wasn't paying attention.

"Draco, you have to stop this!" Hermione said, worried that she and Draco would be held responsible.

"Why?" Draco said nonchalantly. The fight was getting quite amusing. That is, until something unexpected happened.

"DRACO TOLD US TO!" one of the terrified Beaters yelled. The angry Chasers flew after Draco, who was having serious regrets.

"RUN!" Draco yelled to Hermione/Blaise. The two of them ran back towards the castle, but weren't quick enough. Soon, the Chasers and a few Beaters were gaining on them, and Draco had no idea what to do.

"The broom shed!" Draco yelled, out of breath. They ran towards the broom shed, which was mercifully unlocked. Draco got in and Hermione ran after him. They shut the door and blocked it with a large chest.

"We are in serious trouble," Draco said.

Sounds of shouting and swearing filled the air around the broom shed, and Hermione looked around in horror. They were stuck.

"Great idea, Draco, how do we get out of here?" Hermione wondered, frustrated.

Draco sighed. This was hopeless. "We could dig our way out with spoons," he suggested. Hermione couldn't tell whether or not he was being sarcastic.

"You know, we can always surrender," Hermione said, hopefully.

"Are you insane? They would beat the crap out of us! Besides, I can't surrender, I'm a Slytherin; we don't surrender!" Draco argued.

Hermione sat down on a box.

"Oh no," she said, jumping back up. "It's been almost an hour!"

"What happens then?" Draco asked.

"The Polyjuice Potion wears off!" Hermione said. "Even if we could surrender, we can't go out there; I can't walk in as Blaise and come out as Hermione!"

And, soon enough, Hermione's skin was bubbling again, and she turned back into herself.

"I am so glad to be a girl again," Hermione said, hugging herself.

"Okay, so can we focus here? How do we get out?" Draco said, becoming very annoyed.

"I don't know!" Hermione was exasperated.

"Oh come on, you're the genius here! Know any good spells to get us out?" Draco snapped at Hermione.

"No," Hermione replied sadly.

"No? What do you mean, NO! ARGH!" Draco yelled. "Can't we like, Apparate, or something!"

"We can't Apparate inside Hogwarts' grounds," Hermione said tiredly. She had told this to countless people. "I read it in-"

"Hogwarts: A History, I KNOW!" Draco finished for her. "Wait a minute…" he said, an idea forming in his mind. "Yes, we can!"

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, confused.

"_We_ can't Apparate, but someone else can!"

"Wait, you don't think-"

"House elves!" Draco and Hermione said in unison.

"They can take us along!" Hermione said. "Harry told me about it! And they can Apparate inside Hogwarts! I've seen them!"

"Dobby!" Draco exclaimed. "We can use him!"

"How?" Hermione said. "He doesn't belong to us!"

"But he used to belong to me so maybe-" Draco began.

"Yes, this just might work!" Hermione said happily.

"Dobby?" Draco called out into the air. At first, nothing appeared to happen, but then…

"Master called?" a voice said. Dobby appeared in front of them with a _crack!_

"Yes, Dobby. Can you take Hermione and me back to Hogwarts? We're kinda stuck here…" Draco said.

"Yes sir! Dobby takes Master Malfoy and Miss Hermione Granger back to Hogwarts!" Dobby said gleefully, and took both Draco and Hermione by the arm and, with another _crack!_ Apparated with them back to Hogwarts.

Thankfully, Draco and Hermione had Apparated in their sixth year, and were somewhat used to the feeling, but they felt awkward Apparating with a tiny house elf that might let go of their arms any second and let them fall into space.

"Here we are!" Dobby announced a second later. Sure enough, Draco and Hermione found themselves standing outside the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Thanks a million, Dobby!" Hermione said. Draco was also very thankful and almost hugged Dobby as they arrived safely inside Hogwarts.

"Anything else Master and Miss Hermione?" Dobby said.

"No thanks, Dobby," Draco said.

"Yeah, we're fine," Hermione added.

Dobby vanished, and Draco and Hermione looked at each other.

"So, how long do you think it'll take for them to realize we've left the broom shed?" Draco said.

Hermione laughed. "Heh, I'd love to see the looks on their faces…"

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Note: Hee-heee, somehow I find the idea of the fight and all the Beaters being chased around very funny… Well, anyways, REVIEW, people! Please? Make me a happy person and REVIEW!


	17. Hunted

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks again to my fabulous reviewers! I love you guys, and don't you ever forget it!

Disclaimer: "Neh, neh, I say, neh!" (And thanks to the reviewer who I got the phrase from, I saw it on your profile page, sorry I can't remember who you are right now…)

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Chapter 17 - Hunted

Hermione and Draco were safe, for now. The two of them were lying around in couches just outside the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Great, what do we do now?" Draco said miserably. "I mean, it was kinda funny at first but they're bound to come looking for us, and when they do, we're dead meat."

"Hmph," Hermione said, indifferently. As funny as this was, Hermione fully intended to expose Draco to the Slytherins, once she was off the chain of course. After that, it wasn't her problem.

"How long do you think it's been?" Draco asked uncertainly.

"I don't know," Hermione said wearily. "Well, when the chain disappears, dinner's over so I can just…"

Draco sensed where this was going.

"NO! You gotta help me!" Draco pleaded.

"Remind me again why I should even listen to you at all?" Hermione said.

"Because, because, I, well, I, I don't know! Don't leave!"

Just then, the chain disappeared.

"Well, I guess I'll be going now, good luck, and, if I were you, I'd watch out for the Beaters, those guys hit hard," Hermione said smugly, finally able to make Malfoy miserable.

"Wait!" Draco said.

"You know, I wouldn't be shouting right now, because you never know who might hear you…" Hermione said. "Well, toodles!"

"No… I… Argh!" Draco said, but it was no use, Hermione turned a corner and left.

Draco sank into a red colored sofa. _If only this had never started,_ he thought to himself. _Then I would be safe in the Slytherin Common Room, without having to worry my butt off about people going after me! This is all my fault. Ugh. I hate my life._

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Hermione couldn't help but snicker once she turned the corner. Her feelings for Malfoy were turning to annoyance, then to hate, and then back to mild affection. Hermione hated herself for leaving him, but she felt so happy, in a cruel way.

"Hermione," a voice said. "Where have you been?"

Hermione looked around and saw Harry.

"Oh, hi, Harry! I decided to skip dinner, I wasn't hungry," Hermione said. She was amazed at her newfound skills at lying. She seemed to be doing that a lot these days… mostly to herself.

"Hermione, can I talk to you?" Harry said.

"Well, we're kind of talking right now, but sure, Harry. What did you want to talk about?" Hermione replied.

"It's Ginny. I feel like, like I don't like her anymore. But I don't want to break up with her, because it'll hurt her feelings," Harry confessed.

"Why did you want to talk to me? There are tons of other girls out there that you could ask for advice…"

"Yeah, but I don't know anyone. Besides, they might take it the wrong way. I mean, just last week I looked a girl in the eye and she practically jumped me!" Harry said, mildly horrified.

Hermione resisted the urge to laugh.

"Harry, how do feel?" she said.

"Mione, you sound like one of those Muggle psychologists that always ask 'and how do you feel about that?'. I feel like I have to break things off with Ginny, it's just not working out. Plus, I think I like someone else…"

"Praise to whom that someone might be," Hermione said sarcastically. "If that's how you feel, then go ahead and do it. You shouldn't let a girl take control of your life and make you miserable."

"Thanks, Mione," Harry said. "Hey, do you want to take a walk?"

"I've taken a lot of walks lately, but sure, why not," Hermione said, smiling.

The two of them walked outside, but little did they know that they were not alone.

"So Mione, how are things going on your side of the planet?" Harry asked.

"Ugh, the worst," Hermione said unhappily.

"Anything you'd like to share?" Harry asked, curious at what has really been going on.

"Maybe later, once I get over the shock of it all," Hermione said. "My life has changed drastically since the Malfoy incident."

The two of them walked on, nearing the Quidditch field. There was still a large crowd of people there, only this time, they had managed to open the door and were confused at why the broom shed was empty. Hermione had a hard time holding her laughter in.

"I wonder what happened there," Harry said as they walked by.

"Yes, I wonder," Hermione said, smiling.

"By the way, Hermione, have you seen my Invisibility Cloak?" Harry asked, with a serious look on his face.

"No, Harry, I haven't," Hermione replied.

"Heh, I bet that ferret Malfoy stole it!" Harry said, kicking the ground with his feet. "He's probably using it right now, that dirty ferret!"

The group of Beaters and Chasers heard what Harry said.

"So that's wheat happened to him!" one of them said.

"We've been wasting our time!" said another.

"LET'S GET HIM!" a large seventh year shouted.

Hermione winced as she watched the group of Quidditch players make a mad dash for the castle. She felt sorry for Malfoy, wherever he was…

She turned to face Harry.

"This is going to be interesting," Hermione said mischievously.

"Let's go watch," Harry suggested, laughing.

They went off to follow the large crowd of people running towards the Hogwarts castle.

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Note: Sorry for the short chapter, but I do have some interesting things planned ahead…

Please review!


	18. The Search for the Invisible

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks, as usual, for all the reviews! And thanks to my 400th reviewer Dracos-naughty-lil-girl, for reviewing! Plus, thanks to those people that told me whether or not you're allowed to respond to reviews… Sorry, but I'm not really the review-responding type, because it takes a lot of time and space…

Disclaimer: I have nothing to disclaim about, I didn't do it!

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Chapter 18 – The Search for the Invisible

Harry and Hermione walked back up to the castle, Hermione feeling very amused.

The group of Quidditch players had already entered the castle, and Harry and Hermione hurried after them.

"Let's split up," one person suggested. The large crowd split into a few groups, and everyone went their own separate way. A group of seventh-year Slytherins was headed towards the Slytherin Common Room…

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Draco peeked around the corner. It was safe. He slowly ventured out into the middle of the hallway, praying that no one would see him.

It had become too lonely for Draco inside the Slytherin Common Room, and he was hoping that wandering around would do him some good, but all that happened was that he became hopelessly lost after the staircases changed unexpectedly.

_Oh, man, where's a bathroom when I need one?_ Draco thought desperately. He looked around, and saw only the demented statues that usually lined the Slytherin "side" of Hogwarts.

"Ugly statue, tell me where the bathroom is!" Draco thought aimlessly. Talking to statues. Wait until someone gets a load of this.

Draco heard footsteps coming his way. He ran into the closest classroom, which was mercifully empty.

"Where is he?" a voice said.

"I don't know," another voice answered.

_Great,_ Draco thought. _They're looking for me! What do I do now!_

The footsteps faded away, and Draco came out of hiding. He ran as fast as he possibly could towards the flight of stairs, hoping to go back to the Slytherin Common Room for safety.

_Wait a minute, they're Slytherins! I can't go back there!_ Draco thought miserably.

Suddenly, Draco heard a noise behind him. Quickly, he ducked behind a statue and hid himself. Soon, the noise seemed to pass away, and Draco poked his head out from behind the statue, only to find himself face-to-face with Pansy Parkinson's butt in a very tight-fitting skirt.

"AGH! My eyes!" Draco said before he could stop himself.

"Draco darling?" Pansy said, looking behind her. (She was tying her shoe.)

"Uhhhh," Draco said. "I… Umm…"

"You were looking for me, weren't you?" Pansy said happily.

"No, no, I wasn't," Draco said hastily, hoping to be able to get away before…

"Come on, Draco-poo, there's an empty classroom over there," Pansy said.

"No, I really don't want to…" Draco began, but Pansy grabbed his arm and began to drag him down the hallway.

_Dang, that girl has a strong grip,_ Draco thought to himself as he struggled against Pansy without success.

"Ow, I, no, I, STOP, NO!" Draco said, earning no response.

"Draco darling, you're still in denial," Pansy said sweetly. "Come on, you know you want me," Pansy said in what she thought was a seductive voice but only made her sound horribly wrong.

"No, Pansy, let go of me before someone hears us…" Draco said, but it was too late.

"THERE HE IS!" A Slytherin shouted.

"GET HIM!" the other seventh-years said.

Draco made a run for it. He tried desperately to escape from Pansy, but it was useless. He had no choice. Draco picked up Pansy by the waist and ran like crazy.

"DRACO, MY SKIRT!" Pansy screamed, but Draco was too terrified to put Pansy down. He raced up the next set of stairs and onto the seventh floor. He scrambled down the nearest hallway, and looked desperately for a place to hide, and somewhere to dump Pansy (literally).

Draco raced down the hallway, the group of Slytherins not too far behind. He turned a corner and kept on running. The Slytherins followed. Soon, they had gone full-circle around the entire seventh floor.

"AAHHHH!" Draco shouted as he ran down the stairs.

The Slytherins followed.

"AAAHHHHHH!" Draco shouted, as he ran back up the other flight of stairs.

The Slytherins chased after him. They had already forgotten why they were after him.

"AHHHH!" Draco screamed, running back down the stairs.

The Slytherins were close behind him. One Slytherin, however, was smart enough to stay on that same flight of stairs. Draco collided with him.

"OWWWW!" they both shouted. Draco had run straight into the Slytherin (he was too busy looking behind him at the other Slytherins) and they both fell down the stairs. Pansy had been discarded at the top of the stairs, and was soon racing down the stairs to see if her "Draco darling" was alright. She shoved the other Slytherins out of her way and ran to see Draco, only to cause the rest of the Slytherins to fall and tumble down the stairs themselves.

The first Slytherin had stood up, only to be knocked down again. Pansy soon found her way back to Draco's arm, much to Draco's disgust. Draco chose this moment to escape. He raced back up the stairs and onto the seventh floor. He ran back down the hallway, and an idea hit him.

"The Room of Requirement," Draco wondered out loud.

He ran frantically past the painting on the wall three times thinking, _I need a place to hide from them… I need a place to hide from them… I need a place to hide from them…_ Draco was flailing his arms and praying that the Slytherins wouldn't catch up with him. Pansy was trying to get a hold of Draco's arm and was chasing him around, when…

A large door appeared and Draco opened it gratefully. He went inside the Room of Requirement and sighed in relief. He was safe, for now.

"Great, Draco darling, now we can start to-" Pansy started, but was cut off as Draco's fist made contact with her face. Pansy fell to the ground.

"That felt good," Draco said.

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Note: Please review! I will try to update as soon as I can…


	19. Say What!

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks for your kind reviews! I'm sorry for not updating sooner, but I ran out of good ideas for this chapter…

Also, the start of this chapter takes place while Harry and Hermione are still following the Slytherins in their search for Draco.

Plus, the words "that felt good" from the previous chapter were from the 3rd Harry Potter movie when Hermione punched Draco.

Disclaimer: Even if I did it, I wouldn't tell you.

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Chapter 19 – Say "What!"

Harry and Hermione watched as the large group of Slytherins split up to search for Draco.

"Where should we go?" Hermione asked, wondering which group to follow.

"Let's go get the Marauders' Map, then we'll know where Draco is," Harry suggested.

The two of them ran to the Gryffindor Common Room. They entered the Boy's Dormitory and looked around. Harry stopped for a second.

"That's odd," he said. "I could've sworn…"

"What?" Hermione asked as Harry bent over his bed and picked something up.

"I thought I'd lost it," Harry said, holding up his Invisibility Cloak.

"I thought you'd lost it, too," Hermione said, confused.

"Oh well," Harry shrugged. "We might as well use it."

After a few minutes, Harry found the Marauders' Map, and he and Hermione went off to look for Draco.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," Harry said.

The lines and dots appeared on the map. Harry and Hermione bent over it, looking for Draco.

"I see him!" Hermione exclaimed, pointing to a tiny dot on one of the floors.

They got under the Invisibility Cloak and went up a flight of stairs to where Draco was.

Then, without warning, the tiny dot labeled "Draco Malfoy" gave a large jump and there was a "Pansy Parkinson" dot next to it. The two dots moved back and forth, Hermione was very amused at this, and then, both dots started running. Hermione looked and saw a large swarm of dots headed towards the two dots and laughed out loud. They had found him.

Harry, hearing Hermione laugh, also bent down to look at the map. The swarm of dots was chasing the two dots frantically all around Hogwarts.

Harry and Hermione waited for the dots to come near them, and soon enough, Draco Malfoy was seen carrying Pansy and running down the hallway. Harry and Hermione moved out of the way just in time.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Draco shouted. He proceeded down the stairs.

The group of Slytherins followed.

Draco came running back up the stairs, the Slytherins not too far behind.

Draco ran back down the stairs, right into the one Slytherin that was still standing on the other flight of stairs. They tumbled down the rest of the stairs, falling over each other. Pansy rushed down the stairs and pushed the other Slytherins out of the way. Harry and Hermione were dying of laughter. Pansy once again attached herself to Draco's arm and the two of them fled down the nearest hallway.

Hermione peered down at the map. The two dots were running back and forth down the hallway. Then, the Draco dot stopped and disappeared. The Pansy dot did the same.

"Where did they go?" Hermione asked.

"The Room of Requirement!" Harry exclaimed.

The two of them ran down to the Room of Requirement, before realizing that they had no way to get in. Harry had tried to break into the Room of Requirement in his sixth year to find Malfoy, but sadly, it didn't work.

"What do we do now?" Hermione said miserably. She had hoped to see some "Draco-torture" being done (she was once again mad at the whole locked-in-a-closet-being-Blaise thing).

"I guess we should just go back to the Common Room," Harry said.

But, before they had a chance to do so, the door opened, smacking Hermione in the face.

"OWWWW!" Hermione screamed.

"AAAHHHHHH!" Draco yelled, startled at the noise coming out of nowhere.

"YAAHHH!" the Slytherins cried, spotting Draco.

"GGAAAHHHHH!" Draco screamed and took off like a bullet…

…only to crash into Harry and Hermione, who were under the Invisibility Cloak.

"AAHHHHH!" Harry, Hermione, and Draco screamed.

"GET HIM!" a Slytherin said.

"HERMIONE!" Harry said, who was trapped under her body.

"HERMIONE!" a confused Draco shouted.

"DRACO!" Hermione said.

"DRACO!" Pansy screeched, emerging out of the Room of requirement with a bloody nose.

"AAAHHHH! A MONSTER!" a Slytherin yelled.

"WHERE!" Pansy screamed and flung herself into Draco's arms.

Draco didn't catch her.

"OWWW!" Pansy yelled.

"AAHHH!" Harry shouted, as Pansy landed on top of him.

"NYAHH!" Pansy said, jumping off of the invisible Harry and Hermione.

"HARRY!" Hermione yelled.

"HERMIONE!" Harry shouted.

"POTTER!" Draco yelled.

"POTTER!" the Slytherins said.

"WHAT!" Harry yelled.

"PANSY!" Draco croaked as Pansy had once again grabbed hold of his arm.

"WHAT!" a confused Pansy screeched.

Then, a door opened from a nearby prefect's bathroom. Ron and Lavender came out.

"RON!" Hermione screamed.

"RON!" Harry yelled.

"WHAT?" Ron said.

"WEASLEY!" Draco shouted.

"LAVENDER!" Hermione screamed.

"RON!" Lavender screamed. Her hair was disheveled and her clothes looked like they were thrown on at the last minute.

"HARRY! HERMIONE!" Ron shouted, wondering who was calling his name.

"WEASLEY!" the Slytherins shouted.

"WHAT!" Ron shouted back.

"PANSY!" Lavender screamed, surprised at Pansy's bloody nose.

"WHAT!" Pansy screeched back.

"DRACO!" Hermione screamed, putting two and two together.

"WHAT!" a very annoyed Draco replied.

"HERMIONE!" Harry shouted, still in pain from Hermione landing on him.

"WHAT!" Hermione yelled.

"YOU TWO!" Ron shouted.

"WHAT!" Harry and Hermione replied.

"DRACO!" the Slytherins said accusingly.

"WHAT!" Draco yelled back.

"WHAT!" Ron said, wondering what was going on.

"WHAT!" Pansy screamed.

"WHAT!" Lavender yelled, very confused.

"WHAT!" Hermione snapped.

Then, Professor McGonagall emerged from another room nearby, wearing a purple nightgown and having her hair in curlers.

"WHAT THE HECK?" McGonagall screamed.

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P.S. I know nothing much happened in this chapter… but it was very amusing for me to write grins. Sorry if I've hurt your ears with all the yelling and whatnot… and I know it was a bit hard to follow who was saying what.

Please review!


	20. The Secret Nightlife of the Fat Lady

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: A giant thanks to my 500th reviewer, sweetlinc! And thanks to everyone who reviewed. In reply to LilyTilyBoo KittyKattyBoo, feel free to use quotes from my story on your profile page!

Yea! This story finally has 20 chapters!

I apologize to those of you who disliked the last chapter…

This chapter is very, very short. Sorry.

Disclaimer: All of the characters and anything that you recognize belong to J. K. Rowling.

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Chapter 20 – The Secret Nightlife of the Fat Lady

Professor McGonagall stood in the middle of the hallway, much to the shock and horror of the students around her.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" McGonagall roared. "You've interrupted my beauty sleep!"

"Which you definitely need," Draco muttered to himself.

"What was that, Mr. Malfoy?" McGonagall demanded sharply.

"Uhhh… nothing!" Draco replied hastily.

"So… like I was saying… What is all this noise!" McGonagall asked.

No one dared to respond.

"Anyone?" McGonagall said. "Well then, I have no choice but to assign you all detentions! Off you go then! And off I go back to bed."

The crowd of people slowly dispersed, many of the Slytherins shooting dirty glances at Draco. Pansy reluctantly left, leaving Ron, Lavender, and Draco to stare at each other.

"What's going on?" Ron asked.

"None of your business, Weasley!" Draco snapped, unhappy at the prospect of serving a detention.

Draco stormed off, and Ron and Lavender looked at each other.

"Harry?" Ron said into the air.

No one replied. Harry and Hermione were long gone.

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"What's the big rush, 'Mione?" Harry whispered as he and Hermione practically ran back down the stairs and returned to the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Fine, do you want to be caught and get a detention from McGonagall?" Hermione snapped.

The two of them arrived in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady.

The portrait was empty.

"What the heck!"

"Shh!" Hermione said. "What's going on?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

"Oh no, what do we do?" Hermione moaned.

"Well, I suppose we could just force our way in…"

Hermione glared at Harry.

"Or not," Harry said as an afterthought.

"This is just like the time in our third year when Sirius came," Hermione pondered.

"But why would someone do this?" Harry asked.

"I don't know," Hermione said miserably. "Maybe the Fat Lady's just out partying for the night."

"Right, like she just suddenly decided to go make out with Sir What's-His-Face," said Harry sarcastically. "So how do we get in?"

"I have no idea," Hermione said worriedly. "And I still have to study tonight! What are we gonna do?"

"We could just, you know, stay out here the entire night," Harry suggested slowly.

"What! Stay out here! What if someone finds us! I need to get in!" Hermione groaned.

"What else can we do?" Harry pondered. "I suppose we could always tell someone…"

"No way! And get in trouble for being out of bed after hours?" Hermione exclaimed. "We'll go find her!"

"Look who started being the adventurous one," Harry said, amused.

"We can't stay out here because if someone finds us, we'll be caught and they'll think we did it!" Hermione said. "And we can't tell anyone because we'll still be caught and I'll get another detention!"

"Really, Hermione, where are we gonna look for the Fat Lady?" Harry asked. "Why don't we just stay here? You should get some sleep; I'll keep watch and make sure no one finds us."

"Really, Harry? You'd do that? For me? Thanks!" Hermione said, and gave Harry a hug, before flopping down on a nearby couch outside the Common Room.

After a few minutes, she was fast asleep.

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Note: So sorry of the short chapter, I'm extremely short on time, even though it's the weekend…

Please review… Please?


	21. Dreams and Reality

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: This is still a Draco/Hermione story, although other pairings may appear.

Yeah, this chapter is also very short.

Disclaimer: I feel like nobody all of a sudden, and nobodies don't own J. K. Rowling's characters.

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Chapter 21 – Dreams and Reality

Harry looked at Hermione. She was so beautiful; how come he'd never noticed? Harry never felt this way about Hermione before. She had always been just a friend, and nothing more. Harry had loved Ginny for a while, but then he realized that she wasn't the one for him. What had caused this sudden change?

Harry searched his mind for what it was that made him like Hermione all of a sudden. It wasn't because she was smart. It wasn't her beauty, not really. Hermione had some sort of charm around her, something that makes her simply irresistible. The way she speaks, how her voice sounds, makes people regard her as some sort of angelic person, that is, until she recently felt the need to yell at Malfoy a lot.

Harry slowly dozed off, and had a dream…

"_Ginny!" Harry said. she turned around and looked at him. "I can't do this anymore," Harry admitted. "I don't like you."_

"_What do you mean!" Ginny said. "But I thought we were on the same page! What's wrong!"_

"_I'm in love with somebody else," Harry said. "I asked her for advice and she told me to break up with you."_

"_WHAT!" Ginny shrieked. "NO! Please don't!"_

"_I have to Ginny; I can't be with you anymore. I'm sorry," Harry said reluctantly._

_Ginny stormed off crying, leaving Harry feeling very guilty…_

Harry woke up all of a sudden. _Wow that was some dream,_ he thought. It had all seemed so real…

Hermione stirred in her sleep. She snored. _She even snores beautifully,_ Harry thought. He was getting tired, and was just about to fall asleep again, when he heard a noise behind him. Harry looked around, and was surprised to see Ginny walking to the common room.

"Ginny!" Harry said, coming out from under the Invisibility Cloak. He was going to do it. He had to, for his own sake.

"Harry!" Ginny said, startled.

"Ginny, I want to break up," Harry said hurriedly.

"What! Why? I thought you like me!" Ginny said, starting to cry.

"I did, but now, I think I like someone else," Harry said.

"But, I thought we were happy together! I thought we were on the same page! Don't do this to me!" Ginny sobbed.

"I have to. It's the best for both of us. I don't want to be with you anymore," Harry said, feeling a bit guilty.

"Why? Why don't you want me?" Ginny cried.

"I don't know, I just can't do this anymore. I thought a lot about this, and I decided it's for my own sake. Besides, Hermione gave me great advice, and said that I should do this for my own good," Harry said, immediately regretting it.

"_Hermione_," Ginny said angrily.

"No, Ginny! I didn't mean it like that! I wanted to break up! It's not her fault!" Harry said desperately, trying not to make Ginny mad at Hermione.

Ginny stormed off and Harry started to follow her, but decided to stay with Hermione.

_That went well,_ Harry thought bitterly. He only hoped that Ginny would not do something bad…

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Note: Please review! Yes, there used to be a long author's note here, but I took it out because it no longer applies.

Please check out my new story, titled "The Childcare Providers at Death Eaters and Co.". I hope you enjoy it!


	22. Flying Lessons

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks for all of the encouraging reviews!

Disclaimer: It's not mine.

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Chapter 22 – Flying Lessons

"Hermione," a voice called.

"Hmm," Hermione mumbled sleepily.

"Hermione!"

"Ughh," Hermione groaned. "One more minute…"

"Hermione you're gonna be late for class!"

"WHAT!" Hermione cried, immediately awake.

"Hermione, it's eleven o'clock," Harry said.

"WHY DIDN"T YOU WAKE ME UP!" Hermione shouted.

"I tried, but you were sleeping so nicely; I didn't want to disturb you," Harry replied sheepishly.

"Well how do you think I feel now!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Sorry, 'Mione," Harry apologized. "I overslept too."

"We are so late, it's not even funny!" Hermione said angrily. "What the heck?" she said, picking up a piece of parchment that was on her robes.

_Task #4_

_At breakfast, ask Professor Dumbledore to switch houses to Slytherin._

Well it's a little late for that, Hermione thought. Oh well, I'll ask him at lunch.

"What's that?" Harry asked.

"Oh, nothing," Hermione said hurriedly. "So, what class to we have now?"

"Potions," said Harry miserably.

"Great. More joy," Hermione said.

"You know, Hermione," Harry said slowly. "Do we really want to go to Potions?"

"What kind of question is that?" Hermione wondered.

"What I mean is, well, why don't we just stay here?" Harry said, choosing his words carefully.

"Stay here?" Hermione repeated.

"Yeah, instead of going to class late and getting yelled at by Snape."

"Good idea, Harry, except this is ME we're talking about. I don't skip class!" Hermione said.

"Just this once, Hermione? Please? How 'bout you just live a little?" Harry ventured.

"Well, I suppose we might as well stay here, I mean, we'll probably get points taken off if we go to class this late… Okay, Harry, I'll stay," Hermione reluctantly agreed.

"So, what d'you wanna do?" Harry asked.

"I don't know," Hermione said. "If you don't have anything in mind, I'm going to study."

"Hermione," Harry interjected.

"All right, Harry, I won't. But seriously, what are we going to do?" Hermione asked.

"I could teach you how to play Quidditch," Harry suggested.

"Do I want to know how to play Quidditch?" Hermione said playfully. "Are you trying to convert me into a Quidditch fanatic like Ron?"

"Sure, why not?" Harry joked. "I could teach you how to fly!"

"Go ahead, Harry, teach me how to fly. Good luck," Hermione said sarcastically.

To her surprise, Harry grabbed her arm and led her down to the Quidditch field.

"Harry!" Hermione said. "I wasn't serious!"

"But I am," Harry replied. "About teaching you how to fly," he added hastily.

They stopped in front of the Quidditch field.

"Accio Firebolt!" Harry said, and his broom came flying towards him.

"Get on!" Harry said.

"Uhh," Hermione stuttered. "I'm not sure I really want to…"

"It's okay, 'Mione, just get on," Harry encouraged her.

Hermione swung one leg over the side of the broom and got on. Harry got on behind her.

"Hang on," Harry said, lifting off.

"Ehhh…" Hermione said, scared. "Harry…"

"It's okay, I've got you," Harry said. "So, do you wanna steer the broom?"

"How?"

"Put your hand right here," Harry said, showing Hermione, "And turn whichever way you want to go."

"Is this safe?" Hermione asked cautiously.

"Hermione," Harry groaned.

"Yes, Harry?" Hermione asked innocently as she turned around to face him.

At that moment, when Hermione turned around, her hands moved slightly and the Firebolt suddenly lurched sideways.

"AHHH!" Hermione screamed.

"HOLD ON!" Harry yelled, reaching forward to grab the broom handle.

Hermione kept screaming.

"IT'S OKAY, I'VE GOT YOU!" Harry yelled as he pulled the broom back into control.

"Harry," Hermione said shakily.

"It's okay, we're safe," Harry said reassuringly.

Then, the broom started going upwards slowly.

"What's happening!" Hermione screamed.

"I don't know," Harry replied, as the broom continued to ascend. Harry tried to control the broom, but it wouldn't respond.

"HARRY!" Hermione cried as the broom climbed steadily higher. Harry and Hermione were very high up in the sky by now and could see all of Hogwarts below them.

Suddenly, the broom stopped.

Hermione sighed. "Finally."

"I wonder what happened," Harry said.

"I don't know, but I hope it doesn't happen again!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Uh oh," Harry said, sensing that something was wrong. He was right.

"What?" Hermione asked in panic.

"Look," Harry said, eyes widening in fear.

Hermione looked and gasped.

"No!" Hermione cried. "NO!"

"Hermione!" Harry yelled. "Hang on!"

The broom, which had been slowly tilting forwards the entire time, suddenly took a nosedive.

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Note: Sorry for the really short chapter, I wanted to end it with a cliffhanger... I promise to update the next chapter soon! (I'm almost done with it...) 


	23. A Heroic Slytherin

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks to iamnotafreakingGOTH, my 600th reviewer! And thanks to everyone else for reviewing!

Disclaimer: Refer to the previous chapter.

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Chapter 23 – A Heroic Slytherin 

Draco had been feeling uneasy the entire day. Hermione hadn't shown up at breakfast and she was nowhere to be seen for the entire morning. Draco couldn't seem to stop thinking about her. Although he would never admit it, Draco was worried.

"Where is she?" Draco thought to himself. Since Hermione wasn't here this morning, there was no chain on his arm, which made Draco wonder where she might be.

Draco glanced out the window. The day was bright and sunny, but inside, Draco was very nervous and had a feeling that something was wrong. Very wrong.

With a start, Draco noticed that two figures were on a broomstick outside. That's odd, Draco thought. What are they doing flying during class? Then, Draco let out a small gasp and recognized Hermione and Harry on the broom. What the heck? What were they doing out there?

Suddenly, the broom lurched sideways, and the two teenagers held on for their life. Draco laughed inwardly as Harry struggled to control the broom. As a Slytherin, Draco was very amused. After that, the broom went higher and higher. Draco wondered what Potter was up to, but realized that something was wrong. Draco looked at the horrified look on Hermione's face. Then, he saw it. There, hidden behind the bushes outside of the Quidditch field was a hooded figure. To his horror, Draco realized what was going to happen. He knew he had to do something. It was now or never.

"Professor Snape?" Draco asked suddenly.

"Yes, Mister Malfoy?" Snape replied.

"May I use the bathroom?" Draco asked, watching the broom go up and up out of the corner of his eye.

"Could you please wait until I'm done teaching?" Snape said coldly.

"NO! I mean, I kinda need to go now," Draco said, feeling mildly embarrassed. _Granger had better worship me for this_, he thought.

"Yes, I suppose you may," Snape said, eyeing Draco suspiciously.

Draco immediately left the classroom and broke into a run. He leapt down the stairs and raced towards the door.

"Draco darling!" Pansy said, popping out of nowhere.

Draco shoved her out of the way. _Bloody stalker_, he thought to himself. He only prayed that he would get there on time…

Draco burst out the doors and ran towards the Quidditch field.

"ACCIO BROOM!" Draco yelled. His Nimbus 2001 zoomed towards him.

Draco got on, just as he saw Harry and Hermione's broom start to tip forward.

"No, no, no, no, NO!" Draco cried. He sped toward Harry and Hermione, whose broom had just gone into a deadly nosedive.

"HARRY!" Draco heard Hermione scream.

Draco rushed towards them as fast as he could. The broom was going so fast that they were a third of the way to the ground…

Draco urged his broom to speed up, but it couldn't go any faster. Harry and Hermione were about twenty feet away from the ground.

Draco watched in horror as the broom sped up dramatically, racing towards the ground. Hermione screamed even louder. If Harry and Hermione hit the ground, they would die for sure.

_Come on,_ Draco thought frantically.

The broom was only ten feet away from the ground now, and Draco was too far away…

"NO!" Draco shouted. He desperately tried to reach Harry and Hermione before they collided with the ground…

"HERMIONE!" Harry shouted, hugging her in protection.

"HARRY!" Hermione screamed.

The broom was five feet above the ground now, and Draco wouldn't make it in time…

Only four and a half feet left, and Draco was eight feet away from the spot where Harry and Hermione would land…

Three feet left... Draco was six feet away…

Two feet left… Draco was five feet away He had to make a decision. He was going to do it.

Draco lowered his broom until it was only a foot away from the ground. He climbed to the end of his broom and dove off into the air, just as Harry's Firebolt was passing by. He grabbed Hermione's waist and the back of Harry's robes and pulled them off the Firebolt. The three of them landed on the ground in a heap. They were safe.

Harry rolled off to the side and groaned. Hermione gasped for air. Draco moaned slightly. He did it. He saved Hermione. And Harry, too, but that was irrelevant.

"Draco," Hermione said in between breaths. "You…" She looked at him. Draco stared back.

"You… saved… me…" Hermione finally managed.

"Yeah, I did," Draco said, suddenly realizing what he had done.

"Why?" Hermione asked.

"I have no idea," Draco replied, sensing that now was not the time for long explanations.

"'Mione," Harry groaned. "Are you alright?"

Hermione nodded. She stood up, but was immediately yanked back down. Hermione looked down in confusion, and discovered that the chain had appeared again. Hermione sighed.

"Let's go," Harry said, standing up. "It's already time for lunch," he said, walking towards the castle.

"Harry," Hermione said, grabbing his arm. "Never teach me how to fly again."

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Note: I'm really sorry that my chapters are getting shorter and shorter, as well as more and more rushed... I will definitely try to type out a whole bunch of chapters during the upcoming holidays and post them as soon as I can... 


	24. The Amazing Catwoman Kicks Snape's Butt!

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Wow, lots of reviews… Thanks, everybody! And thanks to lilmissmwah, my 650th reviewer! (Hmm... Wasn't I just thanking my 600th reviewer in the previous chapter?)

Also, you might have noticed that I'm only on the fourth task, and there are six left per person, so I estimate that the entire story will be… very long…

Please make sure to read the note at the end of the chapter!

In case you were wondering, Harry's Firebolt crashed right after Harry and Hermione were rescued and broke into a million tiny pieces.

As for the title of this chapter… you'll see.

Disclaimer: Don't ask.

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Chapter 24 - The Amazing Catwoman Kicks Snape's Butt!

Harry, Draco, and Hermione walked up to the castle in silence. Hermione was still a bit shaken by the incident, and Draco as busy wondering why on earth he had just saved Harry and Hermione. Harry was wondering what had gone wrong, and where he was going to get a new broom.

Hermione drew a shaky breath, and Harry put his arm around her and patted her on the back.

"It's okay, 'Mione," Harry said reassuringly. "We're safe."

Draco raised one eyebrow at Harry's affectionate display. He started to comment, but decided against it.

The three of them entered the castle and walked into the Great Hall. Lunch had barely begun, and Harry, Draco, and Hermione walked in unnoticed. Harry joined Ron at the Gryffindor table, and Hermione and Draco walked over to the Slytherin table. But, to Draco's surprise, Hermione walked past the Slytherin table and approached Dumbledore.

"Professor?" Hermione said slowly. Dumbledore was sitting at with the other teachers and talking to Professor McGonagall, who was on his right.

"Yes, Miss Granger?" Dumbledore replied, knowing what she was about to ask, since he had already looked at the list of tasks.

"I was wondering… um… well… I want to change houses to Slytherin," Hermione said.

McGonagall, who had just taken a sip of pumpkin juice, spat it out instantly, spraying Dumbledore in the face. Dumbledore raised an eyebrow and proceeded to wipe his face with a napkin.

Two seats to the right of McGonagall, Snape, who had been eavesdropping on the conversation, choked on a bagel.

"Why, certainly, Miss Granger, you may," Dumbledore said.

Snape made a gagging noise and spit out his bite of bagel, which landed all over Professor Binns' plate.

"How dare you!" Professor Binns, who was sitting between Snape and McGonagall, said angrily. "I was about to eat that! Why you bloody-"

Snape, becoming angry, attempted to punch Professor Binns, but his fist went through the ghost and ended up hitting Professor McGonagall.

"OWW!" McGonagall screamed, her voice ringing throughout the Great Hall. The students suddenly stopped eating and looked at the teachers.

McGonagall took her spoon out of her pudding and pointed it at Snape.

"How dare you punch me!" McGonagall cried. She waved her spoon for emphasis and accidentally hit Snape in the face with pudding.

McGonagall gasped. "I'm sorry, Severus, I-"

Snape hit McGonagall with a carrot.

"Ha!" Snape yelled. "That's what you get for-"

McGonagall kicked the bottom of Snape's chair, causing him to fall over on top of the table. Food came flying everywhere.

Somewhere in the Great Hall, a voice that sounded very much like Dumbledore's after a discreet spell shouted, "FOOD FIGHT!"

Mass chaos erupted.

Hermione and Draco ducked under the Teacher's table and watched. Professor Flitwick stood on top of his chair, trying to calm the students.

"STOP! STOP THIS INSTANT!" Flitwick shouted. Someone threw a large handful of mashed potatoes at him, knocking him off his feet.

Meanwhile, Snape and McGonagall were fighting.

"ARGH! TAKE THAT!" Snape yelled, punching McGonagall.

"HYAH!" McGonagall screamed, kicking Snape in the leg.

"OWW! YOU BLOODY WITCH!" Snape said, doubling over in pain.

McGonagall smirked and poked her tongue at Snape.

On the other side of the Great Hall, the students were having a vicious food fight.

The Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws had all teamed up against the Slytherins and were hitting them with food from all directions.

Dumbledore was watching from the safety of his chair. He chuckled as he watched the little first and second years scramble back to their dormitories.

Snape and McGonagall were still fighting, only this time, with food.

"I HATE YOU!" McGonagall screamed, throwing a plate of food at Snape.

"YOU'RE UGLY!" Snape yelled, holding up a chicken drumstick and preparing to throw it at McGonagall. "Hey, this is pretty good," Snape said, taking a bit of chicken.

"NOBODY LIKES YOU!" McGonagall said, chucking a bunch of broccoli at Snape.

"YOU'RE OLD!" Snape yelled very loudly. The Great Hall grew silent instantly.

"EXCUSE ME!" McGonagall roared, enraged. "OH, NO, YOU DIDN'!" McGonagall reached across the table and grabbed a large pie.

"WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, GRANNY!" Snape shouted.

McGonagall flung the pie at Snape very violently. It hit him and stuck to his face. Everyone, even the teachers, cheered.

Slowly, Snape removed the pie from his face, which was covered in cream. His greasy hair was smothered in pie.

"MY HAIR, MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR! OH, NOW YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!" Snape said, launching himself at McGonagall.

The large crowd of students gasped as the two teachers fought savagely.

"GO MCGONAGALL!" everyone except the Slytherins shouted.

The scene had developed into a catfight. Literally.

McGonagall transformed herself into a cat and started scratching Snape. Snape howled in pain. He kicked the cat, which flew ten feet into the air. Everyone gasped. McGonagall became human again and was lying on the floor in a heap. Snape slowly walked over towards her. The students whispered amongst themselves as to whether or not she was dead. Snape leaned over McGonagall.

Suddenly, McGonagall swung her leg and kicked Snape in the shin. Snape fell to the ground.

"GOTCHA!" McGonagall shouted victoriously. The students cheered. They formed a circle around Snape and started throwing food at him. Snape groaned.

"GO CATWOMAN!" one student shouted. Then, everyone started chanting, "CATWOMAN ROCKS!"

The teachers were highly amused. This was something people would be telling their kids about.

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Note: Please review!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!


	25. The Chapter I Forgot to Title

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: This is the first time in a very long time that I've actually updated the day after I previously updated... (I normally don't do this because it could result in fewer reviews for the previous chapter...)

Thanks to my reviewers! I really appreciate you guys! I got so happy that I decided to update today, even though I just updated yesterday... I would've updated sooner, but I was waiting for my 700th review, so I could acknowledge them...

Thanks to Raven's magic, my 700th reviewer! (I think; I was a bit unsure with my counting...) And thanks to all of my other faithful reviewers!

I know that the previous chapter included characters that were very out of character, and I apologize for that… But it was pretty funny, though…

I warn you now that this chapter is pretty short and not much happens...

Once again, happy holidays!

Disclaimer: It's. Not. Mine.

**Haha, I just now realized in my editing that I never titled this chapter!**

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Chapter 25 – The Chapter I Forgot to Title 

Once the excitement died down, Hermione crawled out from under the table.

"Miss Granger," Dumbledore said. "I would like a moment to consult with you about your request to switch houses."

Hermione and Draco approached Dumbledore.

"As you well know, you were sorted by the Sorting Hat upon arrival at Hogwarts. To change houses would require some… action," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling with… what appeared to be… _mischief_.

"What do you mean, Professor?" Hermione asked, wondering what sort of "action" would be required.

"What I'm saying is that to be accepted into Slytherin, you would have to prove to the Sorting Hat that you are worthy of this change, and that you are indeed a new and changed person," Dumbledore finished.

"Huh?" Hermione asked, for once not fully comprehending what was being said.

"You need to show the Sorting Hat that you are better suited to be in Slytherin," Dumbledore repeated.

"I don't get it," Hermione said slowly, not quite catching the drift.

"You need to be bad!" Draco snapped impatiently.

Hermione stared at him.

"Well, that's one way to put it," Dumbledore remarked.

"Wait, so I have to be bad to get into Slytherin?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, how on earth do you think I got in?" Draco said incredulously.

"Miss Granger," Dumbledore continued. "I will arrange a time, say, sometime next week, for you to try on the Sorting Hat again. By then, you should be ready."

"Hold on!" Hermione exclaimed. "But the task said only to ask if I could be in Slytherin! It didn't say anything about me actually being in Slytherin!"

"Yes, I am aware of that," Dumbledore said. "But, after looking at your tasks, I feel that it is only fair that you actually be put into Slytherin, especially after reading number 8 on your task list," Dumbledore said, lowering his spectacles at Hermione. A smile slowly spread across Hermione's face as she remembered what she had written for task #8.

"Okay, Professor, I'll be glad to," Hermione said, much to Draco's discomfort.

"Alright then, off you go, don't want to be late for class!" Dumbledore said cheerfully. He couldn't wait to see the results of the remainder of the tasks.

* * *

Draco and Hermione made their way to their next class, Double Potions. Thankfully, class hadn't started yet, and the two of them managed to slip in unnoticed. The rest of the class was still talking about the food fight. Draco and Hermione sat in their usual seats, both of them deep in thought. 

A few minutes later, the class settled down and waited for a teacher to walk in. Nothing happened. Apparently, there was nobody filling in for Snape, or Dumbledore had forgotten to make arrangements.

Everyone was wondering what to do. Most of the Slytherins were in favor of having a party, while the Gryffindors were interested in keeping their House points, should Snape walk in any minute, most likely in a bad mood.

Some light chatter had resumed, and soon, everyone was talking loudly. Hermione laid her head on the desk and immersed herself within her thoughts, which were mostly unpleasant and revolved around becoming a Slytherin. Draco was busy doodling on a sheet of parchment and thinking about what tasks might be planned ahead for him.

No one noticed when another person walked into the room.

The class went on talking and occupying themselves, completely oblivious to the fact that someone had just entered.

"Attention, class!" the teacher called.

No one even heard the person.

"Attention!" the teacher repeated.

No one paid any mind to the person.

"ATTENTION!" the teacher tried again, but was drowned out by the noise of the class.

"SHUT UP!" the person shouted.

Everyone froze in shock. Most of the class, except for two people, groaned. Hermione lifted up her head and looked at the teacher, and groaned along with everyone else.

"Hello, class, I will be filling in for Professor Snape today!" the teacher announced.

Hermione nearly screamed. Two hours. Two long hours of Double Potions. She and the rest of the class couldn't believe who was teaching. This would be torture.

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Note: Heehee! Small cliffhanger! Any guesses on who this person is? Review, people! I'll update faster! Also, sorry for the short chapter… 

Another small note: I live currently live in the Pacific Time Zone in the United States of America, so I'll typically post stuff in the afternoon, when it'll probably be late at night wherever you live...

I've said this so many times (especially when I review other people's stories and reply to reviews)...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! (Of course, if I somehow post another chapter before Christmas, I'll say it again...).

Who knows, I might just have another chapter ready before Christmas, since sadly I don't have much to look forward to this year... Please review and I might possibly update! (It would make a very pleasant Christmas present to find a lovely bunch of reviews awaiting me... hint, hint!)


	26. Attack of the Evil Mutant Butterflies!

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Yay! I updated! (I decided to update because I hate it when someone leaves a cliffy and doesn't update in a _long_ time...)

As usual, thanks to everyone who reviewed! I know you guys are all waiting to see who the teacher is... I tried to give a subtle hint in the last chapter, but I'm not sure if anyone got it...

Oh, also, congrats to Amin Vanima Mellonea, who correctly guessed who it was!

**Disclaimer: None of the characters you read about are mine; they belong to J. K. Rowling. Also, the idea for the chain that connects Draco and Hermione partially comes from the story "The Prank War" by ****CrazyGirl 47****, although, as you will see at the very end, the secret concerning the chain was my own idea.**

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Chapter 26 - ATTACK OF THE EVIL MUTANT BUTTERFLIES!

Hermione couldn't believe it. Out of all the teachers in the school, it had to be _that_ particular person. The very teacher whom she hated the most was now about to teach a two hour long class. Hermione was about to go insane. Everyone else, except for Parvati and Lavender, felt the same way. It was Trelawney.

"Good morning, class," Trelawney said in her misty voice. Most of the students had incredulous and horrified looks on their faces, all except for Parvati and Lavender, who looked as if Christmas had come early.

"Good morning, Professor Trelawney," Parvati and Lavender chorused. The rest of the class stared at them.

Trelawney continued. "Today, we will be learning the noble art of Divina- I mean- Potions," Trelawney added hastily, momentarily forgetting her whereabouts. "Please turn to page… 294 in your books, and we'll begin on learning how to brew… Amortentia, the most powerful love potion in the world." _Amortentia? What the hell is that?_ Trelawney wondered. _How come I've never heard of it…_

Murmurs rippled through the class.

_Love potions?_ Hermione repeated inside her head. Just about everyone was aware that love potions were banned from Hogwarts (especially after the incident that occurred last year with Romilda Vane), but now Trelawney was "teaching" them to brew them?

Meanwhile, Harry was nervous about the idea of a bunch of Slytherin, and for that matter, Gryffindor, _girls_ handling _the most powerful love potion in the world_. It doesn't take a genius to see where this is going...

"I will divide everyone into groups of three when I come around. Normally, you would be in groups of four… but I like three better. Follow the instructions written in your book, whatever you do, do NOT ask me for help, and bottle your potion when you are done. I expect you all to finish within an hour, and then we will… euhm… test the potions," Trelawney said. "Meanwhile, I will walk around and… see how you are doing."

Hermione didn't know which thought worried her more: that they only have an hour to complete, by the looks of it, a very complex potion, or that the potions will be tested at the end of class.

Trelawney made her way around the classroom, randomly splitting people into groups by whipping her wand at the students and seeing if it landed on the right side or left side of their heads. Clever. The groups were: Hermione, Ron, and Harry; Draco, Lavender, and Neville; Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle; and finally Seamus, Dean, and Parvati.

The students got to work. Sort of.

Hermione and Draco, who were still connected, were in different groups because they had, once again, made the chain invisible, and Trelawney (and everyone else) wasn't aware that they were connected.

"Okay, first, we need to add water," Hermione said, muttering a spell to put water in the cauldron. "Then, stir in nine rose petals in order from smallest to largest," Hermione said, squinting at the book. "Ron, you do that."

Ron started to mumble something along the lines of "Don't boss me around," but thought better of it, considering that this potion was probably very important to their Potions grade.

"Harry, go get some drops of Ylang Ylang oil," Hermione commanded.

"Draco, get the rose petals," Lavender said in their group.

Draco looked at Hermione, who met his gaze.

"Never mind," Hermione said hastily to Ron, "I'll get the oil."

Draco and Hermione walked over to the cabinet, careful not to trip anybody, and got the ingredients.

Meanwhile, Trelawney was walking amongst the students and examining their work. She passed by Crabbe, Pansy, and Goyle's group.

"I'm hungry," Crabbe said.

"Me too," Goyle said.

"Are we there yet?" Crabbe asked.

"Where are we going?" Goyle asked.

"I like bananas!" Crabbe cried suddenly.

"AM I SURROUNDED BY IMBECILES?" Pansy screeched. "I hate this class!" she shouted, kicking the cauldron... and burning her foot.

"AHH!" Pansy screamed, hopping around the room on one foot.

Everybody stared at her. The Gryffindors started laughing.

Then, Pansy looked at Draco. Before his eyes had time to widen, Pansy charged towards him. She leapt into Draco's arms, and Draco caught her for a second, but immediately threw her off him. Pansy tumbled into the cauldron, which thankfully wasn't too hot. It was, however, filled with a potion gone horribly wrong.

Everybody held their breath as Pansy's head slowly emerged from the cauldron. They wondered what the potion had done to her.

"AHH!" Pansy shrieked. The students hurriedly covered their ears. At first nobody knew what was wrong.

Pansy kept screaming. Then, Draco finally understood.

"HAHA!" Draco laughed uncontrollably. He couldn't believe what had happened.

Everybody stared at him, now understanding what was so funny.

Pansy kept screaming, and Draco kept laughing.

"She... HAHAHA! No way... I can't... HA!" Draco said in between laughs.

"What happened?" Hermione asked.

"She's... HAAHA! ...been... HEE! ... turned... into a… into a…" Draco managed to say.

"Turned into a what?" Hermione practically shouted.

"A BOY!" Draco yelled, before erupting into laugher again.

The students gasped. They looked at the screaming Pansy, who was clutching her chest, or lack, thereof.

Everyone laughed uncontrollably.

Pansy continued screaming loudly. Or rather, screeching. Like the sound a chicken's head would make after it's been chopped off, except that it doesn't make a sound, but let's just pretend.

"Someone shut her up!" Ron shouted.

Hermione went up to Pansy, who was screaming and running around in circles, and slapped her. Hard.

"Well, that's one way to do it," Harry said, smiling.

Trelawney conjured up a stretcher. Or attempted to. What resulted was a floating tissue dangling in midair…

"Miss Parkinson, get on," Trelawney commanded.

Pansy moaned from where she was lying on the ground.

"Someone carry her!" Trelawney ordered.

No one moved.

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley," Trelawney said.

Harry and Ron stood frozen to the ground.

"What?" Ron managed weakly.

"Carry her onto the stretcher," Trelawney said a bit more forcefully. "NOW!"

Harry grabbed Pansy by the arms, and Ron held her by the legs. Halfway to the stretcher, Pansy started screaming again. She kicked her legs and flailed about. Ron struggled to hold her legs still, and accidentally looked up her skirt.

"HOLY CRAP!" Ron yelled, after accidentally looking up Pansy's skirt. "THAT IS SICK AND WRONG!" Ron dropped Pansy's legs. "I'M BLIND!" he shouted.

Harry let go of Pansy's arms, as there was no one helping him carry her.

"CONTROL YOURSELF!" Trelawney shouted. "Miss Parkinson, get on the stretcher!"

Pansy reluctantly obeyed, and sat on the tissue, which had been enlarged to support human weight, or so she hoped. She was immediately tied down with magical ropes, which Trelawney thought she had conjured as well, although it was actually Hermione's doing, as she was also the one who fixed the "stretcher".

The stretcher went out the door and made its way to the Hospital Wing.

"Now," Trelawney continued, "Where were we?"

The students, who had been gathered around Draco, Lavender, and Neville's cauldron, went back to their own cauldrons.

Hermione slowly returned to her group with the oil she had gone to get, to find Harry and Ron bickering over the sizes of rose petals.

"See! Yours is smaller than mine!" Ron said angrily, thrusting a rose petal in Harry's face.

"Yeah, but mine's wrinkly so it looks smaller; this one's actually larger!" Harry shouted.

"Fine! Put that one in; you just wanna make us fail!" Ron yelled. The other groups were to preoccupied to notice the ongoing argument.

"Hermione, which one's larger?" Harry said loudly, upon Hermione's return.

"Uhh, well, I'd have to say that yours is larger, Harry," Hermione said reluctantly.

"HA! See!" Harry shouted, and proceeded to drop the rose petal into the cauldron.

Hermione caught it just in time.

"Smallest to largest, Harry," Hermione said.

Ron smirked and dropped his petal in.

"How much have you guys done so far?" Hermione said.

"That's the first one," Ron replied.

"Oh, no!" Harry shouted, picking up another petal. "This one's smaller than the other one!"

"Harry, it doesn't matter!" Ron snapped. "Just put them all in!"

Harry hurriedly dumped the petals into the potions, noticing that Ron was growing angrier by the second.

Immediately, they realized something was horribly wrong, because the potion turned pitch black.

"Here, I'll go get the next ingredient while you two figure something out," Hermione said, willing to do anything to get away.

She started walking over to the cabinet, jerking Draco along with her. Draco, who was holding a rose petal, accidentally dropped it into his cauldron, making their group's potion turn a dark shade of green.

"What!" Draco said, as he walked over to Hermione.

"This is torture!" Hermione said, taking a jar of butterfly wings from the cabinet. "I'm gonna go insane."

"I think you already have," Draco replied with a smirk.

Hermione returned to her group, only to discover that Harry and Ron had resorted to fishing the rose petals out of the potion by hand, creating puddles of potion around their cauldron.

"HARRY! RON!" Hermione shrieked, slipping on a puddle and falling to the ground very violently.

Hermione dropped the jar of butterfly wings, which fell into the cauldron. The butterfly wings came to life, and started flying around the classroom. Girls screamed. Potions went flying. Students ran helter skelter to avoid the attacking butterfly wings.

"MUTANT BUTTERFLIES!" someone shouted.

Mass chaos erupted.

"This is all your fault!" Hermione screamed, as mutant bodiless butterflies got tangled in her hair.

"What?" Harry and Ron retaliated.

"OUR FAULT?" Ron shouted angrily.

Then, a large swarm of butterfly wings came charging towards them, and the three of them ran their separate directions.

"PROFESSOR!" Parvati screamed, running frantically around the room. "DO SOMETHING!"

"THE ONLY REASON I'M TEACHING DIVINATION IS BECAUSE I SUCK AT SPELLS!" Trelawney yelled from under Snape's desk.

Then, Neville did something surprising. He walked over to the cabinet and grabbed a jar of rosemary. Standing over Hermione's cauldron, he sprinkled rosemary into the potion. The mutant butterflies zoomed back into the cauldron and the potion bubbled happily.

"Rosemary attracts insects," Neville explained.

The students slowly emerged from their hiding places, many of them giving Neville many compliments and thank yous.

"Neville," Lavender said, coming out of her hiding place behind her cauldron. "You saved me!" And with that, Lavender went over to Neville and kissed him. Neville's ears turned pink.

Nearby, students were shocked. Ron huffed indignantly, for he and Lavender had been dating for quite the while now.

Lavendar turned around. "Sorry, Ron, but you're no Neville!"

Trelawney crawled out from under Snape's desk, her hair disheveled.

"Class, get back to work!" she said. "Actually, never mind," Trelawney added hastily, not wanting another "accident" to occur. "Students, bottle what you have and form a line starting at the front of the room."

The class did as they were told.

Moments later, the "potions" were bottled and the students stood in a line with their group members. Draco and Hermione were at the very end, for they didn't want to trip anyone with their chain.

Suddenly, Hermione and Draco simultaneously realized something. Harry, Ron, and Hermione's had forgotten to extinguish the fire beneath their cauldron, and the floor around the cauldron was burning.

"NO!" Draco and Hermione shouted, running towards the front of the classroom, where Hermione's cauldron was.

Sadly, they had forgotten about the chain. Hermione ran frantically across the room, and realized it too late. Draco had run across the room from the other side of the line of students. They ended up knocking everybody off their feet with the chain. Bottles were dropped, and potions spilled everywhere. Students fell on top of each other, and the line came down like a row of Dominoes.

Hermione and Draco groaned at the same time.

The students shouted as they fell. Various potions were released, much to everybody's horror.

Then, the wall of the classroom caught on fire from Harry, Ron, and Hermione's cauldron.

Everybody screamed and started running around. A few students tried pouring water on the fire. It didn't work.

"What do we do!" students asked Trelawney.

"FOLLOW MY EXAMPLE!" Trelawney yelled. Everybody stopped to look at her.

Trelawney paused for dramatic effect.

"FIRE!" Trelawney screamed and ran out the door and down the hall.

The students followed her example.

"FIRE!" everybody shouted running out of the Potions classroom.

Hermione and Draco were the last ones out.

"WAIT! MY BOOKS!" Hermione screamed.

"NO! STOP!" Draco yelled as Hermione ran back to grab her belongings.

The fire grew steadily larger. Draco and Hermione ran out of the room just in time. Draco slammed the door behind him.

"AHH!" the two of them screamed, running down the hall. Right then, Snape walked by.

"AHH!" Draco and Hermione screamed, colliding with Snape. They scrambled back up and kept on running.

"Hmm," Snape said. "There's a sight you don't see everyday."

Snape walked to his classroom.

"Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?" Snape wondered aloud.

He opened the door to the Potions classroom.

From that day on, Snape has always had a permanent tan.

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Note: Please review! Please? Or else… EVIL MUTANT BUTTERFLIES WILL HAUNT YOUR DREAMS! Muwahz.

Tell me what you enjoyed about this chapter; it gives me great inspiration for future chapters...


	27. The Human Torch and the Trial of Trelawn

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Wow, you guys! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! And thanks to everybody who reviewed my new story, Attack of the Facial Flaws, a oneshot about… well… facial flaws!

Plus, thanks to my 750th reviewer, The Future Mrs. Thomas Andrew Felton, and my 800th reviewer, FerretLover.

And, the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher… well… I didn't really add one. I might add one later on, if I come up with something…

Disclaimer: You know, after 26 chapters, I really thought you'd get it by now.

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Chapter 27 – The Human Torch and the Trial of Trelawney 

Snape opened the door to his classroom. His face was met with flames.

"AHH!" Snape screamed, in a very high-pitched voice. "I'M ON FIRE!"

The Potions students were still running frantically around the corridors, led by Trelawney. They immediately turned around upon hearing someone scream.

Draco and Hermione, who were at the end of the group of running students, stopped.

"That sounded like a little girl," Draco said slowly.

"Oh no, maybe a first-year went into the Potions classroom!" Hermione said, her eyes widening.

They turned around. Hermione's jaw dropped.

Snape was running around, screaming.

"AHH! AH! YAH!" Snape screamed, running towards the students. His robes were on fire.

The group of students scattered upon seeing him charge at them.

"RUN!" someone shouted, although most what was left of the class had already taken off.

Draco and Hermione ran, but Snape was gaining on them rapidly.

"Run, don't look back!" Hermione yelled.

Draco looked back.

"AHH!" Draco yelled. Snape was only ten feet away.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK!" Hermione screamed.

Snape was six feet away, and he was still screaming.

"QUICK, TO THE GREAT HALL!" Draco shouted. They ran like hell was chasing after them, and, considering that there was a flaming and angry Snape a few feet behind them, it most certainly was.

Draco and Hermione made a turn and ran for the Great Hall, while most of the other students had fled to their common rooms.

Little did they know, it was dinner time. Double Potions had gone long, and now, the remaining students were already gathered in the Great Hall for dinner.

Draco and Hermione burst through the side doors and into the Great Hall.

Hundreds of eyes fell upon them.

"DUMBLEDORE!" Draco yelled, running towards Dumbledore, who was standing on one side of the room.

"MCGONAGALL!" Hermione screamed, running towards McGonagall, who was on the other side of the room.

Draco and Hermione ran in opposite directions, and the chain was pulled tight.

At that moment, Snape came running into the Great Hall, screaming very loudly. He tripped over the chain and went flying across the room, landing in the middle of the floor.

"HELP! I'M ON FIRE!" Snape screamed.

The other teachers, as well as the students were speechless.

Someone pulled out a camera.

"HELP ME!" Snape ran around in circles in the middle of the Great Hall while repeatedly chanting, "HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!"

"STOP, DROP, AND ROLL!" Flitwick shouted.

Snape did. He rolled as fast as he could.

Half of the students laughed, while the other half was praying that he would get burned to death.

No one, not even Dumbledore, remembered to use a wand.

"AHH!" Snape screamed, rolling under the tables. Many people, mostly girls, screamed and started backing away.

The fire had been put out, but Snape couldn't stop himself and "rolled" by the Gryffindor table. Bad idea.

"GET HIM!" the young Gryffindors shouted.

Some first-years started trampling Snape, while the others beat him with the giant breadsticks that were for dinner.

Eventually, Snape recovered, with a bruised nose and burns over 100 percent of his body.

"Never again," Snape muttered to himself. "I need a vacation!"

Finally, order was restored. Soon, the seventh years had come down to the Great Hall to see what all the noise was about.

"WHAT HAPPENED?" Dumbledore shouted.

Everybody pointed fingers at each other.

Trelawney, who came down to the Great Hall with the students, stepped forward.

"Well, there was a fire in Potions," she said hastily.

"What on earth were they brewing?" McGonagall said skeptically.

"Amortentia," Hermione blurted out. "Isn't that against school rules?"

Everybody gave a big "Ooh."

McGonagall glared at them. The "Ooh" died away instantly, with the exception of Ron, who had no idea why everyone stopped suddenly.

"Ooh… Uh… heh…" Ron stuttered, after McGonagall extra-glared at him.

The attention returned to Trelawney, who shifted nervously under everyone's gaze.

Trelawney gulped. "Yes, but I… well… I thought… it was… It's a very fine potion with powerful properties in Divin- I mean, Potions," she stammered.

Dumbledore gave her a stern look.

"It was an accident! Really! A fire broke out and we… uh… ran for it," Trelawney said, immediately regretting her words.

"You _ran for it_! You were supposed to put the fire out! Use magic! What are you a squib?" McGonagall shouted.

"Hey!" Filch started to protest, but was silenced by Trelawney's shouts.

"I DIDN'T KNOW HOW!" Trelawney yelled. "I TEACH DIVINATION, NOT SPELLS!"

Everybody, except those who had already heard her confession about her lack of spell knowledge, gasped.

Dumbledore took a step towards Trelawney.

"What are you implying?" Dumbledore said slowly.

"Uh… I… er… I… um…" Trelawney said, not knowing what to say.

"Sack Trelawney! Sack Trelawney!" students murmured. The murmurs grew louder. It soon became a loud chant.

"SACK TRELAWNEY! SACK TRELAWNEY! SACK TRELAWNEY!" the students yelled.

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT I'M A BUM!" Trelawney cried, on the verge of tears. Needless to say, Trelawney had some serious sacking issues.

"SACK THE BUM! SACK THE BUM!" everybody chanted. Surprisingly, some teachers were even chanting. "SACK THE BUM! SACK THE BUM!" Flitwick was standing on a table, leading the crowd, breadstick in the air.

The chant grew faster and faster. Hermione and Draco were yelling at the top of their lungs.

"SILENCE!" Dumbledore yelled.

Everyone obeyed.

"Flitwick, get down from there!" Dumbledore said. Flitwick hastily leapt off the table, nearly squishing a student in the process.

"Sorry," Flitwick mumbled.

"Professor Trelawney," Dumbledore said. "Do you have anything else to say in your defense?"

"I'm sorry!" Trelawney wailed, bursting into tears. "Don't sack me!"

"After all the trouble you've caused, be glad Albus doesn't send you to Azkaban!" Professor Sprout declared.

"SEND HER TO AZKABAN! SEND HER TO… AZ... KA… BAN…" Ron started chanting, but died off after receiving a very stern "don't-you-dare-or-else-I'll-turn-you-into-a-toad-and-get-you-expelled-and-call-your-mother-who-will-slap-you-into-the-next-century" look from McGonagall.

"Well, I think we've seen enough," Dumbledore said.

"Neh?" Trelawney squeaked. She had a good idea what was coming next.

"Sybil Trelawney," Dumbledore said.

Trelawney sniffed and let out a squeal… in Spanish.

"_Si?_ I mean, yes?" She let out a small sob.

"Due to your misconduct and lack of responsibility, I hereby relieve you of your duties as Hogwarts Divination teacher. And, you are never substituting again," Dumbledore announced.

The students, and most of the teachers, cheered.

Parvati and Lavender burst into tears, but no one noticed.

"AHEM!" Dumbledore cleared his throat loudly. "Please resume eating dinner."

Everybody sat down again and ate.

"Miss Granger?" Dumbledore said, approaching Hermione. "I realize that this is not the best time for you, but I think that it would be better for you to put on the Sorting Hat and be sorted into Slytherin tomorrow."

"WHAT!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Well… I… um… the Sorting Hat… uh… needs to be repaired, so I ask that you put it on tomorrow to be sorted into Slytherin," Dumbledore stammered.

Hermione looked at him strangely. Dumbledore doesn't usually stammer… Ever.

"But, why must I be sorted? Why can't you just put me into Slytherin already?" Hermione asked.

"Because… it goes against Hogwarts tradition," Dumbledore replied.

"Everything this year is out of whack already, one more thing couldn't hurt!" Hermione protested, but Dumbledore was adamant.

"Tomorrow, my office, say, _noonish_," Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye. He walked back to the teacher's table and took a seat, leaving a very stunned Hermione and a mildly amused Draco behind.

"What was that all about?" McGonagall said as Dumbledore sat down.

"Hermione's being sorted tomorrow," Dumbledore replied.

"Why?" McGonagall wondered.

"The Sorting Hat is being repaired," Dumbledore said.

"No, it's not! Albus, why are you so eager to get Miss Granger sorted into Slytherin? It's almost as if…" McGonagall stopped short. "No. No way. Albus!"

Dumbledore smiled.

"You can't do this! You and I both know very well what will happen!" McGonagall said, scandalized. "It's one of the tasks! She'll have to! Why must you make things so difficult? You're… you're meddling!"

"Minerva, when do I not meddle?" Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye.

McGonagall sighed in defeat. "Albus, I have to say… this is gonna be good!"

_And you don't even know the best part_, Dumbledore said to himself.

* * *

Note: I'm sorry that this chapter is short-ish, but I've just decided to alter my plot dramatically because I just got a great idea that I absolutely love and I suddenly feel the need to blurt it out to someone! But first, I need to check and make sure everything in all the other chapters corresponds to my new plot behind the plot (if that makes sense).

I know this chapter is a bit… mysterious… but all will be revealed soon… there is a reason for all of this stuff that's been going on…

In case anybody was wondering, it's been eight days since Draco and Hermione had that fight which was Chapter 1… I know, it feels like ages!

Another note: My other story The Childcare Providers at Death Eaters and Co. is currently on hold because I am suddenly inspired to work on this story.

I might have said this before, but I can't remember… This is going to be my last and only Draco/Hermione story in a long time… so I'm really working hard and pouring all of my ideas into it.

And I promise, the romance will come soon… and trust me, you'll be pleasantly surprised at what will happen in a few more chapters…

Please REVIEW!


	28. Chapter 28

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: I know I said I might not update for a while... Apparently, I lied...

Thanks to my 850th reviewer... HeyheyHey (anonymous)... And thanks to everybody else who reviewed!

I know that there was a lot of mysterious stuff in previous chapters, but things will eventually make sense at the end.

I'm sorry, but I've decided to make Professor Sprout a not-too-bright person... She is head of Hufflepuff house, after all...

Disclaimer: What doesn't belong to me doesn't belong to me.

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Chapter 28 – Plan "lowercase a"

Later that night…

Snape burst into Dumbledore's office, where Sprout, Trelawney, Flitwick, and Dumbledore were gathered.

"THAT WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN!" he yelled.

"I know, but you weren't supposed to go back into your classroom!" Trelawney said.

"YOU COULD'VE WARNED ME ABOUT THE FIRE!" Snape roared.

"It doesn't take a genius to figure out that something is wrong when all your students have run away screaming down the corridor!" Flitwick said loudly, glaring at Trelawney, who gulped.

"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW NOT TO OPEN THE DOOR!" Snape said angrily.

Trelawney gave a loud cough that sounded a lot like "Retard!"

Snape glared at her.

"Stop bickering, children!" Dumbledore warned.

"I AM NOT A CHILD!" Snape yelled.

Trelawney gave a series of very loud coughs.

"Sybil, could I offer you some cough drops?" Dumbledore said sternly.

"Since when do you have cough drops? I thought you only liked lemon drops!" Sprout declared. "Are cough drops cough flavored?"

"Okay, let's discuss the next phase of the plan…" Dumbledore said.

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An hour later, McGonagall walked past Dumbledore's office. That man was up to something, but what? She heard voices coming from behind the door, and decided to find out what was going on. For the _second_ time in her life, McGonagall eavesdropped… (**A/N:** I bet you're wondering what the first time was...)

"And that's all there is to it," Dumbledore finished.

"Wait, run that by me again _one_ more time," Flitwick said in confusion.

"Flitwick, you're dumber than dumb!" Snape said, frustrated at hearing the plan over and over again.

"Wait, so he's dumberer?" Sprout asked.

Snape smacked his forehead.

"We've gone through so many plans we're on Plan Z!" Snape shouted.

"Hmm… What comes after Plan Z?" Sprout asked.

"Plan lowercase a," Trelawney said sarcastically.

"Oh," Sprout said, feeling a bit _less bright_ than usual.

At this point, McGonagall entered.

"What is going on here?" McGonagall asked.

"Uhhh…" everybody in the room said.

"Fill her in," Dumbledore said.

In the next twenty minutes, they told McGonagall what they had done and what they were planning to do.

"Why was I being kept out of the loop?" McGonagall asked.

"Because I knew you wouldn't approve," Dumbledore said.

"What makes you think that?" McGonagall asked.

"Well, do you approve?" Dumbledore asked.

"Of course not!" McGonagall said, scandalized.

"Exactly," Dumbledore said. "See, you knew what the tasks were, but you didn't know what we did.

"I knew you were meddling! I knew it! Albus, you can't meddle!" McGonagall exclaimed.

"We're not meddling," Dumbledore replied. "We're meddling _big time_!"

"Albus, I'd have to say, this is not really-" McGonagall protested.

"In the words of Caesar, what's done can't be undone," Dumbledore said.

"Who's Caesar?" Snape asked.

"Is he the guy that invented the salad?" Sprout said.

Everybody looked at her.

"What? I teach Herbology. And my last name is Sprout," Sprout said.

"But I thought William Shakespeare said the quote 'What's done can't be undone'!" Flitwick said.

"Maybe it was... I don't know... It's my job as Headmaster to deliver all sorts of wise and random quotes from dead guys," Dumbledore said. "No one actually knows this stuff!"

"Who cares?" Trelawney said, annoyed.

"So, now that you know everything, LEAVE!" Snape said forcefully, pushing McGonagall out the door.

"Why? I want to help!" McGonagall said.

"This could be interesting…" Dumbledore pondered. "Okay, you're in."

"Wait, so it was you who caused the broom catastrophe earlier today?" McGonagall asked.

"It was Dumbledore's idea, but Sprout did it," Flitwick replied.

"You do realize that _**we crashed**_ Potter's broom," Sprout said.

Everyone stared at her.

"Okay, **_I_** _crashed_ Potter's broom, but I didn't know how to stop!" Sprout said.

"You could've killed them!" Dumbledore said.

"Hold on, how did you pull it off?" McGonagall asked.

"Well, Severus was gave us a signal once Draco leaves Potions, to make sure that he's going to rescue Potter and Granger," Dumbledore said.

"What if he didn't leave class to rescue them?" McGonagall asked.

"Then, Sprout would've _stopped_ the broom, and everyone would be safe," Flitwick said, glaring at Sprout.

"I'm sorry! Besides, wouldn't it look weird if the broom suddenly stopped once they got off?" Sprout protested.

"But you almost killed them! Plan lowercase a is not going well," McGonagall added.

"Trust me, that's all about to change," Dumbledore said slyly.

"What do you know that I don't?" Sprout asked.

"A _lot_ of things," Dumbledore said.

"Hey!" Sprout said, eyeing Dumbledore. "Are you implying something?"

"Tell us what you know, Albus!" Trelawney suggested.

"Don't worry, I'll brief you guys later, once I've had a good laugh about what's going to happen," Dumbledore replied, his eyes twinkling merrily.

"Albus, would you please tell us what Draco's eighth, ninth, and tenth tasks are? We're dying to know!" Trelawney pleaded.

"And Hermione's ninth and tenth tasks! My cousin's best friend's sister's colleague told me that it's really good!" Sprout added.

"Sprout, your cousin's best friend's sister's colleague is _me_!" Trelawney shouted.

"Wait a second;_ I_ don't even know what those tasks are!" McGonagall said.

"No, I'm not telling you until it is time to execute that phase of Plan lowercase a. But, I guarantee you that it's going to be hilarious!" Dumbledore said. He loved keeping secrets, especially from teachers.

"Tell us now! I need to know!" Flitwick exclaimed.

"Please?" Sprout begged.

"Even I am curious as to what the two students are forcing each other to do," Snape said.

"Oh, alright," Dumbledore reluctantly agreed. "I'll tell you…"

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Meanwhile, in the Gryffindor girl's dormitory, Hermione lie awake in her bed, wondering what on earth she was going to do. Tomorrow, she would try on the Sorting Hat and be put into Slytherin. She had to be bad.

"Okay, Hermione," Hermione thought. "Be bad. Be bad. Oh, I can't be bad! How do I be bad? Okay, how about this… Think angry thoughts. Think angry thoughts. Think angry thoughts. Argh! This is annoying! _Why am I talking to myself?_ And what was Dumbledore saying about the Sorting Hat needs to be repaired? It's been all old and patched up for ages, and now Dumbledore wants to repair it? This makes no sense!"

"Okay, new approach. Think bad, Hermione," Hermione thought. "Bad. Punch something! Hyah!" she thought while punching her pillow. "AHH! Punch! Punch, punch, punch! I'm going insane! Aiyiyi!"

"Why don't I try this? Think of a pretend conversation and be bad," Hermione thought. "Okay… 'Hi, Ron! I hate you!' Wait, why did I just say 'Hi' to him, then? Ugh! This is hard! Okay… 'Hi, Draco!' Argh! Why did I say 'Hi' again!"

"Okay, pretend I'm Ron. 'Hey, 'Mione!' Ron says," Hermione thought. "And I say, 'Ron, you're an idiot! I hate you! Hyah!' and punch him in the face. And kick him where it hurts. Wait, why am I hurting imaginary Ron again? This is hopeless, I'm a good girl and I know it," Hermione thought wearily and flopped unto her bed.

"Hermione, why were you kicking your mattress?" Parvati asked from her bed, which was right next to Hermione's.

"Uhh…"

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Within the next five minutes, the teachers were rolling on the floor, laughing uncontrollably.

"Ha! This will be priceless! The look on everyone's faces when Malfoy does task 8!" McGonagall said.

"The look on Malfoy's face when _he_ does it is enough!" Sprout added.

"No, task 9 will be great! You know how Malfoy is when it comes to-" Snape started.

"WAIT!" Flitwick interjected. "But after Hermione's task 10, won't it all be over?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. But, there are still six more tasks per person," Dumbledore replied.

"Might as well enjoy it!" Sprout exclaimed, and the teachers started laughing again.

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Note: I'm sorry that this chapter is short (I seem to be saying that a lot lately…) but to be honest, I'm not really a _long chapter_ kind of person… I'll try to make them a bit longer…

I was so excited about typing this chapter because it reveals a tiny bit about what the teachers are up to… Sorry, but I'm not telling you what the tasks are… you'll have to wait...

Please review!

Maybe I should use the Evil Mutant Butterflies threat again…


	29. Chapter 29

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Once again, thanks for all the reviews!

I'm really, really sorry that I'm adding in all of this other stuff that is not directly related to the tasks… Well, eventually you will see why all of this crazy stuff had to happen… But until then, I apologize that everything is suddenly so confusing and that the quality of my story is slipping…

Disclaimer: Let's pretend for a second that I owned Harry Potter… Then, I wouldn't be sitting here, typing this, worry about my financial future, my career, my life insurance, and wondering "Why me?". Now wouldn't that be nice?

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Chapter 29 – Draco's Fifth Task

The very next morning, Draco woke up to the sound of the rain whipped against the window of the boy's dormitory. The winds howled fiercely and it was very cold in the room. Rather reluctantly, Draco got out of bed and got dressed, seeing as he was unable to sleep any longer. It was six in the morning, and everyone else was not quite awake yet.

Draco sighed. It had been eight days, eight long days since the fight. How much longer would this go on?

Interrupting Draco's thoughts, an owl arrived, or rather, was violently thrown against the glass window by the storm. Draco opened the window, a large gust of wind entering the room. He grabbed the owl, which lay on the windowsill, and carefully retrieved the note tied to its claw. Draco very much wanted to chuck the owl out the window and watch it struggle against the strong winds and heavy rain, but decided against it, since he might be punished for injuring a school owl.

Draco unfolded the wet note, and read it, wondering task he would be forced to complete next.

_Task #5, Draco_

_Send Howlers to Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zambini, Crabbe, and Goyle, yelling at them for being rude, obnoxious, narrow-minded jerks. Send one to Professor Snape, too!_

Draco sat down and got to work. He was actually having fun thinking of things to scream at his fellow Slytherins, Pansy in particular. Before long, Draco had written and sealed five red Howlers and was about to deliver them, but suddenly remembered one important detail…

It was raining. Hard.

Draco peered out the window. There was no way that an owl could survive that storm. Draco would have to deliver the Howlers another way…

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Fifteen minutes later, Draco was waiting patiently at the door to the Great Hall. Hermione arrived, and the chain appeared.

"Hello, Her-_Granger_," Draco said. He was glad that his task wasn't too harsh, which meant that the day would be somewhat more calm than usual. _No more unexpected happenings today_, Draco thought. _My task is almost done… What could possibly go wrong?_

"Hello, Malfoy," said Hermione. She was reflecting on everything that had happened in the past week… the bath incident… the Howler to Snape… the detentions… Blaise in the Hospital Wing… the broom incident… the food fight… Snape on fire…

Hermione laughed out loud. Draco looked at her strangely.

The two of them walked into the Great Hall.

"Hang on," said Draco, as Hermione proceeded to walk to the Gryffindor table.

"What's wrong?" asked Hermione, stopping abruptly.

"I have to… ah… _deliver_ these," Draco said, holding up the five Howlers.

At first, Hermione was confused, but then she remembered the tasks.

"Oh," Hermione said.

"Let's see… where do Pansy, Blaise, Crabbe, and Goyle usually sit?" Draco asked, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

"You're asking _me_ this?" Hermione replied, mildly surprised. "Don't you know?"

"I don't really pay attention," said Draco. "I know they sit at the Slytherin Table, but where?"

"I think it's over there, at that end," Hermione said slowly. "I'm not sure. Now that you mention it, I really don't know!"

"See what I mean? You never realize where they are until you really need to know," Draco paused. "I always thought they sat in the middle of the table."

"Wait, isn't Pansy in the Hospital Wing?" asked Hermione.

"Oh, yeah, you're right! She is…" Draco replied. "How do I give her the Howler?"

"Maybe you can use an owl, just keep it inside the castle…" Hermione suggested, but stopped. The look on Draco's face told her that he had a better idea.

"What are you thinking about?" Hermione wondered, but Draco had already started running out of the Great Hall and Hermione had no choice but to follow him.

Five minutes later, Hermione found herself inside the library.

"Conjuring charms… conjuring charms… conj-" Draco paused. "Here it is!" He sat down on an armchair and started reading.

"What on earth are you doing?" Hermione asked.

"Aha!" Draco exclaimed. "Listen to this… _In order to conjure an imitation of a magical creature, say the incantation 'Revilica Graos Unterum' while focusing on the image of the creature you wish to appear._"

"Why do you…" Hermione started, but immediately understood. "But how can you order it to do something?"

"Uh… I'll use the Imperius Curse on it!" Draco joked.

"Draco!" Hermione said loudly.

"I wasn't serious!" Draco said hastily. "I know, I'll cast some sort of spell on it that makes it do what I say!"

"Do you know any of those spells?" Hermione asked.

"Umm… No. That's going to be a problem," he said. "Well, better start looking…"

Hermione reluctantly helped. Soon, the two of them lost track of time and became completely immersed in reading about strange and unusual spells.

"Hey, look! This spell is supposed to prevent pregnancy!" Draco exclaimed. "I've gotta teach that to…"

Hermione glared at him.

"What? It'll come in handy…" Draco said.

They both resumed reading, forgetting what they were looking for.

"Here's a charm that makes one unusually attractive!" Hermione said after a few minutes.

"You don't need it," Draco said.

Hermione looked at him strangely. Draco hurriedly looked back down at his book.

"This potion is supposed to make the user very intelligent. I bet Crabbe and Goyle could use some," Draco said.

"And Ron," Hermione added.

"And Trelawney! She's so dumb, no wonder she got sacked!" Draco said gleefully.

"I'm glad she's gone! It was bad enough having her for Divination!" said Hermione. "You should've heard her go on and on about how Mars is in opposition and everyone's gonna die in seven days! It was ridiculous!"

"I know! That woman was so annoying!" Draco agreed.

They both paused, surprised that they were actually having a civilized conversation with each other.

"I'm sorry for fighting with you all the time," Hermione said, surprising herself with her apology.

"Yeah, I'm sorry for calling you Mudblood," Draco admitted. "You know, if we weren't so mad at each other, the situation with the tasks never would have happened."

"But I'm kinda glad it did," Hermione said. "It was sort of fun doing all those crazy things. I had a great time. Especially yesterday when Snape caught on fire!"

Draco and Hermione both laughed.

They looked at each other for a while, before Hermione broke away and started reading again. Draco smiled inwardly. Hermione was still the same bookworm that she always was.

"Oh no! What time is it!" Hermione asked suddenly.

Draco practically leapt out of the armchair. It must have been ten o'clock! They were late again!

"It's… uh… _nine thirty_!" Draco exclaimed, checking the clock on the wall.

"Great!" Hermione sighed. "We're late again! This will go on my permanent record…"

Draco smirked.

Hermione smiled inwardly. No matter what, Draco was still a ferret. But a very cute one.

"Well, since we're here, we might as well stay. I mean, there's no point of going to class, really," Draco said.

"I suppose you're right. Missing class won't hurt," said Hermione. "Okay, we'll stay."

"Let's keep looking for… oh, what did we start out looking for again?" Draco asked.

"A spell to make a conjured magical creature do what you say," Hermione replied with a smile, which Draco returned.

The two of them kept searching for the right spell, while talking and laughing about some odd spells they had discovered.

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"We've practically gone through all the spell books in the library! What are we gonna do!" Hermione cried hours later.

"I don't know! Maybe we should just… give up…" said Draco. He closed the book that he had been flipping through and sighed.

"No! We can't give up! The library has never failed me before!" Hermione exclaimed. She tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear and grabbed another book off the nearest shelf. "Hmm… _'Useful spells for everyday living'_…" she read.

Draco looked at Hermione, standing there, reading. She seemed so… innocent.

Before they knew it, the morning had slipped away and the morning classes were over. The corridors soon became filled with students eager to get to lunch.

Soon, students had entered the library. Ginny Weasley walked over to where Draco and Hermione were sitting.

"Hi, Hermione!" Ginny exclaimed. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing really. Just researching," Hermione said. Draco nodded without looking up from his book.

"Where were you? Harry and Ron have been wondering where you were all morning. You weren't at breakfast and you didn't show up during class," Ginny said in a concerned tone. "I was worried about you."

"I'm fine, Ginny," Hermione replied.

"Okay, well, I'll see you at lunch when you're done doing what you're doing," Ginny said. Hermione slowly nodded. Ginny stood there for a second and rummaged in her book bag. Hermione and Draco continued reading.

Hermione read her book, while many thoughts were running through her mind. Most of her thoughts were about liking… Draco. As much as Hermione hated to admit it, she actually liked Malfoy. A lot. It puzzled her why she had never noticed him before; probably because whenever she saw him she had been occupied with hexing him into the next century, but now that they've been spending more time with each other, they've become… friends… and maybe even more.

Hermione put her book on the table and sighed. This was getting nowhere. Suddenly, something caught her eye. Right next to her on the table was a book titled _Methods of Love: Spells, Potions, Chains, and More_. Hermione's heart skipped a beat. Slowly, she picked up the book, flipped to the page about chains, and read…

_Chains of love are another means of making two people grow fond of one another. Although in most cases the two people don't realize it, the chain that connects them makes them slowly fall in love. Love chains usually connect the right hand of the male and the left hand of the female. Although most are unaware of it, love chains grow longer depending on how deep the love of the two people is._

Hermione was stunned. Love chains. _Love chains_. She was wearing a love chain! Hermione was horrified. She hadn't really liked Draco; it was the chain! And yet, a part of Hermione was sad that she wasn't truly in love with Draco Malfoy.

She glanced at the chain. It was three feet long. Hermione wondered what that meant.

As Hermione pondered these things, Draco's voice suddenly cut into her thoughts.

"I found it!" Draco shouted. Had Madam Pince been near, both of them would have been thrown out of the library at once.

"Where?" Hermione asked eagerly.

"Right here… It says: _To charm an object to do your bidding, simply say the incantation 'Cantal Frueres' and then command it to do what you wish. However, there are certain laws concerning commanding objects, please see page 394. This charm does not work on humans or any living things_," Draco read.

"It's perfect!" Hermione said. "You conjure a creature and then order it to deliver the Howlers!"

"So, what should we use?" Draco asked.

"Pardon?" Hermione said, confused by what Draco meant.

"I mean, what _creature_ should we conjure?" he repeated.

"Oh… I'm not sure…" Hermione replied slowly. "It has to be something strange, and yet hilarious to behold. Hmm… How about… a leprechaun?"

"Nah, too annoying. I hate those things!" said Draco.

"Now you're starting to sound like Ron; he hates leprechauns too," Hermione said.

"What about a werewolf?" Draco suggested.

"No! That would scare people to death!" Hermione replied. "Why not a veela? Actually, never mind, they'd cause a lot of trouble…"

"What about a spider?" asked Draco. "Or maybe we should use…"

"A large owl?" Hermione said.

"Hmm… I'm thinking something… two-headed… maybe a… two-headed dog or a two-headed person…" Draco said.

"Yeah, or a two-headed ostrich," Hermione added sarcastically.

"Great idea! A two-headed ostrich! That's perfect!" Draco shouted. Some nearby students stared at him.

"I was being sarcastic!" Hermione protested. "You can't seriously want to use a two-headed ostrich!"

"Yes, I do! Let's conjure it!" Draco said. "What was the spell again?"

"_Revilica Graos Unterum_, or something like that," Hermione said. "Here, I'll check." She reached for the book, and found the spell. "Yep, I was right."

"Okay… Imagine an ostrich…" Draco said.

"Wait, how do you know what an ostrich is? That's a Muggle bird," said Hermione.

"Well… I saw one when I was vacationing somewhere…" Draco said. "Anyway… _Revilica Graos Unterum_!"

A two-headed ostrich appeared. Draco and Hermione stared at it.

"Hurry, cast the charm!" Hermione urged.

"_Cantal Frueres_!" Draco shouted. The two-headed ostrich blinked; both its heads blinked at the same time.

"How do we know if it worked?" Hermione asked.

"Here, I'll try to command it to do something. Uh… ahem… Ostrich, say something!" Draco said.

"Something," the ostrich said in a monotonous tone.

"That was weird," Hermione said. Other students were staring at the ostrich.

"Okay… Take this Howler to Pansy Parkinson," Draco commanded. "And once she's read it, hand out the rest of these."

The ostrich walked off carrying the Howlers, and Draco and Hermione followed it.

They entered the Great Hall, a small crowd of students following them. The two-headed ostrich walked over to the Slytherin table, and many students gasped. Whispers rippled through the tables of students. The ostrich walked up to Pansy Parkinson, whose jaw dropped. One of the heads handed her the Howler in its beak.

Trembling, Pansy opened the Howler. Draco's voice yelled. "PANSY PARKINSON, YOU ARE SUCH A SLUT! YOU ARE ALSO A RUDE, OBNOXIOUS, NARROW-MINDED JERK, BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT: YOU ARE THE DUMBEST PERSON I HAVE EVER MET, BESIDES CRABBE AND GOYLE, BUT I'LL GET TO THEM LATER, AND YOU HAVE AN IQ OF ZERO! YOU ARE A COMPLETE IDIOT WHO IS OBSESSED WITH ME! I AM TELLING YOU NOW TO STOP STALKING ME AND GET A LIFE!" The Howler blew a loud raspberry at Pansy, before ripping itself to shreds. Pansy rushed out of the Great Hall, crying, while the Hall erupted in laughter.

"One down, four more to go," Draco muttered. Hermione was shaking with laugher.

The two-headed ostrich now approached Crabbe, who was too dumb to realize what was happening. He opened the Howler.

"CRABBE YOU ARE SO DUMB THAT IT'S NOT FUNNY! YOU ARE THE STUPIDEST HUMAN BEING I HAVE EVER MET, BESIDES GOYLE! YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO SOCIAL LIFE AT ALL AND YOU'LL PROBABLY END UP MARRYING GOYLE AND HAVING EIGHT KIDS, EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE! PLUS, YOU SERIOUSLY NEED TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT; YOU'RE FAT! GET A LIFE, FATSO!"

Crabbe didn't respond, not that he had the brains to say anything intelligent.

Everybody was either in shock or laughing hysterically. Most of them thought that Draco had gone insane, or that he was seriously pissed off by these people.

The two-headed ostrich made its way toward Goyle, and dropped the Howler on his head. Goyle slowly picked it up, using the only ounce of brain cells that he possessed. He opened it.

"GOYLE, SAME THING AS CRABBE! AND YOU FART A LOT!"

The Great Hall erupted into laughter at that last part.

The two-headed ostrich walked towards Blaise, who became very pale. He reluctantly opened the Howler, and everyone held their breath.

"BLAISE, YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND AND A PRETTY NICE GUY, BUT I HAVE ONE THING TO SAY: YOU WEAR TOO MUCH COLOGNE! SERIOUSLY! WOULD YOU STOP TRYING TO BEAUTIFY YOURSELF! YOU ARE A PRAT! A BIG PRAT! AND YOU SHAMPOO EVERY NIGHT; DO YOU KNOW HOW IRRITATING THAT IS! YOU PRANCE AROUND HOGWARTS LIKE YOU OWN THE PLACE! MY ADVICE IS TO TAKE THE STICK OUT OF YOUR BUTT AND QUIT KEEPING UP THAT PRETTY BOY IMAGE; IT'S MAKING ME SICK!"

Blaise turned even more pale than before, if at all possible. The Great Hall was roaring with laughter, and Blaise was humiliated. He sank lower in his seat.

Lastly, the two-headed ostrich walked to the Teacher's Table and approached Snape.

"This was not part of the plan!" Snape hissed to Dumbledore, who was sitting nearby. Dumbledore smiled and waved, which only made Snape more furious.

He slowly opened a corner of the Howler, but a corner was all it took.

"PROFESSOR SNAPE! YOU ARE WEIRD! YOU NEVER TAKE A SHOWER, YOU DON'T BRUSH YOUR TEETH, AND YOU PICK YOUR NOSE DURING POTIONS WHEN YOU THINK NO ONE'S LOOKING! AND THEN YOU WIPE IT UNDER THE TABLE! THAT IS DISGUSTING! YOU'RE HAIR IS SO GREASY THAT IT'LL END THE MUGGLE WORLD'S OIL CRISIS AND YOU'RE EARS HAVE SO MUCH WAX THAT YOU COULD MAKE YOUR OWN CANDLE! PLUS, YOU ARE PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE OF GETTING A DATE! THAT IS SO PATHETIC THAT IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY! AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE, YOU'RE WEAK! HA! YOU CAN'T EVEN FIGHT A CAT, NO OFFENSE, PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL! EVERYBODY HATES YOUR GUTS! AND YOUR NOSE IS BIG! AND YOUR ROBES HAVEN'T BEEN WASHED IN THIRTY YEARS! SNAPE, YOU ARE THE LOUSIEST TEACHER THIS SCHOOL HAS EVER SEEN!"

The Great Hall was silent. Snape was red with rage. Suddenly, without warning, everybody burst into laughter. The laughter filled the Great Hall and rang in Snape's ears. Snape was mad. And Draco knew it.

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Note: I apologize, but I'll have to stop there…

I'm sorry, but this chapter didn't turn out as funny as I had imagined…

Anyways, this was my longest chapter yet! (Over 3000 words, which really isn't a lot)

Please review!


	30. Chapter 30

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Aww... Thanks for all the reviews, you guys! And thanks to Obnoxiously Peachy Twit 2008, my 950th reviewer! Yay! I'm almost at 1000 reviews!

Also, I know it wasn't very clear in the last chapter, but a conjured creature is _not_ alive… it is merely an imitation.

Wow… Thirty chapters… I'd have to admit, when I first started this story, I had no idea that it would turn out to be so long… and complicated…

I am a very indecisive person and had a hard time choosing whether or not to add a hilarious scene involving the two-headed ostrich… I'm sorry, but I won't add it because I want to stick with the main point of the story… I might do a "deleted scenes" section at the end of the story and let you guys know everything that I have cut out of it…

**THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT! I suddenly remembered that Draco and Hermione have been in school for ten straight days, and that I forgot to add weekends! I can't believe I didn't notice this before! So, I have revised Chapters 1 and 5… (No, there is no need to reread them.) The chain will not connect Draco and Hermione on weekends, and no tasks will be performed. Also, Draco's fifth task (That would be the one he just performed with the Howlers) is on a Friday, which means that tomorrow is Saturday, with Hermione's fifth task on the following Monday.**

Also, Dumbledore's thoughts are in _ITALICS_.

I warn you now, not much happens in this chapter... Don't be too disappointed.

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me… They are the property of J. K. Rowling.

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Draco gulped. He shifted uncomfortable under Snape's glare. Eventually, Snape became unusually calm, and Draco wasn't sure whether that was good or bad.

It was then that something highly unexpected happened. The two-headed ostrich gave a loud squawk and erupted into flames.

Draco, as well as the rest of the students, momentarily wondered what had just happened. Soon, everyone resumed eating lunch, except for Snape, who was glaring so hard at Draco that his eyes were about to burst.

Hermione explained, "Of course! The spell only works for conjuring _magical_ creatures and an two-headed ostrich is… well…"

"Neither Muggle nor magical," Draco finished.

A strange look suddenly crossed Hermione's face.

Draco glanced at Hermione, who appeared to be deep in thought. Suddenly, she strode up to the teacher's table and approached Dumbledore, who was still having difficulty concealing his laughter after Snape's Howler. Snape only glared harder after Dumbledore's childish display of his lack of ability to hide giggling fits.

"Professor?" Hermione asked when Dumbledore's laughter finally subsided.

"Yes, Miss Granger," said Dumbledore, the Howlers replaying over and over in his mind. _"PROFESSOR SNAPE! YOU ARE WEIRD! YOU NEVER TAKE A SHOWER, YOU DON'T BRUSH YOUR TEETH, AND YOU PICK YOUR NOSE DURING POTIONS WHEN YOU THINK NO ONE'S LOOKING! AND THEN YOU WIPE IT UNDER THE TABLE! THAT IS DISGUSTING!"_ Dumbledore thought.

"Well, you said you wanted me to try on the Sorting Hat…" Hermione said.

"_YOU'RE HAIR IS SO GREASY THAT IT'LL END THE MUGGLE WORLD'S OIL CRISIS AND YOU'RE EARS HAVE SO MUCH WAX THAT YOU COULD MAKE YOUR OWN CANDLE!"_ Dumbledore repeated the Howler in his mind.

"And I also wanted to talk to you about something… _else_…" Hermione continued.

"_PLUS, YOU ARE PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE OF GETTING A DATE! THAT IS SO PATHETIC THAT IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY!"_Dumbledore was still thinking about the Howler.

"So… Can I do it now, Professor?" Hermione asked, eyeing Dumbledore strangely.

"_AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE, YOU'RE WEAK! HA! YOU CAN'T EVEN FIGHT A CAT, NO OFFENSE, PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL! EVERYBODY HATES YOUR GUTS!"_ Dumbledore thought.

Dumbledore was too busy thinking about the Howler to notice Hermione.

Draco and Hermione stared at him.

"Wha? Huh?" Dumbledore said suddenly, realized that someone had been talking to him for the past three minutes.

"Can I try on the Sorting Hat on now?" Hermione repeated.

"_AND YOUR NOSE IS BIG! AND YOUR ROBES HAVEN'T BEEN WASHED IN THIRTY YEARS! SNAPE, YOU ARE THE LOUSIEST TEACHER THIS SCHOOL HAS EVER SEEN!"_ Dumbledore laughed out loud.

"Uhh…" Hermione was at a loss of words.

"I'm sorry, you were saying?" Dumbledore said, paying attention this time.

Draco smacked his forehead.

_Was it something I said?_ Dumbledore wondered.

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Five minutes and a lot of explaining later, Hermione and Draco were in Dumbledore's office.

"Now, Miss Granger, try on the Sorting Hat," Dumbledore said, picking up a black, patched hat sitting on of one of his shelves.

Hermione took the hat and put it on. It still slid over her eyes.

"Why, good to see you again, Miss Granger," the Sorting Hat said.

"Uhh… Good to see you too," Hermione lied. _This is stupid; why can't Dumbledore just put me in Slytherin already!_ Hermione thought.

"Miss Granger, I can read your thoughts," the Sorting Hat reminded her.

"Oh, um… Sorry," Hermione said hastily. _Great. A psychic Sorting Hat_, Hermione thought.

The Sorting Hat was about to comment, but decided against it.

"So, anyway, let's see…" the Sorting Hat continued. "Hmm… Still a very bright young witch… You were made for Ravenclaw, really… Hmm… A hint of courage, I see… Bravery, a little bit… And, maybe even some… _love_?"

"What? No! Of course not!" Hermione replied, surprised that the Sorting Hat knew about her liking Draco. _I don't like that ferret; it's just the chain… Just the chain… Just a stupid, silly love chain… Nothing else. I have no feelings whatsoever for Draco Malfoy…_ Hermione thought to herself.

The Sorting Hat was amused.

"Ahem… Well… You're also a bit, dare I say it, mischievous?" the Sorting Hat asked. It continued, not waiting for an answer. "And I see you're a feisty, vicious lioness if need be… Possibly a Slytherin… Maybe…"

_What do you mean "Maybe" you dumb hat? Just put me in Slytherin already!_ Hermione shouted in her mind.

"Perhaps this takes a bit more consideration…" the Sorting Hat teased. It loved making people annoyed.

_Ahh! There is no need for consideration! Just say "Slytherin!". Slytherin!_ Hermione shouted in her mind.

"No… I should think this over some more…" the Sorting Hat continued.

_SLYTHERIN! Look, I know you can hear me! Hurry up and put me in Slytherin or else I'll sneak in here one night and bring scissors!_ Hermione threatened. _Sharp, pointy scissors! I'll cut you up into a million pieces and listen to you scream! HA!_

The Sorting Hat trembled with fear.

_Come on… I know you can do it… Slytherin! SLYTHERIN!_ Hermione chanted insider her head. Meanwhile, Draco and Dumbledore was wondering what on earth had caused Hermione to suddenly start making cutting motions with her fingers.

"Oh, alright! I'll do it! SLYTHERIN!" the Sorting Hat announced.

Hermione snatched the hat from her head and practically threw it at Dumbledore, who placed it on his desk.

"Well, Miss Granger, since you are now in Slytherin, I will give you a new set of robes and a bed in the Slytherin Girl's Dormitory," Dumbledore said.

"Say what?" Hermione interjected.

"Yes, Miss Granger, you will be spending evenings in the Slytherin dormitory and the Slytherin Common Room. In fact, I forbid you to go to the Gryffindor Common Room from now until the tasks are completed," Dumbledore said.

Hermione gaped at him. Dumbledore tried not to smile and wave like he did to Snape.

"Since the weekend is approaching you won't have to move into the Slytherin dormitories until next Monday, when the tasks will resume," Dumbledore said. "Also, I would like to remind yo that the first Quidditch game, Slytherin vs. Gryffindor, will take place this Saturday, September 22. Draco, I understand that your team is… uh… _unprepared_ for the game, so I will let you have the Quidditch field for the entire day on Saturday to prepare. And, I've already chosen the rest of the team members for you, seeing as you were… ah, having _trouble_ with the tryouts."

Draco had completely forgotten about Quidditch. Again.

"And I am also informing you that your detentions, however many there are, will be served as two long detentions, the first of which is tonight. You two are supposed to be cleaning the floor of the Astronomy Tower at nine o'clock. Professor McGonagall will oversee your detention," Dumbledore announced.

Hermione and Draco had their mouths half-open. They stood there, comprehending everything that Dumbledore had just said.

"If there is nothing else, I would rather the two of you leave…" Dumbledore urged.

"Wait, Professor! I was meaning to talk to you about… um… well…" Hermione said, unsure of what to say. "I think there's something wrong with the chain… and… I… uh…"

"Miss Granger, what are you trying to say?" Dumbledore asked, his eyes twinkling.

"I think the chain is… _controlling_ our… _emotions_…" said Hermione. She didn't want to say that she thought the chain was a love chain, because then she would be admitting that she had feelings for Draco, which she didn't want to admit.

"Miss Granger, I assure you that there is nothing wrong with this chain! An educated witch like you should know very well that magical chains are only conjured by the most skilled witches and wizards, who are unlikely to make any mistakes! Are you implying that I am responsible for making errors while creating this chain?" Dumbledore said sternly.

"No, Professor! I… uh… I just…" Hermione faltered. She had not expected Dumbledore to react this way.

"Good. If there is nothing else, I would rather the two of you leave at once so I can get back to work!" Dumbledore snapped.

Draco and Hermione rushed out the door and nearly fell down the stairs in their effort to get away from Dumbledore.

"What was that all about?" Draco wondered once he and Hermione made it down to the Great Hall.

"I don't get why Dumbledore is acting all… weird lately," said Hermione.

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"Do you think they fell for it?" Dumbledore asked the Sorting Hat once Draco and Hermione left his office.

"Of course, you were very convincing," the Sorting Hat said. "And you were really mean! For a second there, I thought you were actually mad at them!"

"So… What did you find out? Does she or does she not?" Dumbledore asked eagerly.

"Yes, I'm afraid she does. And I don't approve of what you are doing," the Sorting Hat argued. "This is serious, Albus! You can't do this!"

"What would you know, you're just a stupid hat!" Dumbledore said loudly.

"Oh no you didn't just diss my intelligence!" the Sorting Hat shouted.

"Oh, yes I did!" Dumbledore yelled.

"Well in that case, you're an old fart! HA!" the hat shouted.

Dumbledore snatched the hat and threw it on the floor. He placed his foot over the hat.

"You wouldn't," the Sorting Hat said nervously.

"You don't know me," Dumbledore replied.

"You wouldn't step on me!" the Sorting Hat declared.

"Yes, I will!" Dumbledore shouted.

"I won't let you," the Sorting Hat said mischievously.

"What are you going to do, bite me?" Dumbledore taunted.

Many people have often wondered why Dumbledore has a large bite mark on his ankle.

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The rest of the day passed rather uneventfully for Draco and Hermione. With the exception of the two-headed ostrich incident earlier that day, everything else seemed almost… normal.

After dinner, Hermione made her way to the Gryffindor Common Room and sat in her favorite armchair. She was confused and bewildered. In the past few days, Draco's presence had grown from _annoying_, to _tolerable_, to _enjoyed_.

While Hermione was pondering these things, Harry and Ron approached her slowly.

"Hermione?" Harry ventured, seeing as Hermione was in a thoughtful mood and probably should not be disturbed if someone wishes to retain the shape of their nose.

"Yes, Harry?" Hermione said slowly, withdrawing from her thoughts.

"I was… uh…wondering… if… you would, you know… er…" Harry stammered.

"If I would _what_?" Hermione asked.

"If you… um… you would… uh…" Harry continued.

"Huh?" asked Hermione.

"HE WANTS TO GO OUT WITH YOU!" Ron said a little too loudly. Everyone in the Common Room hushed.

"Oh! Um… Well… I'll think about it," Hermione said, giving Harry a reassuring smile.

Harry and Ron returned to their dormitories in deep discussion. Hermione was too confused to even wonder what they were discussing. She had enough problems, and now Harry asks her out! Hermione groaned. It wasn't that she didn't like Harry; she did, just not romantically. Hermione had thought liked Draco, but she had been wearing a _love chain_. _Hermione Granger_ was having love problems. What has the world come to?

All that thinking in the Common Room made Hermione realize one thing: she was going to be late for detention.

"If I like Draco during detention, when I'm not wearing the chain, then the love chain isn't real. But if I don't have feelings for Draco when the chain is off, then the chain is making me like Draco, and something must be done," Hermione thought, as she left her favorite armchair and headed toward the Astronomy Tower.

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Note: I apologize that this chapter is kinda short compared to my previous ones... And I know nothing much happened, but I'm saving the detention for the next chap, sorry...

Please review! As of right now, I am thirty reviews away from 1000... PLEASE REVIEW and I will update the next chapter as soon as I can. (I have suddenly rediscovered my inspiration for writing this story...)


	31. Chapter 31

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Wow… Finally, over 1000 reviews! Hooray! A special thanks to my 1000th reviewer… face (anonymous)… (I might have counted wrong…) And, as usual, thanks to all of my fabulous reviewers!

Also, I made an error in the last chapter… The Quidditch game is on Sunday, not Saturday…

Disclaimer: J. K. Rowling owns Harry Potter… But one day I will take over the world and force her too give the world of Harry Potter to me! MWAHAHAHAHA!

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Chapter 31 – Detention

Draco paced nervously at the foot of the Astronomy Tower. He glanced at his watch. 9:01. Hermione was late. Draco sighed. Ever since the tasks had been assigned, things have never been the same. Draco couldn't deny that he had feelings for Hermione, but to what extent did he like her?

The sound of running footsteps alerted Draco that Hermione was here. Reluctantly, he withdrew from his thoughts and faced Hermione, who was slightly out of breath.

"Hi," Hermione said, gasping for breath.

The two of them slowly ascended the steps of the tower. Hermione was busy wondering if she still liked Draco. Draco was thinking along the same lines.

"Good evening, Miss Granger, Mr. Malfoy," McGonagall greeted the two as they arrived at the top. "Your assignment is to scrub this floor," McGonagall gestured to the large floor of the Astronomy Tower, "And then do the same with the steps. Since I assume neither of you wish to spend your entire evening here, I suggest you get to work."

McGonagall handed Draco and Hermione two buckets filled with soapy water. Draco looked momentarily confused.

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy, the use of a wand is prohibited," McGonagall reminded Draco.

Draco sighed. He had been reduced to doing the work of house elves. What next?

"I will check in on you in a few hours, until then, I expect the two of you to behave and do a good job," McGonagall said, before heading down the stairs and out of sight.

_Great_, Hermione thought bitterly. _Here I am, scrubbing floors with Draco Malfoy._ Hermione couldn't make up her mind whether or not this was a good thing.

Hermione and Draco got to work. Hermione was on one side of the room, while Draco was on the other.

"So," Draco said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "Uhh…"

"What?" Hermione asked. She looked at Draco strangely.

"I can't wait for the Quidditch game, it should be great…" Draco blurted out. _Great,_ Draco thought. _Nice opening line._

"…Me neither," Hermione replied slowly, wondering what Draco was getting at.

"Slytherin's going to win, obviously," Draco said, smirking.

_Same old ferret_, Hermione thought. _I bet the love chain is real! No wonder he's acting so snotty!_

"Not that you would know anything about Quidditch," Draco continued, cringing inwardly at how he was being mean to Hermione again.

"What are you implying?" Hermione said in a dangerous tone that made Draco scoot farther away.

"Well… I mean, it's not your fault; you're a _girl_. Girls don't know much about Quidditch," Draco ventured. _What are you doing!_ Draco thought savagely. _You like her! Stop hurting her feelings!_

Hermione glared at Draco, who sneered.

_That's it!_ Hermione thought. _He's going down._

Without warning, Hermione flung her wet sponge at Draco. It hit him in the face.'

Hermione barely suppressed a laugh. The look on Draco's face was priceless.

"Yah!" Draco shouted as he was hit by the sponge.

Draco picked up the sponge and lunged at Hermione. He grabbed her by the waist and squeezed the water out of the sponge and into her hair. Hermione shrieked.

Hermione kicked Draco in the shin.

"OOOWWW!" Draco yelled.

He hobbled toward his side of the room. Draco plunged his own sponge into his bucket and flung it at Hermione, spraying her with soapy water.

"AAHH!" Hermione screamed.

Hermione reached for her bucket, dumped the water onto the floor, and ran at Draco. She threw the bucket at Draco's face. Draco ducked barely in time.

Draco had an evil look in his eyes. Hermione stepped back nervously. With a yell, Draco picked up his bucket and poured the contents over Hermione's head. Hermione screamed. She snatched the bucket and placed it over Draco's head. Draco gave a muffled yell. He reached toward Hermione, but slipped in the puddles of water on the floor. Draco fell and grabbed something for support. He got hold of Hermione's arm. Hermione shrieked and tried to pull Draco back up, but only ended up slipping and falling down with Draco. Hermione tumbled on top of Draco and they both slid halfway across the room.

"Ow…" Draco started groaning, but stopped when he suddenly realized something. They were at the edge of the stairs. "NO!" Draco shouted, but was too late. Hermione tried to get up off of Draco, but slipped again. She fell down again, and Draco's body was pushed down the stairs.

"AAAHHHH!" Draco screamed. He grabbed hold of Hermione's arm.

"DRACO! NOOOO!" Hermione shrieked as she was pulled down the stairs as well.

The two of them tumbled all the way down the long staircase.

"OWW! OWW! AAHH! AH! OW!" Draco yelled as his body came into contact with the stairs.

"AAHH! YAH! OWW! OUCH! OOF!" Hermione screamed as she fell down the stairs.

Finally, the two of them stopped falling and found themselves at the bottom of the staircase.

"I cant believe we fell down all those steps," Hermione said as she landed on top of Draco at the end of the staircase. "Good thing I landed on top of you, or that would have been really painful!"

"Heh," was Draco's only reply.

Hermione, who's eyes had been tightly shut the entire time, opened her eyes slowly. She found Draco looking up at her.

"You know, from this angle, you're actually kinda cute, for a bookworm," Draco said slowly.

"You're not too bad looking yourself," Hermione found herself replying.

Hermione slowly stood up and help Draco off the floor. The two of them looked at each other for a moment. Hermione gazed into Draco's eyes. There was something else in them apart from his usual icy gaze.

Draco also happened to look at Hermione at the exact same moment. Their eyes met. For a second, Draco and Hermione shared a moment of… understanding. It was as if nothing else mattered at that moment. All that was important to them was each other.

Hermione found herself involuntarily leaning in. Although her mind was screaming at her to step away, Hermione's face moved closer and closer to Draco's. Draco found himself doing the same. Their lips almost brushed each others, when…

"Ahem," McGonagall cleared her throat loudly.

Hermione and Draco broke apart instantly. Hermione was slightly red from embarrassment, and yet, at the same time, wanted to punch McGonagall from interrupting. Draco practically did; it took every ounce of his energy to refrain from leaping on McGonagall and hitting her because she killed the romantic moment.

"Mr. Malfoy, Miss Granger, I would recommend that the two of you spend a bit more time scrubbing and less romancing," McGonagall said sternly.

"Yes, Professor," Draco and Hermione chorused.

"Very well, now get back to work!" McGonagall barked angrily.

Draco and Hermione scrambled up the steps as fast as they could, trying to avoid the angry McGonagall at the bottom of the steps.

"That was close," Hermione said, gasping for breath at the top of the stairs.

"I know," said Draco.

"There's no more water," Hermione said after dipping her sponge into and empty bucket.

"Here…" Draco walked over to where Hermione was standing. "Aquamenti!"

A large amount of water poured from Draco's wand, missed the bucket, and landed on the floor. Hermione chuckled.

"I'll try again…" said Draco. "AQUAMENTI!"

However, this time, Draco missed again and the water splattered all over the floor.

"I'll do it," Hermione interjected, seeing as there were now many large puddles all over the floor. "AQUAMENTI!"

Water shot forth from Hermione's wand and landed in the bucket. Hermione smiled.

"We might as well just use our sponges and spread all the water around on the floor," Hermione suggested, seeing as the floor was so wet that there was no need to dip the sponges into the buckets anymore.

"Good idea," Draco agreed.

The two of them got to work, spreading the water everywhere until the whole floor was slippery, but clean.

_Maybe I should go after them…_ McGonagall thought once Draco and Hermione disappeared up the stairs. She slowly ascended the steps to the Astronomy Tower. _Snape's right, I am getting old_, McGonagall thought halfway up the steps. _This is so tiring! Ah! My back!_ McGonagall groaned.

Finally, she made it up the last few steps. To her surprise, Draco and Hermione were working peacefully.

"Good. Now, this is the kind of work I expect from-" McGonagall started, but was cut off. She slipped on a large puddle of water and went sliding across the room. "WHOA! AAAHH!"

"PROFESSOR!" Hermione screamed as McGonagall crashed into her. "WHOA!" Hermione cried, slipping on the wet floor and sliding across the room, with McGonagall right behind her, gripping her robes.

"AAAHHH!" Draco shouted, as Hermione and McGonagall ran into him. "STOP! AHHH! HELP!"

"WATCH OUT FOR THE-" McGonagall shrieked, but it was too late. "Wall…" McGonagall finished.

Draco smacked into wall very hard. "Oww…" Draco cried.

Hermione, who was smushed between Draco and McGonagall, let out a groan.

"Professor, could you please get off of me?" Hermione said, muffled.

"Argh… _My back_…" McGonagall moaned. "Uh oh…" McGonagall fell backwards, and grabbed hold of Hermione's robes.

"AAHH!" Hermione said as she fell on top of McGonagall. She reached out and grabbed… Draco's hair.

"OOOWWWW!" Draco yelled as Hermione grabbed his hair. He fell on top of Hermione.

McGonagall's voice was heard, muffled under Hermione's body. "_My back…_"

Draco was the first to recover and slowly got up. He helped Hermione off the floor.

"Thanks," Hermione said.

The two of them looked at McGonagall.

"You two… Never again… Ugh…" McGonagall groaned.

"I'm so sorry Professor," Hermione said. "Should we clean up the water?"

"I think you've already mopped it up pretty well using my backside," McGonagall said, slowly standing up.

"Sorry, Professor," Draco mumbled.

"Should we finish serving our detention?" asked Hermione.

"NO!" McGonagall shouted. "Uhh… I mean… Just hurry up and return to your Common Rooms."

**(A/N: I was going to end the chapter here, but I decided to make it a bit longer…)**

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Thirty minutes later, McGonagall entered Dumbledore's office.

"So, how did the detention go?" Flitwick asked cheerfully.

"Not. Part. Of. The. Plan," McGonagall replied through gritted teeth.

"Who's going to oversee their second detention?" Dumbledore asked.

No one raised their hand.

"Anyone?" Dumbledore tried.

No one moved.

"Okay, then. I suppose we'll have to do this the fair and impartial way," Dumbledore announced.

Everyone was silent.

"_Eenie, Meenie, Miny, Moe_…" Dumbledore started.

"Albus, this is ridiculous!" McGonagall said.

"_Catch a tiger by its toe_…" Dumbledore continued.

"Really! This is silly!" McGonagall said.

"_If he hollers let him go…_"

"I don't think this is fair!" McGonagall cried.

"_Eenie, Meenie, Miny…_"

"SHUT UP!" McGonagall shouted.

Dumbledore looked at her blankly. "Then you do it!"

"I just did! This isn't fair!" McGonagall yelled.

"Fine. Trelawney! You're overseeing the detention!" Dumbledore ordered.

"But… I… NO! I refuse! Besides, Jupiter is in opposition; the moon is moving through Gemini, which is a bad time for working; the sun is setting at 20 degrees farther south than usual, which means that-" Trelawney babbled.

"What? You're just making this up!" McGonagall exclaimed.

"So? I'm mean, _how dare you accuse me of pretending to be psychic_!" Trelawney exclaimed hastily.

"Trelawney, give it up. Everyone knows you're a fake," Sprout said.

"No, actually I have two young Gryffindor girls highly convinced that I'm real. Now, what are their names… Parfatty and Lavenurd?" Trelawney wondered.

"…"

"I was joking! Sheesh!" said Trelawney.

"Alright, then. Sprout, you do it!" Dumbledore commanded.

"Albus, do you really trust Sprout with this?" McGonagall reminded him.

"Oh, right," Dumbledore said.

"What? One broom incident and I'm banished from doing anything forever!" Sprout complained.

"Do you seriously want to oversee the detention?" Flitwick asked.

"No… Okay, you're right. I'm incompetent, don't let me do it!" Sprout said.

"Okay, we'll do this the fair way. _Snape_!" Dumbledore commanded.

"What? Why me?" Snape protested.

"Because you're smart, cunning, and devilishly handsome," McGonagall said.

"…"

"Because no one else wants to and you're good at overseeing detentions!" McGonagall attempted to convince Snape.

"Hmm… Let me think about it…" Snape said, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "NO!"

"Please?" Sprout begged.

"Okay, I'll change my answer…" Snape reluctantly agreed. "HELL NO!"

"Fine. The only way to do this is to..." Dumbledore paused dramatically.

"No… You don't mean…" Flitwick gasped.

"Yes, I mean it," Dumbledore said suspensefully.

"Do we have to?" Trelawney asked.

"Yes… You'll have to do it. The hard way. The dreaded way. The painful way," Dumbledore announced. "You'll have to draw straws."

Everyone groaned.

"Here…" Dumbledore said, conjuring five straws and holding them in his fist. "Close your eyes and take one."

McGonagall drew her straw slowly and held it in her hand.

Snape drew his straw and started chewing on it.

Sprout reached out blindly to draw her straws and accidentally smacked Dumbledore in the face.

"Sprout, here," Dumbledore said, putting a straw in her outstretched hands.

"Thanks, Albus," Sprout replied. She went to sit back down.

Sprout accidentally mistook Dumbledore's desk for her seat. There was a sound of breaking glass.

"Oops!" Sprout exclaimed.

"My teacups…" Dumbledore whimpered.

Sprout hastily attempted to repair them. "TEACUP REPARO!" she said, waving her wand blindly.

The spell knocked a very angry portrait off the wall.

"SPROUT!" McGonagall shouted.

"Yes?" Sprout asked cheerfully.

"Stop, before you kill us all!" Flitwick yelled.

Sprout seemed strangely subdued for the rest of the "meeting".

Flitwick was next to draw his straw, and Trelawney took the last straw.

"Now, open your eyes and look at your straws," Dumbledore said.

"HA! Mine's the longest!" Flitwick exclaimed.

"NO! I'm the shortest!" Snape complained.

"It's your fault you were chewing on it!" said Trelawney.

"Great," Snape said bitterly.

"Alright, then. It's settled. Snape will oversee the detention," Dumbledore announced. "I trust you know what to do?"

"Yep," Snape said reluctantly.

"Are there any questions?" asked Dumbledore.

"But what if I'm sick that day?" asked Snape eagerly.

"Then I will either carry you out of the Hospital Wing myself, in full view of the Hogwarts students or have Sprout brew you a potion _herself_," Dumbledore threatened.

"Hey! I forbid you to use my stupidity to threaten Snape!" Sprout said angrily.

"…"

"And I'm not _that_ dumb!" Sprout protested.

Trelawney gave a cough that sounded a lot like "Yes, you are!"

Sprout narrowed her eyes at Trelawney.

"What if I break my leg?" Snape asked.

"Then I'll cut it off!" McGonagall threatened.

"What if I get hurt?" Snape attempted.

"Then well make you better," Flitwick suggested.

"What if I'm murdered?" Snape asked.

"Then I'll be the one murdering you!" said McGonagall.

Snape scooted his chair away from McGonagall as far as he possible could, which was… about two inches.

"_What if I commit suicide_?" Snape asked.

"Snape's committing suicide? HOORAY! SNAPE'S DEAD! WAHOO!" Sprout said, leaping out of her seat and dancing around Dumbledore's office.

"I said, '**_What if_**…'," Snape said through gritted teeth.

"Oh…" Sprout mumbled. She hastily sat back down.

"So, everything is confirmed. Snape is overseeing the detention, and everything is set," Dumbledore said. "And don't forget, there's a Quidditch game on Sunday…"

"Which is Slytherin vs. Gryffindor," Snape reminded McGonagall.

"Let's have a… ah, a friendly wager…" McGonagall suggested. "Like we always do."

"If I win, you have to do something I say," Snape said.

"And if I win, you have to do something _I_ say," McGonagall said.

_Hmm_… Dumbledore thought. _This should be interesting… Especially since I have some insider information…_

"Okay, meeting's over, I have work to do," Flitwick said, getting up from his seat.

"By the way, does anyone have any good ideas for presents? A certain someone's birthday is coming up soon…" Snape said.

"Oooh… Snape's in love," Sprout mocked.

"It's not a girl!" Snape shouted.

Trelawney gasped. "AHA! I knew it! I knew you were gay!"

"It's not a guy, either! It's Lucius Malfoy's birthday and I have to give him something!" Snape yelled.

"Why?" McGonagall asked.

"Because, if you give great gifts, you get great gifts. Besides, my birthday's coming up too, and I am expecting something nice from Lucius…" Snape said. "Last year, I gave him a rock and he gave me a box of decorative soap. So this year, if I give him a really good gift, he might give me something I actually want… So, any ideas?"

"…"

"You guys are lame!" Snape shouted.

"We're not lame; you're just so superior to the rest of us!" McGonagall said.

"Why, thank you!" Snape said. "Wait… That was sarcasm, wasn't it?"

"No," McGonagall said sarcastically.

"Was that a sarcastic no, or a truthful no?" Snape asked, confused.

"It was a truthful no," McGonagall dripping with sarcasm.

"Were you using sarcasm just now, or do you really mean it?" Snape said. "I'm confused!"

McGonagall sighed. Men and sarcasm.

"Anyways, I'm off to bed! I need my beauty sleep!" Flitwick said. "Uhh… I mean… I… Umm… I'm going to bed because I… Might grow taller!" he added hastily.

"…"

"That's what my Mommy always says," Flitwick said.

"All this meddling is really getting to our heads," Trelawney said. "_Some _of us more than others…"

The teachers bade each other good night and left Dumbledore's office.

_Hmm… I wonder what Snape and McGonagall will command each other to do… This is just like what Malfoy and Granger did…_ Dumbledore pondered. _This will definitely be an interesting weekend…_

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Note: I know this chapter was also about the teachers, but the story is still mainly Draco/Hermione. I just can't help adding in extra parts here and there to make the story more… amusing. I wanted to split this into two chapters, but I would feel a bit guilty about having one entire chapter with only the teachers in it…

I know that no one really cares, but I've finally thought of the very last line of my story! Yay! I can't wait until I actually get to type it…

I suddenly realized that now, it's almost Hermione's fifth task, which means that the story is almost half over… Well, I shouldn't really say that because I'll probably end up adding a whole bunch of other scenes… I suppose the story is closer to being about one third over…

I'm kinda sad whenever I think about my story being finished… I can't possibly imagine what life would be like without having the Ten Labors…

Just out of curiosity, when do _you_ think I'll have the story done? (You don't really have to answer this; I'm just interested in what people out there think…)

Please review!

The next chapter might take a while... (I seem to be saying that a LOT lately...) I haven't started it yet... But, who knows, maybe I might find time to update soon...


	32. Chapter 32

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: I know, I know, I haven't updated in about a month… (Angry mob surrounds author's house) But I didn't want to rush a chapter and make my story bad…

Thanks to all of my reviewers! And my 1100th reviewer… monkey-ha-ha-ha

I realize that a lot of things, especially parts about the teachers, seem completely irrelevant to this story. Well, they're not… You'll find out why I had to add all these pointless parts at the very end…

If anyone is interested, Ialso have another FanFiction account, called heffalumpz, which I share with a friend. **But, I warn you, the stories written by heffalumpz are all very poorly written, hilarious, yet very perverted stories that I just write for no particular reason. Please don't judge my overall writing based upon those stories, and please don't flame this story because of anything else I might have written. If you don't like bad stories, I highly recommend that you do NOTread the ones I write under heffalumpz.**

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Chapter 32 - Saturday

Hermione entered the Gryffindor Common Room after she was excused from detention.

"I almost kissed Draco Malfoy," Hermione repeated inside her head. "I kissed Draco Malfoy. No way. Why didn't I stop myself?"

The only thing Hermione knew was, love chain or not, she was helplessly in love with a particular Slytherin ferret.

She sank into a large sofa and closed her eyes in thought. _Love was complicated and confusing, and confusing and complicated. Aiyiyi…_

Harry approached Hermione. "Hermione…"

Hermione slowly lifted one eyelid. "Yes?" She wished

"I… Uh… Wanted to know if you thought about…" Harry stammered, turning red.

"Oh… Umm…" Hermione thought. "I'll tell you on… tomorrow morning…"

"Okay," Harry said. He returned to the dormitory.

Hermione sighed. Harry was a great person… but… Hermione had to admit it; Draco was cuter. She couldn't help herself for not breaking the bad news to Harry; he looked so innocent, unaware of the disappointing words that Hermione would eventually heap upon him. Sadly, she had to tell him sometime. However, postponing things might just make them worse.

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The next morning, Hermione woke in a somewhat relieved state of mind. It was Saturday. No more tasks for two whole days. No more awkward situations, embarrassing Howlers, no… Draco…

Hermione realized that this was the first whole day in a week that she was not chained to Draco. But would she still feel inclined to go near him?

Hermione got dressed and headed down to the Common Room. She yawned, wondering what time it was. For once in her life, Hermione had actually overslept. Not that it mattered, because it was Saturday. Sleeping in on a Saturday was certainly excusable.

Hermione walked down the stairs, yawning again. She was incredibly exhausted. Hermione finally reached the bottom of the stairs… where she promptly ran into Harry.

"Oh! Harry!" Hermione exclaimed, jolting wide awake.

"Er… Hi Hermione," Harry said. "Have you… um… you know… thought about it?"

"Uh… Yeah… Harry… I did… and… I… I… was wondering… if…" Hermione stammered. She hated to tell Harry that she didn't like him like that, but simply couldn't find the right words. "I… Um… Could I get back to you?" Hermione finally managed to say.

"Sure!" Harry said hopefully. "You can tell me on Monday. Just make sure you're making the right decision, dating is kinda like a commitment, but if you want to and I want to we should definitely go for it!"

Harry walked away happily.

Hermione sank to a seat on the bottom step. _Great,_ Hermione thought bitterly. _Now he thinks I like him! I have to tell him… But I'd hate to break his heart… He looked so hopeful… So happy. How could I ever say no?_

Hermione went to the Great Hall, where she found Harry and Ron chatting amiably. Hermione sighed. She considered telling Harry right now that she didn't want to go out with him.

Hermione approached the table. Ron said hello. Harry winked. Hermione cringed inwardly. This would only complicate matters. She opened her mouth to say something, but found nothing to say.

"So, _Hermione_, is there anything you would like to _tell_ me?" Harry said suggestively.

"N-no," Hermione managed to say.

Harry looked mildly disappointed. "Okay, then… _When you're ready_."

Hermione barely forced a weak smile.

Ron, who appeared to be deep in thought sat in silence, eating his breakfast.

Hermione's thoughts were still swimming insider her head by the time breakfast ended. She dragged herself to the library, her small corner of comfort in this world. Hermione instinctively reached toward her favorite bookshelf and pulled a copy of Hogwarts: A History. She immersed herself in reading a few pages. Hermione discovered something new every time she opened that book. A wise teacher once said that good books make you learn something new every time you read it. In that case, Hogwarts: A History is most certainly a good book.

The minutes grew into hours as Hermione sat in her favorite armchair, reading away. She barely noticed when students slowly exited the library to go to lunch… She didn't notice when a huddle of professors tiptoed past the library… She didn't notice when the Slytherin Quidditch team began training for the game the next day.

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Draco blew his whistle.

"Come on! Ugh!" Draco groaned. "HERE'S A HINT: YOU DON'T DUCK WHEN THE QUAFFLE IS COMING AT YOU!"

"Sorry!" the keeper yelled. She straightened up and attempted to block the next goal. She failed utterly.

Draco swore under his breath. There was no way Slytherin would win a single game this season. What kind of idiots had Dumbledore chosen to be on the team? Draco half wished that he could hold tryouts again so he could at least find a few players who don't suck. As much.

A chaser tried to make another goal. This time, the keeper lunged toward the Quaffle and missed by ten feet.

"WHY DO I EVEN WANT YOU ON THE TEAM!" Draco shouted. "BEATERS! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT THE CHASERS, NOT HIT THEM WITH BATS! GO HIT THAT BLUDGER!" Draco pointed to a Bludger racing toward a Chaser.

The Beater sped toward the Chaser, who was attempting to score another goal.

"NO! WATCH OUT FOR THE-" Draco yelled. It was too late. The Beater ran straight into one of the goal posts. Draco couldn't make up his mind whether to wince or laugh. He attempted both, and failed horribly.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Quidditch players were having a race around the field.

Draco violently blew his whistle again.

"THIS IS NOT A GAME! STOP RACING! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE PRACTICING!"

The flock of Quidditch players zoomed toward Draco.

"AHH! NO! GO THAT WAY!" Draco frantically urged. Draco ducked just in time as they flew over his head.

"This is hopeless. Very hopeless," Draco admitted. "Well, at least there's still Blaise…"

Draco searched the field for Blaise… Only to find him on the ground, flirting with a few girls.

"BLAISE! GET YOUR ASS UP HERE!" Draco commanded, while blowing his whistle again.

Blaise smiled and waved at Draco, who got angrier.

"AH! YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS! WHY DO WE EVEN BOTHER TO PRACTICE!" Draco yelled.

Everybody turned to stare at him.

"Draco! Would you like a back massage!" Pansy shouted from the ground.

Draco threw the whistle at Pansy, who was too dumb to notice.

"Hang on, I'll be right up!" Pansy said.

"NO! NO! I MEAN… YOU STAY THERE! STAY! NO!" Draco shouted as Pansy tried to mount a broom.

Pansy got on the broom backwards. "AAH! How do you get off this thing!"

The broom took off.

"AAAH! DRACO SAVE ME!"

Needless to say, Draco didn't budge.

Pansy crashed into the stands. "Oww…"

Draco was somewhat amused.

"Coach?" the keeper asked.

"Don't call me coach! I'm not the coach! I'm the captain!" Draco growled.

"But that's practically the same thing!" the keeper protested.

"No it's not! Coach makes me sound old; captain makes me seem like… well… a captain," Draco reasoned.

"Whatever," the keeper said. "So what d'ya want us to do now?"

Draco paused for a moment. "Don't. Crash."

As if that was a cue, two Chasers ran into Draco "accidentally".

Thankfully, our beloved ferret was okay.

"ARGH! Snape can ride a broom better than that!" Draco said loudly.

Snape, who was sitting on the bleachers, overseeing practice, looked very offended.

"Sorry, Professor!" Draco apologized.

"That's it!" Snape shouted. "You and me! Quidditch! Now!" he challenged Draco.

"Ooooh," everyone said.

Draco laughed. "Me? Snape? HA!"

He stopped laughing when he saw the look on Snape's face. "You can't be serious…"

"I am," Snape said in a dangerous tone. "Let the games begin."

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Ten minutes later, they were ready. Snape had tied two pillows in front of his chest, two on his back, and one under his butt, which he claimed was for "protection from badly aimed Bludgers".

Draco was equipped with… only his good looks.

Pansy blew the whistle, mostly because it had touched Draco's lips. "BEGIN!"

It was one-on-one… Quidditch style. The point was to make as many goals as possible with the Quaffle, while also on the lookout for the Snitch. The opponent would defend the goals, while also attempting to score goals. It was basically a regular Quidditch game with only two people.

Snape mounted his broom… and promptly fell off. Draco barely suppressed his laughter.

Snape finally got on the broom, and kicked off. He wobbled a lot, but eventually got the hang of it. There was just one problem…

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea… Very high… High in the sky… Don't look down…" Snape mumbled in fright. He had fear of heights. "Don't look down… Don't look down… Don't look down… Oooh! A quarter!"

Snape looked down.

"AAAAAHHHHH! GET ME DOWN! AAHH! HELP! YYAHHH! GAH!"

Draco wasn't sure if he should rescue Snape or point and laugh.

Draco chose to point and laugh.

"AAHH! MALFOY! HELP ME! AAH!" Snape cried.

Draco was still pointing and laughing.

"THIS IS NOT FUNNY! AAAHHGG!" Snape screamed.

Draco had ceased pointing, but was still laughing.

Finally, he stopped long enough to see that Snape was indeed in grave danger. He was dangling off the edge of his broom, holding on for dear life.

"HELP!" Snape yelled.

"Hmm… Let me think about it…" Draco thought."

"NOW! HELP! AH!"

"I'm not sure…"

"DRACO!"

"Yes, Professor?"

"AAH!"

"To save or not to save… That is the question…"

"SAVE! SAVE ME!"

"What would I get from saving you?"

"HOW COULD YOU ASK SOMETHING LIKE THIS! MY LIFE IS AT STAKE!"

"Well, I am a Slytherin…"

"Good point. Now, where was I? Oh, yes… AHHHHH!"

"Perhaps I should go over there and stomp on your fingers…"

"…"

"Shall I?"

"NO! AAH! HELP ME! I'LL DO ANYTHING!"

"Anything?"

"YES! I MEAN, NO! NO! JUST SAVE ME!"

"No, I won't. Just think, if you fall, you'll go splat. Splat," Draco tormented Snape.

"Splat?"

"Yes, splat. Like a pancake…"

"Uh oh…"

"_Splat._ Now you don't wanna die, do you?"

Snape shook his head. "SAVE ME ALREADY! OKAY! I'LL DO ANYTHING!"

Draco flew toward Snape.

"EWW! You're all sweaty! I can't save you!" Draco said in disgust.

"What? No! You have to save me! I'll do anything! Anything!" Snape pleaded.

Reluctantly, Draco grabbed Snape's wrist and pulled him on top of his broom. He dragged Snape's broom with him as he flew toward the ground. Snape was still shaking with fear and had his eyes squinted shut the entire flight back to the ground.

When Snape's foot touched the grass, he breathed a sigh of relief. Snape scrambled off the broom and started walking toward the castle.

"Professor?" Draco stopped Snape. "Are you forgetting something?"

Snape slowly walked back toward Draco. "What do you want me to do?"

Draco whispered in Snape's wax-filled ear some words that no one else heard.

"WHAT!" Snape shouted. "I CAN'T DO THAT!"

"But you have to. You promised," Draco said smugly.

Snape sighed and made his way toward the castle.

Everyone stared; unaware of what had just happened.

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? KEEP PRACTICING!" Draco roared. Sadly, with all the practice in the world, nothing could help the Slytherins win this game.

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Note: _Trust me, things are getting very… Interesting. Very interesting indeed…_

I would be very grateful if you would please review… I'll do the next chapter as soon as I can, but I don't want to rush a chapter because then it might not be so good.

P. S. If you are about to suggest that I quit writing other pointless stories and focus on this one... I will completely ignore you. I write a few pointless stories to let out my feelings and for my own amusement. This only helps me to feel better so I can write more chapters of this story.

Also, the stuff in the profile page of heffalumpz... You know I was kidding... Right? Obviously none of that is true, but it sure is fun to make up stuff...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Love,

evilrabidplotbunnies


	33. Chapter 33

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: I know, everyone wants to know what Snape has to do… Sorry, you won't find out what it is in this chapter…

I warn you: this chapter doesn't have a lot of Draco and Hermione in it, but it is very important to the story.

To all of you who have read my other story under heffalumpz... I know you probably think I'm a perverted freak... Well... I felt like writing crazy stories one day, so I did. Oh, and also, the story I wrote under heffalumpz isn't Harry Potter; it's from the Lord of the Rings. And obviously nothing on the heffalumpz profile page is actually about me.

I realize that some parts of my story have a crazy, hilarious edge... There will be some more serious parts, not that I don't like the funny ones.

Thanks to my 1100th reviewer… GLimmer Conlon O'Leary

Disclaimer: All hail J. K. Rowling!

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Chapter 33 – Snape's Request

Snape stormed into Hogwarts. _How could he make me do this?_ Snape wondered. He rushed to Dumbledore's office and pounded on the gargoyle.

"Hey!" the gargoyle said.

"AAAH!" Snape shrieked. "You can talk?"

"What! First you pound on me; now you doubt my speech capabilities? You execrable person; you can't criticize me!" the gargoyle said.

"I wasn't criticizing! I was just wondering…" Snape started, but was interrupted.

"Why you're an assbutt?" the gargoyle added.

"You're the assbutt!" Snape shouted.

"No, you are! How dare you insult me!"

"No, you're an assbutt!" Snap shot back.

"YOU'RE FACE IS AN ASSBUTT!" the gargoyle yelled. **(A/N: This is partially inspired by an argument between two people I am cough mildly associated with.)**

Snape gasped. "You can insult me all you want, but you can't insult my face!"

"Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

Snape narrowed his eyes.

"I mean, seriously! I think you make a crack in my stone figure!"

Snape growled. He jumped on the gargoyle…

And punched it.

"Oww!" Snape screamed. "That was dumb."

"Yes, it was," the gargoyle added.

Snape attempted to kick the gargoyle… and failed.

"My toe…" Snape said weakly.

"Ha!" the gargoyle laughed.

"That's it!" Snape yelled.

He grabbed the gargoyle around the neck and attempted to strangle it… Not that it would work.

Snape smacked the gargoyle as many times as he could, bruising his hand instead.

The gargoyle, being immobile, sat there and contemplated life. _I need a new job…_ it thought.

"You know I can't feel anything… Right? I can't even move! I can only talk… And laugh!" the gargoyle smirked.

"Oh…" Snape said. "Move! Come on and fight like a man!"

"Like you can…" the gargoyle sneered, if possible.

"ARGH!"

Snape grabbed the gargoyle's hands and attempted to pull it off the ground…

After much straining and pulling, Snape realized that the gargoyle was stuck to the ground.

"Come on! Move! Fight me!" Snape yelled. "Come on! Move it!"

"I told you Snape was in love with the gargoyle," a passing student remarked to her friend.

Snape froze. He had been holding onto the gargoyle's hands.

The students walked by. As soon as they were far away, Snape continued to fight the gargoyle.

"Come and fight, you lazy bum! Hyah!" Snape attacked the gargoyle viciously.

The gargoyle was mildly amused.

Twenty minutes later...

"Oh, yeah! I have a wand!" Snape exclaimed happily after failing to injure the gargoyle and injuring himself instead.

Snape whipped out his wand and pointed it at the gargoyle's throat.

"Avada-" Snape began.

"Isn't that illegal?" the gargoyle interrupted.

"Oh, yeah... It is..." Snape agreed.

"And it wouldn't work on me anyway, I'm not alive," the gargoyle said.

"Right..." Snape said dumbley.

Suddenly, Dumbledore came out of his office.

"Severus, why are you fighting my gargoyle?" he asked, laughing inwardly.

"…"

"So… you obviously wanted to see me?" Dumbledore continued.

"Yes, sir… See, Draco wanted me to do something…" Snape and Dumbledore entered the office.

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Hours later, Snape and Dumbledore emerged from his office.

"Yes, Severus, Mr. Malfoy's command will be fulfilled. The arrangements will be made," Dumbledore said. "Might I ask, how did you get into such a situation?"

"I… um… er… challenged Malfoy to Quidditch…" Snape mumbled.

"Let me guess, you lost…"

"No, I… uh… had difficulties…" Snape stammered.

"Fear of heights, eh?" Dumbledore ventured. "Was it as bad as the time you went to Paris and got stuck on the Eiffel Tower? The Muggle police had to get you off! You were so scared, you peed your pants!"

"How did you know about that!" Snape demanded.

"I was disguised as a Muggle, leading the crowd in chanting: DIE IDIOT, DIE!" Dumbledore admitted.

"What on earth were you doing in Paris?" Snape asked. "Oh, wait… I know… Work for the Order, huh?"

"On the contrary, no. Madonna was touring in Paris; I had concert tickets," Dumbledore said.

"WHAT?"

"Uh… They were… a gift from a friend," Dumbledore stammered.

"Sure…" Snape said.

The two professors walked to the Great Hall for dinner.

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"Okay, that's enough practicing!" Draco shouted after hours of… Quidditch, in its worst possible form.

Most of the players had multiple bruises; one had a bloody nose from flying into a pole. Another had a large bruise on their face from a Bludger; apparently the boy didn't know that you should duck if there is a Bludger flying at your face.

Draco sighed. The Quidditch game was tomorrow. During practice there had been approximately… zero improvement, except for the fact that one girl had stopped falling off her broom.

Draco looked at his… team.

There was Blaise, perhaps the only useful person… when he wasn't busy flirting with girls on the ground.

There was one really short boy, who Draco suspected had never touched a broom.

There was a weird girl, who constantly talked about plants.

There was another weird girl who kept on predicting that they would win the game.

There was an older girl, who had her hair up in a bun and constantly told everyone what to do.

There was a tall boy, who was on the team last year. He wasn't completely useless…

And lastly, there was Draco. The captain. The team leader.

Draco was disappointed, to say the least. Dumbledore had picked the worst people in the world to be on the team.

Practice was over, and everyone headed down to dinner.

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During dinner, Draco occupied himself by figure out how many possible ways there were to commit suicide before the game.

_Hmm…_ Draco thought. _I could stab myself…_

"Draco?" Blaise asked.

_I could shoot myself… Wait, I don't have a gun!_ Draco pondered.

"Draco?"

_Maybe I can jump off the Astronomy Tower…_

"DRACO!" Blaise shouted.

Draco jumped. "What!"

"What are you planning to do about the game? We can't win like this!" Blaise said.

"No, really," Draco said dryly. "I have no idea! Maybe… maybe we can just… lose."

"Lose?" Blaise repeated. "We can't lose. We're Slytherins; we don't lose!"

Suddenly, Draco remembered something very important.

"Wait. I have a plan…" Draco said, a strange look crossing his face. "I hope they do it… I hope it works…"

Blaise knew something was up, but he wasn't sure what. But, Draco definitely had something planned.

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Inside the library, Hermione yawned. She wondered what time it was. She must have spent ages in here! Hermione checked her watch… 7 PM. Time for dinner.

Hermione went down to the Great Hall and took a seat next to Ron, avoiding eye contact with Harry.

"So…" Harry began. "Hermione… have you thought about…"

Hermione once again found herself speechless. "No… I… I'll… I'll tell you on Monday!" she blurted out.

Harry looked satisfied.

Hermione wanted to scream at the top of her lungs.

"So, Harry, tomorrow's the game," Ron said.

"Yeah, I know. We're completely ready. We'll crush Slytherin like the worms they are!" Harry exclaimed.

"I'm sure you will," Hermione said, sarcastically.

"Thanks for having faith in us, Hermione," Ron said, not picking up the sarcasm.

Hermione faked a smile. _Idiots_, she thought.

Once dinner was over, Hermione went to bed, tired from reading. Normally, Hermione would have stayed up half the night studying, but tonight, she made an exception.

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The next morning, the Great Hall was bursting with excitement for the Quidditch game. Draco was sitting silently, glancing at the clock every few seconds. For once in his life, Draco was nervous. Today's game would either be an astonishing success, or a complete failure. The teachers were also looking particularly anxious. McGonagall was looking smug about the fact that the Slytherin team sucked, and Snape was worried about what Draco forced him to do.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, the students and teachers left the Great Hall and went to the Quidditch field. The two teams went to change and prepare for the game.

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Hermione jerked out of bed.

"What time is it?" she wondered aloud.

Hermione glanced at her watch. 9:57! The Quidditch game would be starting in minutes, not that Hermione was interested. But, it was good to watch it with everyone else, instead of being known as the nerdy person who hates Quidditch. The dormitory was empty; everyone else had gone to the game.

Hermione threw on some clothes and rushed down to the Quidditch field.

A few minutes later, she arrived, out of breath.

Luna Lovegood was still announcing the names of the Quidditch players.

"... WEASLEY! POTTER!" Luna shouted.

Hermione found a seat on the stands and sat down.

Luna was now announcing the names of the Slytherin Quidditch team.

"... MALFOY..." Luna announced.

Draco flew out onto the field, amidst an avalanche of applause and boos.

There was one Slytherin Quidditch player left, who flew out onto the field.

The crowd gasped and immediately broke into applause and cheers.

The jaws of the Gryffindor Quidditch players dropped. Harry was dumbfounded. Even McGonagall was shocked.

Draco was smiling broadly.

Snape was now the one looking smug. He had done what Draco had commanded.

Hermione, who had no idea what was going on, looked around the field. One particular person caught her eye.

Hermione's heart stopped abrupty. Her breath was caught in her throat. Hermione couldn't believe what she was seeing. Someone who she thought she would never see again was standing before her very eyes. A single tear rolled down Hermione's cheek and dropped onto her sweater. It was happening all over again.

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Note: Wow... I love cliffhangers! Even though this one was a bit obvious...

I know that this chapter had less of Draco and Hermione in it, but I had to add this chapter in because it is VERY IMPORTANT. Next chapter will be the Quidditch game, which I plan to devote an entire chapter to. I know you are dying to know what Snape has to do… You'll find out very soon…

I'm hoping that the story will really start to pick up from now on… I have found a sudden burst of enthusiasm, and I hope it lasts.

I assure you, the next chapter will be very... eventful... And hopefully very good.

Please review! Reviews are spurs to the enchanted horses pulling the chariot of my mind. (I have no idea what I just said, but it popped into my head.)

Once again, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, everybody!


	34. Chapter 34

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Yah, I know, I know… I should've updated sooner… Yes, I feel guilty about leaving everyone hanging for a while…

This might sound really weird, but I've typed up about half of the very last chapter of this story! Yeah, I know… I should focus more on the middle chapters and not on the ending, but I couldn't help it!

Okay… This is the chapter that contains the Quidditch game… I've had the idea for this chapter floating around in my head for a while, but I haven't had much time to actually sit down and type…

I wish I could use song lyrics, but FanFiction doesn't allow it… This chapter would have been a lot funnier with a few song lyrics added to a certain part…

Just to warn you, there really isn't much Draco/Hermione in this chapter… It's mostly about the Quidditch game…

Disclaimer: Please refer to the other 33 chapters of this story.

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Chapter 34 – Quidditch

"KRUM!" Luna Lovegood announced as Viktor Krum sped onto the Quidditch field.

Hermione was frozen to her seat. Viktor Krum, the one person she thought she would never see again, was right before her very eyes.

The rest of Hogwarts was ecstatic. The Slytherin Quidditch team was looking very smug, while the Gryffindor team was at a loss for words.

McGonagall was raging. Snape was more smug than all the Slytherins put together.

"HOW COULD YOU LET KRUM ON THE TEAM?" McGonagall roared at Dumbledore. "THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! COMPLETELY AGAINST HOGWARTS RULES! INJUSTICE!"

Dumbledore smiled politely.

"ARGH! ALBUS! YOU KNOW THIS IS A VIOLATION OF HOGWARTS CODE 167 A, WHICH STATES THAT-" McGonagall shouted.

"I am perfectly aware of the rules of Hogwarts, Minerva, mostly due to the fact that I wrote a large portion of the rules myself" Dumbledore replied calmly. "This is perfectly allowed, for the rules state that any resident of Hogwarts has the right to participate in any school activities."

"BUT KRUM ISN'T A RESID-" McGonagall started.

"Oh, but he is. Mr. Krum participated in the Triwizard Tournament in his final year at Durmstrang, and thus completed his education at Hogwarts. One cannot deny that he was, indeed, a resident he for approximately ten months, an amount of time that undoubtedly qualifies him to participate in any such activities," Dumbledore said.

"Wha-" McGonagall began.

"Ha! Having Krum here doesn't break any rules at all!" Snape interjected.

"But-" McGonagall stammered.

"You can even look it up!" Snape said gleefully. "Apparently, there was a loophole in the rules that allows another Quidditch player to compete."

"YOU DID IT!" McGonagall pointed at Dumbledore. "YOU _MADE SURE_ THERE WAS A LOOPHOLE IN THE RULES! YOU MADE MOST OF THE RULES!"

"Now, now, Minerva! Don't start accusing me of such things!" Dumbledore said in mock protest. "What would your employer say? No wait, I _am_ your employer!"

McGonagall glared at Dumbledore.

"Why, Minerva, I did not intend for any loopholes to occur, and the only thing we can do now is mend them. However, as of this moment, we must allow Mr. Krum to play Quidditch," Dumbledore replied, a smile pushing past the corners of his lips.

"It's not-" McGonagall started to say.

"Fair?" Snape added. "Why, it's perfectly fair! The Slytherin Quidditch team has suffered many setbacks; we've already added many replacement players!"

"Who? I don't see any replacement players!" McGonagall shouted, looking around the Quidditch field.

"Where do you think Trelawney, Flitwick, and Sprout have gone?" Dumbledore asked.

McGonagall gaped. "I thought you only had us fill in for yesterday's practice! I never imagined you'd actually put them in the game!"

"We had to. I couldn't find anyone who was still willing to join the Slytherin Quidditch team on such short notice," Dumbledore announced sadly.

"That. Is. So. Sad." McGonagall remarked.

Snape coughed loudly.

"But they're professors!" McGonagall continued. "You can't! This is against school rules! Wait, let me guess, you found another loophole!"

Dumbledore nodded.

"Is there no justice in this world!" McGonagall groaned.

"Nope." Dumbledore smiled. "Except for the law that bans people over the age of sixty-five from wearing bikinis."

McGonagall gaped.

"I'm kidding, Minerva," Dumbledore said. "Sometimes, older and wiser wizards make jokes…"

"This still isn't fair!" McGonagall said.

"But now it's even!" Snape said. "We've balanced the poor, humiliating skill of the three professors with the astonishing talent of Mr. Krum!"

"Why didn't you join the team?" McGonagall wondered.

"If you or I joined the team, people would notice that the professors aren't even watching the Quidditch game that involves their own houses!" Snape reasoned. "Besides, we had to take you off the team to make room for Mr. Krum."

McGonagall sighed. "I just hope Sprout doesn't run into a pole… Again."

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Meanwhile, Trelawney, Sprout, and Flitwick were clothed in Slytherin Quidditch robes and were each mounted on a broom. (They had been transfigured into teenagers.)

Madam Hooch blew her whistle loudly and threw the Quaffle into the air. Thirteen Quidditch players kicked off into the air. Sprout attempted to kick off, but slipped on the grass and fell off the broom.

Sprout grabbed her broom. "Up! Up? Up! UP!" Sprout tried to coax her broom of the ground. Nothing happened. "UP! UP! UP!"

Suddenly, Sprout's broom shot into the air… And smacked her in the face.

"Ow…" Sprout moaned.

She picked up the broom and sat on it.

"Up! UP! UUUPP!" Sprout yelled.

The broom flew about three inches off the ground.

"Hey, I did it! HA! I CAN FLY!" Sprout shouted. "WHOA! HOW DO YOU TURN THIS THHING!"

Sprout crashed into the stands. Thankfully, no one had been sitting there.

Meanwhile, Trelawney was attempting to be a Keeper... And failing.

Gryffindor had already scored three goals.

Finally, Sprout managed to control her broom and flew to where Flitwick and Trelawney were. The three of them were motionless in the air, watching as everyone else played Quidditch.

Flitwick sighed. "I'm not too short to play Quidditch, am I?"

"Yes, you are," Trelawney replied. "You're three one, in _inches_!"

"No, I am not!" Flitwick argued.

"Yes, you are! You're just in denial!" Trelawney said.

"But he's not in De Nile; everyone knows the Nile is a river in South America! Or is Mississippi the one in South America? Well, Mississippi does sound very South Americanese!" Sprout said.

"…"

"I know, I'm so smart you can't ever comprehend what I'm saying!" Sprout said proudly.

"No one can comprehend what you're saying!" Flitwick sputtered.

"Hmph," Sprout turned her back on Flitwick... And made her broom spin around in circles.

"AAHHH!"

"Hmm… Should we save her, or point and laugh?" Trelawney wondered aloud.

Flitwick and Trelawney glanced at each other. "Point and laugh!" they said simultaneously.

Sprout finally stopped spinning. "You know, flying on a broom reminds of plants."

"How do you get 'plants' from 'flying on a broom'?" Trelawney asked.

"Because, one time, I had a dream that plants could fly!" Sprout said brightly.

"…"

"Yeah, they just unfold their leaves…" Sprout spread her arms out. "… And flap their leaves really fast…" Sprout waved her arms wildly. "AAAAAHHH!"

Sprout had let go of her broom, and was now dangling upside-down.

"HELP! AAAH!"

Sadly, no one on the ground noticed that there was a person dangling from her broom; everyone was focused on Viktor Krum… who was giving out autographs on one side of the Quidditch stadium. Draco was yelling at him.

"Help me!" Sprout begged, gripping her broom with her arms and legs, upside-down. "I don't wanna die!"

"What do we do?" Trelawney asked.

"Stop. Drop. And Roll!" Flitwick said.

"Okay!" Sprout said. She stopped screaming, dropped her arms and legs… and fell off the broom.

"YOU IDIOT! I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!" Flitwick yelled.

Sprout was falling to the ground, really fast.

"WHAT DO WE DO?" Trelawney cried.

"I know! The swish and flick!" Flitwick yelled.

"_WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA_!" Trelawney swished her wand.

Sprout stopped in mid-fall.

"…and flick!" Trelawney flicked her wand violently, accidentally hitting Flitwick in the eye.

"OOW!" Flitwick screamed.

"Oops. I forgot I couldn't do magic!" Trelawney apologized.

"HELLO? I'm still floating in mid-air here!" Sprout yelled.

"Oh… ok… uh…" Trelawney moved her wand up, and Sprout's body floated up.

"This is most unpleasant…" Sprout said. "I think I'm gonna barf!"

"NO!" Flitwick and Trelawney shouted at the same time.

"Okay… I'm gonna move you on top of your broom…" Trelawney moved her wand, and Sprout flew over to her broom. "Dang it!"

"What?" Flitwick asked.

"I… I… I… Gotta… Sneeze… AAAAACCCCHHHOOOOO!" Trelawney gave a huge sneeze, and jerked her wand.

"AAAAHH!" Sprout flew backward and hit the goal post, and got stuck in the middle goal.

"Oops…" Trelawney said.

Sprout gave Trelawney a dirty look. "One day, I'm gonna poison your tea."

Trelawney gulped.

Meanwhile, Gryffindor had scored seventy points, and led seventy to zero. Slytherin hadn't scored any goals because Draco, now a chaser because Krum was seeker, was too busy yelling at Krum to score goals, the other Slytherin Quidditch player that was actually on the team was too busy trying to get the Quaffle, and Sprout, the final Chaser, was cluelessly stuck in the goal.

Suddenly, Ginny (a Chaser) was speeding toward the Slytherin goal with a Quaffle under her arm, and tripped over Sprout's unattended broom. She dropped the Quaffle, which Flitwick picked up.

"Ooh! I got the Quaffle!" Flitwick shouted, and proceeded to throw it at the goal.

Flitwick threw the Quaffle… and hit Sprout, who was stuck in the goalpost, in the face.

"OUT OF ALL THE GOALPOSTS YOU COULD HAVE SHOT AT, YOU HAD TO PICK THIS ONE!" Sprout yelled angrily.

Flitwick retrieved the Quaffle and charged at the goal post.

"Flitwick…" Trelawney said, suddenly realizing something very important.

Flitwick paid no attention to Trelawney and kept flying toward the goal.

"Flitwick! I don't think…" Trelawney began.

Flitwick threw the Quaffle at the goal and it went in. He smiled broadly.

"SLYTHERIN HAS JUST SCORED AGAINST ITS OWN TEAM!" Luna Lovegood announced.

Flitwick's smile vanished instantly. He had just scored a goal for Gryffindor.

The Gryffindor Chasers immediately snatched the Quaffle and tried to score another goal.

Trelawney flew in front of the three goalposts, hoping to block a goal.

One of the Gryffindor chasers sped toward the goalposts… Trelawney tried to decide which goal the Chaser would shoot for…

"Let's see… Left goal, right goal, or middle goal…" Trelawney wondered. "No, wait, Sprout's in the middle goal… Never mind, left goal or right goal… Left… Right… Which way's left? Uh..."

The Chaser was getting closer…

"Left… Right… Ugh! This is hard…" Trelawney muttered.

Trelawney decided to fly left. The Chaser threw the Quaffle, and it bounced off of Trelawney's head.

"UNBELIEVABLE! THE SLYTHERIN KEEPER HAS BLOCKED A GOAL!" Luna announced.

There was minimal applause from the Slytherins.

Meanwhile, Flitwick had caught the Quaffle and threw it at Draco, who finally realized he was a Chaser. Draco sped toward the Gryffindor goal and scored against Ron, who was trying to get an autograph from Krum. Draco retrieved the Quaffle and score two more times, until Ron finally noticed that he was supposed to be guarding the goalposts.

Trelawney was rubbing her head, and Flitwick was laughing at Ron, who was all the way across the Quidditch field.

"Ooh! Look! An eagle!" Sprout exclaimed.

"Where?" Trelawney asked, searching the skies.

"HA! Made you look!" Sprout said.

Trelawney narrowed her eyes at Sprout.

"Ooh! Look! McGonagall's kissing Snape!" Sprout yelled.

"Where!" Trelawney said, spinning around.

"HAHA! Made you look, again!" Sprout laughed.

Trelawney growled.

"Eh! Look, there's this pesky bird flying at me!" Sprout screamed.

"Ha, I'm not gonna fall for it this time!" Trelawney said, avoiding Sprout.

"No, really! This annoying bird is flying around my face!" Sprout cried, swatting at something in the air.

"Sprout, knock it off!" Flitwick yelled.

"I'M SERIOUS! THERE'S A SHINY GOLDEN BIRD FLYING AROUND ME!" Sprout yelled at the top of her lungs.

The Quidditch field grew dead silent. Trelawney and Flitwick were staring at Sprout, who was swatting something small, gold, and shiny in the air.

An instant later, something seemed to snap, and everyone burst into action.

Krum and Harry sped toward the other end of the field. The other Quidditch players were also charging toward Sprout.

"CATCH IT!" Trelawney yelled at Sprout.

"Catch what?" Sprout asked.

"THE SNITCH!" Flitwick shouted.

"The what?" Sprout asked, confused.

"THE SNITCH!" Flitwick and Trelawney roared.

"Huh?" Sprout wondered.

"GRAB THE GOLDEN BIRD!" Trelawney yelled.

"Why?" Sprout asked.

"THEN WE WIN THE GAME!" Flitwick shouted.

"Oh…" Sprout said. She waved her hands in the air, trying to grab the Snitch. "IT'S NOT WORKING!"

The other Quidditch players were getting closer.

Sprout lunged at the Snitch… and caught it!

The other Quidditch players were speechless.

"I GOT IT! I CAUGHT IT!" Sprout said. "I'M GONNA DO A VICTORY DANCE!"

Trelawney and Flitwick watched as Sprout bounced on her broom.

Then, Sprout raised the Snitch high above her head.

Trelawney and Flitwick knew what was coming next…

"NO! DON'T-" Flitwick and Trelawney yelled.

It was too late.

Sprout threw the Snitch at the ground. It flew out of her hands and fluttered off.

Everyone gasped.

Trelawney was the first to break the silence. "_SPROUT_, YOU LOST THE SNITCH!"

Everyone stared at her.

"Uh… I mean_… RANDOM SLYTHERIN QUIDDITCH PLAYER WHO I AM NOT ASSOCIATED WITH_, YOU LOST THE SNITCH!" Trelawney shouted hastily.

The Slytherin students burst into a series of "Boos" and "You suck!".

On the ground, McGonagall and Snape were arguing whether it counted as a Slytherin victory.

"IT COUNTS! IT SO COUNTS! SHE CAUGHT THE SNITCH!" Snape shouted.

"BUT SHE DROPPED IT! SHE THREW IT!" McGonagall yelled.

"SO? SHE HAD IT IN HER HAND!" Snape argued.

"FOR ONLY FIVE SECONDS!"

"HA! FIVE-SECOND-RULE! IT COUNTS!"

"BUT SHE LOST IT!"

"SHUT UP!" Madam Hooch screeched. She blew her whistle loudly.

"So? What is it? Who wins?" Snape asked eagerly.

"I will decide…" Madam Hooch said.

"Who? Does it count?" McGonagall asked.

Madam Hooch cleared her throat and blew her whistle again.

The crowd grew silent.

"I HAVE REACHED A DECISION…" Madam Hooch announced…

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Note: Heh, surprise twist on the Quidditch game, eh?

I know, I know, another cliffhanger…

_I'm really, really sorry that this chapter didn't contain much Draco/Hermione… Don't worry, there will be **tons** of romance yet to come…_

**So… Who do you want to win the Quidditch game? Personally, I can't decide, so I made it a cliffhanger so I can ask you:**

**WHO SHOULD WIN THE QUIDDITCH GAME? Would you rather have Slytherin win and end the game? Or do you want the Sprout-catching-the-Snitch-incident to not count and continue the game?**

**Please review!**


	35. Chapter 35

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks to all of my fantastic reviewers! …And to my 1300th reviewer, Dead-Luthien. (If I counted correctly…)

Oh, and a big, big thank you to Queen of Duct Tape, who told me that there is something called "snitchnip" (found on page 30 of Quidditch Through the Ages), which states that _"any player other than the Seeker touching or catching the Golden Snitch"_ is prohibited.

Okay, just so that no one is confused (actually, I think I'm the one who's confused), this is what everyone on the Slytherin team is:

_Trelawney- keeper_

_Krum- seeker_

_Flitwick-Beater_

_Blaise - beater_

_Sprout – chaser_

_Draco- chaser_

_Other Slytherin Quidditch player without a name – chaser_

I know that this chapter is mainly focused on the Quidditch game, and there isn't a whole lot of Draco/Hermione in it… Try not to hate me so much…

Yes, I know, lots of people wanted Gryffindor to win, and lots of people wanted Slytherin to win… Honestly, I'd have to say, I kinda already had the outcome of the game planned ahead of time, but I do appreciate knowing how everybody feels. Oh, and I'm sorry to anyone who I might disappoint.

Also, today is Sunday in the story. (Yes, it's also Sunday in real life as well.)

No, I have not forgotten about the fact that this story is still about the tasks, there will be plenty of tasks to enjoy...

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling, as well as all references made to the book Quidditch Through the Ages.

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Chapter 35 – Quidditch Game, Part 2

"I HAVE REACHED A DECISION…" Madam Hooch announced…

Everyone held their breaths.

"THE CATCHING OF THE SNITCH BY A QUIDDITCH PLAYER OTHER THAN THE SEEKER IS PROHIBITED," Madam Hooch began. The Slytherins groaned and the Gryffindors cheered. "THEREFORE, IT DOES NOT COUNT! PENALTY SHOT AWARDED TO GRYFFINDOR DUE TO SNITCHNIP!"

Ginny Weasley took a shot at the Slytherin goals. She made it.

The Slytherin Quidditch team was disappointed, but now, Krum was very focused on getting the Snitch. So was Draco.

Gryffindor scored a few more times; they were now leading 110 to 30.

Meanwhile, Draco noticed that something was very wrong. He spun around on his broom and counted all of the Slytherin Quidditch players. Himself… Krum… the other Slytherin guy who's name Draco couldn't remember… the really short guy… the weird girl who talks about plants… the other weird girl who keeps on predicting stuff…

_Wait_, Draco thought. _Someone's missing..._ Draco thought for a second, but couldn't remember who is not there. Then, it hit him. _BLAISE!_

Draco's eyes searched the Quidditch field until he found a familiar tall figure.

"BLAISE!" Draco yelled.

Blaise was standing at the entrance to the Quidditch field, empty-handed.

Draco flew over to him. "WHY THE HECK ARE YOU-" Draco began.

"I can't find my broom!" Blaise said loudly, over the cheers of the crowd as Gryffindor scored yet another goal.

"What?" Draco was confused. "But you had it yesterday…"

"I went to the bathroom before the game and put my broom by the door! When I came out, it was gone!" Blaise looked worried. "I think someone stole it…"

"But who?" Draco wondered.

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Sprout was sitting on her broom, avoiding the glares of Trelawney and Flitwick. However, Trelawney appeared to be deep in thought.

Harry sped by, searching for the Snitch.

"Sprout…" Trelawney said slowly.

"What!" Sprout snapped. "Another comment on my poor Quidditch skills!"

"No…" Trelawney said. "Uh… Did you remember to replace Potter's broom?"

"Yes, I was walking down the corridor before this game and found one by the boy's bathroom," Sprout replied casually.

Then, Trelawney, Sprout, and Flitwick (who had been listening to the conversation) had a moment of realization.

"Uh-oh…" they said simultaneously.

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Harry was confused. A few days ago, his broom had mysteriously crashed when he and Hermione were riding it… But this morning, he found a broom in the broom shed with a tag that said "Hary Poteter". Harry wondered where the new broom had come from, as well as who on earth would spell his name wrong, but he set aside his thoughts. _There were far greater tasks at hand…_

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Trelawney, Sprout, and Flitwick had completely abandoned their Quidditch positions, and were discussing what to do.

"Somebody must be missing a broom!" Flitwick realized.

"So that means that there's one missing Quidditch player…" Trelawney reasoned.

"But why didn't they just borrow a spare broom from the broom shed?" Flitwick wondered.

"Because there are no brooms in the broom shed," Trelawney answered. "When Potter and the Weasley twins were banned from Quidditch two years ago, Umbridge removed all of the spare brooms and locked them in her room so the three couldn't just borrow a broom and start flying."

"I hate Umbridge… Why'd she have to go and remove the brooms!" Flitwick said. "We need to get a broom for the person who doesn't have one…"

"…Or else someone will notice that there is a Quidditch player without a broom, and then people will start asking questions…" Trelawney said.

"… And if people ask the right questions, they get the right answers, and then our cover will be blown! It's all Sprout's fault; she crashed Potter's broom!" Flitwick glared at Sprout.

The three professors decided to dismount their brooms (or dive off, in Sprout's case) and look for a broom for the person who now lacks one. They only hoped that no one would notice that there were three more Quidditch players missing. There was no need to worry. The crowd was already focused on another thing…

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"KRUM HAS SEEN THE SNITCH!" Luna Lovegood announced.

At one end of the field, Viktor Krum and Draco Malfoy were speeding toward a tiny glint of gold.

Krum, having a better broom, sped toward the Snitch, and Draco struggled to keep up.

Krum stretched out his arm toward the Snitch, which was three feet away.

"NO!" Draco yelled, reaching out his right arm, trying to grab the Snitch for himself.

Krum was getting closer.

Then, Draco did something he never expected to do. He shoved Viktor Krum, a world-famous Quidditch player/celebrity.

Krum looked… baffled. Draco grabbed at the Snitch, and missed by a mere two centimeters. Krum punched Draco.

Soon, a fight had broken out between the two Slytherin Quidditch players.

"Do they realize they're on the same team?" Luna Lovegood wondered aloud.

The crowd was surprised that the Draco and Krum were now kicking and hitting each other in an effort to get the Snitch.

"I WANT THE SNITCH!" Draco bellowed, smacking Krum in the face with the tail of his broom.

"NO!" Krum yelled as Draco took a swipe at the Snitch. He missed. "LET ME HAFF ZE SNITCH!"

"I WANT IT! ARGH!" Draco elbowed Krum in the ribs. "I WANT THE SNITCH! I WANT IT! I WANT HERMIONE!" Draco burst out randomly.

Krum froze. He and Draco remained motionless in the air, exchanging looks.

Draco suddenly realized something. _This is Viktor Krum, the guy that used to like Hermione! Why did I invite him onto our team!_ Draco thought bitterly.

Krum nodded, as if understanding something about Draco.

Then, the two realized that the Snitch was long gone.

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Meanwhile, Trelawney, Sprout, and Flitwick were gathered around Umbridge's old office.

"How on earth do we open this door!" Flitwick yelled. He uttered a series of complicated spells, but the door remained locked.

"Oooh, I have an idea!" Sprout said.

She banged on the door.

Trelawney and Flitwick weren't sure whether to laugh or smack their foreheads. They smacked their forehead while laughing.

"Here, I have another idea!" Sprout said suddenly.

Trelawney and Flitwick were surprised by the fact that Sprout was capable of thinking of more than one idea.

Sprout cleared her throat. "OPEN SESAME!"

Flitwick snorted. "Yeah, right! Like that's actually going to-"

The door flew open.

"I can't believe it! You opened the door!" Flitwick shouted.

"Why would anyone set a password as 'Open Sesame'?" Trelawney wondered.

"Because no one would be dumb enough to guess it!" Flitwick replied.

Trelawney entered the room… And promptly ran out screaming.

"AAAHHH!" Trelawney screamed.

"Wha-" Flitwick began, but immediately realized what was the matter.

The room was filled with nifflers, magical creatures that searched for shiny objects. **(A/N: You have no idea how long it took me to find the part about nifflers in OotP.)**

"I thought they removed all the nifflers after Umbridge left two years ago!" cried Flitwick incredulously.

"I guess not. There's so many of them! And they're so adorably cute!" Sprout said, proceeding to cuddle a particularly gruesome niffler. "I'm gonna name him Spike!"

Flitwick ignored the nifflers (who were almost as tall as he is) and searched for the brooms.

Trelawney appeared at the door of Umbridge's old office, refusing to step inside.

"SPROUT! PUT DOWN THE NIFFLER AND HELP ME FIND THE BROOMS!" Flitwick yelled angrily.

"But it's an adorable niffler!" Sprout protested. "Don't you think he's cute?"

Sprout shoved the niffler into Flitwick's face. Flitwick sputtered and fell over.

Sprout set the niffler on the floor and walked around the room. "Hmm… I don't see any brooms…"

Minutes later, Sprout somehow found a broomstick ("Is this a broom or a stick with pointy bristles?" Sprout wondered.) and the three professors left the office, careful to lock the door, so no nifflers escaped (much to Sprout's dismay).

They arrived at the Quidditch field.

"So, who do you think is the person who needs a broom?" Trelawney wondered.

After much consideration, they decided to give the broom to the tall boy dressed in Slytherin Quidditch robes standing along the sidelines, looking confused. ("But he might just be a very devoted fan," said Sprout.)

However, the professors had forgotten a very crucial detail.

Sprout handed the broom to Blaise, who was confused, but grateful that he had a broom to use, even though the game was likely to end soon.

"Up!" Blaise said.

The broom didn't move.

The teachers were mildly alarmed.

"UP! UP! UUP!" Blaise shouted.

Nothing happened.

The teachers were really alarmed.

"Uh-oh… Sprout, I think you grabbed a real broom!" Flitwick whispered to Sprout.

"What do you mean?" Sprout wondered.

"You got an actual Muggle broom commonly used to sweep dirt off the floor!" Trelawney snapped.

"Oh dear," said Sprout. "Does that mean we have to get a new broom?"

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McGonagall was a rage. First, Viktor Krum had been allowed to play in the game… Then the Slytherin Quidditch players had fouled one another… What next?

"I'm telling you, Minerva, there is no penalty for Quidditch players who deliberately use violence against members of their own Quidditch team!" Dumbledore repeated.

Meanwhile, Snape was yelling, "ARE THEY BLIND? THE SNITCH WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM! HOW COULD THEY WASTE TIME ARGUEING AND HITTING EACH OTHER!"

No one had noticed the big problem concerning the missing broom.

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Sprout hurried into the castle. The other professors had made her go back to get an actual flying broom, instead of a sweeping one. She ran up the steps and down the corridor, stopping at Umbridge's office. She entered.

Sprout searched until she found a large cupboard. She opened it and found many brooms.

"Hmm… Which one, which one…" Sprout wondered. She could envision the other professors yelling at her to hurry up. "Hmm… I'll take a page from Dumbledore's book… _Eenie, Meenie, miny, moe_... Uh… What's the next line?"

Sprout closed her eyes and randomly chose a broom. She burst out of Umbridge's office and sprinted back to the Quidditch field.

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The Quidditch game was getting nowhere. Gryffindor was leading 140 to 30.

The Slytherin fans had all converted to Gryffindor fans, and were now cheering on Viktor Krum.

The Snitch was nowhere to be seen.

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Sprout burst onto the field, broom in hand. She threw in at Blaise with surprising force. Blaise mounted the broom and joined the game, attempting to help redeem Slytherin from its desperate state.

Suddenly, there was a glint of gold in the air, near the entrance to the Quidditch field. Draco, Krum, and Harry had all seen it, and were racing to catch the Snitch. But, they were too far away. Someone else would catch it first. The most unlikely person in the world was going to catch the Golden Snitch.

At that moment, Draco knew that Slytherin had undoubtedly won.

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Hermione had never seen the Golden Snitch up close, and she never expected to. But, now, as the glint of gold made its way toward the crowd, and straight to her, Hermione's instinct had been to reach out her hand and catch it.

She amazed herself by making a quick swipe at the air. At first, Hermione thought she had missed, but she couldn't mistake the feeling of two strong wings beating against her hand.

Somehow, Hermione Granger had caught the Golden Snitch.

Somewhere in the field, Madam Hooch blew her whistle. Hermione paid no attention. She was entranced by the Golden Snitch. It was so delicate, so beautiful, so unique. Hermione never wanted to let it go. Now, she felt as if she truly understood Quidditch. There was a nearly tangible feeling inside of her, one of joy and relief. The Quidditch game was over. Hermione didn't care who won; all she cared about was this moment. The moment where Hermione Granger made Quidditch history.

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"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! IT'S SNITCHNIP! YOU CANNOT DECLARE A VICTORY!" McGonagall roared.

"NO, IT IS MOST CERTAINLY A VICTORY!" Snape bellowed.

"He's right," Dumbledore said calmly.

"WHAT! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! THE RULES OF QUIDDITCH STATE THAT A PLAYER WHO IS NOT THE SEEKER TOUCHING THE SNITCH IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED!" McGonagall said, shoving a Quidditch rulebook into Dumbledore's face.

"However-" Dumbledore began.

"NOT ANOTHER LOOPHOLE!" McGonagall protested. "I SWEAR, IF I FIND ONE MORE LOOPHOLE, I'M GONNA PUNCH Snape!"

"Why me?" Snape started to say, but wasn't sure if he actually wanted an answer.

"The rules only apply to Quidditch players touching the Snitch! There is no rule against members of the audience catching the Snitch!" Dumbledore reasoned.

McGonagall gaped.

"FINE, THEN! HERMIONE GRANGER IS IN GRYFFINDOR HOUSE, IT IS A GRYFFINDOR VICTORY!" McGonagall shouted.

"No, not quite," said Dumbledore.

"How-" McGonagall wondered.

"As you may recall, Miss Granger recently switched to Slytherin," Dumbledore said. "Therefore, it is a Slytherin victory."

McGonagall's jaw dropped. Snape looked very smug, until McGonagall punched him.

Dumbledore walked onto the Quidditch field and spoke with Madam Hooch. McGonagall was in a state of disbelief.

Dumbledore explained the situation to Madam Hooch, who nodded.

"SLYTHERIN WINS!"

The crowd was shocked. Hermione was dumbfounded. Draco was overjoyed. Krum was disappointed. Harry was very upset. Ron's jaw touched the ground… Mostly due to the fact that he had fallen asleep on his broom.

The students began to file out of the Quidditch field, an occasional person congratulating Hermione, and many people casting her dirty looks. A few people wondered why it was a Slytherin victory. Hermione was in no mood for explaining. She remained sitting in the stands, until most of the crowd had left.

Harry approached Hermione. "Congratulations, that was a great catch."

Hermione glanced at him. She had nothing to say.

Harry smiled weakly at her. Hermione tried to smile back, but seemed frozen. She could sense the disappointment in Harry's voice. She didn't want him to be even more disappointed when, on Monday, she told him she wouldn't go out with him.

The two Quidditch teams left the field, Sprout, Trelawney, and Flitwick lingering behind to talk to Dumbledore.

Draco walked to where Hermione was still sitting.

She looked up.

"Good job, Hermione," Draco found himself saying. "You won the game for us."

Those words seem to bring Hermione out of her state of shock.

"I did do a good job, didn't I?" A smile formed at the corners of Hermione's lips. What a day. So much had happened. Little did she know, so much more was going to happen very soon.

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Note: I was going to leave another cliffhanger, but I decided to make the chapter a bit longer… Besides, if I leave cliffhangers all the time, people will get annoyed with me.

Yes, yes, I know... This chapter focused a lot on the teachers and less on Draco and Hermione...

I've often promised more Draco/Hermione romance… And I think it's safe to say that there will definitely be lots more romance starting from when Hermione says "no" to Harry (hint, hint)… Just be patient… Romance is on its way… After all, two sworn enemies can't simply sprout romantic feelings overnight; things take time.

Please review!


	36. Chapter 36

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: A BIG, BIG, BIG THANK YOU TO WHOEVER NOMINATED THIS STORY AT THE DRAMIONE AWARDS (the link is posted on my profile page) UNDER THE "YET TO KNOW" (incomplete) CATEGORY!

Ooh, and voting at the Dramione Awards begins soon... I would be honored to have your vote... (but of course, there are tons of stories nominated that are WAY better than mine, so I completely understand if you would rather vote for a different story...)

Thanks to my 1400th reviewer, tianyi! And thanks to all my other reviewers!

Disclaimer: _Hem, hem._ Harry Potter does not belong to me. _Hem, (Who on earth would want that insolent child?) hem._ And this coughing trademark belongs to the honorable Ms. Dolores Jane Umbridge, who is a very kind, gentle, thoughtful, intelligent, and respected woman whose life was disrupted by HARRY POTTER- I'M OUT TO GET YOU! _HEM, HEM!_

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Chapter 36 **(A/N: I can't believe this story has 36 chapters already!)** – Troubling Troubles

The teachers were walking back to the school.

McGonagall trudged ahead of Snape, Dumbledore, Trelawney, Sprout, and Flitwick, who were talking about the game.

Snape cleared his throat loudly.

McGonagall walked on.

Snape coughed.

McGonagall paid him no attention.

"Minerva!" Snape yelled, no longer trying to subtly attract McGonagall's attention.

McGonagall whipped around so fast that her hair nearly fell out of its bun.

"What!"

Snape looked very smug, and McGonagall resisted the urge to punch him again.

"You do realize who won the game…" Snape reminded her.

The other professors tried their best to conceal their laughter.

"Hmph," McGonagall started walking away.

"You remember our agreement, right?" Snape was smiling wickedly.

McGonagall froze.

"Since Slytherin won, I get to choose a _task_ for you…" Snape continued.

McGonagall stiffened.

"…But since I am too joyful about our, ahem, _my_, victory to humiliate you, _no wait, you were already humiliated_," Snape laughed aloud. "I am going to decide what sort of embarrassing act you'll have to do later. Let's take a rain check, eh?"

McGonagall was busy contemplating the number of ways in which to murder Snape.

"Of course, I understand your dislike toward me…" Snape said.

_I could put a rattlesnake in his bed…_ McGonagall thought.

"…I'm sure I won't choose anything too shameful for you to do…" Snape continued.

_Maybe I could light him on fire… Hmm… Didn't that already happen?_ McGonagall wondered.

"…But then again, I am head of Slytherin, so I can't make any guarantees…"

_I can poison his tea! Wait, he doesn't drink tea… I could poison his beer!_

"…If you die of humiliation, well, it'll be a _shame_ that such a_ wonderful_ teacher has left Hogwarts…" Snape was still talking, unaware that McGonagall wasn't listening.

_I could **accidentally** push him off the Astronomy Tower…_

"…We'll understand if you decide not to show your face in Hogwarts for the next seven years, when all the first years have left… Of course, all the _teachers_ will still remember what you did…"

McGonagall imagined a screaming Snape falling of the Astronomy Tower… Falling… Flailing his arms… Crying for mommy… Smacking the ground… A random dog peeing on him…

McGonagall laughed aloud.

"…"

Snape was the first to break the silence. "I swear all the teachers have gotten ADD these days!"

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Hermione Granger was the last one to leave the Quidditch field. She left the stands and walked across the grass. Halfway across the field, Hermione realized the Snitch was still in her hand. She thought about releasing it, but decided to put it into her pocket, thinking it might come in handy later. She was right.

Hermione's mind was repeating the scene over and over in her head… The glint of gold… A hand reaching up to grab it… The flutter of the wings against her hand… The roar of the crowd…

Hermione sighed. Today had been full of surprises.

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Suddenly, a scream burst shattered the silence of the grounds.

The teachers looked at one another.

"Wha-" Flitwick began.

"Sprout!" Trelawney cut in.

"Why do you always assume it's my fault?" Sprout protested.

"Did you remember to close the door to Umbridge's office?" Trelawney asked.

Sprout's eyes widened.

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Inside Hogwarts, mass chaos had erupted. Nifflers were running around everywhere. Most students had taken shelter inside their common rooms, careful not to let any nifflers inside. In the corridors, suits of armor were destroyed (Nifflers go after shiny things.) and there was much damage done everywhere.

The teachers entered the Great Hall, Dumbledore remembering to turn them back into themselves ("But I liked being young," Sprout said.) at the last minute.

Immediately, Dumbledore took action and tried to vanish the nifflers. It didn't work.

Flitwick attempted to place an immobilization charm on them. They only ran around faster.

McGonagall tried to transfigure them into rocks, but they suddenly multiplied.

Snape tried to brew a potion to make the nifflers disappear.

Trelawney ran away.

Sprout decided to have a brilliant, or incredibly stupid moment, her second one today, what a record!

"ACCIO NIFFLERS!" Sprout yelled.

Hundreds of nifflers zoomed towards her. Nifflers flew from every corner of Hogwarts. They came through the ceilings and walls. The teachers (who were the only ones that hadn't taken cover in the common rooms) ducked.

Every single niffler zoomed toward Sprout, who started cuddling as many as she could get her hands on.

Sprout ran out of Hogwarts, a crowd of nifflers following her.

Dumbledore began to ask her where she planned to deposit the nifflers, but decided to assess the damage first.

There were many niffler-shaped holes in the walls and ceilings. Suits of armor and other items were scattered throughout the corridors.

Sprout ran back inside, niffler-free.

Dumbledore somehow managed to clean everything up in one spell. ("Wow, it worked like magic!" Sprout cried.)

But, there was one thing that even Dumbledore couldn't clean up.

It was perhaps the most horrible thing ever to embrace Hogwarts.

More disgusting than Snape's hygiene.

More sinister than Lord Voldemort.

More appalling than Sprout's stupidity.

It was…

Your worst nightmare (other than the one concerning Snape in a bikini)...

The most evil...

Most dreaded...

Niffler poop.

It was everywhere.

And it smelled horrible.

Dumbledore tried to mask the smell with a strong spell.

Snape tried to brew a scent potion.

McGonagall tried to transfigure the poop into flowers.

Flitwick attempted to make the poop disappear.

Trelawney had not yet returned from her hiding spot, but would have undoubtedly run away again.

Sprout stood there.

The niffler-poop would not go away.

The situation was getting desperate.

Then, Sprout did the most random thing, or perhaps yet another brilliant/stupid thing, or both.

She dashed up the steps and went to Umbridge's office. The teachers weren't sure whether Sprout was trying to help or commit suicide by jumping out the window.

Everyone hoped it was the suicide.

Minutes later, Sprout dashed back.

Everyone sighed. She didn't die.

Then, Sprout did something amazing, and yet so simple that it made all the teachers' jaws drop.

She was holding a broom. But not a flying broom, a _regular_ broom.

Sprout began sweeping the poop off the floor.

The teachers gasped so loudly that it must have sounded as if someone had did something crazy, like Snape washing his hair, or Flitwick growing taller.

The poop gathered into a large pile. Sprout pulled out a large Wal-mart bag (where on earth had she gotten one? Apparently, she was a preferred shopper...) and swept all the poop into the bag. The horrible smell disappeared.

Sprout vanished the bag (When on earth had she learned how to do a _useful_ spell?).

The teachers were dumbstruck. Literally. They were struck by Sprout's dumbness.

Suddenly, Dumbledore did something surprising.

He clapped.

And clapped.

And clapped.

The rest of the teachers joined in.

They broke into applause.

Sprout bowed.

And bowed.

And bowed.

She bowed so many times that she got a headache.

She bowed until the teachers had all stopped clapping and were staring at her.

Today, everyone had learned something new: Sprout wasn't as dumb as she looked. She was dumber than she looked. And yet, her stupidity saved them all, three times.

"Sprout, you did it!" Flitwick cried.

"I know. Something like this takes great mental tough-ocity," Sprout said, pointing at her brain.

The teachers returned to whatever teachers normally do. There was still niffler-poop on the other floors, but Dumbledore decided to leave that to the students to take care of.

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Hermione lingered on her way to the school. Suddenly, the ground shook and she saw a very strange sight. There were hundreds upon thousands of nifflers, and Sprout was leading them. Hermione shook her head. She must be imagining things. Suddenly, as unexpectedly as they had come, the nifflers were gone. Where had they gone?

Hermione spun in a circle and looked around. Seeing nothing, she continued her walk back to Hogwarts. Her mind must be playing games with her today.

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The rest of the day went rather smoothly. Eventually, students came out of hiding and discovered the niffler-poop… Soon enough, however, students being less smart than teachers (well, _most_ teachers), everyone started sweeping up the poop before resorting to useless spells.

Lunch proceed as usual. Thankfully, the nifflers had all been evacuated, or else they would have gone crazy over the shiny dishes and goblets.

Sprout was busy bragging to the other professors (ones who had not been involved in the Quidditch game or the niffler-incident) about her achievements.

"And there was a whole gang of nifflers with big guns!" Sprout exaggerated. "Everyone got scared! Trelawney ran away screaming!"

"I was not screaming!" Trelawney interjected.

"Anyway, I was the only smart one, and I cast a VERY complicated spell-" Sprout continued, waving her wand in squiggly motions as if performing a spell.

"-You said 'Accio nifflers!'," Trelawney snapped.

"And I solved the niffler crisis! Everyone gave me a standing ovation! They clapped for ages! I couldn't get them to stop!" Sprout said.

"You bowed 27 times!" Flitwick said.

Sprout glared at him. "Hey, I'm telling the story here! And the nifflers were gone! But then, there was a bigger problem!" Sprout paused dramatically. "It was huge! Everyone was shocked!"

"It was niffler poop," Flitwick said.

"Hey! You ruined the suspense!" Sprout cried. "So, anyway, everyone was doing useless stuff, like vanishing it-"

"My vanishing spell was not useless! One piece disappeared!" Flitwick protested.

"That's because you stepped on it," McGonagall said.

Flitwick looked at the bottom of his shoe and grimaced.

"So, I was the smart one-" Sprout continued.

Snape coughed.

"Ahem, like I was saying, I was the smart one and I-" Sprout began.

Snape coughed violently.

Sprout ignored him. "I was being smart and decided to-"

Snape gave a loud cough that shook his entire body.

"WOULD YOU CUT THAT OUT!" Sprout yelled.

Then, everyone realized that Snape was not coughing about Sprout's stupidity.

He was choking.

"Should we save him?" Flitwick asked aloud.

Everyone thought for a minute.

"Nah," everyone agreed.

But, McGonagall had a shred of decency (after all, she was head of Gryffindor) and decided to… bargain with Snape.

"If I save your life, what do I get in return?" McGonagall asked Snape, who was turning blue.

Snape coughed some more and made some gagging noises.

"Will you pay me?" McGonagall asked.

Snape coughed loudly and grabbed at his throat.

"Will you not make me do my task?" McGonagall poked Snape.

Snape nodded his head as fast as he could.

"Okay, I guess I'll save you…" McGonagall decided.

She punched Snape in the back.

A chicken bone flew out of his mouth.

Snape gasped for breath.

"Hmm… I killed two birds with one stone; I got to hit Snape and no longer have to do my task," said McGonagall.

Snape gave her a dirty look.

This time, it was McGonagall who looked smug.

"One day, I'm gonna make you pay for that…" Snape vowed, still gasping for breath.

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After lunch, Draco was in deep thought. He had basically admitted that he like Hermione… to Krum… But that wasn't the important part. Now, Draco seemed to have gone from denial to… admittance. And he knew what came after admittance… Acceptance, and then confrontation.

He planned to tell Hermione about his feelings toward her.

Draco knew where to find Hermione. He always seemed to know where Hermione was, even though it was painfully obvious. The library.

Draco walked to the library and looked for Hermione.

He found her sitting in an armchair in the back of the library. Draco had often noticed Hermione sitting there, but never before had he ever been looking to find her there.

Draco stood beside a bookshelf, behind where Hermione sat.

She wasn't reading, but appeared to be asleep.

Draco immediately realized that she wasn't sleeping; she seemed to sigh now and then.

Maybe she was thinking; maybe thinking of him, Draco hoped. He had no idea how right he was.

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Oftentimes, Hermione discovered that she needed time alone, time to think.

Today, Hermione's thoughts were focused on a certain blonde ferret. A cute blonde ferret.

She'd have to admit, out of all the Quidditch players in the game, only one had caught Hermione's eye, and no, it wasn't Krum.

Hermione realized that she had spent the entire Quidditch game staring at Draco. He, however, didn't look at her.

Many times, Hermione had thought that if you stare at someone for a long time, they're bound to notice and glance at you. This time, however, it seemed as if Draco never looked at her.

_He was busy with the game_, Hermione reminded herself.

She was certain that Draco liked her. But, how could she possibly be sure?

But, all the days she had spent with Draco (attached to him) only strengthened her confidence that Draco had feelings for her.

Suddenly, Hermione realized that she missed being chained to Draco. At least being chained to him gave her an excuse to be near him. How would it look now if she suddenly spent time with him?

To be honest with herself, Hermione couldn't wait until tomorrow (Monday), when she would be chained to Draco again. Somehow, the tasks didn't seem so bad anymore. Hermione had no idea how wrong she was.

The only thing left to do on Monday was tell Harry that she wouldn't go out with him, but tell him in the best possible way. Hermione reminded herself not to let Harry know that she like Draco; that would only hurt him more.

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Draco had no idea how long he had been standing there, looking at Hermione. But, he soon became aware that someone was approaching. Draco pulled a book off the shelf and pretended to read, while wondering who was walking by.

Draco pretended to immerse himself in Beauty Basics for Young Witches.

_There were a hundred other books on the shelf, and I had to pick this one!_ Draco thought angrily.

Harry Potter walked by, giving Draco a strange look, having seen the title of the book.

Draco smacked his forehead, once Harry passed him.

_Great, now the whole school will know about the "secret nature" of Draco Malfoy!_ Draco thought.

There was, however, something else that caught his attention at the moment.

Harry was talking to Hermione.

Draco was only four feet away, and could hear every word of their conversation.

"So, Hermione," Harry said slowly.

Hermione looked up, surprised.

"Have you decided whether you want to go out with me?" Harry asked.

Draco froze. An unsettling thought occurred to him. _I might lose Hermione to Harry Potter._

Draco was relieved to hear uncertainty in Hermione's voice.

"I… I'm not sure… I'll tell you t-tomorrow…" Hermione said.

Draco breathed again (When had he started holding his breath?).

Hermione wasn't sure. That meant that she might like someone else, namely, _him_.

Draco walked away, realizing that he was invading on Hermione's privacy. However, it had made him feel better to know that Hermione might like him, and not Harry.

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Once Harry left, Hermione thought about Draco some more.

In a mere two weeks, she had grown from hating him to liking, and maybe even loving him.

How on earth had such romance blossomed so quickly?

Hermione sank in her seat.

Then, she decided to pull herself out of her thoughts. She pulled a random book off a bookshelf and started reading.

Hermione sank in her seat.

Then, she decided to pull herself out of her thoughts. She pulled a random book off a nearby bookshelf.

Beauty Basics for Young Witches, Hermione read to herself. _Heh, I might as well_, Hermione thought, flipping to a chapter titled, "Tame that Mane". She began reading.

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Dinner that night was nearly normal. Snape had recovered from his previous choking episode.

McGonagall, however, was busy entertaining the other teachers with her impressions of Snape.

She was clutching her throat and making gagging noises.

The other teachers were laughing hysterically.

Snape was glum. He didn't even have enough in him to brag about the Quidditch victory.

Dumbledore was amused by McGonagall's acting.

Now, it was Snape who was contemplating ways to kill McGonagall.

_I could hit her with a bat…_ Snape thought.

McGonagall shook in her chair, imitating Snape.

_I could make her choke on a bagel!_ _No, wait, I think I already did that... _Snape thought.

McGonagall made coughing noises as Snape had done.

_I could make her listen to Professor Binns for an hour!_

McGonagall grabbed at her throat.

Snape imagined McGonagall bound to a chair, listening to Binns drone on and on… She would be crying for mercy… Then, she'd die…

McGonagall added a part to her Snape-imitation by giving one last cough and pretending to die. She collapsed on the table.

Snape imagined that the collapsed McGonagall was the one who had suffered Professor Binns-torture.

"HA!" Snape cried.

"…"

"And he thought I had ADD," McGonagall broke the silence.

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After dinner, Hermione was making her way to the Gryffindor Common Room, when she suddenly remembered something.

_I'm in Slytherin now,_ Hermione thought.

Suddenly, as if appearing out of nowhere, Dumbledore approached Hermione.

"Miss Granger, tonight will be your first night in the Slytherin girl's dormitory. You are to gather your belongings and go there immediately. The password is 'Quodpot', and Pansy Parkinson will show you the dormitory," Dumbledore said.

Hermione didn't bother to wonder what "Quodpot" was. She entered the Gryffindor Common Room, expecting everyone to start booing her for catching the Snitch for Slytherin.

No one booed her, for Hermione had left dinner a bit early.

Hermione packed her trunk and dragged it down the stairs. As it hit the last step, the trunk burst open.

At that moment Harry and Ron entered.

Hermione gathered her things and repacked her trunk. Thankfully, nothing embarrassing was in view of the two boys. Hermione hoped Harry and Ron wouldn't hate her for accidentally catching the Snitch.

As if reading her mind, Harry said, "Don't worry, Hermione, we still love-er-_like_ you, even though you caught the Snitch. I'll still be your boyfr-_friend who happens to be aboy_… I'm not sure about Ron," Harry whispered to Hermione as he walked by.

Hermione couldn't tellif Harry was joking or not, or whether he referring to the "friend" part or the "boy" part. Hermione hoped it was the first one.

She finished putting everything into her trunk and left the Common Room, trying not to make eye contact with Ron and Harry.

Hermione made her way to the Slytherin Common Room, at the other end of Hogwarts. **(A/N: Does Slytherin have its own tower like Gryffindor? Or is their Common Room located near the dungeons?)**

Hermione was hoping no one would ask her what she was doing. A few people did, but she ignored them.

Hermione stopped at an ugly portrait portraying the cruel slaughtering of Muggle-borns. It reminded her of the Holocaust. Hermione was disgusted.

"Quodpot," she said.

A wizard in the portrait said, "No, I'm sorry. The password has changed."

"But-" Hermione began.

"No excuses. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some Mudbloods to kill," the wizard said.

Hermione wanted to punch the portrait, but controlled her anger.

Suddenly, the portrait swung open and Draco stepped out. He looked surprised to see Hermione standing there, but soon understood, seeing her trunk.

"The password's Creaothceann," Draco told Hermione.

"You guys come up with the strangest passwords," Hermione said.

"Blame it all on him." Draco pointed at the wizard in the portrait that was killing Muggle-borns.

Hermione poked the portrait and, not waiting for the wizard's response, stepped inside. She immediately concluded that the room was the most Slytherin place imaginable. Everything looked sinister. The walls were grey, the armchairs were dark green, the fireplace was dark and had obviously been unused for ages. Hermione wondered how she would survive.

"There you are!" cried a shrill voice.

Hermione wasn't sure whether to stay or run away.

Pansy Parkinson marched up to Hermione. Hermione noticed her hat, which had "Viktor Krum" in squiggly writing on it. It looked as if Krum had signed the hat in brown eyeliner.

"Come with me," Pansy commanded.

Pansy strode to the end of the room (Hermione grimaced every time Pansy's heels scraped against the floor) and walked up a staircase. Pansy opened a door. Hermione stepped inside the room.

Hermione realized all too late that she was not in a dormitory.

Suddenly, Pansy shut the door and locked it.

"Have fun in the closet, Mudblood!" Pansy cried, running off.

Hermione had to laugh at Pansy's sad attempt to lock her in a closet. Pansy had not accounted for the fact that Hermione was smart, possessed a wand, and still had her trunk, which she could easily use to break the door open.

But, Hermione hadn't acknowledged one very crucial detail. She was not alone.

"Hello, Hermy-oh-nee," said a deep, heavily accented voice.

Hermione knew she would've recognized that voice anywhere, although she had never imagined that she would be in a situation like this.

Hermione wasn't sure whether to scream, slap, or Stun.

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Note: I know, I know! Yet another cliffhanger! I'm sorry, but I just wanted to add something interesting this story, and this was the right time…

The passwords for the Slytherin Common Room were random words I chose out of Quidditch Through the Ages.

Somehow, I feel like this needs to be said: **This story is rated T and will remain so.** No, Viktor Krum does not rape Hermione. No, he doesn't kill her, although that would make an interesting tragedy.

Hmm… This story is still Romance/Humor… Although it has taken on a tiny bit of a serious edge…

Yes, I will update as soon as I can… I seem to have developed a habit of updating on Sunday nights... (U. S. Pacific time), mostly so that when I come home after a long Monday of school, I can read some reviews.

Please review! (and please vote at the Dramione Awards, the link is posted on my profile page.)


	37. Chapter 37

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Yes, I know, I haven't updated in a while… I had a really, really busy week (it was the end of the quarter at school and I had LOTS of homework, projects, tests, etc.)…

A HUGE THANKS TO where-my-heart-resides, FOR NOMINATING THIS STORY AT THE "HE HAD IT COMING" DRAMIONE AWARDS!

And thanks to my 1500th reviewer, ANNiEEx3!

Ooh, and I think I forgot to mention this before, but no one except Krum heard Draco's little love-confession (where he randomly shouted that he like Hermione).

Yes, thanks to everyone for telling me the Slytherin Common Room was in the dungeons. I'm going to pretend they have a tower… I have a feeling that having the common room and dormitories in a tower will be useful later on…

(Pointless) Disclaimer: One day, honest FanFiction authors won't have to worry about angry real-life authors chasing them and hitting them on the head with books. Until then, Harry Potter and his gang of miscreants (that means you, Snape!) does not belong to me, but to the honorable J. K. Rowling, who I am certain would never ever run around hitting people with books while screaming "GO TO JAIL, CHARACTER-STEALERS!", like some of my friends/acquaintances would. Moral of this paragraph: Never let an angry author (or an angry friend, for that matter) get his/her hands on a very heavy book, say Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Other moral of this paragraph: When a friend hits you on the head with the fifth Harry Potter book, it hurts a lot.

Oh, and I must mention this: personally, I really don't like this chapter, and I understand that you might feel the same way once you finish reading it. I truly hate to let you guys down, but what happens in this chapter has to happen. Although I feel horrible writing this chapter, it is still important to this story, and there is a reason things turned out this way. I have spent ages deciding whether I made the right choice in doing what I did at the end of this chapter, but I sent this chapter to my friend, and she said I should leave it as it is. So, I did.

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Chapter 37 – A Fight With Pillows… A Pillow Fight!

Krum was leaning against the back wall of the closet.

Hermione backed away slowly, unsure of what to do or say.

"Hermy-oh-nee…" Krum said in his accent.

Hermione's voice was caught in her throat.

"I vanted to talk to you," Krum continued.

Hermione nodded, taking careful notice of all possible escape routes.

"I am glad to see you again…" Krum said.

Hermione contemplated whether Krum was going to hurt her or not.

"I did not know ven I vood be able to say this…" Krum looked nervous.

Hermione wondered why.

"I missed you."

Hermione gave a soft "Oh,".

Then, there was an awkward silence.

Krum found the floor very interesting.

"I… I m-missed y-you too," Hermione couldn't help but reply.

They both knew it was a lie.

Suddenly, Krum looked up. "Hermy-oh-nee, I must ask you zis…"

Hermione feared for the worst. Had Krum somehow discovered that she like Draco?

Krum sensed Hermione's apprehension and decided to switch the question abruptly, for Hermione's sake.

"Do you know where zee Snitch is?"

Hermione blinked. "What?"

Krum repeated his question.

"No idea," Hermione lied.

Krum examined the floor once again. Hermione couldn't see it, but his eyes were sorrowful.

Hermione was almost certain that he had found out about her and Draco and was going to ask about it.

She was right, Krum _was_ about to ask about her relationship with Draco.

"So… Is there anything else?" Hermione asked, breaking the silence.

Krum once again considered asking her about Draco, but he already had an answer.

"No, zere is nothing else."

Hermione cast a spell with her wand and unlocked the door. She grabbed her trunk and left.

Krum sat on a cardboard box.

Krum had to admit to himself: he still liked Hermione, perhaps more than he ever had before.

It had taken him forever to figure out how to escape the crowds of adoring fans that swarmed around him after the Quidditch game. But, after everyone entered Hogwarts, the crowds dispersed faster than Snape could give out a detention. Krum had avoided the nifflers by sneaking into the Slytherin Common Room, where he offered to sign Pansy Parkinson's hat if she would guarantee him time with Hermione.

And here he was. Now, Krum was almost positive Hermione liked Draco as much as he liked her; the look on her face was as revealing as Pansy's outfit.

Krum sighed. Three years ago, he was sure Hermione liked him. Once he left Hogwarts, they wrote long letters to each other practically every day. But, a year later, there were fewer and fewer letters. Eventually, correspondence between Viktor Krum and Hermione Granger ended completely.

Krum rested his head in his hands. It was hopeless. He had lost Hermione to Draco Malfoy.

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Hermione rushed out of the closet and up the stairs, searching for the girls' dormitory, and also for Pansy. After a few minutes, she came upon a door marked _"Seventh Year Girls' Dormitory"_. She burst through the door and searched for Pansy amongst the small group of girls sitting on their beds. Finally, Hermione found her.

"PANSY!" Hermione yelled.

"Back so soon, Mudblood?" Pansy replied without looking up from the magazine in her hands.

"HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!" Hermione cried.

Pansy looked at Hermione, and Hermione glared at her.

"Better unpack your things, Mudblood, it's gonna be a _long_ night."

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As much as Hermione would hate to admit it, a group of giggling girls poring over hot guys in magazines are absolutely impossible to ignore, especially if the ringleader of the group happens to be Pansy Parkinson.

"For the 19th time, Pansy, would you please shut up!" Hermione soon found herself repeating endlessly.

It was 9 PM, and the amount of homework Hermione had managed to accomplish was… zero.

"I'm sorry, Mudblood, why don't you relax? Go to a spa? Enjoy a _mud_ bath!" Pansy collapsed into a fit of giggles, and the girls around her did the same.

Hermione slammed her Potions book shut and glared at Pansy, who smirked.

"Be nice, little Mudblood, or else we'll shove mud down your throat!" another fit of giggles followed Pansy's comment.

Hermione was actually impressed by the amount of lame insults Pansy could come up with in the past few hours.

"You know, Pansy, they say that giggling is good for the abs; I bet, underneath last season's v-neck purple-striped-I-don't-give-a-crap-who-designed-it-tank top, you might actually possess a six-pack," Hermione fired back.

"These aren't last season!" Pansy declared, and she and the other girls began a long discussion over who's clothing were last season's.

Hermione sighed. She opened her Potions book again and hoped that Pansy would be too distracted by "This shirt is magenta, not pink!" to insult her.

Well, Pansy's short attention span worked against Hermione, for after four minutes, Pansy returned to insulting Hermione.

"I bet even Weasley wouldn't go out with a dork like you!" Pansy said, and everyone around her giggled again.

"You know, I bet if you got some plastic surgery, you might almost look half-pretty!" Hermione said.

Pansy and the other girls soon went into a discussion of what plastic surgery was, since obviously, none of them were Muggle-born.

Hermione was rewarded approximately two insult-free minutes, not that it mattered, being within ten feet of Pansy was bad enough.

A while later, Hermione soon realized something was wrong: it was quiet.

Hermione looked up from her homework and looked at Pansy and her friends, who were staring at her.

"What!" Hermione snapped, glaring at Pansy.

"Nothing, just admiring your penmanship," Pansy replied innocently.

Hermione snorted. She didn't know penmanship was in Pansy's vocabulary.

"Of course, if everyone could write like you, writing wouldn't be hard anymore," Pansy continued.

_Since when is writing hard?_ Hermione wondered.

"But seeing how you're… ahem… _lacking_ in the beauty department, your intelligence seems to make up for it," Pansy drawled.

Hermione resumed glaring at Pansy.

"But I hope you don't take it personally, it's not your fault you're ugly!" Pansy faked concern for Hermione.

Hermione had had enough.

"Yeah, well here's something I hope you don't take personally!" Hermione yelled.

Before the smirk could fade from Pansy's face, Hermione whacked her in the head with a pillow.

There was a second of silence, as Pansy had a dumbfounded expression on her face… Wait, it was just a dumb expression, never mind.

Then…

"AARGHH!" Pansy roared, grabbing a pillow from her bed and throwing it at Hermione.

Hermione ducked, and the pillow hit the wall, knocking down a portrait of a hideous mermaid.

Hermione picked up another pillow and threw it at Pansy's head.

The pillow missed Pansy and hit one of her friends.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I-" Hermione started apologizing…

…Until Pansy promptly hit her in the head with a lamp.

"HA!" Pansy shrieked.

Hermione growled.

Pansy stopped laughing. Her tiny ounce of a brain cell told her to back away from the angry Hermione.

Suddenly, without warning, Hermione launched herself at Pansy and started hitting her with random items on the floor.

Pansy suffered beatings from books… magazines… rolls of parchment… quills… the occasional ink bottle…

Then, Pansy ran to her bed and flung a near-empty trunk at Hermione, knocking her over.

Hermione fell. She didn't move.

Pansy was mildly worried. A few quiet minutes later, she became really worried. So where the other girls.

"Mudblood?" Pansy said uncertainly. She walked over to where Hermione lie. "Granger? Are you dead?"

Pansy reached out a hand and poked Hermione's arm. "Mudblood? Wakey, wakey?"

All of a sudden, Hermione grabbed Pansy's outstretched arm. Pansy squealed in fright. She reminded Hermione of a mouse.

Hermione threw pillow after pillow at Pansy.

Hermione was screaming death threats.

Pansy was just plain screaming.

Everyone else watched.

Then, the door burst open.

It was Snape. But not the normal hideous and grumpy Snape, this time it was the raging mad, I'm-about-to-murder-you-if-I-hear-as-much-as-a-single-squeak-from-you Snape. Although still hideous.

"CEASE THIS NONSENSE AT ONCE!" Snape roared.

The "nonsense" ceased at once.

"WHO STARTED THIS!" Snape asked.

Seven fingers pointed at Hermione. Hermione's finger pointed at Pansy. Pansy's finger forgot how to point.

"WHAT IS GOING ON!" Snape continued to holler. You'd think he'd lose his voice by now.

"…Pillow…" Pansy mumbled weakly, rubbing her head.

"…Fight…" Hermione mumbled, massaging her arm.

Snape gave a "Hmph!", as in an I-don't-give-a-damn-what-you're-doing-just-let-me-go-back-to-work-in-peace-so-I-can-continue-my-miserable-life kind of "Hmph!"

"AS OF THIS MOMENT, I FORBID YOU TO HIT EACH OTHER WITH PILLOWS!" Snape bellowed.

A few seconds passed.

Then, something within Hermione and Pansy's minds clicked, if Pansy even possessed a mind.

If they can't hit each other with pillows…

…Then they can just plain hit each other.

Suddenly, Hermione punched Pansy in the stomach, and Pansy slapped Hermione's face.

The "nonsense" resumed.

Snape wasn't sure whether to end the fight, give out detentions, or go grab a bowl of popcorn.

"AAHHH!" Pansy screamed as Hermione kicked her in the shin.

"OOOWWW!" Hermione yelled as Pansy scratched her arm.

"HIIIYAAAHH!" soon became Hermione's war chant, as she repeatedly punched Pansy's back.

"GGAHH!" Pansy cried when she jumped on Hermione's back and started pulling her hair.

Snape decided to take action, before someone loses an eye. "STOP THIS NONSENSE!"

Once again, the "nonsense" stopped.

"VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER!" Snape shouted.

"…It's the question…" Hermione added.

"…And the answer is yes!" Pansy shrieked.

Pansy punched Hermione, who screamed.

"I FORBID THE TWO OF YOU TO USE VIOLENCE!" Snape ordered.

A few seconds passed. Hermione had some sort of odd déjà vu feeling…

Then, something in the minds of Pansy and Hermione clicked.

If they can't use violence…

…They can use…

"WANDS!" Hermione and Pansy cried simultaneously.

Snape groaned. "It never ends!"

Hermione whipped out her wand. Pansy did the same.

"Stupe-" Hermione began, but was cut short.

Pansy leapt on Hermione's back and started stabbing her with her wand.

"Well, that's an interesting twist," Snape commented.

Thus began a swordfight, or rather, _wandfight_.

…Until Pansy's wand broke.

"MY WAND!" Pansy cried as Hermione smacked it fiercely with her wand.

"It's not like you were going to use it anyway," Hermione said.

"True…" Pansy said slowly.

Hermione backed away from Pansy to catch her breath.

"Aww… It's over!" Snape cried.

"…"

"…I mean, _thank goodness the two of you have ceased this nonsense_!" Snape corrected hastily. "Now, to ensure that this does not happen again, although it was quite entertaining, I will separate this room into two halves."

"But what about the other girls?" Pansy wondered.

"Then they will stay one your side of the room," Snape snapped. He took out his wand and created a magical line dividing the room.

Pansy stared at the bright blue line. "Why does it have to be blue? Why can't it be a color more socially acceptable, like pink?"

"Because I said so," Snape replied.

"So… What happens if the line is crossed?" Hermione asked.

Hermione stepped toward the line, and ran into a wall of solid air.

"You can't cross the line," Snape said smugly.

"Then how do I go out the door?" Pansy asked.

Snape paused for a second. "Good point." He used his wand to rearrange the line so it divided the door in half. "Oh, and I shall collect your wands, so no one gets any _ideas_…" Snape took Hermione's wand, and the pieces of Pansy's wand.

"Wait, so is this like some sort of anger treatment?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, now if you don't mind, I would like to go to bed," Snape snapped. "Good night. Enjoy each other's company." And with that, he left the room.

Pansy and Hermione stared at each other.

_If I make it out alive_, Hermione thought, _I'll kiss Draco_. It took Hermione a moment to realize that it was something she wanted to do…

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That night was perhaps the longest night in Hermione's life. There was a distinct reason why Hermione couldn't fall asleep, and it was a very horribly annoying reason.

Pansy snores.

Hermione had planned to create a soundproof wall, except Snape took her wand. Smothering her face with pillows didn't work, either.

Pansy gave a particularly loud snore that drove Hermione insane.

_Even Ron snores softer than that!_ Hermione thought, remembering the time she spent at the Burrow.

How Hermione wanted to be in Gryffindor again!

Hermione checked her watch. It was three in the morning.

She couldn't take it anymore.

Hermione sat up in bed and picked up her pillow. Then, a though occurred to her. Hermione chucked the pillow at Pansy. Pansy moaned.

"Draco… Stop it… Ohh... Mmm... Draco..." Pansy said between snores.

Hermione was disgusted by whatever dream Pansy was having… She was also annoyed by Pansy's obsession with Draco.However, Hermione wasfeeling somewhat relieved that Draco didn't like Pansy.

Hermione got out of bed and left the dormitory. She tiptoed down the stairs, searching for a bathroom. _Maybe I can sleep in there_, Hermione thought.

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Viktor Krum had no idea how long he had been sitting in the closet. When he thought about Hermione, Krum could daydream for hours on end.

_Hermione…_

Krum ignored his drooping eyelids. He let his eyes close. An image filled his head.

_Hermione…_

If only he could see her again… One last time…

Krum knew he would have to leave soon… Everyone probably assumed he had already left Hogwarts. Dumbledore had not provided any sort of transportation, except for a broom. Krum was glad… There would be no one waiting for him… No one would be worried when he did not show up…

_Hermione…_

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get her out of his head. Krum was overwhelmed by sadness. His beloved Hermione had fallen in love with someone else. Draco Malfoy, of all people.

_A life without Hermione is no life at all_… Krum thought. _I have no life left to live_…

How he longed to see her! To hear her voice! To run his fingers through her hair!

Finally, he came to a conclusion. _Hermione would be happy_. It no longer matters that he would not.

Krum reflected on the events of the day. So much had happened. He had arrived at Hogwarts overjoyed at a chance to see Hermione again… And his heart had broken when he realized Draco Malfoy loved her, and she loved him too.

There was only one thing left to do, one more thing that would make this night complete.

In the lives of Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy, there was just one detail that didn't belong. Viktor Krum.

But after tonight, there would be no loose ends; no tiny things would be out of place.

Viktor stood up. To end sitting down would be a disgrace to his name.

How he wanted her!

How he loved her!

He needed her so much more than she could have ever imagined!

Krum put his hand on the doorknob.

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Hermione had checked every single door on the way down to the Common Room. No bathrooms in sight.

Hermione sighed. She continued down the winding staircase.

Then, she reached a door she immediately recognized.

The closet. The same closet she had been locked inside earlier that day.

The closet Viktor Krum had been in.

Hermione was still puzzled. She worried if Viktor knew she liked Draco. She wondered what he had truly meant to ask her.

Hermione put her hand on the doorknob. For a second, she wished Krum was still there, on the other side of the door. She could talk to him, tell him that she was sorry. Sorry for liking Draco.

Hermione shook her head. There was nothing to apologize for. Krum didn't know she liked Draco. There was nothing wrong between her and Viktor.

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_Everything is wrong between me and Hermione_, Krum thought to himself.

But it wasn't as if they had still been going out or anything…

However, Krum had always felt that Hermione still kept feelings for him. He had never imagined that Hermione would have moved on.

Now, it was time for him to move on.

Krum reached into the pocket of his robes. His hand found that familiar item. Krum fingered the smooth wood. Dragon heartstring. How appropriate it seemed at the moment.

Krum didn't have the heart so say out loud what he was about to say. Hehad often wondered if spells would work if they were whispered. Either way, tonight, he was about to find out…

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Hermione's hand released the doorknob. She moved on. Hermione descended the remainder of the steps and found herself in the Slytherin Common Room.

Somehow, it looked surprisingly less gloomy in the dark than it did in light. Hermione picked a random armchair and sat down. She fell asleep.

Although Hermione was unaware of it, another person was falling asleep at the exact same moment. However, his sleep was of a more permanent kind…

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Note: I really hate to do this to the character, but it had to be done, although I'm not sure if I made the right decision…

Yes, I know, this chapter seems completely unrelated to the plot of the story… Well, when I wrote this, I had a feeling that this is how the chapter should turn out, regardless of whether it was the right choice. Somehow, Ithink this chapter will eventually tie in with the ending of the story...

In the story, tomorrow is Monday, therefore we will be making a return to the tasks… What a weekend…

I know, people want more romance… Yes, there will certainly be romance in the next chapter (hint, hint)…

Just in case I don't have time to update next week, I should mention: I'm going to New York from April 10 to 14… I'll do my best to update before then… I really hate to keep you all waiting…

Oh, please review… I understand how a lot of people probably don't like this chapter... But this is the path the story will take... Regardless of how many times people flame me. Please don't give up reading this story; I have a ton of great things planned for it... If you feel like you really hate this story right now, please at least continue a few more chapters... And don't think I'm a reckless author for doing this to Krum; believer me, I have spent ages thinking about whether I did the right thing. The next chapters will probably be a lot better than this one.

Oh, and the reason Krum had no accent when he was thinking to himself, is because I imagine that he was thinking in a different language...

**And please vote in the "He Had It Coming" Dramione Awards!**


	38. Chapter 38

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: I know, I know, I haven't updated in a VERY long time… You can all take a second now and yell at me… Okay, you can stop now. Yes, yes, I feel terrible for not updating in nearly three months…

Aww… Thanks once more to my fabulous reviewers! And thanks to my 1600th reviewer, Drakulya!

Oh, and thanks to everyone who voted at the "He Had It Coming" Dramione Awards; this story took second in the "Yet To Know" category!

Task #5 was inspired by a review from "IluvDraco". Thanks!

Disclaimer: Apparently, J. K. Rowling has deemed me as being "unsuitable" for owning Harry Potter, mostly due to the fact that I might accidentally (or intentionally) kill him if I were to write a story.

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Chapter 38 – Task #5, Hermione

Hermione awoke with a start. She had no idea why she awoke or what time it was. Hermione sat up and examined her surroundings. It took her a moment to realize that she had fallen asleep on an armchair in the Slytherin Common Room.

Hermione yawned. It was still dark, but she didn't feel like going back to sleep. Hermione rubbed the remaining tiredness from her eyes.

It was then that she became aware that something was keeping her awake. It was a feeling, an indescribable feeling, as if something was about to happen. At first, Hermione had trouble putting her finger on it. Then, she knew what it was.

Today was Monday; she would have to complete a task.

Hermione wondered what her task would be. She hoped it wouldn't be too humiliating. Hermione hoped that it wouldn't scar her for life. She had no idea.

She sat for a while, thinking of her task. Soon, Hermione noticed that it was getting brighter inside the Common Room. Through the heavy curtains hiding the one lonely window in the room, the first rays of sunlight could be seen.

_The owl will be coming soon_, Hermione thought. Sure enough, she heard the distinct hooting of an owl upstairs in the dormitory.

Hermione tiptoed up the stairs, hoping no one would wake up. She passed by the closet door that she had previously been locked in and stopped. Something seemed different about that place, as if something had changed overnight. Hermione shook her head and continued up the stairs, pushing the thought from her mind.

She entered the dormitory, relieved to find that everyone was still asleep. Pansy gave another loud snore. Then, Hermione saw it, the owl. It was sitting at the window by Pansy's bed. She ran towards the owl.

_Ow._

Hermione ran smack into a wall of solid air and crumpled onto the floor. The noise startled the owl, which flew away, unceremoniously depositing the note on top of Pansy's head. Pansy gave yet another snore. Hermione groaned. Everyone existed to make her life more difficult. Hermione got back up and reached out her arm toward the note.

_Double ow._

Apparently, the invisible wall was closer than she thought.

_This could take a while_, Hermione thought.

Hermione instinctively reached for her wand, but remembered that Snape had confiscated it. _Damn you, Snape!_ Hermione was out of options. She would simply have to wait for Pansy to wake up, and pray that she'll hand over the note, hopefully without reading it, to avoid questions.

Then, Hermione noticed something on the ground; it was an umbrella that had probably been thrown around during the pillow/wand fight. Hermione had an idea. She picked up the umbrella and stepped as close to the invisible wall as she could. She extended the umbrella as far as she could without her hand crossing the line. The idea was to try to scrape the note using the tip of the umbrella, clever Hermione.

However, the umbrella wasn't quite long enough. Hermione stretched as far as she could and tried to get the point of the umbrella to gently hit the note so it fell off Pansy's head.

She was so close…

Hermione stretched her arm out a teensy bit farther, but felt the invisible wall against her hand.

Just a little bit farther…

Hermione needed just two more inches…

Almost there…

Hermione gripped the handle of the umbrella and stretched it out a teensy bit more…

Come on…

At that moment, Hermione's hand slipped against the handle of the umbrella. Her finger accidentally hit the little button on the umbrella, and it popped open, soaring out of Hermione's hands…

…And into Pansy's face!

"AHH!"

Hermione winced. Getting hit with an umbrella that opens directly into your face must be pretty painful…

"GRANGER!" Pansy screeched.

"Yes?" Hermione replied innocently. _Maybe if I act innocent, she won't think it was me the hit her on the head with that umbrella…_ Hermione hoped.

Pansy picked up the umbrella that was now lying beside her head. "You hit me with an umbrella!"

"I'm… sorry?" Hermione tried to sound apologetic, but ended up laughing at the enraged look on Pansy's face.

"THIS IS NOT FUNNY!" Pansy yelled. By now, everyone in the dormitory was awake, and half the people in Hogwarts as well.

"I'm sorry, dear Pansy. I'm sorry that you got hit in the head with an umbrella, which happened to open your face and permanently damage your lovely facial features, but don't worry, all can be fixed!" Hermione watched as Pansy grew even angrier. "Now, now, don't get mad, it was all a dreadful accident."

"What I wanna know is what you were doing hitting me with an umbrella at freakin' six o'clock in the morning!" Pansy shouted.

Hermione was debating whether or not to tell Pansy the truth.

"You had a fly on your face," Hermione replied abruptly.

"A fly."

"Yes, indeed," Hermione insisted.

"A fly."

"A big, scary fly!" Hermione said.

"A fly!"

"I think we've already established that," Hermione said, smirking.

"GRANGER!" Pansy roared. "YOU HIT ME WITH AN UMBRELLA BECAUSE OF A FLY?"

"Yes, Pansy."

"WHY?"

"Well, we don't want a dreadful fly to lay eggs on your face now, eh?" Hermione teased.

"WHAT? GAH! FLY EGGS ON MY FACE! AHH!" Pansy screamed, believing what Hermione said.

Hermione decided to have some fun with this; after all, she was a Slytherin now. "Like I said, it was a big, scary fly! It was eating your face…"

"AHH! EATING MY FACE!" Pansy yelled, running around in circles.

"…A huge, gigantic fly with big eyes and a million legs…" Hermione continued.

"AHHH! A MILLION LEGS!"

"…A ferocious man-eating fly with sharp teeth…"

"AHH! SHARP TOOTHED FLY!"

"…A fly like… THAT ONE!" Hermione suddenly pointed behind Pansy.

"AHHH! GET IT AWAY! GET IT OFF! HELP! AHH!" Pansy cried.

"Come here, and I'll get it off for you," Hermione offered.

Pansy ran toward Hermione as fast as she could.

_OW._

Hermione snickered.

Pansy cast Hermione a dirty look, which wasn't so dirty considering the fact that she was wincing at the same time.

"That was mean…" Pansy complained, getting up from the floor, which she had fallen upon.

"Slytherin," Hermione reminded Pansy.

Pansy cast Hermione another dirty look, which consisted of simply squinting her left eye, which made it look as if she was trying to read some small print off of Hermione's face.

"What is going on here?" Snape burst into the room. "You disrupted my sleep cycle!"

"I HATE THE INVISIBLE WALL!" Pansy cried, rubbing her head, which she hit when she ran into the wall.

"I see…" Snape said. "…That you have experienced some… _problems_."

"YES, AND THERE'S A BIG, SCARY, MAN-EATING, MILLION-LEGGED, SHARP-TOOTHED FLY AFTER ME!"

"Uh huh…" Snape was amused. "And what do you propose we do about it?"

"You could give us back our wands," Hermione suggested, eager to retrieve the note, which had fallen behind Pansy's bed.

"And if I do, will the fighting, screaming, and grotesque descriptions of unpleasant insects cease?" Snape asked wearily.

"It most certainly would," Hermione said.

"Fine." Snape took the wands out of the pocket of his robes (he was considerate enough to be dressed in something other than his pajamas for the sake of the students' eyesight) and gave Hermione her wand. "Miss Parkinson… your wand requires repair…" Snape said, examining the pieces of Pansy's wand. Pansy nodded in agreement. "Good luck!" Snape said, handing the pieces to Pansy and leaving immediately.

Pansy was about to protest, but decided that she would simply attempt to tape her wand back together, with Snape's blessing.

Hermione silently accio'd the note, while everyone else in the room (most of whom had gone back to sleep) returned to their usual morning business, whatever that may be.

The note flew into Hermione's hand. No one seemed to notice a flying piece of parchment. Pansy was too busy rearranging the pieces of her wand, which shouldn't have been hard, considering that there were only two pieces.

Hermione returned to her bed and opened the note.

_Task #5_

_Kiss your least favorite person in your house (the first person that comes to mind)._

Hermione's mind immediately flew to Neville, but then she realized something. She was in _Slytherin_. That means…

"Granger, what are you smiling for?" Pansy snapped.

Hermione hadn't realized it, but a smile had slowly crept across her features.

_Draco…_

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It had taken Draco Malfoy a few moments to realize that it was a Monday, therefore, the tasks would resume. Draco tried to remember what task he had given Hermione, but it had escaped from his memory. Draco got halfway to the portrait of the Fat Lady when he realized that Hermione was in Slytherin, therefore she would be waiting in the Slytherin Common Room, or somewhere in the vicinity. Draco made his way back to the Slytherin Common Room.

He passed Harry on the way there. _Hah, Potter, he thinks Hermione likes him_, Draco thought.

Draco quickened his pace, for Hermione might be waiting for him. But that wasn't the only reason he walked faster.

Draco approached the portrait with the Muggle-killing wizard, and found Hermione standing outside, waiting for him. The corridor was surprisingly empty.

"Hermione abruptly handed Draco a piece of paper when he approached. He read it, smiling inwardly. "Oh, I-" Draco began, but was silenced immediately when he experienced something he hadn't felt in a long time: pure happiness.

Hermione kissed him.

She had no idea how long they kissed, but all she knew was that she liked it. And so did he. Hermione ran her fingers through Draco's silky blonde hair. How could she have ever hated this same person? Mere weeks ago, Hermione would've kicked Draco rather than kiss him. And yet, so much had changed.

It was at that moment that everything seemed to suddenly fall into place, Hermione felt. It seemed so right. Almost nothing could break this moment. _Almost_ nothing…

"Hermione!"

Hermione tore her lips from Draco's. Then, as suddenly as it had happened, everything seemed to fall apart. Everything seemed to go wrong at that very moment.

She recognized that voice. Hermione hadn't meant for it to happen this way. She would've done anything to go back in time. Anything else could've happened, anything but _this_.

Hermione turned around and knew who it was.

Harry.

Of all people.

Hermione knew he had witnessed everything. _Why now?_ Hermione pleaded. _Why did he have to show up right now, of all times?_ Then she remembered. She had promised that she would tell Harry if she would date him… on _Monday morning_. Instead, she had hurt him.

"Hermione…" Harry cast Hermione a piercing glare, not one of anger, but one of pain.

"No, Harry, I-" Hermione stammered.

"I get it, Hermione," Harry said coldly.

"You don't understand…" Hermione tried to explain to Harry, but knew that it was no use. The damage was done.

"What, Hermione? What don't I understand? Tell me. I want to know," Harry said, looking at Hermione, who looked away.

"It's… it's… complicated," Hermione faltered.

"I'm sure it is," Harry said, turning around and walking away.

"No, Harry!" Hermione said. She ran after him, but was suddenly pulled back. The chain had attached her to Draco.

Draco had been silent the entire time. There were so many thoughts running through his head. Somehow, he felt sorry for Harry. He felt guilty; he was the one who had made up the task. He was the one who also loved Hermione.

Hermione sighed. Tears burned in her eyes, but she held them back.

Then she realized something. She had just kissed Draco. Hermione Granger just kissed Draco Malfoy.

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Note: I'm sorry that this chapter was shorter than the others… But not to worry, school ends in a few days, and I will certainly have time to write more chapters then…

Just a random note, I'm really excited about World Cup! Hooray! (I'm a crazed soccer fan who gets up early in the morning to watch World Cup before I have to run for the school bus. That's the disadvantage of living in the U. S. Pacific Time Zone; everything here happens so early compared to people in other time zones, who can comfortably watch the soccer games later in the day.)

Oh, and please, please review! I do appreciate your comments and feedback! I'll try to update ASAP (I know, I always say that but I never do…).


	39. Chapter 39

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks to all my awesome reviewers! And thanks to my 1700th reviewer, iluv2dance!

Okay, in response to a bit of confusion, I changed one tiny detail in the previous chapter; I simply reworded Hermione's task a little bit. You'll understand why I did that in the next chapter.

I'm terribly sorry, but there isn't very much Draco/Hermione in this chapter… But there will certainly be more in the next chapters.

Some of you may have noticed that Hermione's fifth task was completed in the last chapter… which means that this story is about halfway done! I can hardly believe it myself; it feels like there is still so much left to write… and there is.

Oh, and I should mention... It's almost the one-year anniversary of this story! Well... It's in about a month actually... August 29th! But I can hardly believe that my story has been going on for almost a whole year! (I'm a person that can't seem to stick to something for a long time; my computer is filled with stories in which I've never gotten past the first few chapters.)

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of J. K. Rowling.

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Chapter 39 – The Return of the Nifflers

Hermione wasn't quite sure what happened next. Somehow, she had ended up in the Great Hall, sat down at the Gryffindor table with Draco, and was repeatedly stabbing her fork into a pile of scrambled eggs, only to drop them halfway on the way to her mouth. It didnt' help that Draco was sitting next to her, looking as cute as he always did.

"Hermione, are you okay?" Ginny asked timidly.

A piece of egg paused in mid-air.

"I'm fine."

The egg slid off the fork again.

Meanwhile, Draco was doing a similar routine with drowning a single remaining bite of pancake in a waterfall of syrup.

He sat in silence, possibly reflecting on the events of the previous half an hour, or perhaps pondering what to do with a plateful of syrup, or both.

"Better get going, don't want to be late." Ginny broke the silence. _Can't stand the awkwardness_, she commented to herself upon exiting the Great Hall.

Harry hadn't shown up for breakfast; Hermione hoped he wasn't too badly hurt... but then again he very well may be. Ron was busy stuffing his mouth with food.

"Are you gonna eat that?" Ron said, gesturing to Draco's poor bite of pancake drowned in syrup. Perhaps Ron was going to attempt some pancake-CPR.

"No. Let's go," Draco got up and Hermione followed, trying not to look him in the eye.

Hermione wasn't sure if this behavior was normal for two people who had just shared a kiss, but then again, how many people found themselves chained to Draco Malfoy and forced to complete ten tasks?

"Better hurry; Transfiguration's next," Ron said, passing the two of them in the hallway. His face was covered in syrup.

Hermione thought about telling him, but decided to let it go.

As interesting as this morning had been, it was about to get a whole lot more interesting.

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"NO, MR. LONGBOTTOM! DO NOT WAVE YOUR WAND LIKE THAT; YOU'LL KILL US ALL!" McGonagall bellowed.

"But you said-" Neville protested.

"I SAID TO SWISH YOURWAND LIKE THIS!" McGonagall demonstrated. "AND BE SURE TO SAY THE INCANTATION PROPERLY, OR ELSE- MR. WEASLEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? THIS HAS ONLY BEEN THE FIRST TEN MINUTES OF CLASS; WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?"

"Professor, you have not yet told us what we are to be Transfiguring-" Hermione pointed out.

"Professor, Seamus poked me in the eye with his wand-" Dean protested.

"I did not! His eye was in the way-" Seamus yelled.

"Professor, my wand broke-" Neville wailed.

"Professor McGonagall, I can't find my textbook-" Parvati complained.

"Professor, Pansy's being a bitch-" Blaise said.

"I am not!" Pansy slapped Blaise viciously.

"Professor, I-" a Slytherin began.

"SHUT UP!" McGonagall roared. "What are you, first years? Can't you practice one simple incantation without driving me insane?"

"Professor, your shoes don't match your robe," Pansy commented.

"STOP TALKING!" McGonagall shouted, and looked at her feet. "And yes,they do."

The class was silent.

McGonagall sighed. _Transfiguration with Gryffindors and Slytherins on Monday mornings. Do they serve coffee in hell?_

"IF I HEAR ONE MORE SOUND OUT OF YOU, YOU'RE ALL GETTING DOUBLE DETENTIONS!" McGonagall threatened.

A loud snort was heard.

"Okay, who snorted?" McGonagall demanded.

_Snort, snort._

"WHO WAS IT?"

_Snort, snort, snort._

"WHO JUST SNORTED?"

Silence.

"That's better. Now, let's proceed with the Transfig-" McGonagall said.

_Snort_.

"SHUT UP! WHO DID IT?"

Silence.

"Now, like I was saying, since you have already practiced the incantation-"

_Snort._

McGonagall gave evil eyes to everyone in the class.

"You shall be Transfiguring-"

_Snort._

"FOR GOODNESS SAKES!" McGonagall bellowed.

"Professor! You didn't tell us we'd be Transfiguring _nifflers_ today!" Lavender exclaimed happily.

"N-n-nifflers?" McGonagall froze.

_Snort, snort, snort._

"They're so cute!" Parvati exclaimed.

She was cuddling a niffler.

"Where did that niffler come from?" McGonagall said, a horrible feeling descending upon her.

Parvati shrugged.

"Who conjured that niffler?" McGonagall demanded.

Silence.

"WHO DID IT?"

Silence.

"ANSWER ME!"

_Snort._

McGonagall glared at the niffler.

"If no one confesses, then I shall have to go through the entire class and feed you Veritaserum!" McGonagall threatened.

The students started murmuring. Some people started petting the niffler in Parvati's arms.

Soon, the noise level resumed, and McGonagall's rage was momentarily forgotten.

"Oh, look at it-" one student remarked.

"It's so cute-" said another.

"Let's name it!" Dean said.

"How about… Murphy!" Lavender suggested.

"No! That's a stupid name!" Ron said.

"My cousin's name is Murphy!" Seamus said.

"Or maybe we should name it-" a Slytherin began.

"STOP IT! STOP TALKING! I AM STILL THE ULTIMATE AUTHORITY HERE, AND I DID NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK!" McGonagall was mad.

Silence.

_Snort_.

McGonagall growled. "I want to know who conjured that niffler, and I want to know right now." McGonagall was shaking with rage.

No one replied.

"Was it you, Miss Granger?"

Hermione shook her head.

"You, Mr. Malfoy?"

Draco shook his head.

"Did you do it, Mr. Weasley?"

"Now, really, Professor, do you think Weasley has the brains to conjure anything?" Draco cut in.

"Hmm… You're right. But whoever did it is in BIG trouble!" McGonagall said dangerously.

"How big?" Neville asked. "Like _this_ big?" He spread his arms apart.

"No, I'd say it was more like _this_ big," Blaise said, spreading his arms farther.

"_That_ big? I think it's like a few inches bigger-" Pansy added.

"SILENCE!" McGonagall yelled.

_Snort_.

"You too!" McGonagall said to the niffler. "Now, whoever did this has a lot to answer for! Conjuring a niffler in the middle of a classroom? This has taken away nearly twenty minutes of your valuable learning time and has disrupted class! Now, this sort of action is-"

"Professor?" Seamus piped up.

"Mr. Finnigan, can't you see I was on a roll here?" McGonagall said severely.

"No."

"Well I was," McGonagall said. "So anyway-"

"But-" Seamus protested.

"No. Now let me continue-" McGonagall said.

"But you see-" Seamus said.

"Stop!" McGonagall interrupted.

"No, but-"

"Eh!"

"But-"

"No!"

"There's-"

"Zip!"

"I-"

"Dut!" McGonagall said firmly. "Now, we shall simply dispose of the niffler-_no, Miss Patil, you may not keep it_- and continue-"

"Professor, there's a hole in the ceiling!" Seamus finally blurted out.

"Don't be ridiculous, Mr. Finnigan, that is simply-" McGonagall continued.

Seamus pointed at a spot in the ceiling where some students were already staring in shock.

"I swear on the mother of Severus Snape that there is no hole in the ceiling!" McGonagall said.

"Professor, isn't it a bit offensive to swear on the mother of your coworker?" Lavender pointed out.

"Shut up." McGonagall walked across the classroom to look where Seamus was pointing. "Like I said, there is no ho-HOLY NIFFLER POOP!"

In the ceiling was a large gaping hole the size of a niffler. Literally.

"Somebody call the Headmaster!" McGonagall began, but was immediately silenced by something completely unexpected.

A niffler fell through the hole.

McGonagall gasped.

Then, on the other side of the classroom, a niffler crashed through the roof and landed on top of McGonagall's desk.

Suddenly, nifflers came crashing through the ceiling and landing on the floor. Students screamed.

"IT'S RAINING NIFFLERS!" Lavender screamed.

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"What on earth is that noise?" Trelawney wondered as she was walking back from the teacher's lounge with Sprout, Flitwick, and Snape.

"Sounds like they're having a party in there," Snape said.

"A party? Why wasn't I invited?" Sprout asked.

No one bothered to reply.

"I hear some screaming; maybe someone's hurt!" Flitwick said.

"It's coming from McGonagall's room," Snape said. "I always knew she was a bad teacher."

"You're just mad because she took the classroom you wanted," Trelawney pointed out.

"Well I told Dumbledore I wanted a seventh-floor classroom! There's a great view, and it's the top floor, so you don't have to worry about noise coming from classrooms above you," Snape reasoned. "But, no, Dumbledore said that the Potions classroom should be in the dungeons. It adds to the sense of gloom."

The teachers approached McGonagall's classroom.

"Who wants to go in first?" Flitwick asked.

The teachers paused for a moment.

"Snape," everyone except for Snape agreed simultaneously.

"What!" Snape protested.

The other teachers prodded him until he faced the door of the classroom.

The sound of screaming and desks being moved came from the room.

"Why don't you do it, Sprout? I'll pay you!" Snape offered.

"Hmm… No, I don't want your money," Sprout decided.

"I'll buy you a new plant!" Snape said.

"Okay!" Sprout agreed happily.

Snape was too busy doing a mental victory dance to notice that Sprout, Flitwick, and Trelawney had just exchanged a series of winks.

Sprout opened the door…

…And stepped back immediately.

"OH LOOK, THERE'S A DUCK!" Flitwick yelled suddenly.

Snape whipped around to look where Flitwick was pointing.

Trelawney pushed Snape into the room.

"DUCK!" Flitwick shouted.

"Ha, I'm not falling for that one again!" Snape said.

A niffler hit him smack in the face.

"Ron, I told you you shouldn't have tried to Levitate that niffler!" Hermione said.

"Oww…" Snape groaned.

"IT'S SO CUTE!" Sprout exclaimed.

Then, the teachers realized all too late that they had made a gigantic mistake.

The nifflers poured out of the Transfiguration classroom and ran all over Hogwarts.

Flitwick got trampled.

Snape was already trampled.

Trelawney ran away screaming.

Sprout was cuddling a niffler.

McGonagall was looking very… flustered.

The students also cleared out of the classroom as well.

The teachers, except for Snape who was still on the floor, surveyed the damage.

"I swear on the mother of Snape that this is not my fault, for once!" Sprout said. "I'm not the idiot here!"

"_Who_ opened the door?" Snape reminded Sprout.

"Me…" Sprout admitted.

"And _where_ did you put the nifflers that one day after the Quidditch match?" Flitwick wondered, already having a good idea of what the answer would be.

"On the roof…" Sprout admitted again.

"So who's the idiot here?" McGonagall glared at Sprout.

"Okay, I'm still the idiot." Sprout looked unhappy.

"Wait, do the thing you did last time to get rid of the nifflers!" Flitwick suggested.

"Yeah! I can prove that I'm truly brilliant!" Sprout exclaimed.

_Snort_.

"See? It agrees with me!" Sprout said, pointing at the niffler she was cuddling.

_Snort_.

"ACCIO NIFFLERS!" Sprout shouted.

Nifflers from everywhere flew at Sprout…

…And the majority of the nifflers were still on the roof.

Hundreds of nifflers flew through the ceiling of the Transfiguration classroom.

The ceiling collapsed.

Debris filled the room and covered everything.

"Does this make me a double-idiot now?" Sprout said from under a pile of rubble.

_Snort, snort, snort._

"I swear, they're talking in some sort of code!" McGonagall said, coughing.

_Snort_.

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The students ran in every single direction imaginable. Draco and Hermione decided to run toward the Great Hall.

The nifflers were fast on their heels… Nifflers run surprisingly fast.

Draco and Hermione threw open the doors of the Great Hall and burst inside, to find that it was packed with people. Apparently, there was a dueling lesson going on for younger students. Half the school was there.

"What happened?" Dumbledore asked in a booming voice. Hermione and Draco couldn't tell if he was angry or surprised.

"NIFFLERS! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! THEY CHASED US!" Draco shouted. He and Hermione had barely stopped running.

"Where?" Dumbledore asked.

"RIGHT BEHIND US!" Draco pointed behind him, through the open doors of the Great Hall. "RIGHT THERE!"

The hallways were completely empty.

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Note: I'm sorry to have to stop there for now, but I'll try to update ASAP. I'm sorry that there wasn't a lot of Draco/Hermione in the chapter, but as I was rereading some of my previous chapters, I recently realized that I had Sprout put the nifflers on the roof, and I didn't intend to leave them up there forever...

And I'm sorry that this chapter was a little short and a bit pointless.

The tasks start to get a bit more interesting… especially since we're getting closer to Draco's eighth task, which is one of my favorite ones…

Please review!


	40. Chapter 40

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Today (August 29, 2006) is the one-year anniversary of this story! I can hardly believe it myself. It doesn't seem like my story has been around for a whole year, but I guess it has. Sigh. I wonder how long it will take for the story to be completed…

As usual, thanks to all of my reviewers! I would give you all cookies, except it would be quite troublesome. So here's an imaginary cookie to everyone who reviewed! (Perhaps next time I should give out imaginary cupcakes…) Oh, and thanks to my 1800th reviewer, the-samurais-sword! Now you guys can all battle it out to be my 1900th reviewer.

Oh, and I should mention, my "n" key kinda broke… Well it fell off the keyboard so now I'm just hitting this little round thing where the key used to be, but it works most of the time, so I'm happy (although you might notice a few missing n's that may slip by when I proofread).

Disclaimer: I don't suppose J. K. Rowling would let me have her characters in honor of my story's one-year anniversary, so I guess I have to say that I don't own Harry Potter and Ron and Hermione and Draco (sigh) and all the other characters, even though I would very much like to.

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Chapter 40 (I can't believe I'm on chapter 40!) – The "Experts" Arrive

"I SWEAR I saw them!" Draco said. "They were RIGHT THERE!"

"I saw them too, Professor!" Hermione added.

"I see…" Dumbledore eyed the pair. "And where might they be now?"

"We don't know!" Hermione said. "They just… disappeared!"

"Disappeared?" Dumbledore cocked one eyebrow.

"Professor, you have to believe us!" Hermione protested.

"We were in Transfiguration when suddenly, it was raining nifflers!" As soon as he said it, Draco realized how dumb he sounded.

The other students in the Great Hall gave snorts of laughter. Draco tried to glare at them all at the same time and failed, reducing himself to glaring at each of them in turn.

"The nifflers fell out of a hole in the ceiling!" Hermione explained. "And we have no idea where they came from…"

At the word "ceiling" Dumbledore realized what had happened. "Sprout!" he muttered angrily.

The students in the Great Hall were very confused.

"Where are the nifflers?" one student piped up.

"Apparently, there is only one thing we can do," Dumbledore announced. "ACCIO NIFFLER!"

Nothing happened.

Then…

One lone niffler sailed into the Great Hall, Parvati dangling off its feet.

"Miss Patil! Why are you hanging onto that niffler?" Dumbledore asked as he deposited the niffler and Parvati onto the floor.

"It's so cute!" Parvati said, still hanging onto the niffler, who snorted.

"Are there any more?" Dumbledore asked warily.

"Oh, lots! Let me show you!" Parvati pulled out her wand.

"NO!" Draco, Hermione, and Dumbledore shouted.

"ACCIO NIFFLERS!"

"Uh oh…" Draco hurried out of the way, pulling Hermione with him, as thousands of nifflers sailed into the Great Hall.

Students screamed. Tables were overturned. Draco and Hermione ran as far away from the door as they could, ducking to avoid an occasional flying niffler. Thankfully, the walls of the Great Hall were strong enough to withstand being bombarded by thousands of nifflers, which soon found their way to the door.

"THIS IS A CODE 113! EVACUATE THE BUILDING!" Dumbledore bellowed.

Students began filing out the door, but something unexpected happened…

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Sprout, McGonagall, Flitwick, and Snape were stuck under an enormous pile of nifflers and debris from the part of the roof that collapsed over the Transfiguration classroom.

Sprout, who was trying to make the best out of a bad situation, decided to cheer everyone up with the phrase, "At least it isn't raining!"

And, lo and behold, a thunderstorm began.

"SPROUT!" McGonagall, Flitwick, and Snape shouted angrily.

"You jinxed it!" Flitwick complained.

"Well what was I supposed to do? 'Oh, at least it isn't sunny?'" Sprout retorted.

Suddenly, the sun came out… and the rain continued.

"I mean, it could be worse, you know. There could be hail," Sprout pointed out.

A golf-ball sized piece of hail struck Snape on the head.

"Why me?" Snape wondered, looking up at the sky. Another piece of hail struck him squarely between the eyes.

Suddenly, something strange happened. All of the nifflers suddenly left the room!

"They're gone!" McGonagall cried, astonished.

"Where did they go?" Flitwick wondered.

"Who cares?" Snape said gleefully.

"Wait! I want them back!" Sprout complained, pulling out her wand.

The teachers saw what was coming…

"NO!" they cried.

"ACCIO NIFFLERS!"

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"What the heck?" Draco commented as the nifflers suddenly flew out of the Great Hall!

"They're gone!" a student shouted.

"No! I want the nifflers to come back!" Parvati cried angrily.

"Parvati…" Hermione said warily as Parvati pulled out her wand again.

Before anyone could stop her…

"ACCIO NIFFLERS!"

"Quick! Close the doors!" Draco shouted.

Students rushed to shut the doors of the Great Hall…

"FLYING NIFFLERS!" someone shouted.

The doors were closed, and the students backed away quickly. Then, all of a sudden, there was a loud noise as thousands of nifflers crashed into the doors of the Great Hall.

"Worry not, students! The doors of the Great Hall are made of the strongest wood-" Dumbledore was cut off abruptly.

The doors broke.

The nifflers poured in.

"This is insanity!" Hermione cried above the screams of the students.

"EVACUATE THE BUILDING-AGAIN!" Dumbledore shouted.

Students ran for the doors, which were lying on the ground, cracks running up and down the wood.

Everyone fled the Great Hall, as nifflers continued soaring in.

"WHAT DO WE DO?" Hermione shouted to Dumbledore over the noise.

"WE CALL IN THE EXPERTS!" Dumbledore replied loudly.

"WHAT?" Hermione asked.

"WE CALL IN THE EXPERTS!" Dumbledore repeated.

"WHO'S THAT?" Draco asked from nearby.

"YOU'LL SEE!" Dumbledore shouted in reply.

"WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?" Draco asked.

It took them a moment to realize that the noise had ended and, once again, the nifflers were gone.

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"No!" Sprout lamented. "They're gone again!"

"Maybe they hate you," Flitwick said.

"Hmm… Nah," Sprout said. "But I want them back! Who keeps taking them from me? ACCIO NIFFLERS!"

"Not again…" McGonagall wailed.

"Heads up!" Flitwick shouted.

Snape lifted his head. "Where?"

He was hit by a niffler.

"Damn you, Flitwick."

"I am damned."

"…"

"Hurry let's get out of here before-" McGonagall began.

Once again, the nifflers flew into the room.

"QUICK! GET OUT OF HERE AND LOCK THE DOORS!" McGonagall shouted.

The teachers hurried out of the room and locked the doors behind them.

"I hope the doors will hold," Flitwick said.

"My poor classroom…" McGonagall wailed. "It's being run over by… nifflers."

The teachers headed for the Great Hall, in hopes of seeing Dumbledore.

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Meanwhile, the students were very confused. They had gathered outside the entrance of Hogwarts as Dumbledore had told them to, and were awaiting further instructions. The remainder of the students (the ones who weren't inside the Great Hall) were still inside the building.

McGonagall, Snape, Flitwick, and a very disgruntled Sprout approached Dumbledore, who was on his way out of the Great Hall.

"ALBUS!" Flitwick shouted. "What is the meaning of this?"

"What are you doing?" McGonagall asked as Dumbledore, without answering Flitwick, reached into his pockets.

He pulled out a cell phone.

"Where did you get one of those?" Flitwick asked incredulously.

"Uh… From a T-Mobile store," Dumbledore replied, dialing.

The teachers watched in surprise.

"What are you doing?" Sprout asked.

"Sprout, can't you see he is using a fellytone?" Snape snapped.

"I am calling the experts!" Dumbledore replied. "…And I am on hold."

McGonagall sighed, exasperated.

"What is going on here?" she asked.

Dumbledore appeared to be mumbling something under his breath.

"Albus!" McGonagall looked upset.

"What? They were playing 'Hollaback Girl'," he said. "_…is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S, again this sh_-"

"ALBUS!" McGonagall scolded. "That is a highly-" Dumbledore shoved the cell phone against her ear. "-catchy song!" McGonagall finished.

Dumbledore snatched the phone away. "Hello? Hi! This is Albus. Yes, Albus _Dumbledore_! We need you over here immediately! Bring your equipment! I'll lift the spells so you can Apparate." And with that, he hung up, muttered something, and waited.

Suddenly, there was a _pop_! and two people appeared next to Dumbledore.

"NO!" Snape wailed. "NOT THEM!"

"Cheer up, Severus old pal," said one of the two.

"Or else we'll give you worse things to deal with," said the other.

Snape shuddered at the thought.

It was Fred and George.

"What's the problem, Albus?" Fred asked.

"Since when are you on a first-name basis?" Flitwick asked.

Fred ignored him.

"Hogwarts is being overrun by, get ready for this, _nifflers_!" Dumbledore replied.

"Go to my classroom; you'll see," McGonagall said.

Fred and George left them.

"D'you think they'll be able to handle it?" Snape asked.

"Severus," Dumbledore replied. "_Never_ doubt the Weasley twins."

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During lunch that day, everything had been settled and order was restored. The nifflers had been taken care of, although Fred and George refused to say _how_.

"It's none of your concern," Fred said to the teachers.

"Don't worry, everything has been taken care of in a clever-" George began.

"-difficult-"

"-cunning-"

"-beneficial-"

"-legal-"

"-way," finished Fred.

Snape looked unconvinced.

"But of course, you'll allow us to stay a few extra days," Fred continued.

"Just to make sure nothing bad-" George began.

"-frightening-"

"-unexpected-"

"-dangerous-"

"-mischievous-"

"-occurs," finished Fred.

"Of course! By all means, stay as long as you want," Dumbledore said, enjoying the look of horror on Snape's face.

Snape began to protest, but thought the better of it.

Classes had been cancelled for the rest of the day, and Transfiguration would be put off until the classroom was repaired. ("Although you are to continue reading your textbooks," said McGonagall.)

The students had the afternoon off, and the Gryffindors decided to gather in their common room to celebrate the return of Fred and George, a most wonderful opportunity to throw a party.

Harry, however, was sitting in an armchair dejectedly.

"Harry! What's wrong?" asked Fred, who came over to sit next to him.

"Cheer up! Have a butterbeer!" suggested George.

"Or some candy-"

"-and canary creams-"

"No thanks," Harry said glumly.

"Harry, tell us," urged Fred.

"You have our undivided attention," said George. "WATCH IT, SEAMUS! I'M WARNING YOU!"

Seamus, who had just thrown a pillow at George smirked.

"-Starting now," said George.

"Well…" Harry began, but was cut off when a piñata shaped like Snape's head exploded.

"HEY! SHUT UP, PEOPLE! HARRY'S TRYING TO LET OUT HIS INNER FEELINGS HERE!" Fred shouted.

"Okay, continue, Harry," said George.

"Alright… I have a friend…" Harry began.

"Are you the 'friend'?" interrupted George.

Harry nodded.

"…and I, uh, liked this girl…" continued Harry.

"Is Hermione the 'girl'?" interrupted Fred.

"Man, you guys are good!" Harry exclaimed.

"We try," Fred and George said simultaneously.

"…and, well, the girl likes another guy…" Harry said.

"And who is this 'other guy'?" asked George, taking a sip of butterbeer.

"Uh… Malfoy," Harry said.

George spat out his butterbeer.

"WHAT!" Fred shouted incredulously.

"Yeah… Hermione's been acting really weird lately, too," Harry added.

"Well how d'you know she likes Malfoy?" asked Fred.

"I saw them kissing this morning…" Harry continued.

Fred choked on a piece of chocolate.

"…and now I'm kinda upset," Harry finished.

"And you should be!" George exclaimed. "I mean, if some girl thought that _Malfoy_ was better looking than _me_, I'd be upset!"

"I don't think you're helping, George," said Fred.

"I know! We'll help you win back Hermione!" George suggested.

"Dude, it can't be done," Harry said glumly. "She looks like she's… in love…"

"Harry," Fred said in a serious tone. "Never say that something can't be done. I mean, sure, it can't be done by some low life freaky freak like you, but we're the Weasley twins: we can do anything."

"Really?" Harry asked in a small voice. "You'll win her back for me?"

"Not _for_ you, _with_ you," replied George.

"…Or your money back," said the Weasley twins.

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Meanwhile, Hermione and Draco were walking outside of Hogwarts, since neither of them wanted to go to the Slytherin Common Room. Neither of them had spoken a word, until…

"Why'd you do it?" asked Hermione all of a sudden.

Draco stopped. "Do what?"

"You know… the task… Why did you choose it?" Hermione reached inside her pocket and pulled out the crumpled piece of paper (that had somehow gotten inside her pocket) she had been thinking about all day.

_Task #5_

_Kiss your least favorite person in your house (the first person that comes to mind)._ **(A/N: Yes, that was the part that I added on; I mentioned it at the beginning of the previous chapter.)**

"Oh," Draco said. "Uh… I thought you would end up kissing some Gryffindor you hated, which would have been…" _Horrible_, Draco thought. "…amusing."

"But why did you make it say 'the first person that comes to mind'?" Hermione asked.

"Well, I didn't want you to be able pick who you wanted to kiss. Besides, somehow, I get the feeling that Dumbledore would've known if you didn't do the task properly," Draco said.

"But instead of kissing some Gryffindor, I ended up kissing…" Hermione couldn't seem to finish her sentence.

"Good to know that you were thinking of me," Draco smirked.

"Well if that had been your task, you might have gotten slapped in return," Hermione said, unable to think of anything better to say.

"Granger, I'm not quite sure I agree with you that _Pansy_ would have slapped me; I think she would have rather enjoyed it."

"Well she wouldn't, but I would," Hermione lied.

"Enjoyed it, or slapped me? Which one are you referring to?" Draco asked innocently.

"You know damn well which one I'm referring to," Hermione replied. _Stop playing with me, Malfoy!_ Hermione thought.

"Granger, I'm hoping you didn't mean that you were going to slap me if I kissed you; you know how much I hate getting slapped."

And with that, he pressed his lips against hers before she could think of anything to say.

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Note: It would be nice of you to review, but even nicer of you to give me two slices of pie topped with whipped cream, a Starbucks frappuccino (strawberry-crème flavored), a bag of skittles, and a bottle of long-lasting pink nail polish for a friend whose color most certainly is not pink. (I'd say the person's color is more of a red or fuchsia, but hey, why listen to me?) Therefore, reviewing is obviously easier, and I would appreciate it more than attempting to give me fattening foods (shame on you!).


	41. Chapter 41

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Yeah, I know. I haven't updated in about two months; two lonesome and terrible months. I'm sorry. I've been really busy with school, and orchestra, and whatnot. sighs… But however, today I have like no homework and I'm really bored, so I shall update. Yay.

Okay, so originally, I had not meant to have Draco's sixth task in this chapter, I meant to put it in the next one, but I think I should move on, for I have spent the last 3 chapters on the same day (if you've noticed) and I am very eager to get to Draco's sixth task. This chapter will be quite… amusing. It is a bit perverted in a way, but you will see why. That's all I shall say for now… Read on.

I really do hope that this chapter was worth the wait, because personally I don't like it when someone waits like 2 months to update and the chapter isn't so great, and I do hate to disappoint readers.

Thanks to my 1900th reviewer, "grace" (anonymous)!

Disclaimer: This is the 41st chapter of this story. I really thought you'd get it by now. Harry Potter is not mine. Apparently, I'm not trustworthy enough.

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Chapter 41 – Plots, Wishes, and Bubble Tea

By dinnertime, everyone was comfortably settled, and Hogwarts was completely niffler-free, thanks to the Weasley twins. However, there was one particular niffler that remained as a pet for Professor Sprout. ("By my high teacher's authority, I command you to leave me that niffler!" Sprout had demanded, and the Weasley twins were all too happy to leave the niffler, whose name was Murphy, for he responded to nothing else.)

After dinner, which Draco and Hermione sat through in silence, though a much less awkward silence than the one that had plagued breakfast.

Everything was going quite smoothly, in fact, except for the absence of a certain number, let's say five, of individuals.

Harry, Fred, and George were in the Gryffindor Common Room, planning their plan to make Hermione like Harry instead of Draco.

"I shall call it 'Plan Make Hermione Like Harry Instead of Draco'," Fred announced.

"That's too long; why not 'Plan Eliminate Ferret-Boy'?" George suggested.

"I rather like that idea," said Harry. "Malfoy does need to be eliminated; it would make things a whole lot easier…"

"But how do we eliminate Malfoy? I mean, in a _legal_ way that won't make Mum spank us," asked Fred. "Imagine the possibilities… Oi, George?"

"Yea?"

"What'd you do with that list we made a while back?" asked Fred.

"Hm? Oh, that '101 Ways to Prank, Injure, and/or Kill Draco Malfoy'? It's somewhere in my pocket; I always keep it with me…" George said, searching his pockets.

He pulled out two rats, a fake wand, a quill, a bottle of ink, a trombone, and finally, the list.

Fred scanned the list. "No… no… no… That one's illegal in most countries… Tried that one… No…" He looked up. "We only came up with one hundred… Where's the last one?"

"We didn't write it down… it was the one that was really good that we swore not to tell anyone because we didn't want them to steal it…" replied George slowly.

"What was it?" asked Fred.

George gave Fred an odd look. "You know… the _one_…"

"With the wand?" asked Fred. "And the hair… and the re-"

"Yes, that one! Don't give it away, now!" said George.

A mischievous smile slowly spread across Fred's face.

"I remember."

"Excellent. Very excellent."

Harry, who had been silent this entire time, felt the need to speak. "_What_ on earth are you two talking about?"

"You shall see, young grasshopper. You shall see. But for now, Fred and I need to get to work. Just stay here and look innocent," said George.

"But-" Harry protested.

"Worry not, Harry. This will be our best prank yet," said Fred. He and George left the Common Room, leaving Harry to gaze after them as the portrait of the Fat Lady swung closed.

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Draco and Hermione left the Great Hall and made their way toward the Slytherin Common Room. There was nothing much to talk about, and even less to do. So, they made their way down the corridors in silence. That is, until…

"Hiya, Hermione!" said Fred, who suddenly showed up out of nowhere.

"Hi, Fred…" Hermione said slowly, wondering what he was up to.

"Hey, Hermione!" said George, who appeared next to Draco.

"Hey, George…" Hermione replied, suspicious.

"What about me? Why is no one saying hi to me?" Draco wondered aloud, feeling a bit left out.

"Hello… _Draco_," the twins said simultaneously and mischievously.

Draco stared at them. They were up to something.

"What are you guys doing here?" Hermione asked.

"Oh, the usual. Looking for some fun-" George began.

"-and keeping you company," finished Fred.

"I… see…" Hermione said, not really seeing at all.

Suddenly, Fred put his arm around Hermione's shoulder. "You know, Hogwarts has changed a lot since we left…"

Hermione and Draco eyed Fred, who pretended not to notice.

"It seems as if every year the first years get smaller and smaller…" Fred continued.

Draco felt the tiniest bit of jealousy.

"Somehow, I wish I could come back here, just to keep an eye on what's been going on," Fred said casually.

"What do you mean?" inquired Hermione, wondering if he was referring to her and Draco.

"Oh… I don't know… Strange things have been happening, that's all," Fred said.

They walked onward in silence, Fred not having removed his arm from Hermione's shoulder.

Suddenly, Draco gave a small tug on the chain (which had not yet disappeared for the night), pulling Hermione closer to him. Fred pretended not to notice, and let his arm fall to his side.

"Well, gotta go," said George suddenly. Hermione had barely noticed he was there. Fred and George turned around and left.

"Did you do it?" George asked on their way back to the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Yup," replied Fred. "He'll never know."

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Draco and Hermione continued on their way to the Slytherin Common Room.

"That was… odd," Hermione commented once the twins had left.

"Yes, it was." Suddenly, an idea popped into Draco's head. "Say, Hermione, you and Fred have never… uh…"

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Never what, Draco?"

"You know… been…" Draco wasn't sure how to put it.

"If you're wondering if we have ever been together, then no," Hermione replied flatly.

Draco was relieved.

They continued walking. Somehow, Draco felt the sudden urge to hold Hermione's hand. He casually walked a bit closer to her, and made his hand briefly brush against hers. Hermione, being the clever witch that understands the mysterious ways of the male mind, knew exactly what he was up to. At the exact moment that Draco reached out to grab her hand, Hermione reached up to brush a strand of hair from her face. Draco looked disappointed. Hermione smiled inwardly. This was fun.

Draco tried it a couple more times, but each time, the clever Hermione moved her hand, either brushing something off her robe or getting something from her pockets, only to put it back again. Soon, Draco became a bit irritated.

"Would you please stop that?" Draco asked after he found it impossible to take hold Hermione's hand.

"Stop what?" asked Hermione innocently.

Draco became momentarily speechless, unsure of whether to admit his intentions or not.

"Just… never mind," said Draco.

"Do I make you annoyed?" Hermione asked sweetly.

Draco paused.

"I… I… um… That is entirely irrelevant," Draco stammered.

"Oh? Is it? I'm sorry then. By the way, a simple 'yes' would have sufficed," Hermione said.

"Alright, fine then. Yes, you do, and very much," Draco replied.

"Why?"

"Because… because… _Because you keep moving your hand when I am trying to hold it_!" Draco said in admittance.

"Oh, I see. Well then, I guess I shouldn't move my hand, or maybe you should stop trying to hold my hand," Hermione said.

Draco paused. "Well what if I really want to?"

"Then you'll just have to get accustomed to not getting everything you want," Hermione replied smugly. She was enjoying this very much.

"But what if you want it too?" Draco asked in return.

Hermione paused. This was not the sort of response she expected.

"Well how do you know what I want?" Hermione asked. She didn't notice that Draco was slowly coming toward her the entire time and she now had her back against a wall.

"I know exactly what you want, Granger," Draco said.

"Oh? And what do I want, Malfoy?" Hermione replied.

"Me."

"I'm not quite sure I agree with that, Malfoy," Hermione responded.

"You will, Granger. You will," Draco replied, kissing her on the lips.

Of course, you can only imagine what happened next.

Okay, actually, you most likely can't so I will describe it for you.

"HERMIONE GRANGER! DRACO MALFOY!" Professor McGonagall shouted.

Bet you didn't see that coming. Or maybe you did.

Draco and Hermione split apart like Velcro in the hands of a four-year-old interested in ripping things.

"THAT IS HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR IN THE MIDDLE OF A SCHOOL HALLWAY! TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!" McGonagall continued. She walked away without giving them further punishment. Although, Draco and Hermione could have sworn she said the words, "Get a room."

"That," said Draco, once McGonagall was out of earshot, "Is an excellent idea."

Hermione looked him in the eye. "You're still a ferret, Malfoy. But a good kisser though."

"I knew you would feel that way."

"So… now… about that room…" Hermione began.

Draco raised an eyebrow.

"Two words, Malfoy: _you wish_. Goodnight," Hermione said, walking to the Slytherin Common Room and entering.

Draco watched the portrait swing closed. _I do wish_, Draco thought to himself. _But then again, you wish too_.

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McGonagall hurried to Dumbledore's office, where the teachers were holding a meeting.

"Ah, Minerva! Right on time!" Dumbledore said, taking a sip of bubble tea.

"Yes, well I – _what_ is that?" asked McGonagall.

"Bubble tea!" chorused Sprout, Flitwick, and Trelawney, who were all sipping their own bubble teas through colorful straws.

"Want one?" asked Dumbledore.

"Where did you get those?" McGonagall wondered.

"I had Fred and George install a bubble tea maker in my office," said Dumbledore, gesturing toward a small machine sitting on a large stack of papers.

"Why, yes, I would like one," McGonagall said.

"_Snape_! One bubble tea, please!" commanded Dumbledore.

Snape walked over to the bubble tea machine and got to work.

"This is highly unfair, professor," Snape protested.

"How so, Severus? We had a fair and impartial vote, and we unanimously selected you as the official bubble tea maker!" Dumbledore said. McGonagall hid a smile.

"Now, to business," said Flitwick.

"Cheers!" said Sprout, raising her bubble tea.

The teachers proceeded to bump cups before settling down to business.

"I saw Malfoy and Granger kissing a while ago," announced McGonagall.

"WHAT!"

The teachers spat out their bubble teas on Snape.

Snape was not pleased.

"Aha! Yes!" Dumbledore said gleefully.

"WHAT! You planned this? You tried to get them together! I am outraged! Albus that is a strict violation of Code 666, which states that a teacher may not meddle in the private affairs of students!" said McGonagall.

"Minerva, I have done nothing except assign them tasks, and if you do not believe me, then there is nothing I can do about it," replied Dumbledore.

"Fine… Now what was the important announcement you had to make?" asked McGonagall.

"Well, the Weasley twins have requested to stay at Hogwarts for a few weeks, and I am allowing them to do so; it's always fun having them around," said Dumbledore.

"What? Why are they staying?" asked Snape.

"Severus," replied Dumbledore, "Never question the Weasley twins' intentions. It may be the last thing you ever want to do."

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The night was rather uneventful, with the exception of the fabulous discovery that the time the Weasley twins had spent outside of school had not been devoted to finding some sort of "Snoring Sugar", or some form of thing that would reduce their loud and obnoxious snores.

But apart from that, the night was rather peaceful. Harry, however, had some trouble sleeping, for as he lie awake at night, he wondered what would happen to Malfoy, and what the Weasley twins' plans were.

The following morning, Draco was pleasantly awaken by a rather unpleasant odor I would rather not describe to you. Something wet and squishy landed on his face at precisely 6 AM in the morning, and if you, by any odd chance, have ever felt an unknown something wet, odorous, and squishy on your face at 6 AM, you would know exactly how poor Draco felt.

"AHHHHH!"

Draco swatted at his face and his hand came into contact with… _owl_.

The poor bird was scared out of its wits, had it any, and flew away immediately, before dropping the note it was carrying on top of Draco's now unpleasantly soiled face.

A long shower and a string of curses later, Draco read the note, which was covered in poop stains, I might add.

_Task #6_

_Allow Hermione to perform whatever (non-dangerous) spell she wishes upon you, and you must suffer the consequences for an entire (24 hour) day. Good luck._

Draco wasn't sure whether the task was good. Had it been the vicious, Draco-hating Hermione that existed a few weeks ago, Draco would have feared for his life. But now that a sweet, yet clever Hermione had taken her place, Draco wasn't sure what to do.

However, he had little choice, for as he hurried to the Common Room (the shower had taken an extra-long time), Hermione was already standing there.

She waved, and Draco returned the wave.

He handed her the note containing the task wordlessly, trying to put himself into a good mood, despite the unpleasant facial surprise that early morning.

"Oh," Hermione said, smiling. "I see. This should be interesting…"

"Now, you wouldn't do something cruel and unusual to me, would you?" Draco asked.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that, Draco," Hermione replied. Already she had thought of a list of spells to perform, but wasn't sure which one to pick.

"So… What are you going to do to me?" Draco asked, a teensy bit nervous.

Hermione paused in consideration. "Draco Malfoy, how would you like to be madly in love with Pansy Parkinson for a day?"

Draco gaped.

"I was only kidding; I'm not that mean," Hermione said, giggling.

"Right…"

"I'm not quite sure what I want to do to you," Hermione said. "Hmm… I know!"

Hermione whispered a spell. Nothing seemed to happen.

"Hermione… what did you do to me?" Draco asked cautiously.

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough. It's not that bad; don't be worried," Hermione said.

Draco looked unconvinced.

"You didn't use your wand…" Draco pointed out.

"I didn't need it for this," Hermione replied. "So, shall we go to breakfast?" Hermione began walking out of the Common Room. Draco followed.

They made their way to the Great Hall, Draco wondering what it was that Hermione had done to him.

They entered the Great Hall and approached the Gryffindor table. Suddenly, Fred walked by and dropped his plate. It shattered by Hermione's feet.

"Watch it!" shouted Draco.

"Sorry there, _Malfoy_," Fred said, the mischievous look returning to his eyes. "My apologies, Hermione."

"Don't worry about it," Hermione said. She pulled out her wand.

"_Reparo!_"

Then, something went horribly wrong. There was a loud _bang_ and a cloud of smoke rose right beside Hermione. When the smoke cleared, the Great Hall erupted into laugher and gasps.

Hermione covered her mouth in shock.

Fred and George looked gleeful.

Harry was amazed.

Pansy was horrified.

For where Draco had stood, a pure white ferret had appeared. However, the thing that made nearly everyone in the Great Hall burst into laughter was the fact that the private parts of the ferret were covered in thick black hair as long as the ferret's forelimbs, and the ferret's behind was entirely hairless and pink. The scene was disturbing, yet hilarious.

Draco Malfoy's bad day just got a whole lot worse.

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Note: Yes, that last part was gross. But, you must remember, this was an idea from Fred and George… Which basically means that it'll be pretty… creative.

So, I do hope this chapter wasn't a disappointment; I spent quite a while working on it.

Please review! Happy Halloween! This chapter was my treat to you, and now your reviews will be treats for me! Yay!

I will try to update ASAP!

Please, please review! Ooh, and we shall see who will be my lucky 2000th reviewer! As of right now, this story has 1969 reviews! Hurry, hurry!


	42. Chapter 42

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: A very, very special thanks to my 2000th reviewer… Pika lover! I can't believe this story has over 2000 reviews!

Oh, I recently wrote a Draco/Hermione oneshot titled "Dear Diary, I Mean, _Journal_". Please read it; it's pretty funny!

Might I say, I had to do a bit of research in order to write this chapter… The title of the chapter is very interesting, and if you are wondering what the heck Tinky Winky is, you will soon find out. Please don't Google "Tinky Winky"; it'll ruin the surprise.

Unfortunately, you are not allowed to post song lyrics on this site. Wah! Song lyrics would have made this chapter a lot funnier… But I'll tell you what song it is at the end and you can look up the lyrics yourself if you want; they are quite amusing.

And yes, you will find out what it was Hermione did to Draco in this chapter…

Disclaimer: Alright, I admit it. I did come up with the horrendous idea of turning Draco into a ferret with embarrassing physical features. So sue me.

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Chapter 42 – Tinky Winky Visits Draco-poo

Unless you have ever had the unfortunate experience of being magically turned into a ferret with very long genital hair and a pink bottom by a pair of red-headed and good-looking twins, you probably are unfamiliar with what poor ferret Draco was going through. Thus, I feel obligated to describe it for you.

Draco was not happy. There had been a puff of smoke, and then suddenly, the world got larger and larger, until he found himself looking up at everyone and his nose nearly touching a piece of gum that had attached itself to the floor. He examined his surroundings in fear, and then looked down. He saw a forepaw as white as a bleached sock and middle-sized claws extending from each "finger".

Draco gulped.

It took him a moment to realize what had happened, but once he did, he was absolutely enraged.

It was like déjà vu.

Except, there was a twist… Draco took a few steps, noticing his escape routes. The students in the Great Hall had not stopped laughing yet, and the humiliation was killing him.

He felt something brushing against the floor and looked down between his forepaws at his tail. He gaped and nearly fainted at the sight. Thank goodness he didn't see his pink bottom.

Draco glared angrily at Hermione, who was standing in shock. He looked from Hermione's face to Harry's, and then his eyes landed on the faces of Fred and George Weasley, who were desperately trying to hide their laugher as they noticed the ferret looking at them.

Then, it suddenly clicked.

Fred and George… the Weasley twins… hanging around Hermione the previous night… Fred had his arm around her… he must have done something to him… But what?

Judging by the look on Hermione's face, she had no idea of the Weasley twins' prank.

That's one less person to kill.

Draco's heart pounded as he wondered what to do. The teachers were making their way over here… It was now or never.

Draco chose now.

In one swift motion, he scrambled as fast as his ferrety legs would carry him to where Fred and George, who didn't move fast enough, were standing.

Draco launched himself upon the Weasley twins and had one intention: KILL!

However, poor Malfoy had overlooked one tiny detail.

_Chain._

Draco realized all too late his mistake. He was already upon Fred's face and scratching his eyes out (or at least trying) when Hermione crashed into them. Apparently, Draco-the-ferret had defied the laws of physics and actually pulled Hermione along with him instead of being yanked back by the chain. Amazing.

What happened next was a terrifying mixture of Hermione, twin, and ferret.

If you weren't already aware of it, ferrets can be awfully frightening at times, especially an enraged and violent ferret like Draco. He was intent on tearing the Weasley twins apart limb to limb, had not Hermione crashed into them. The three, for George had the wits to get out of the way just in time, tumbled onto the floor of the Great Hall and rolled on the floor for some distance. (This is also an intricate example of what to do when you have caught on fire, as Professor Flitwick would advise you.)

The three tumbled and rolled; Hermione screaming, Fred attempting to lay his hands on the ferret, and Draco viciously clawing at Fred.

Suddenly, their rolling stopped dramatically when they ran into something completely unexpected.

_Garbage can._

"AHHHHH!" Hermione shrieked as she and Fred crashed into a garbage can, Draco on top of them. The contents of said garbage can spilled onto the three, covering them with bacon, eggs, burnt toast, vomit, condoms, and a complimentary slice of a moldy orange.

The first to recover was Fred, who practically leapt off the ground to clean himself of the mess and to escape the wrath of the ferret. Hermione then stood up and brushed food off her clothing. She cleaned off her robes and then did something she instantly regretted, although what happened next was quite humorous to behold.

Hermione had taken notice of the sorts of food and other items that had stuck to her robes. She examined her sleeve, saw a condom that had stuck to it (What on earth was it doing in the garbage can in the Great Hall? Those elves must be very naughty indeed.) and gave a shriek. She flung her and shook it to rid herself of the, ahem, _attachment_ to her sleeve.

Bad idea.

Poor Draco didn't know what happened, but he was suddenly yanked by the chain and flying through the air faster than you can say "floopy flying ferrets". Suddenly, he hit a not-so-innocent bystander: the other Weasley twin.

George knew quite well that when you have an enraged Malfoy/ferret flying at you, it is best to run away. However, he did not know that flying ferrets can be quite a captivating sight, and lingered a moment too long.

SMACK.

Draco found himself upon someone's face. Upon closer examination, he noticed that it looked very Weasley-like and proceeded to attack poor George.

"AHH!"

And now, let me take a moment to remind you that the other people in the Great Hall were not casually observing this spectacle while sipping tea and eating muffins, they in.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?" Hermione shrieked at Fred. While George was being mauled by a ferret.

"So this was the master plan?" asked Harry gleefully.

"YOU DID THIS?" shouted Blaise indignantly.

"IT'S THE WEASLEY TWINS' FAULTS!" cried a Slytherin.

"GET 'EM!"

"FOR DRACO-POO!" wailed Pansy.

A fight soon broke out among the Gryffindors and Slytherins, who were insulted by the horrible (and amusing) prank pulled on Draco.

There was mass chaos. The Slytherins were beating the Gryffindors with assorted muffins and eggs, while the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws had rushed to the aid of the Gryffindors, for they all found this incident to be quite amusing. Meanwhile, Hermione was trying to pull Draco away from George while screaming at Fred at the same time. The Great Hall was filled with a mass of students. No one except the Slytherins actually cared about the ferret ordeal anymore; all that mattered was hitting each other with whatever ammunition could be found.

"ALBUS! DO SOMETHING! THE STUDENTS HAVE GONE INSANE!" cried McGonagall.

"I SECOND THAT NOTION!" cried Sprout.

"DON'T WORRY! I HAVE A PLAN!" yelled Dumbledore. He pulled out his wand and muttered some spells.

Meanwhile, Snape was not amused. He saw Dumbledore whisper something to Trelawney, who walked over to him.

"Hey, Severus! There's a galleon on the ground!" said Trelawney suddenly.

Snape bent down to look.

"I don't see any-"Snape began.

"LOOK! THERE'S FRED WEASLEY! HE'S GETTING AWAY!" yelled Dumbledore, after changing his voice to sound like a student.

Suddenly, Snape realized that there was something red and fuzzy on his head.

"Damn it!"

"I suggest you run," said Trelawney.

The Slytherins had paused in their fighting to look at "Fred Weasley".

"AHHH!" cried Snape, dashing out of the Great Hall.

The Slytherins immediately ran after Snape/"Fred". The Gryffindors followed them to finish throwing food at them, and the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws helped.

Soon, the only people remaining in the Great Hall were the teachers, Hermione, the real Weasley twins, and Draco/ferret.

"What have you done?" asked Dumbledore with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Oh, just some simple human transfiguration-" said Fred innocently.

"-hair growth-" said George.

"-skin pigmentation-"

"-and general mischief-"

"-sir," finished Fred.

Dumbledore raised one eyebrow, then gave the twins a look that said "good job".

McGonagall cleared her throat. "Had you still attended school here, there would have been serious consequences for this kind of act. But, seeing as you are visitors, I have no choice but to give you a severe warning and make you swear never to do this kind of thing again until I am away or deceased. Do I make myself clear?"

"Like see-through clothing," replied George.

McGonagall raised one eyebrow. "You are dismissed."

The twins left, whispering to each other and discussing future modifications to "Plan: Eliminate Ferret-Boy".

"Now, Mr. Malfoy, I will return you to your original state," said McGonagall.

She pulled out her wand and said the counter-spell.

Draco morphed from ferret to human again.

However, something went wrong; possibly another one of the Weasley's ideas.

Draco's clothes just _had_ to disappear.

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"That was the single most embarrassing event in my life!" raged Draco once he was fully clothed (Dumbledore knows some awfully useful spells) and making his way to Potions with Hermione.

The rest of the Hogwarts students had returned to their classes, once they realized that no matter how many times you kick him, Snape with a red wig on his head is _not_ Fred Weasley. But, they kicked him anyways, until he deducted bunches of house points and muttered something about cursing Dumbledore out of his pants.

Everything was nearly in order, except the Weasley twins could not be located; they were most likely in the Hospital Wing, being treated for ferret scratches.

Draco and Hermione entered the Potions classroom, where a very disgruntled Snape had already begun teaching class.

"Miss Granger, you are late!" said Snape.

"But sir, I was talking to Professors D-" Hermione began.

"Enough! Twenty points from Gryffindor!" said Snape, smirking.

"But sir… I'm in Slytherin now."

Snape's smirk disappeared. Crap. He had forgotten about that.

"Well… then… Just shut up and sit down!" Snape stammered. "And twenty points from Gryffindor anyways!"

The Gryffindors desperately wished they were beating up Snape again.

"Now today, we will be discussing…" Snape began and continued talking in a monotone about complex potions and their uses.

Draco was bored out of his wits. He didn't notice that Hermione was checking the clock about every two seconds. He felt his eyelids grow droopier and droopier. Just when he was about to close them completely, he saw something that made him nearly jump out of his seat.

There were huge letters written in the air in a bright pink color. Draco gaped. No one else seemed to notice the writing in the air. Draco read the words and his jaw dropped.

_ARE YOU PMS-ING? OR ARE YOU JUST PLAIN CRABBY? HERE'S A SIMPLE TEST TO SEE WHETHER YOU ARE REALLY PMS-ING!_

Suddenly, the words disappeared and were replaced by new words.

_IF YOU FIND THIS ANNOYING, THEN YOU ARE PMS-ING!_

Draco wasn't sure what would come next, but he knew he wouldn't like it one bit.

He was right.

The words disappeared and were replaced by something even more disturbing…

In the middle of the air in the Potions classroom, there was a huge, and I do mean HUGE, image of a…

Teletubby!

But, it wasn't any Teletubby… It was Tinky Winky!

Draco didn't know that, of course. All he saw was a very big and very purple doll-shaped _thing_ with a triangular antenna and what appeared to be a screen of some sorts on its belly.

Draco gaped. It was the most grotesque thing he had even seen.

Then, to make it all worse, music started playing.

It was the Teletubbies theme song. And it was horrible.

Suddenly, the three other Teletubbies appeared. They introduced themselves as the song progressed by shouting out their names as loud as possible and hugging Draco, who had a terrified expression on his face.

At the last line of the theme song, the Teletubbies disappeared.

Draco sighed. It was over.

Or so he thought.

Suddenly, an enormous bunny popped into the air.

Draco resisted the urge to scream.

Music started playing again.

The bunny (whose name is Bobo, by the way) did a disturbing sort of dance and began to bounce up and down rhythmically.

Then, the bunny opened its mouth to sing…

"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!" sang the bunny in a high squeaky voice.

Just when Draco thought it was over, the song repeated itself.

"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES…" _bounce, bounce…_

Draco desperately covered his ears, but he began to hear the song inside his head.

"…EVERYBODY'S NERVES…" _bounce, bounce…_

Draco could bear it no longer.

"…EVERYBODY'S NERVES…" _bounce…_

Draco wanted to shoot the bunny with a machine gun, but that would only land our beloved ferret-boy in Azkaban, where we cannot admire his charming looks.

"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES…" _bounce…_

Draco was very irritated. He couldn't take it anymore.

_Oh my God, I'm PMS-ing!_ thought Draco while hyperventilating.

"…AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!" _bounce, bounce, bounce…_

"AHHH!" Draco shrieked, unable to remain silent any longer.

If anyone wasn't paying attention before, they were paying attention now.

The room was dead silent.

"Mr. Malfoy… Is there something you would like to share with the class?" asked Snape.

"I… PMS-ing…" Draco wheezed.

"What?" Snape said, unable to hear him.

"I… am… P… PMS… ing…" Draco repeated, feeling short of breath.

"Could you say that a little louder?" asked Snape, straining to hear Draco, and having no idea of what he had just said.

"I'M PMS-ING!"

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Note: Muahaha! I know, I know. I am being evil to poor Draco. Well, I'm sorry to say that Draco will suffer much worse before the story is over, I'm afraid.

So, my inspiration for the PMS thingy was an e-card that one of my friends (a girl) sent to another friend (a guy… I think.). The e-card read "EVER WONDER…. AM I PMS-ING OR JUST REALLY CRABBY? WELL, NOW YOU CAN TAKE THIS _QUICK_ AND _EASY_ TEST TO FIND OUT!" etc. and once you click on it, there is a picture of this skipping bunny with horrible background music and terribly joyful song lyrics that simply drive you insane.

Oh, and if you want, you can Google "Teletubbies theme song lyrics"; they're kinda funny, especially if you place them in the context of the story.

Don't forget to review!


	43. Chapter 43

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks to my 2100th reviewer, Chaos where great Dreams Begin! And thanks to all my reviewers!

Sorry if this chapter is a little bit shorter than the previous ones...

Somehow, things are moving pretty quickly with regard to the tasks (unlike the few chapters during the Quidditch game where no tasks occurred). I think we might get to the end of the story a bit sooner than I expected, unless I end up adding a few interesting events into the story that I have not thought up yet...

And in case anyone was wondering, I _am_ currently doing some minor editing, starting at the very beginning of the story. (You can tell which chapters I've gotten to by the little bold sentence or so at the beginning of the chapter.) However, the purpose of this editing is mostly to fix a few plot issues; spelling/grammar mistakes will be dealt with at a later time. Thanks for your patience and understanding.

Disclaimer: Ain't mine; don't own it; don't sue me.

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Chapter 43 – The Woes of Severus Snape

"Mr. Malfoy… I… am speechless," said Snape, with a look of disbelief gracing his hideous features.

The class burst into laughter. Draco looked as if he had gone into cardiac arrest.

"I… did _not_ just say that." Draco's eyes widened.

Then, he saw Hermione, shaking with uncontrollable laughter.

"YOU!" Draco turned on Hermione. "YOU DID THIS TO ME!"

"What? Me?" Hermione faked a look of innocence. "No… I couldn't possibly… Maybe you're just really PMS-ing."

This created another round of laughter that circled around the classroom.

"I AM NOT PMS-ING! DRACO MALFOY DOES NOT PMS!" poor Draco shouted, trying to regain his dignity, but it was lost forever.

Thankfully, class was dismissed at that moment, and Draco ran out of the room faster than a ferret on fire. The remainder of the day wasn't quite as bad as the morning had been. Aside from the occasional jests during classes and laughter whenever he entered a room, everything had become slightly… tolerable.

But, the horror was not over quite yet.

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"EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! DRACO MALFOY'S DRAMATIC OUTBURST IN POTIONS CLASS AND ADMITTAL TO PMS!"

"Wha…" Draco and Hermione entered the Great Hall for dinner and found, to Draco's horror and Hermione's pleasure, that newspapers were distributed to every single student and bore the headline "MALFOY HAS PMS!" Worse, the newspapers were somehow magically altered by a pair of ingenious twins so that every few seconds, they shouted out their contents for the whole world to hear.

Suddenly, for the second time in a few weeks, a newspaper came flying out of nowhere and hit him in the face. Draco peeled the newspaper off his forehead. His eyes widened. On the cover of the newspaper was a large photo of Draco repeatedly standing up in Potions and yelling that he had PMS.

"Nice picture, Malfoy!"

"Shut up… _Blaise_?" Draco looked at the source of the comment. "Great. Now my own friends have turned against me. Look what you did!"

"It was part of the tasks! I could perform any spell I wanted on you, and I chose this!" Hermione argued.

"But my tasks for you weren't half as bad!" Draco pointed out. "This… This is _torture_!"

"Half as bad? They were _worse_! Telling the world that I loved Snape and sending him chocolate hearts? _That_ was bad!" said Hermione.

"So? You told the world that I loved Moaning Myrtle! What about that?"

"But _you_ made me get a detention in nearly every class and disrespect the teachers!"

"Hello? Teachers are meant to be disrespected! I just made you less of a bookworm! It was for your own good! But, your tasks for me were absolutely hell! HELL!"

"HELL? YOU MADE ME CHANGE HOUSES TO SLYTHERIN!"

"YOU MADE ME HUG MCGONAGALL!"

"YOU MADE ME ACT DUMB!"

"YOU MADE ME SEND HOWLERS TO ALL THE SLYTHERINS!"

"YOU MADE ME KISS YOU!"

Draco sneered. "As if you didn't want to already."

"You know what? You're… a real jerk!" Hermione shouted.

"Hermione. Look at yourself. What are you? I mean, you used to be all nice and friendly, but now you're… _evil_. You're so caught up in getting back at people that you've lost who you are. I… I used to like you. But now… I hate what you've become. I know I've done some mean things to you in the past, but I've _changed_. And now, you… you… I'm done. I can't take this." Draco stood up and left the Great Hall. Hermione looked after him. Dinner was over; the chain was gone. There was no reason to follow him.

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_Knock, knock._

_Who's there?_

_Owl._

_Owl who?_

_Owl. Hoot, hoot!_

Hermione sat up in bed as an owl hooted in her ear. It was morning already. She groaned. It was her day to do a task. She knew that Draco had undoubtedly put all the worst tasks at the end; he had told her himself. It was task #6 already; how long until she would commit suicide out of humiliation?

_Very soon_.

Hermione read the task. Her eyes widened. _No way_. _No way in hell. I am not doing this!_ Hermione thought savagely. There were only two words next to the number of her task, but those two words were absolutely terrifying.

_Task #6: Kiss Snape._

Hermione was torn. Part of her wanted to stop being mean to Draco and apologize to him for all that she had put him through. But, when they had argued over whose tasks had been worse, Hermione was reminded of all the horrible things that Draco had made her do. The other part of her craved revenge. Draco was right. Maybe she cared too much about revenge than what was healthy. But then again, it _was_ Draco. Since when was he ever right? But, he had said that he liked her. Didn't she like him too? What happened to that? Hermione smacked her forehead against her bedpost. It was true; she did like him. But, what she liked more was getting revenge from him. Is that bad? There wasn't really a right or wrong. Draco made her do humiliating things. She made him do humiliating things. Hermione lay sprawled on her bed. Everything was so wrong. She had only made him do the tasks; the same he did for her. Were they really all that different? It seemed as if she and Draco had simply… _traded places_.

Hermione leapt out of bed. She had an idea. If only she and Draco could… _trade places_. Then, she would still be kissing Snape, but it would look as if _Draco_ was the one doing it… _Yes_.

But first… she would have to find a spell…

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_Where is she?_ Draco wondered frantically. Breakfast was already over and still she hadn't shown. They would be late for their first class if Hermione didn't arrive soon, and although Draco was immune to being late for Potions, Hermione was not, and if Hermione got a detention, it meant that Draco would most likely be serving it with her.

"Hermione! Where have you been?" Draco asked.

"I was busy. Let's go." Hermione looked strangely smug, and Draco was worried for his life.

Eyeing Hermione suspiciously, Draco hurried to Potions with Hermione. Making it just before Snape entered the classroom, the two took a seat at the very front of the room.

"Today, we will be discussing-" Snape began in his monotone voice that, as I mentioned earlier, sounded like a cross between constipation and a sore throat. "Yes, Mr. Malfoy?"

Malfoy was confused. He didn't raise his hand… He glanced over at Hermione… and saw _himself._ _WHAT?_

"I would like to… uh… Come up front and ask a question regarding… uh… my test," said "Draco".

Draco was confused… If he was looking at himself, then… Suddenly, it hit him. He examined himself and realized that he was no longer Draco; he had become _Hermione_. Oh my. Then, he realized that Hermione was about to do something that would damage his already scarred reputation forever…

"If you must…" replied Snape wearily.

Hermione (the real Hermione that was in Draco's body) got up, taking the real Draco (who was in Hermione's body) with her.

"Professor, I just wanted to announce that you are the greatest person in the world and I absolutely adore you," said "Draco" in a loud voice.

The real Draco was mortified. But, things were about to get a _lot_ worse…

"Err… That's… _nice_," said Snape, unsure of what was happening.

Suddenly, the class was shocked as they witnessed something absolutely horrifying and yet hilarious.

"Draco Malfoy" kissed Severus Snape.

Oh. My. God.

That was absolutely… HILARIOUS. (And "Highly inappropriate!" said Snape.)

The real Draco was mortified. _NO WAY! EVERYONE THINKS THAT I JUST KISSED SNAPE!_

The real Hermione was absolutely delighted! The class was in uproar. Everyone was either laughing hysterically or incredibly disgusted, or a mixture of the two.

Draco (the real one) was in shock. Once his shock subsided, he realized that he had one thing on his mind: REVENGE! (He seemed to be thinking that a lot lately.)

The real Hermione looked smug… Until the fake Hermione (that is, Draco… my goodness these names are confusing) did something absolutely unexpected.

"Hermione Granger" got up on Snape's desk and took off her shirt.

Oh my.

The real Hermione was terrified. _NO!_

The fake Hermione swung her shirt in the air in a wide circle around her head. The male students (and some females) in the class were… amused.

The real Hermione realized that she had to top that… while she could, for the body-switching spell didn't last very long.

"Draco Malfoy" slapped Snape's butt.

The class's attention switched from "Hermione" to "Draco".

Snape leapt three feet in the air and backed away from "Draco".

The real Draco realized that he needed to do something even bigger to be able to top that…

"I AM LESBIAN!" "Hermione" announced loudly. Everyone gasped and was silent.

"I AM GAY!" "Draco" proclaimed. A similar response came from the class.

Suddenly, Potions class resembled a soap opera.

"I THINK DRACO MALFOY IS HOT!" "Hermione" (who was actually Draco, remember) shouted.

"I THINK HERMIONE GRANGER IS SEXY!" "Draco" (who was actually Hermione) yelled.

There was no doubt that "sexy" beat out "hot".

"Wait… But I thought u two just admitted your homosexuality…" said Snape, once he was a safe distance from "Draco".

"…OH WELL!" said "Draco". "I LOVE SNAPE!"

"YEAH? WELL I LOVE MCGONAGALL!" said "Hermione".

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" demanded McGonagall walking into the classroom. She spotted a half-naked "Hermione" standing on Snape's desk and "Draco" trying to give Snape a hug.

"Save me…" Snape cried weakly, backing away from Draco as fast as he could.

"YOU TWO! COME WITH ME!" McGonagall commanded. "THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR! WE ARE GOING TO SEE THE HEADMASTER ABOUT THIS AT ONCE!"

"Hermione" and "Draco" went along, a very frightened Snape following the group at a safe distance.

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"This is absolute insanity! Albus, you cannot let them go on like this!" McGonagall shouted, pacing in Dumbledore's office with Draco and Hermione waiting outside. "Your 'plan' is failing, and it is harming everyone!"

"Perhaps you are right, Minerva," said Dumbledore. "That's why I have enlisted the help of the _experts_."

"What experts? You call everyone except for Snape 'the experts'!" McGonagall said.

"Hey!" said Snape.

"The point is: this has gone too far. It must stop at once. I don't care what you are planning to do, but if you do not find a way to fix all the chaos that you have caused, I will relieve the pair of their tasks and restore them to their own houses," said McGonagall.

"Yeah! I've been through too much lately… First the PMS-ing… and now _this_… Not to mention the time I got lit on fire!" Snape grimaced.

"Snape, I've told you: the fire wasn't my fault. And Minerva, worry not. I will find a way," said Dumbledore, "and if I don't, I know two people who can…"

"You don't mean…" began Snape, with a horrified look on his face.

"Yes, Severus. We are joining forces with the Weasley twins," announced Dumbledore.

"I'd _better_ be getting a raise," said Snape.

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"Strange how he only left us with a severe warning and a talk about the dangers of switching bodies," commented Hermione upon leaving Dumbledore's office with Draco.

"I like my body; why'd you have to take it?" Draco whined.

"Oh, stop it! Your body is fine; I only borrowed it for a few moments to do my task. Besides, it's your own fault that you gave me the task of kissing Snape," said Hermione.

Draco narrowed his eyes at Hermione. "You will pay for what you did. You will pay dearly. I'm still mad at you, you know."

"Not as mad as I am at _you_," Hermione replied.

"Too bad. You're pretty when you get mad, you know," said Draco. "Scary, but pretty."

Hermione didn't reply, but quickened her pace. "Are you trying to get me to apologize to you?"

Draco pulled on Hermione's arm to make her stop walking. "Is it working?"

Hermione stopped and turned to face Draco. "Draco Malfoy, I am sorry that you are such a bloody git and have to suffer my revenge."

Draco sniffed. He cornered her against the corridor and looked into Hermione's eyes. "That's hardly an apology."

"Whatcha gonna do about it?"

Draco leaned toward Hermione's face and brought his lips close to her left ear.

"I heard make-up sex is the best."

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Note: Sigh… Yeah, I have to end it there, sorry! (That last line is a quote from the movie "The Wedding Date".)

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Please remember to review!


	44. The Double Double Agents

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks to my 2200th reviewer, "Hera" (anonymous)! And thanks to everyone who reviewed; I can't believe this story has so many reviews!

Yes, I know that about half of the chapters in this story have their titles listed in the little drop-down screen in the upper right-hand corner. That's because I've done a _**teensy**_ bit of editing lately; no need to reread anything (taking out some author's notes, fixing a few plot errors, etc.). Hopefully I will put the titles up for the rest of the chapters soon...

Also, I _do_ plan to write a sequel to "Dear Diary, I Mean, _Journal_" sometime. You can check my profile page for any recent news regarding my stories, updates, and such.

Oh, and I finally got page breaks to work! (hehe) So hopefully no more rows of X's to mark my page breaks...

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and am not responsible for any injuries, deaths, and the reader getting thrown out of the library because he/she was laughing too loudly as a result of this story. (And I do not advise reading this story while in a library.)

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Chapter 44 – The _Double_ Double Agents 

The rumors and giggling only got worse that day, as news circled within Hogwarts' circles, eventually reaching the ears of a certain pair of twins and the Boy-Who-Needs-to-Die.

"Excellent! Malfoy's reputation has been… what's the word… _besmirched_!" Fred fingered his fake mustache, which he had broken out for the _occasion_.

"His life has been made hell… All we have to do is make his life… _sub_-hell," said George thoughtfully.

"But… We've already turned him into a hideous ferret. Anything beyond that would be just plain mean," commented Harry.

"That's it! Now you're starting to sound like a Weasley!" George gave Harry a clap on the back.

"See, young Harry, that was just Phase _uno_," began Fred. "Now, we are on Phase _cuatro_."

"…You mean, _dos_," corrected George.

"Yes, of course. Fake mustaches make me want to speak Spanish," explained Fred.

"…I don't get it." Harry eyed the twins. "What do fake mustaches and Spanish numbers have to do with… _anything_?"

"That's exactly it, Harry!" Fred conjured a chalkboard and started drawing a figure. "We have completed phase one and now, we must move on if we intend to destroy said ferret-being."

"What exactly _was_ phase one?" asked Harry.

"_Hate_," answered George. "With a lot of help from your… ah, _future girlfriend_, there."

"And now, we are at phase two," said Fred.

"_Phobia_," the twins said simultaneously.

"Wha…" Harry looked confused.

"Come on, Harry! Think! What is Malfoy afraid of? What would make him run away screaming for Crabbe and Goyle? What makes our little ferret wet himself?" pressed George.

"Uh…" Harry looked from one twin to the other.

"Here's a hint…" Fred flipped his chalkboard around for Harry to see his little grotesque drawing labeled with two words.

Harry's face lit up. "_Pansy Parkinson_."

"Yes, dear Harry, Parkinson is the key to the second phase of our plan. We will-" suddenly, George was hit in the face with owl droppings. "What the-"

Fred gingerly picked a rolled-up note off George's head and unrolled it.

"Forgive us, Harry, but George and I must excuse ourselves for the moment." George looked confused.

"What are we-" Fred handed the note to George. "Yes, Harry, euhm, we'll be back… _later_. You just keep thinking about ways to destroy Malfoy, and we'll return before you know it."

"And do try to do most of that thinking _inside_ your head, Harry," teased Fred.

* * *

"What are we waiting for, Albus?" asked McGonagall, sitting in Dumbledore's office with the other teachers involved in the "plan". 

"Yeah, I thought we were here for a meeting and bubble tea!" Sprout pouted.

"We are waiting for two people who will aid us in our plans," replied Dumbledore.

Snape paled. "You… No… Not… _them_. I can't stand them… with their witty remarks, know-it-all attitude, and _repulsive odor_-"

"You wanted to see us, Professor?" asked Fred, stepping into the office with George.

_"GAH!"_

"Why, hello there, Severus!" greeted George cheerfully.

"It's _Professor_," corrected Snape through gritted teeth. "I still don't see why we need them here."

"Why, I'm sorry, _Professor_ Severus," said Fred innocently. "Or how about Professor_ Sev-sev_ for a change?"

"How did you find out about that?" Snape's eyes widened.

"Now, Fred and George, I feel the need to recruit you for your… _services_," began Dumbledore.

"What kinds of _services_ are we talking, here?" asked George.

Dumbledore scratched his chin. "We, as in, the teachers you see here and I, require your help in a certain… _project_, of ours."

"What _kind_ of project?" asked Fred, raising one eyebrow.

Dumbledore told the twins about everything they had done in great detail, from the ten tasks to the Quidditch game, with some comments inserted by each of the teachers. ("McGonagall punched me!" wailed Snape.)

"Excellent. We are yours," said Fred and George simultaneously.

"Just tell us what we need to do, and we'll tell you how much it costs," said George.

"In that case, we are in business," said Dumbledore with a smile.

He shook hands with the twins.

_Piece of cake_, thought Dumbledore.

_Piece of cake_, thought Fred.

_I want a piece of cake_, thought George.

The twins left the office.

"Now, the _real_ game has begun," said Dumbledore.

"What _real_ game?" asked Trelawney.

"Come Sunday, you shall see," replied Dumbledore.

"I still don't get how they found out about the Sev-sev incident," mumbled Snape.

"_What_ Sev-sev incident?" asked McGonagall suspiciously.

"Uh… nothing," said Snape hastily. "Nothing at all."

"Oh, you mean the time in the fourth year when you accidentally got turned into a baby by Potter and Black?" supplied Trelawney.

"A baby _girl_ too," added Flitwick.

Snape glared at the two.

"What? When did _this_ happen? Where was I?" wondered McGonagall, laughing. "How could you be so stupid to let them do that?"

"Oh, yeah, right! Like the time a few days ago when you accidentally took points off your _own_ house when both Granger and Malfoy are in _Slytherin_?" Snape sneered.

McGonagall narrowed her eyes at Snape. "Well in that case, ten points to Gryffindor for no reason! And ten points from Slytherin!"

"What? No fair! Why?" Snape gaped.

"Because… because you're a meanie-head!" said McGonagall.

"Well then, twenty points to Slytherin because McGonagall took off points!" shouted Snape.

"You know…" began Flitwick, "seeing as how the heads of the houses are considered _part_ of their respective houses, you could actually give and take away points based on your _own_ conduct."

There was a pause.

"THIRTY POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR BECAUSE I PUNCHED SNAPE!" yelled McGonagall.

"FOURTY POINTS TO SLYTHERIN BECAUSE DRACO LIKES HERMIONE!" shouted Snape.

"FIFTY POINTS TO HUFFLEPUFF BECAUSE I LIKE SALADS!" cried Sprout.

"…"

"Dang it, Flitwick! Why'd you have to tell them about that loophole?" Dumbledore groaned.

* * *

Meanwhile, let us return to the story of our dear Hermione and Draco. You _do_ remember where we left off, don't you? Ah, yes, here we are… Draco had just said the witty and plagiarized line, "I heard make-up sex is the best." Now, let's see how Hermione responds… 

SLAP.

(Ten points to Slytherin, if I do say so myself.)

"Nice try, Malfoy." Hermione smirked.

"That… that was cruel." Draco rubbed his left cheek tenderly. "Very cruel. I was only joking."

"I'm disappointed."

"That was sarcasm, wasn't it?" asked Draco bitterly.

"Of course not."

Suddenly, Hermione noticed something very odd. She hurriedly felt around her wrist and gasped. Draco wondered what Hermione was up to, but also became aware of something strange. A light weight no longer pulled down on his wrist. He, too, gasped.

Although the two could not see it, it was quite obvious that the chain was gone.

* * *

The Weasley twins were crouched outside of the door to Dumbledore's office. 

"Say, Fred, now we have to help Dumbledore get Draco and Hermione together…" began George in a whisper.

"…And we have to help Harry get Draco and Hermione apart," finished Fred.

"I think it's time we helped ourselves a bit." George winked.

"Come Sunday, indeed." Fred winked back.

* * *

"YES! YES, YES, YES!" cried Draco. "I'M FREE!" He began to repeat that phrase in a sing-song voice while dancing in a circle. 

"Wait…" Hermione sat down thoughtfully.

"_I'M FREE, I'M FREE, I'M FREE!"_

"If the chain is gone…"

"_I'M FREE, I'M FREE, I'M FREE_!"

"Then that means…"

"_I'M FREE, I'M FREE, I'M FREE!"_

"SHUT UP!"

Draco stopped abruptly. "What's wrong? This is great! We're free!"

"No. Sooner or later, we'll have to tell Dumbledore!" said Hermione.

"What? Why? He'll just put the chain back!"

"Then what d'you think he'll say when, at the completion of our tasks, he goes to remove the chain?" reasoned Hermione. "What if he makes us complete more tasks because the chain was gone for a time? That's like… _cheating_!"

"Oh, and such a proud and noble Gryffindor like you couldn't _possibly_ cheat on one teensy thing? Besides, it wasn't our fault the chain disappeared…" said Draco. "Wait… Why exactly did the chain disappear?"

"It must have been because of the body-switching spell…" Hermione replied slowly.

"So… What are we gonna do?" asked Draco.

"I… don't know. We could go to Dumbledore and tell him to reattach the chain…"

"…Which is a dumb idea."

"….Or we could just try to reattach the chain ourselves…"

"…Which is an even dumber idea."

"Then what do you propose we do?" snapped Hermione.

"Look. It's simple. Why don't we just do _absolutely nothing_?" suggested Draco gently.

"And _cheat_ through the remainder of our tasks?" Hermione cried incredulously.

"Think about it this way: the chain was only a means to ensure that we would complete our tasks without a fuss. Seeing as we intend to finish our tasks anyways, the chain is not necessary," reasoned Draco.

"As much as I would like to say that that makes a lot of sense, I refuse to do so," said Hermione stubbornly. "It's like breaking a rule. Even though it doesn't hurt anything or anyone, it's still not right."

"Fine then. Be that way. Go to Dumbledore and tell him about the chain. But _I_ am not moving a muscle. You can go all by yourself." Draco gave a "hmph!" and turned his back on Hermione.

Hermione sighed. "Fine, then. I won't go."

"I knew it." Draco turned around and looked smug.

"But you have to promise to pretend that the chain is still there," said Hermione.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever."

* * *

Hermione and Draco had no trouble whatsoever pretending they had a chain connected to them. In fact, it only gave an excuse to stand closer to one another at random moments throughout the day. 

"I'm telling you, Hermione, the chain was _this_ long." Draco stood a few inches away from Hermione.

"That's ridiculous, it was at least three feet!" Hermione cried, stepping away from Draco.

"Two feet!" Draco stepped closer.

Hermione laughed. "You're only using that as an excuse to get close to me!"

"So?" Hermione found herself face-to-face with Draco, their lips only a few centimeters apart.

Suddenly, McGonagall hurried by. "TEN POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!" she laughed crazily.

"I swear that woman's gone insane," said Draco.

"Maybe we're all a little insane these days." Hermione leaned in closer.

"Maybe."

* * *

"Why are we sitting at the Slytherin table?" asked Hermione during dinner. 

"Because we've been sitting at the Gryffindor table too much lately."

"Don't look now, here comes-" Hermione began.

"AHH!"

"I told you not to look!"

Draco leapt out of his seat. "Say, Hermione, how 'bout we sit at the Gryffindor table today?"

"No way, I wanna see this." Hermione looked smug and kept her seat.

"But… but… She's getting closer…" Draco paled. "I'm going to the Gryffindor table!"

"I'm staying here!" Hermione looked stubborn.

"Fine then! I'm going, and you can explain to Dumbledore why I'm at one table while you're at another!" Draco began to walk to the Gryffindor table.

"Wait!" Hermione pouted. "Stay here… _for me_?"

Draco paused. _Don't look at her face... Don't look at her face…_

He turned around. Hermione had a cute pleading look in her eyes.

"Oh… alright." Draco sat down beside her. _Damn it, she's influencing me! What is wrong with my head?_

"Hello, Draco-poo!" said you-know-who. And I do _not_ mean Voldemort.

Hermione snorted at the ridiculous nickname.

"Hello, Pansy," said Draco through gritted teeth, wishing he had indeed fled to the Gryffindor table.

Pansy flung her arms around Draco and was about to smother him in saliva when she spotted Hermione.

"Ew! Draco! What are you doing sitting next to _her_?" Pansy looked revolted.

"Pansy. I've told you before: it's part of our assignment. Dumbledore is making us spend time with each other for the few weeks." Draco sighed.

"Oh." Pansy continued her assault on Draco, stroking his hair while smiling seductively.

Draco lowered one eyelid and groaned inwardly. Hermione was having difficulties keeping in her laughter. When Pansy attempted to spoon-feed Draco soup, he drew the line.

"Please, stop." Draco set his knife (which he had somehow picked up) onto the table and turned to face Pansy. Pansy took this as an indication that she should lick his nose (how she got that idea, I do not know), which she did.

"EW!" Draco frantically grabbed every napkin in sight and smothered his face, wiping rapidly.

"What's wrong? Do you have something on your face?" asked Pansy innocently.

"Yes, your saliva!" Draco snapped.

Pansy was taken aback. "But… but I thought… they said-"

"I. Don't. Like. You." Draco spat. "Get that through your thick head!"

"Ooh, BURN!" Snape remarked, walking by. He jabbed a finger in the air. "Ten points to Slytherin!"

Draco stared at him before running out of the Great Hall, Hermione following closely, after taking some food with her, of course.

* * *

"Fred… George…" said Harry slowly. "I just saw Malfoy running out of the Great Hall and Pansy Parkinson on the verge of tears. Not to mention the fact that Snape just said 'Ooh, BURN'. Care to explain?" 

Fred and George snorted.

"We simply told a certain Miss Parkinson that her Draco-poo was in love with her-"

"-and we let Pansy do the rest," finished George.

Harry laughed. "Splendid!"

"Just you wait until tomorrow, young grasshopper. Just you wait. It gets even better," said Fred mischievously.

"Almost as good as it will get on Sunday," hinted George.

"What's happening Sunday?" asked Harry.

"Oh, just a friendly game of…" began Fred.

"…Quidditch," finished the twins simultaneously.

* * *

"That was harsh," said Hermione, once she and Draco had safely made it to the Slytherin Common Room. 

"Are we really safe in here? Pansy _is_ a Slytherin, after all," said Draco, worried.

"Then where would we be safe?" asked Hermione. "You can't go into my dormitory, and Pansy would find us in yours."

"I don't know… In a closet or something… where Pansy can't find us," Draco replied.

"Aren't closets usually for… _making out_?" Hermione raised one eyebrow.

Draco gave her a funny look.

"Let's find ourselves a closet then."

Laughing, the two went up the stairs and stopped at a door. Hermione thought it looked vaguely familiar, but discarded the feeling. She put her hand on the doorknob and turned. A vulgar odor greeted the two. Hermione coughed and peered inside.

She gasped in horror.

"Oh, my God."

* * *

Note: Cliffhanger! Haha… Although I'm sure you already know what it is that poor Hermione sees… (And you thought I forgot about him! hehe) 

Feel free to let me know (kindly, please) if I made any errors in this chapter; I may have messed up a few things adding in the page breaks...

Also, I feel like I just HAVE to say this: I love the stories "Paris Days" by mina1011, "Mr Maybe" by firebirdflame, and a lot of stories by Punkindoodle (some of her stories and mina's have been nominated at "He Had It Coming" and "Dangerous Liaisons", which are two awesome Draco/Hermione fanfiction awards sites) and if you've read them, you should go nominate/vote! Stories as good as these don't get as much recognition as they deserve, and you should check them out if you're ever looking for some good Draco/Hermione stories to read!

Oh, and please review!


	45. The Return of the Toad

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione 

Note: Thanks as always to all my reviewers! I _completely_ spaced on figuring out my 2300th reviewer (I had figured it out before, but I forgot to write down who it was!), but I think it is YourBeautifulDisaster, although there's a fair chance I'm wrong, so I apologize to whomever it actually is. But anyhow, thanks to all of you!

Yes, I am _very, very_ sorry for not updating sooner! February simply hasn't been my month (no matter what my horoscope says)! I've been sick on and off for the past few weeks and busy with school and such. By the time I finally got around to updating, I hit writer's block! Anyhow, I hope this chapter doesn't turn out horrible and I later go back and wonder what the heck I was thinking when I first wrote this. Sigh.

Interesting ideas from all of you about who was in the closet…

Now… who or what is it _really_? Well, only one way to find out! Unfortunately, you'll have to read until the very end of the chapter (although enough information is given so you'll basically figure out who/what it is anyways).

Ooh, and there is a HUGE twist at the end of this chapter!

Disclaimer: The term "fanfiction" is self-explanatory. It implies that it is written by fans and is _fiction_. Easy-peasy.

* * *

Chapter 45 – The Return of the Toad 

Although the teachers of Hogwarts are known for their distinct personalities, teaching habits, and ridiculous definitions of the word _hygiene_, the recent events involving a certain Slytherin and a lovely Gryffindor has certainly put a twist on everything.

"'_OOH, BURN!'_" mocked Trelawney. The teachers had gathered once again in Dumbledore's office for an emergency meeting.

"I swear I did not sound like that!" retorted Snape.

"He's right… His voice is a lot higher," added McGonagall.

Dumbledore entered his office. "It appears that our worst fears have been confirmed."

Sprout gasped. "Global warming is killing off Brussels sprouts?"

Flitwick gaped. "I'm not going to grow any taller?"

Snape's eyes widened. "I can't wear the same underwear for three days in a row?"

"No…" Dumbledore sighed. "I have misplaced the list of tasks for Mr. Malfoy and Miss Granger."

"…"

Sprout broke the silence.

"Lemon drop?"

* * *

Fred and George were gleeful. Very gleeful. 

"_The hills are alive… with the sound of muuuuuusic_," sang Fred.

Just kidding.

George smirked. "Dumbledore should know not to hide the coveted list of tasks beneath his pillow; it was _so_ obvious. Who knew the password to his room was 'Pepto Bismol'?"

Fred reread the list. "This information is gonna help us a lot with our… _plans_."

Suddenly, George paused.

"You do realize that Malfoy and Hermione can't do the tasks unless Dumbledore has the task list?"

"…"

"Crap."

Fred paused in thought. "We should Xerox it."

"Splendid! _ACCIO XEROX_!"

* * *

Professor Snape got a little crazy that day. 

He entered his Potions classroom to discover that a Xerox machine had crashed into his desk, leaving a Xerox-shaped hole in the wall.

"What is this?" wondered Snape.

He pressed a few buttons and the machine made a few sounds. He timidly lifted the large "lid-shaped" thing at the top, revealing a flat panel. A few buttons later, a bar moved across the underside of the panel and a bright light moved.

"Ooh," Snape exclaimed.

Suddenly, a piece of paper flew out of the side of the machine.

Snape had Xeroxed his face.

* * *

Fred and George had searched nearly every classroom in Hogwarts but could not find their Xerox machine. They had only one room left to look in. 

"You don't think…" began George.

"What are the odds?" wondered Fred.

They entered the Potions classroom.

"WHEE!"

Snape was sitting on the floor, throwing pieces of paper in the air.

Fred and George were speechless. George bent down and picked up a piece of paper. It had Snape's face on it.

"WHEE!"

The twins concluded that Snape was on crack.

Fred walked over to the Xerox machine, which was on the verge of overheating.

It didn't take a genius to put two and two together. There was just one thing that didn't make sense…

Fred paused. "How did he get it to work without plugging it in?"

"…"

"WHEE!"

* * *

Meanwhile… Draco and Hermione were standing outside of the open closet in shock. 

Hermione gasped for breath. Her eyes burned and blurred as if she was on the verge of tears that would not come. Draco's face resembled that of a fish; his mouth was wide open and his eyes had a blank look about them.

"This… this isn't real. It has to be a joke… or something. I-" Hermione's head spun faster than it had that day she went to a Muggle amusement park and decided to go on every single ride, just to prove that she could do it.

"Hermione… we have to tell someone right now, before everyone comes." Draco put his arm around her shoulder. "Let's go. Hurry, I think someone would have seen-"

"Draco-poo! There you are! I-" Pansy began, literally popping out of nowhere.

"Pansy! No! Go away; don't-" Draco hurriedly tried to block her view of the closet…

It was too late; she had seen it.

"AHH!"

* * *

It spread like wildfire throughout the school; there wasn't a second without a student discussing the discovery. Everyone surrounding the scene had been taken into questioning, including Draco and Hermione. 

"Mr. Malfoy, witnesses say that you and Miss Granger were the ones who initially found-" began McGonagall, all traces of humor she earlier possessed gone.

"Professors, with all due respect, we've already gone over this a thousand times! Draco and I know nothing else; we were just… _there_ when it happened!" Hermione protested. "We had nothing whatsoever to do with it!"

"I am aware of that, Miss Granger, but it is policy that we must gather information from all students present at the time." Dumbledore smoothed the wrinkles on his forehead and jotted down some more notes on a piece of parchment. "But, seeing as we have kept you long enough, the two of you are free to leave."

Draco got up, his eyes downcast, and Hermione followed. They left Dumbledore's office.

Dumbledore sat back in his chair and sighed. "What do we do, Minerva?"

McGonagall looked started. "Albus… You're asking _me_ for advice? You know the rules in this given circumstance… however dreadful the actions we must take may be."

"Yes, I know. I suppose we have no choice but to call in the Head of Magical Inquest."

McGonagall looked taken aback. "You don't mean..."

"Yes, Minerva. She has made a full recovery and has assumed office." Dumbledore pulled a quill from a decorated jar and dipped it into a bottle of green ink. He wrote a brief note and then folded it.

McGonagall paled. "It was bad enough the first time; how do you think they'll take it?"

"I honestly cannot say." Fawkes gently nibbled on Dumbledore's finger. Sighing, the professor handed the letter to the phoenix.

McGonagall made one last statement. "Albus… Are you sure?"

Dumbledore sighed. "The rules cannot be bent any longer. Word of what has happened will get out. We have to take appropriate action."

Fawkes gave a small squeak.

"See? Even the bird disapproves. I'm telling you, Albus, it wouldn't be right."

"It has to be done." Dumbledore looked Fawkes in the eye. "Take this letter to Ms. Dolores Jane Umbridge."

* * *

Draco and Hermione walked back to the Slytherin Common Room, aware of the eyes that followed their movements. Everyone knew that they had been the first people at the closet and rumors had sprung quickly. Thankfully, word hadn't reached the press yet, or else reporters would have swarmed the place by now. Hermione was silent the entire time and Draco resisted the urge to put his arm around her shoulder. 

The only good news for Draco was that talk about him PMSing had abruptly ceased, although he didn't like what it was replaced by.

Draco and Hermione discovered that the Common Room had been completely roped off, and no students were allowed to enter. The younger students were assigned rooms in the Ravenclaw Tower, and the fifth through seventh years went to the Hufflepuff Common Room.

The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were not happy with this arrangement.

After much argument, the teachers were forced to relocate the Slytherins to…

The Owlery.

"I still don't see how we ended up here." grumbled Draco, making himself comfortable with the few pillows and blankets he had brought up. Dumbledore had cast silencing spells on the birds and a protective barrier against owl pellets, but it hardly made any difference to the unhappy Slytherins.

"The Hufflepuffs were very… persuasive," replied Hermione, spreading out a blanket next to Draco.

"Persuasive, meaning…?"

"They tied up Sprout."

"I see."

A silence followed.

"Granger…"

"What?"

"Your blanket is touching mine."

Hermione sighed. "D'you have a problem with that?"

"Naturally."

"Well then, you must have a lot of problems."

"That's because you're around. Now, if you'll please move?"

Hermione was about to glare at Draco until she noticed that he was teasing. She picked up her blanket and moved closer to him. "Better?"

"Not quite."

"You sure are hard to please."

"I'm a Malfoy; what'd you expect?"

"I think you're tired of not being attached to me."

Draco paused. "Truth or dare, Granger?"

Hermione was surprised. "Draco. I'm not sure if you've realized it, but we are in very desperate times right now. Do you really think this-"

"Answer the question."

Hermione looked him in the eye. "Truth."

Draco took a moment to think.

"Hurry up; you're taking too long!"

"That's only because you're distracting me."

Hermione was amazed at his forwardness. "Since when have I been a distraction?"

"Since that day back in second year when you had the cat's tail. It looked simply dashing on you." Draco sat up. "Aren't I supposed to be asking the questions here?"

Hermione smirked. "Then ask."

Draco took a breath. "How long have you liked me?"

Hermione was startled and struggled to think of a good response. "I… I don't know. Why d'you ask?"

A grin slowly spread across Draco's face.

"What?" Hermione was confused. "Why are you smiling?"

"You just admitted that you liked me."

* * *

That night, the professors were in deep discussion. Joining them was a certain Dolores Umbridge. 

"_Hem, hem._ Professors, I will review all the evidence collected, including my own, and, ahem, make a formal announcement tomorrow morning?" Umbridge's quill scratched and squeaked unpleasantly while she spoke. She sputtered and had another false fit of coughing. "Any questions?"

No one spoke until…

"Cough drop?" Sprout offered.

"..."

Trelawney kicked Sprout in the shin as discreetly as possible.

"_Hem_. If there is nothing else, I would like to question some particular students myself to gain additional information," said Umbridge.

"I assure you, Dolores, that will not be necessary. I believe we have troubled the students enough and that no further-" McGonagall began.

"_Hem, hem_. It is my duty as Head of Magical Inquest to be certain that nothing else can be gained before we conclude the proceedings. Therefore, I will question the students as I please." Umbridge smiled falsely. "_Privately_."

The professors reluctantly got up from their seats and left the office.

McGonagall glanced back, wondering what Umbridge was up to, before closing the door behind her.

Umbridge leaned back in her chair, carefully unwrapping a cough drop. Moments later, a knock was heard at the door.

"Enter."

"You wanted to see me?"

Umbridge sat up abruptly and licked her lips as if preparing for something juicy. "Yes, you said you had some information to share?"

The visitor paused. "I know what happened."

Umbridge rubbed her hands together excitedly. "Excellent."

* * *

The next morning, the Great Hall was abuzz with news. Rumors flew wildly and uncertainty rested in the minds of all students. 

Dumbledore stood up before breakfast began. The students grew silent. "As part of the expected procedure, the professors and I have invited the Head of Magical Inquest to examine this particular case. In a moment, she will-"

Murmurs rippled through the hall as Umbridge stood up. Groans and crude remarks were heard all around, but she ignored (or perhaps simply didn't hear) them.

"As I was saying, she will momentarily be-" Dumbledore continued.

"_Hem, hem_."

Dumbledore's facial expression was resigned as he took his seat. Obviously, Umbridge had not picked up on the fact that it is rude to interrupt people.

Hermione and Draco were sitting at the Gryffindor table (after the Pansy incident the previous night), though far away from Harry and Ron. Hermione gripped the edge of the table tightly as she watched Umbridge speak.

"What's she doing here?" Draco wondered. "This can't be good."

Umbridge gave another false cough before speaking in her high voice. "Due to the overwhelming evidence gathered yesterday by myself and the professors, we have reached a conclusion to the events that have taken place…"

"We?" McGonagall repeated quietly. She cast a worried look at Dumbledore, who took no notice. "What's going on?"

Umbridge gave what sounded like a mix between a cough and a strange laugh. Her eyes glinted as if she was telling a very amusing joke.

No one was prepared for what she said next.

"_Mr. Draco Malfoy will be charged with the murder of Victor Krum."_

* * *

Note: Hehe, plot twist! Yes, there was a lot of randomness and OoC-ness in this chapter… And I just _had_ to bring back Umbridge. She is such an interesting character. smirks 

Happy belated Valentine's Day to everyone! I will do my best to update as soon as possible!

_Please review!_


	46. How to Cry like a Slytherin

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Thanks to my 2400th reviewer, GuardianOfthebrokenhearted! Ooh, and yay for my 2500th reviewer, Dragongurl57! Cookies and marshmallows for all!

This chapter would have been up last Wednesday or sometime around then, but it wouldn't load into Documents! Several other authors have also experienced problems, and I'm so glad everything works now!

_In response to "LamiaCaligo", oh my goodness! I am so incredibly sorry for your loss! I understand how horrible everything must be and you've made me much more aware of the terrible things regarding suicide, rather than just the drama that can put into stories. I apologize for any pain or recurring feelings this story has caused up to this point, although I can't exactly take everything out of my story because it is a big part of my plot. I hope you will understand, and once again, you have my deepest apologies._

I know. I have failed you. It has been a VERY long time. I am ashamed of myself. cries Please forgive me…

Yes, that last chapter was a bit confusing. I understand that many of you have probably forgotten half the things that have happened so far in this story, so I will do my best to refresh your memory. I have taken the time to write a "mini-summary" of this story so far, with brief statements about each chapter (and a few funny parts described). I have also added the days of the week.

So… here goes. Please bear with me. (whimpers) The numbers refer to the chapter.

1. (Monday) Draco and Hermione get into a fight (Hermione calls Draco a bloody git) and are assigned by Dumbledore to come up with ten tasks for each other.

2. (Tuesday) Draco's first task is to be nice to all the Gryffindors, etc. Oh, and Hermione slaps him… more than once.

3. (Wednesday) Hermione's first task is to stop being a know-it-all; she gives Draco the answers during Potions.

4. (Thursday) Draco's second task is to tell the entire school know that he loves Moaning Myrtle. Hermione, however, goes and does his task for him, submitting an article to the Daily Prophet about Draco getting "rejected" by Myrtle.

5. (Friday) Hermione's second task is to send a love howler to Snape. Draco, however, does this for her and humiliates poor Hermione. (the weekend passes)

6. (Monday) Draco's third task was to hug McGonagall. He does, but hardly anyone notices or cares, which makes Hermione angry because she had gotten so much attention for "loving" Snape. They fight, and Draco later apologizes to Hermione.

7. (Still Monday) Draco had sent chocolate hearts to Snape, which are delivered. Hermione is once again humiliated and starts beating up Draco.

8. (Early Tuesday morning) Hermione takes a bath and Draco accidentally walks in. Major "Oops!" moment for Draco.

9. (Still early Tuesday morning) Hermione and Draco bump into Snape outside of the bathroom. Afterwards, Draco argues with himself about liking Hermione. Both notice noises in the corridor and suspect a person is there. Snape had received a note telling him that Hermione had been out of bed after hours (while taking a bath) and also owes ten galleons to the sender, known as "The Lioness".

10. (Still Tuesday) Hermione's third task is to disrespect the teachers and get a bunch of detentions. Draco and Hermione rush to the library because Draco fears for his life and wants to get rid of the chain (or die trying). They are late to Charms, where Hermione tells Flitwick to shut up and calls him a midget. She also spazzes out about Ron's promiscuity. Way to go.

11. (still Tuesday, sigh) Hermione gets into a catfight with Sprout (figuratively, of course), and gets another detention. Woot. Draco and Hermione decide to go to Dumbledore about the task because Draco feels sorry for Hermione.

12. (still… Tuesday) Dumbledore allows Hermione to only complete her task by getting three detentions, rather than one in every one of her classes. She still has to serve her detentions, but Draco is allowed to postpone a certain task since Hermione was exempted from part of hers. Draco and Hermione are hungry and visit the kitchens; Dobby serves them. Draco notices something moving next to the red armchair, but forgets it. Draco tells Hermione that she'd owe him for going to Dumbledore about the task.

13. (still Tuesday) Pansy hexes Blaise outside after he refuses to help her break up Draco and Hermione. Draco and Hermione find him and take him to Madam Pomfrey. They also notice that his face is covered with something that neither of them can place. Then, they find Pansy unconscious in a broom closet and take her to Madam Pomfrey as well.

14. (Wednesday) Draco's fourth task is to dress up as a cheerleader with Luna Lovegood's lion hat and cheer for Gryffindor in the upcoming Quidditch game. Draco remembers that he is Quidditch captain and hasn't put together the team yet. Nice going. Draco postpones this task and he and Hermione go to oversee Quidditch tryouts. Draco _accio_'s a Polyjuice Potion so Hermione can become Blaise (so no one notices that Hermione Granger is chained to Draco during tryouts). They rush off to the Hospital Wing to get a bit of Blaise to complete the potion. Hermione drinks it and becomes a guy. Hermione freaks out.

15. (still Wednesday) Hermione realizes she is wearing a skirt and that Blaise Zambini does not wear skirts (or at least, we hope). Hermione puts on a wig and pretends to be "a girl, pretending to be a boy, pretending to be a girl". Ron walks by and gives her-him-her a sexy whistle. Hermione half-wishes it had been directed at Draco. Hermione "asks Draco for fashion advice" and goes into the boy's bathroom to change clothes so she can be a Blaise without cross-dressing. Harry finds them in the bathroom (without knowing it was Hermione as Blaise), and they leave for the Quidditch field.

Sigh. Okay, I seriously need to stop here; it's quite tiring to go through all these chapters and pick out all the important bits to put down. Whew. If I don't stop now, I'll never get the _actual_ chapter finished. Sorry! I'll try to put more chapter summaries up in the next chapter or something.

Disclaimer: I… don't… own…

* * *

Chapter 46 – How to Cry Like a Slytherin 

The Great Hall burst into uproar. McGonagall, who had half-risen from her seat, paled and froze in place, numb with shock.

Draco's face turned a sickly yellow, and Hermione's hand had halted on its way to covering her mouth. Her eyes burned. She turned to look at Draco, who was still staring numbly into the distance. She touched him upon the arm, but he wouldn't budge. All around them, horrified chaos broke out, but Hermione paid it no attention. Someone was shaking her around the shoulders, but she felt far away, unaware of anything except the look on Draco's face. Draco hadn't burst into terrified surprise or the indignant cries Hermione had heard from Ron, and even Harry. Draco was silent. Too silent.

Then, it hit her.

Heat burned in Hermione's eyes as quiet realization broke inside her head. Her reasoning twisted and contorted into one single thought: the only reason why Draco wouldn't say anything was if…

If he was _guilty_.

With a barely audible sob, Hermione did something she knew she must have done countless times since it all began: she fled the Great Hall. Suddenly, as if something had snapped within him, Draco did something he knew he must have done countless times since it all began: he watched her leave.

What happened next, neither of them remembered, but it happened anyways. Someone tenderly pulled Draco away, amidst the bewildered looks of the other students. He found himself in someone's office, Dumbledore's, by the look of it. There, he waited.

Hermione ran. She had often run, but not like this. This time, she was running as if she could possibly put distance between herself and her feelings, from her mind and reality. Her running found her at the Gryffindor Common Room, a place she had hardly visited lately. She burst inside and instinctively ran up to her old room. She threw open the door and then gasped. She had forgotten that all her belongings were no longer here; she had switched houses. Hermione let another wave of feelings envelop her face. Then, she flopped down onto the carpeted floor like a helpless marionette with strings which had been bitterly cut. Gravity won, and she fell over in a crumpled heap. There, she cried.

There are many ways to cry, regardless of whether you realize it or not. When you are young, you have undoubtedly cried over the broken doll or the people you saw jumping off as the grey towers crumbled and the camera still rolled as the screams provided all the background music they would ever need. You've cried over the simple injustices of life, like the first time you knew the innocent man would not go free and all the other times you read those heart-wrenching words and answered questions they threw at you about the deepest meaning of a mockingbird. You cry over simple things like love and happiness, as you wonder where they have gone in your own life. Then, there is the other way to cry; the silent, yet beautiful way where you realize you can no longer win and all your good fortune has run out, the type of crying you do when you are in the most desperate times you, or anyone, will ever encounter, the kind of crying when you finally figure out that there is no hope: your beloved sister will never come back; that innocent kitten in the road will not live to see the smiles of your kindergarten class; that one battle you have been fighting the hardest is lost before you even began. That little ray of sunshine you took for granted has finally faded away forever.

It is times like these when we most need someone to love us, someone to hug and comfort us, someone that will ease the pain that every passing tear adds to our insurmountable burdens. It is times like these when the smallest, simplest act of kindness means more than the gold earrings you thought you would always love or the string of pearls she gave you before she died. It is times like these where there is no distinction between your darkest enemy and your best friend or truest love; they are all the same. The person who holds you and gives you warmth will no longer be remembered as the one who abused you and made you cry; the person who does not come to you in this time will take his fated place.

And so, he came. He came for her comfort, to give her love and support. There will be no time when she needed him more, no time when she would be more desperate than this, no better time for a despised and neglected friend to take the place of the one you love the most.

Hermione opened her eyes and looked into those of Ron Weasley.

* * *

The door opened, but he didn't turn around. Nothing could surprise Draco Malfoy anymore. 

Dumbledore took a seat across from Draco, but not in his usual chair behind his desk. "Draco." His voice took on a different tone, as if he wasn't talking to a student, but to another man, one just as valued and esteemed as he. "There's nothing in this world that disturbs me more than injustice; the punishing of the innocent and the praise of the guilty drives nails into a weary heart."

Draco did not look up. He couldn't bring himself to meet the old man's eyes.

"I know what you are feeling, believe it or not. I think I can help you here." Dumbledore looked kindly at Draco. "You did nothing wrong; I'm sure of it."

Dumbledore was surprised when Draco suddenly sat up and gave him a reddened stare.

"Do you? Do you really?"

Dumbledore was taken aback.

"Do you really know what is going on right now? Do you really understand my thoughts and emotions? Do you really believe that I did nothing wrong?" Draco had stood up and was now shaking with indescribable passion.

"I do," replied Dumbledore, calmly and quietly as ever.

"Well, that makes one of us." Draco sat back down.

"Do explain."

"My whole life, this is the type of thing that has been expected of me, the standard I was to live up to. This should have been my goal and desire. I _should_ have committed this crime. It would have made my family proud to see their only son doing some horrific thing as murdering another person."

Draco paused, and Dumbledore nodded, whether to show his understanding or to encourage him to continue, Draco was unsure.

"I have always gotten in trouble for things, ever since the first year, being out and about after hours. I am _accustomed_ to this sort of thing. It was nothing new; the emotions related to being caught have nearly faded from existence. But, _this_, this is something… something I have never felt before… to be _accused_ for a crime of which I am actually _innocent_ of, for once. It's almost… strange. I'm like the boy who cried wolf: the rest of the students will have no trouble whatsoever believing that I did this. Who knows, they might even idolize me for it. 'Remember Draco Malfoy, the guy who killed Victor Krum?' It's what my parents would have always wanted, or my father, at least. Good to know that I will be joining him. It feels like… like maybe I _should_ have done something wrong here. Maybe I _should_ have committed this crime. It would make things so much easier."

Something in his voice told the man that he had stopped, that he had told everything there was to say. Dumbledore took a breath and began.

"Your father isn't the only person who expects something from you. Your peers, your teachers, even Hermione, expect something from you. Different things, to be sure, but things, nonetheless. I expected something from you. I expected you to be strong and know in your heart the difference between right and wrong. Inside, you aren't the malefic person you have claimed to be. You have a pure heart, and I am confident that it will win out in the end. Have some faith. As for being accused of the crime, there is a solution."

Draco's ears perked up at this. "What? I thought… but… Azk-"

"Don't even think about that place. You won't be going there, not if I have any say in it. I may be an old man, but I still exert _some_ influence in this world. As for the accused felony, Wizarding law requires the defendant to be given a minimum of thirty days until any action can be taken. Today is the… twenty-fifth of September… You'll have until at least the same time next month before any sort of trial can occur. Since you are still considered a minor under our law, you won't be placed under arrest, especially since you are here at Hogwarts. A few restrictions will be place upon your wand, but they shouldn't affect you since I highly doubt you will be performing Killing Curses any time soon." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "Any questions?"

Draco took a moment to process all that Dumbledore had said. "Wait… _trial_?"

Dumbledore sighed. "Yes, unfortunately. Unless we can persuade Umbridge to drop these charges… I'll call you in sometime to review the evidence…"

Draco took this as a signal to leave. Then, he paused. "Erm… the tasks?"

"They will continue," said Dumbledore. "You'll need some form of amusement after this. Oh, and of course, the chain will be taken care of…"

Draco gave a sidelong glance at Dumbledore, who gave his all-knowing smile. There were some times when that old man was just like him, Draco swore, shaking his head.

Dumbledore sighed after Draco was gone, leaving him alone with his thoughts. _That boy has gone through so much more than some of us will ever experience in three lifetimes, and I'm proud of him for it._

* * *

Note: Sigh. Yes, a kinda short, emotional chapter (where not much happened) that was perhaps not worth the very long time it took for me to update. I did use a little second-person in the part about crying, and I've always been told that second-person is a bad thing in writing (except, of course, when Lemony Snicket uses it). Please let me know what you think about this chapter and the story overall! Don't worry, the humor will come back, just not right now; please bear with me. 

Also, in case you were wondering, the Quidditch game with the teachers (Sprout trying to fly, etc.) where Hermione catches the Snitch takes place on September 22 (Tom Felton's birthday!). Therefore, in the story, it is currently September 25.

In addition, the first person who can spot the two major allusions I used in the chapter (an allusion is a reference, often indirect, to a well-known event, figure, or item), will get… special recognition and some sort of bonus (please specify what you want that I can actually supply – answers to questions about the story, suggestions for tasks or plots of new stories, etc.). I'll name the answers in the next chapter, so be sure to leave a review with your guess in a hurry.

I know I always say this, but reviews are greatly appreciated, not for the amount, but for the content. There is nothing more gratifying and helpful to a writer than a meaningful and insightful review. And, it only takes a moment of your time..


	47. Snape's Birthday

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Wow… took forever to update! Sorry guys! Life got in the way, as did school and a gang of flying monkeys trying to pimp my house… Feel free to roll your eyes at me. I'll wait. (Ooh, this is a quote from my profile page, which I recommend that you visit for frequent news from me… and because I added lots of funny stuff to my profile recently!)

Here are some more chapter "summaries" from where I left off before…

16. (still Wednesday, a week and two days after the original fight and the beginning of the story) Draco conducts Quidditch Tryouts for the Slytherins. The Chasers fight over the Quaffle, so Draco tells the Beaters to beat up the Chasers. Then, the Chasers get mad and chase Draco and Hermione, disguised as Blaise. Draco and Hermione hide in a broom shed and are trapped by the angry people outside. The Polyjuice Potion wears off and Hermione becomes Hermione again. Suddenly, Draco and Hermione get the idea to call on Dobby to Apparate them out of the broom shed, since house elves can Apparate, or go _poof!_ It works, and they end up outside the Gryffindor Common Room.

17. (Wednesday still) Hermione totally ditches Draco once the chain goes away after dinner (like it usually does). She meets Harry, who tells her that he has been having problems with Ginny (they're together but he doesn't like her anymore). Hermione gives Harry the advice that he should do whatever he feels is right rather than feel miserable. They walk outside, unaware that they were not alone. They pass by the broom shed where Draco and Hermione had been minutes before, and Harry mentions that he can't find his invisibility cloak. The Slytherins catch on and think Draco stole the cloak and is now hiding away somewhere. They go inside the castle to hunt him down.

18. (sigh… same day) Draco has to pee and asks an ugly statue where the bathroom is. The others are looking for him at the same time. Someone approaches, and Draco ducks behind a statue. When he comes out, he is greeted with a view of Pansy's rear end in a miniskirt and goes, "AGH! My eyes!". Pansy sees Draco and thinks he was looking for her, so she clutches onto his arm. The others hunting Draco spot them and give chase. Draco has no choice but to pick up Pansy and run for his life. Draco goes down the stairs, the Slytherins go down the stairs. Draco goes up the other stairs, the Slytherins go up the stairs. Draco ran back down the stairs and collides with the one Slytherin that was smart enough to stay on the first flight of stairs. They fall and tumble. Draco gets up, Pansy clutches onto him again, and he decides to go to the Room of Requirement to hide. They go in, Pansy thinks he wants to make out or something, and Draco slaps her.

19. (Wednesday still… goodness, these summaries are getting quite tiring!) Harry finds his invisibility cloak in the Gryffindor Boy's Dormitory. He and Hermione use the Marauders' Map to find Draco, a small dot being chased around by many Slytherin dots and a Pansy dot. Draco suddenly disappear from the map and Harry and Hermione realize that he is in the Room of Requirement. They go to the room and Hermione gets hit in the face with the door when Draco suddenly runs out. Hermione screams and Draco screams at the sound coming out of nowhere (Hermione and Harry are under the cloak). The Slytherins run after Draco. Everybody screams each other's names randomly. Ron and Lavender pop out of a room, startled and looking like they were making out or something. More yelling and screaming. Everybody suddenly starts saying, "WHAT!". Then, McGonagall pops out in a nightgown and shrieks, "WHAT THE HECK?".

20. (Wednesday… night.) McGonagall says they disrupted her beauty sleep ("Which you definitely need," Draco adds). McGonagall gets mad and dishes out detentions. Harry and Hermione, under the cloak, slip away. They arrive at the portrait of the Fat Lady, but she is missing! They decide that Hermione will go to sleep outside the Common Room while Harry keeps watch.

21. (Wednesday still) Harry realizes that Hermione is pretty in her sleep. Then he sleeps and has a dream about breaking up with Ginny. Then, he wakes up and actually does break up with Ginny, saying that Hermione gave him helpful advice in doing what he wants and not being held back. Ginny is upset and storms away.

22. (Finally Thursday!) Hermione wakes up very late and she finds out that her task is to ask Dumbledore to switch houses (Harry doesn't know of the tasks and the chain). Harry and Hermione decide to take the day off. Harry goes to teach Hermione how to fly a broom. While they are outside, the broom suddenly goes up very, very high in the air and takes a nosedive.

23. (Still Thursday) Draco sees Harry and Hermione on Harry's Firebolt and in danger, so he asks to use the bathroom during Potions so he can go and save them. He gets on his broom once outside and races to save them. Draco pulls Harry and Hermione from the Firebolt right before it smashes into the ground. Hermione groans and tells Harry never to teach her how to fly again.

24. (Thursday still) Hermione asks Dumbledore if she can change houses to Slytherin. The teachers are shocked. Snape chokes on a bagel, and a food fight eventually starts. McGonagall beats up Snape. Yay.

25. (Thursday) Dumbledore tells Hermione that she'll have to try on the Sorting Hat again to get into Slytherin. Draco and Hermione go to Double Potions, where a mysterious teacher shows up…

Okay, I'll have to stop here if I'm to get this new chapter done at all… Who knew a couple of chapter summaries could be so incredibly tiring? I hope you guys can take it from here, since chapter 25 wasn't that far away from where we are now… Okay, maybe it is rather far away. I suppose I could add a few more summaries in the next chapter to tie us over.

Time passes a bit in the beginning of the chapter, but I felt that since so much drama took place, Hermione would be sensible enough to take some time away to let it all cool down, and there are some future events that I would like to line up with some certain dates on the calendar (you'll understand later).

This chapter is sort of a filler chapter and it has a lot to do with the teachers. So, if you are one who does not like the "teacher" chapters (those involving lots of funny moments with the teachers, etc.) and prefers Draco/Hermione action… Sorry! It is in the coming, but this chapter is needed to fill in the gaps so everything makes sense when the real action takes place. Don't worry, I have some _major_ romance planned; please be patient! Meanwhile, those who do like the teacher chapters can get a good laugh out of this one. I was lying awake at 1 in the morning and was hit by a stroke of inspiration… so I just had to write this!

TODAY IS THE TWO-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THIS STORY! So it seemed all the more fitting that I should update. I can't believe I've come so far!

Disclaimer: Okay, I _think_ I've mentioned this before, but I AM NOT liable for people getting thrown out of libraries, receiving strange looks from family members, and going clinically insane as a result of my story. It's not my fault you find it so darn funny…

* * *

Chapter 47 – Snape's Birthday 

Over two weeks passed, and they were a terrible two weeks at that. Hermione spent her time in the comfort of Ron and Harry and took every effort to deliberately avoid Draco in the hallways and turn away from his gaze during classes. Draco was suffering as a result. He tried repeatedly to talk and explain matters to Hermione, but she absolutely refused to even look at him. Draco had never known he could want something so much as when he couldn't have it. The thought was infuriating. The two weeks that passed were mostly uneventful (although there was an incident in potions where Neville somehow managed to sprout a third arm and molest Harry on accident) and Draco's "trial" was weeks in the coming. Passersby observed that things were positively "normal" again, but both Hermione and Draco knew that was not the case. Deep down, they still liked each other, but it was as if without the chain to connect them and the tasks to complete, the spark between them had been somewhat smothered.

And yes, the tasks had stopped. Draco and Hermione assumed that it was because Dumbledore had decided to give them some time off from the tasks in light of recent events. They did not entertain the notion, however, that Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts, was having a midlife crisis.

"I AM HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS!" cried Dumbledore, pacing in his office.

"Aren't you a little old to be having a _mid_life crisis?" pondered Flitwick.

Dumbledore paused. Then, he quickened his pacing and continued, "I AM HAVING A LATE-LIFE CRISIS!"

"That's loads better," Flitwick pointed out. "Does this have anything to do with the fact that you can't find the list of tasks for Mr. Malfoy and Miss Granger?"

Dumbledore quickened his pacing even more. It now looked as if he was attempting to break dance in place. "I did not misplace it… I just can't seem to find it."

Fred and George, who had been invited to the teacher meetings, seeing as Dumbledore explained the situation with the tasks to them after enlisting their help, squirmed in their seats. They had been so… _distracted_ with the Xerox machine that they had forgotten to put back the list of tasks. Major oops.

Suddenly, the door opened. Umbridge came in.

"I heard some raised voices and decided to… _investigate_." She smiled her signature toad-grin.

"Oh, it was nothing, Dolores," said McGonagall hastily.

"I'm sure." Umbridge pulled out a quill. "Seeing as I happen to be here under these… _fortuitous_ circumstances, I shall take the time to look at other aspects of this school."

"Meaning?" wondered Snape.

"Meaning that I will make sure everything is in order before I report back to the Ministry." Umbridge pulled out a clipboard. "I heard rumors that Sybil Trelawney had been sacked… again. Is this so? Whom do you have fulfilling her post? If you have found no one… _capable_ of the task, I would be more than happy to-"

"NO!" cried Sprout, Snape, Trelawney, McGonagall, and the twins.

"I… I mean, _no_, that will not be necessary," stammered Trelawney.

"Yes, for you see, you must have heard incorrectly. Sybil has not been sacked," Dumbledore filled in.

"I haven't?"

Dumbledore gave her a significant look.

"Oh, I mean, _I haven't_. The fates have predicted that it is not my right time to leave the noble establishment of Hogwarts and I shall thus-"

"Trelawney?" interjected Snape.

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

"Okay."

There was a pause. "I… see." Umbridge picked at a wart on her chin. "And what about the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts? I have not received word that you have found a replacement, and I am certainly ready to-"

"NO!" Dumbledore knocked off his own hat in his response. "I… I… mean… we have found someone! You go away."

Umbridge's smile widened at the prospect of sacking another incompetent teacher… Who would it be this time?

The rest of the teachers had strained looks on their faces. They suddenly realized, along with Dumbledore, that in the excitement over Draco and Hermione's tasks, no one had been hired as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

Crap.

But fear not… Dumbledore had a plan… or so we hope.

"Who is it?" Umbridge had a glint in her eyes as she anticipated sacking the person.

"Uh… Uh…" Dumbledore glanced nervously around the room, but to no avail. None of the other teachers had come up with any solutions (you could tell by the pained looks on their faces).

"Well?" Umbridge resumed the picking of her wart.

"Uh… Um…" Dumbledore squirmed in his seat. _Crap… Crap…_ His mind went on a sudden mantra. _Crap... Crap… Crap… Crap…_

Umbridge cleared her throat. "Hem, hem."

_Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap._

Umbridge gave Dumbledore a significant look.

_Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!_

Umbridge looked as if she was about to eat her hat.

_CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!_

"FRED AND GEORGE!"

Umbridge's smile dissipated. "WHAT?"

"Yes… I mean _no_… I mean YES." Dumbledore marveled at his stroke of… um, brilliance. "Fred and George Weasley are the ones I hired to cover the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts."

The teachers were in shock.

Fred and George looked jubilant.

Snape just about wet himself.

"Umm… Uh… I see…" Umbridge stammered, remembering her last encounter with the Weasley twins. "Well then…"

Fred and George winked at her menacingly.

"I shall be going now," cried Umbridge hurriedly. "I'll owl you about the time of Mr. Malfoy's trial!" She scurried out the door… or rather _into_ the door.

"Ow."

"Other doorknob," supplied Flitwick.

Umbridge straightened her hat in an effort to regain her dignity and then walked away.

"So… I'll let the two of you go to make your lesson plans. You start teaching on Monday." Dumbledore gestured to the twins.

"WAIT! You were SERIOUS?" Snape burst.

"Yep. It looks like your worst fears have been confirmed," said Fred.

"We have become part of the teaching staff," said George.

Snape fainted.

"Should someone wake him?" wondered Sprout once the twins left.

"Hmm… Probably," said Dumbledore.

There was a pause.

"NOSIES!"

"Darn… now that Snape's out, there's no one to do our dirty work," commented Flitwick.

Suddenly, Snape woke up. Screaming.

"Ahh! I had the strangest nightmare… the Weasley twins have been given my dream job at Hogwarts!"

The other teachers exchanged a look.

"It wasn't a dream," said Trelawney. "It was _real_."

Snape fainted again.

"…"

"So… how's the weather?" Sprout began.

"There is a storm coming! Gusts of wind up to thirty-five miles per hour due north northeast," said Dumbledore.

"How did you know that? I didn't even See that!" Trelawney exclaimed.

"I get the weather forecast on my cell phone."

"Oh."

"Now, down to business: since we lost the list of tasks-" Dumbledore began.

"_We_? Don't you mean _you_?" Flitwick pointed out.

"Fine. Since _I_ lost the list, we shall have to do the unthinkable," Dumbledore continued ominously.

"Stop the tasks of Malfoy and Granger?" supplied McGonagall.

"Come up with plan lowercase _b_?" wondered Trelawney.

"Shave our heads and wear togas?" cried Sprout.

"No, no, and _heck_ no." Dumbledore leaned forward in his chair. The other teachers closed in in anticipation. "We shall have to…"

Dumbledore paused for dramatic effect.

"…We shall have to…"

Another pause.

"…We shall have to…"

Another pause.

"Really, Albus! What is it?" McGonagall waved her hand impatiently. "Just tell us what it is!"

"…Crap."

"We shall have to crap? Excellent! When do we get started?" squeaked Flitwick.

"…"

"No... As in _crap_… I forgot what I had to say," mumbled Dumbledore.

"Oh. I see."

Dumbledore nodded feebly.

"_Crap_."

"Here! I have an idea!" Sprout jumped up and took off her hat. She shoved it onto Dumbledore's head. "Try on my thinking cap! You'll remember!"

"Yeah, right. As if your hat is gonna-" began Trelawney.

"Hey! I remember!" exclaimed Dumbledore. "Like I was saying… We will have to…"

"Not the dramatic effect again!" groaned McGonagall.

"…to make up the remainder of the tasks for Draco and Hermione."

The teachers paused.

"Brilliant! We can really take matters into our own hands!" said Flitwick.

"Great! But… do you remember what any of the tasks are?" asked McGonagall.

"Yeah, like task 8! You never told us what it was, and you said it was the most hilarious thing we will ever encounter… and now it's gone!" Sprout complained.

Dumbledore opened his mouth to say that he did indeed remember what most of the tasks, including task 8 were, but stopped. He had a much better idea...

"No, sadly I don't remember what any of the tasks are. But, using my knowledgeable mind and immense intellect, I have come up with… an ever _better_ task."

The teachers gasped. "What is it?"

Dumbledore smiled inwardly at his cunning. He leaned forward and whispered to them what the original plan for task 8 was, but pretended that _he_ had come up with it by himself. Then, he proceeded to tell them the remainder of the tasks, as he had laughed over them so many times that he had them memorized. But, each of the tasks he passed over as his _own_.

By the time he was finished, the teachers were rolling on the ground laughing and clutching their sides in agony.

Snape came into the realm of consciousness and decided to risk opening an eyelid. "What'd I miss?"

The teachers stopped laughing and looked at Snape.

"Dumbledore just made up the rest of the tasks for Malfoy and Granger!" McGonagall cried, laughing again.

"He… he told us what they were…" Sprout was having trouble talking because she was shaking in laughter. "And… and they were… they were… BLOODY BRILLIANT!"

"Hail Dumbledore! King of Pranks!" cried Trelawney.

"No, of Crap!" Flitwick banged his fist on the ground as he erupted into another fit of giggles.

"Of Crap!" chorused the teachers. except Snape.

"Now, as much as I appreciate the worshipping, we must discuss a few other matters. As you may know, today is Friday, October the thirteenth, and-" Dumbledore said.

"What? Friday the thirteenth?" Trelawney's eyes widened.

"October the thirteenth!" shrieked Snape. "It's… it's… it's…"

"Yes, it's Friday, October the thirteenth. We've established that already." McGonagall eyed Snape warily.

Snape frantically began counting on his fingers. "No way. It's not possible. It can't be October the thirteenth."

"Why not?" wondered Flitwick.

"Because… because…" Snape sighed and gave up counting on his fingers. "Because it's my birthday."

Sprout spat out a mouthful of bubble tea. "Were you actually born on Friday the Thirteenth?"

Snape nodded.

The teachers erupted into laughter.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Flitwick wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "That seriously sucks."

"No wonder you're so… so…" Sprout faltered when Snape glared at him and was unable to finish her sentence.

"You didn't know it was your birthday today?" McGonagall asked.

"No… Mother! She… she… she didn't send me a present…" Snape looked heartbroken, if at all possible.

Dumbledore, who had still been laughing, suddenly stopped. "Why didn't you tell anyone that you were born on Friday the Thirteenth?"

Snape's eyes narrowed. "It's not something I advertise to the general public."

"No, but you _do_ advertise the pink hula dancers on your briefs to the general public!" Trelawney cried.

Sprout choked on tapioca. McGonagall clapped her on his back so forcefully that she slammed into Flitwick, who fell off his chair.

"How did you find out about that?" Snape turned beet red.

"I saw it." Trelawney smirked.

"Oh. Like in a crystal orb?" Snape asked.

"No… you seriously need to pull up your pants." Trelawney and the rest of the teachers started laughing again.

When the laughing finally died out, Dumbledore stood up.

"As you are now aware, it is the thirteenth of October-" Flitwick snorted and was silenced with a glare from Dumbledore, "and there is still a matter of the Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff Quidditch game tomorrow," said Dumbledore.

"What? I never knew about that!" McGonagall said.

"It was postponed and several matches had to be rescheduled and rearranged. As a result, Gryffindor will play Hufflepuff tomorrow, and further matches will be set up once the results are declared. There is still a matter of restoring Mr. Potter's broom, and we will also need to return Mr. Zambini's broom as well. Furthermore, I have decided that Mr. Malfoy and Miss Granger will have to serve two more detentions due to the chaos they have caused in the past week. So… it is that time again," Dumbledore stopped ominously.

Trelawney gasped. "You don't mean…"

"Yes. We will have to select someone to oversee their detentions again." Dumbledore sighed.

"Wait, didn't we pick last time?" Flitwick wondered.

"Hmm… I can't remember. Yes, we might have… I think we decided on… Snape," said Dumbledore.

"Who, me?"

"Yes, you."

"Couldn't be."

"Then who?"

"Last time you said we were gonna come up with a fair and democratic method of selecting the person!" Snape pointed out.

"Good point…" Dumbledore reasoned. He walked to the center of the circle of chairs that the teachers had made.

Dumbledore stuck out his wand and jabbed it into the air. The teachers knew something important was about to happen and didn't dare to question him

Then, it began.

Dumbledore cleared his throat.

"Eenie…"

He gave his wand a tiny flick.

"Meeny…"

He gave his wand another tiny flick.

"Miny…"

He flicked his wand a third time.

"SNAPE!"

Dumbledore swiftly brought his wand down upon Snape's head. Snape gave a muffled squeak and fell over backwards on his chair. The force of his fall caused a pile of books on Dumbledore's desk to give a mighty wobble.

The topmost book started falling down… in slow motion. Time slowed. Snape's thoughts slowed.

_Hogwarts: A History_… Snape read the title of the falling book upside down. _Hey… I've read that book…_

Time stopped slowing down. In fact, it even speeded up. Just for dear Snapey.

WHAM.

Hogwarts: A History made contact with Snape's face.

If only Snape did not run the risk of permanent injury, the teachers would have pointed and laughed. As it was, once Dumbledore removed the offending book and briskly healed Snape's face so that he did not indeed run the risk of permanent injury, they did point and laugh.

"I feel so left out!" wailed Snape once he was back on his… erm, chair. "It's my birthday! Can't you tell me what the tasks were?"

The teachers paused in their pointing and laughing.

"Nopes! You'll just have to wait and see!" said Trelawney.

Snape pouted. "Fine. Be that way."

Then, Snape had an idea. He suddenly remembered that he could read minds.

Snape got up and sat on his chair. Who to read first? Dumbledore had begun to explain the next phase of their plan and how the tasks will continue starting Monday. Snape figured he could zone out for a while and then zone back in at the appropriate time. They would never know.

First, he infiltrated Sprout's mind… which was not very difficult. What he found was very… interesting.

_The itsy-bitsy spider went up the water spout…_

Snape gaped.

_Down came the rain and washed the spider out…_

_Oh. My. God_, thought Snape. He backed up out of Sprout's mind immediately.

Then, he decided to try Trelawney's mind.

It was foggy, as to be expected. Then, he saw a faint light in the distance. Snape followed that light. It got closer, and closer… and closer…

And then, suddenly, it was gone.

Snape was left in the dark.

He turned around. There it was again, that light! Snape ran towards it… and fell flat on his face. Somehow it was possible to fall inside a person's mind.

Snape (the Snape sitting in his chair) flinched.

And then she cued the voices.

_I see… dead people._

_Where_? Snape wondered. _I don't see them..._

_You will die in seven days…_

_Seven days…_

_SEVEN DAYS!_

_Ahh!_

Snape ran away from Trelawney's mind, badly shaken.

Then he tried Flitwick's.

At first, Snape thought his eardrums were being blown out. Then, he realized that it was music.

_No. Way. Flitwick listens to melodic death metal_, Snape thought. Then, he noticed what Flitwick was _doing_ inside his mind.

He was mentally flipping through the latest edition of _Playboy_.

Snape's jaw dropped and he began to gag. He forced himself out of Flitwick's mind, telling himself that he needed to figure out the rest of the tasks. _Later_, Snape told himself. He would visit Flitwick's mind again later. Hey, it wasn't his fault that his mother wouldn't let him subscribe.

And then there were two. McGonagall and Dumbledore's minds had yet to be infiltrated. Snape chose McGonagall.

Suddenly, he was surrounded by disturbing images of people being tortured. Then, he realized those "people" were all _him_. Snape felt as if he had walked into a room of mirrors, where each one depicted McGonagall feeding Snape to a crocodile, throwing him off the Astronomy Tower, or subjecting him to the cruel ways of a band of rabid bunnies. Lime green ones, at that.

Needless to say, Snape did not stay in McGonagall's mind for very long.

That left Dumbledore.

Snape took a deep breath and plunged in.

For a second, he wondered if he had entered Trelawney's mind by accident. Dumbledore's mind was distinctly monochromatic and… empty. Snape wandered around. _Hello?_ he called out. Apparently, the ghoul was not in the attic today.

Then, he heard a noise.

It sounded like a _drip, drop_.

Snape turned. There, on the far end of Dumbledore's mind, was a faucet. Snape wandered toward it.

_Drip! Drop!_

Snape crouched down and stared at the faucet.

_Drip. Drop._

Suddenly, Snape found it impossible to breathe. He gasped and fought for breath.

_Drip… Drop…_

The faucet seemed to have this intense power over him. Every drop came slower than the last. Snape could not escape or tear his eyes away for a single moment. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead, and his face was twisted into a look of intense concentration.

_DRIP… DROP…_

The faucet was mocking him.

_DRIP… DROP…_

It dared him to defy its powers.

_DRIP… DROP…_

Snape could take it no longer.

_DRIP! DROP!_

Just when Snape thought he was going to die, he was thrown back out of Dumbledore's mind and returned to his body. His knuckles were white from gripping his the sides of his chair, his feet were shaking uncontrollably, and his breath came in anguished gasps.

Snape looked up to find the eyes of all the teachers upon him.

There was silence.

And then…

"See? I told you he was constipated!" cried Dumbledore.

* * *

Note: I think this was my longest chapter ever! I spent all morning writing it (when I probably should have studied… Crap). Like I've mentioned before, the idea for this entire chapter came at about one in the morning and simply wouldn't leave me alone! So, I'm sorry if the humor was a little drawn out, but I just had to get all my ideas down. 

Yes, I realize that if you do your calculations, October 13 would actually end up on a Sunday, I believe, since the Quidditch game that was supposed to be on Sunday, September 22... but I had to bend a few days because I thought it was only fitting that Severus Snape have his birthday on Friday the Thirteenth.

There will be more Draco/Hermione in the very near future!

Sigh. I will try to update, although please understand that life isn't easy sometimes… actually it rarely is. But, this story is NOT on hiatus and it is NOT over! My plot bunnies are just giving me a bit of trouble at the moment…

Please, please visit my profile! I added a bunch of funny quotes and author's notes on it and I'd like to know what you think!

Also, I'm trying to build a collection of hilarious quotes from this story, but I really don't have the time to comb through it all, and, as much as I would like to, I don't have this story memorized word for word. So, it would really, really help if you reviewed and let me know of some funny lines that really tickled you insane! Even mentioning which scenes were your favorite is a great help, since I can always look back on those sections and pull a few quotes! Or, if anyone is feeling really bored, you can copy down a few of your favorite quotes, although I'm not asking you to (just simply telling me which scenes you really like and remember is more than enough!).

Finally, (I'm so sorry for the long and annoying author's notes, but I just have so much to say at the moment and I need to get it all out!) THERE IS STILL ROOM FOR A FEW MORE TASKS! IF ANYONE HAS ANY IDEA OF A TASK, PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW OR PRIVATE MESSAGE ME! Even if you don't think the task is good or worth mentioning; I get so much inspiration from my reviewers! Thanks for everything!


	48. Enter the Cool Whip

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Happy New Year! I'm so terribly sorry for the unbearably long wait! I wish I could promise that it won't happen again, but I really can't say. But, I must let all of you know that I truly LOVE this story and would absolutely HATE to give it up! And, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I just left you guys hanging!

Also, thanks to my reviewers! I realized with a giant gasp that I forgot to honor my 2600th and 2700th reviewer, and, quite honestly, I really don't have the time to go back and search for them – sorry! I wish I could send you all hugs and honor every single one of you – you guys really help keep me going and I truly value your reviews. Also, I'm sorry if I don't respond to some of your questions; a lot of questions are important to the plot of the story, and I'm not ready to give the answers away quite yet – things _will_ be revealed!

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but Voldemort is gone. I never intended to make that part of my story. Oh, and pretend the Death Eaters are vanquished too… except maybe Wormtail, I rather like writing about him… hmm, who knows maybe I'll throw him in sometime just for kicks – my point is: this story is about life at Hogwarts with Draco and Hermione; Voldemort is not a major factor that I want to go into in detail. So for now, we'll just assume that the Order took care of him. Or maybe he woke up one morning with a craving for mixed nuts and choked on a cashew (hey maybe I should do a story about that, haha).

Some of you will definitely enjoy this chapter (unless for some reason it turns out way worse than it sounded in my head, and knowing my luck, it just might… in which case I apologize!). Enough said.

Oh, and an IMPORTANT note for those of you in other countries, "Cool Whip" is a brand of whipping cream (yum) in the United States. I have no idea whether or not Cool Whip has gone international (and I don't really care enough to find out), so this is just to clarify what I'm referring to every time I mention the words "Cool Whip" (which should probably be italicized or something but I'm just too tired), I am actually talking about a food. Or I guess it could be considered a topping. Those of you who are under the impression that Cool Whip is some sort of fashionable whip… well, let's just say that this chapter definitely will not have the same meaning.

Disclaimer: J. K. Rowling owns the characters. I just shave off their eyebrows.

* * *

Chapter 48 - Enter the Cool Whip 

Hermione Granger was certain of one thing, amidst the terrible mess that had entwined the lives of those around her: she could not bear to be apart from Draco Malfoy. In retrospect, Hermione reasoned to herself, she had managed to live without him all these years (back when he was nothing more than an arrogant young man who needed a serious kick in the rear end), but somehow it was no longer the same.

Her friends were aware of her apparent misery, but misinterpreted the signs. Each day, when Hermione greeted them with a wider smile and more words per sentence than the previous, Harry and Ron felt all the more sure that she was well on her way to recovery. And indeed, she was getting better – better at hiding the pain. Better at waiting for the comfort of her pillow and the desolate silence before she let her emotions run wild. Hermione's heart was filled with a strange longing that she had never known before; a longing which left a gaping hole in the center her heart. A hole that she kept on circling around during the day, and falling into at night. Was there no end in sight? Could there be no alternative to ease the pain except the arms of the man she loved?

That, however, was definitely not an option, Hermione told herself. After all, he was a _murderer_. A bloody murderer, in the blackest sense of the word. Hermione had indeed felt something burn inside her when she saw the body of Victor, which had been cleansed and sent to his family in Bulgaria that very morning. It was a passionate burning, which frequented her bedside and evoked tears that left dry tracks down the side of her face. But, Hermione knew, the burning had no relation to the fact that Victor, whom she had once liked (although not in the same way as she liked Draco) was dead. It was from the fact that Draco had killed him. There was no doubt in the minds of others that Draco had indeed been the one who had done this. Although there was no tangible evidence, the guilt was there on his face, as he sat in the back of the room during classes and passed by in the hallways, never daring to look into Hermione's eyes, but always doing so ever the same.

A large part of Hermione was horrified into despair and refused to believe that Draco was capable of doing such a thing. And yet… it was still there. The tiniest shred of doubt. The shred that threw Hermione even further into her cycle disbelief and longing.

She missed him like hell.

He missed her more.

Draco saw the pained look in Hermione's eyes every time they met his; he couldn't bear to think that he was the source of all this pain. He knew that he was innocent, but how could he prove it? And then, a deeper question began to settle on his mind. _Why bother?_ All of Hogwarts believed he was guilty (with the exception of the unconditionally kind headmaster, whom Draco was more grateful for than ever), and, from the looks of it, Hermione did the same. It was as if this was the exact thing that Hogwarts was expecting: Draco Malfoy, son of a death eater, crudely murders Victor Krum, a celebrated hero. It was a Hollywood tale that confined those to the roles they were cast without room for redemption.

It was unjust. Draco knew this, but as time wore on, he found himself looking at another option. He undoubtedly missed Hermione more than he had ever missed another person in his life. It had not helped that Draco lacked a proper childhood, but he could not bear to lose the one person he loved most, even if that person was walking farther and farther away from him every day.

And then, Draco realized the solution. Hermione would be better off without him. She would be better off married to Ron and friends with Harry and the other Weasleys than by Draco's side. She would be given the chance to live a happy life, away from the rumors that surrounded the Malfoy family and the hardships that had ripped them apart after Voldemort's return and fall. She could be free, and have a sort of freedom that Draco never had. But at what price? Just one broken heart, and that would be his. Draco was convinced now more than ever that Hermione was increasingly satisfied with her place next to Ron that it made him marginally pleased to see her remotely joyful. As long as Hermione was alright, Draco would be happy. As long as she stayed away from him, he couldn't break her heart again.

His own pain could be dealt with, Draco told himself. So let it come. A part of him was perpetually broken by letting go of Hermione, like a wound that would never heal, simply because he kept on picking at the scab. But, Draco reminded himself, it was like his mother always said: if you truly love someone, let them go. If they come back, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.

* * *

Professor Pomona Sprout always kept something special for days like these, when it felt as if the sun had gone away on holiday and came back determined to shine no more. And so, it was on that day that Sprout entered the teacher's lounge, pulled up the second floorboard just below the window and revealed a secret chamber of her heart and soul which she kept hidden until she needed it so much that she could not barely resist the urge to blast the entire floor apart with her wand out of spite. 

She pulled up a small cooler from deep beneath the floorboards and then took out a key which she kept hidden securely within her mass of tangled hair. Sighing with anticipation, she pushed the key into the lock which she had hypnotized Snape into installing on her cooler (being unable to install it herself due to an appalling lack of literacy) and turned. Barely breathing, she pulled out her treasure, her sacred item which she saved, for days like these.

She had once hidden bottles of various types of liquor in that cooler, having once been an irrepressible alcoholic earlier in her teaching career. But, Dumbledore had taken care of that in a way that was much kinder than she deserved, and for that she was eternally grateful. Years later, Sprout had concealed a check for twenty thousand galleons willed to her by her late mother. She had tried to hide it, not from her colleagues, who knew of her loss although not her pain, but from herself. It was as if in that single check the only remaining member of her family had cast her entire soul to wish her a happy life. A life that was undeserved. And now, Sprout pulled the latest inhabitant of her humble safe.

It was _not_ an occasion like all the others, when she had been beyond words in her pain. No, this was an entirely different situation altogether which had driven Sprout to her cooler in such a hurry.

She really wanted some Cool Whip.

* * *

_Please report to the teacher's lounge on the fifth floor directly after dinner this afternoon for a private meeting. Thank you._

_Sincerely,_

_Dumbledore_

Hermione scanned the note with a look of confusion. What did Dumbledore want with her? Draco, too, pondered this as he scanned over his identical note while pacing restlessly in his dormitory. And so, the two reported to the teacher's lounge on the fifth floor directly after dinner, as instructed.

They had no idea.

* * *

"Professor?" 

Sprout jumped and turned around. "Yes? Who is it?"

A young first year girl wandered into the teacher's lounge. "Professor McGonagall sent me to tell you that a giant yellow canary is rampaging-"

"HOLY MANDRAKES! My poor plants!" Sprout hurried out of the room and down to the greenhouses, where a spectacle awaited her. She abandoned the Cool Whip and left the container sitting on the table, unopened. This was an emergency.

* * *

Hermione had no idea what awaited her behind the door of the teacher's lounge, but as she entered the room, she met a surprise beyond what she had let herself dream of. There, sitting in a leather-backed chair, was the one person she wanted the most. She met the blonde hair that always carried the scent of expensive shampoo, the lips she so desperately wished to trace with her fingertip, the grey eyes that stirred up something deep inside – something she didn't want to remember, yet yearned for beyond all measure. 

"Hello."

As if all that she felt in that moment could be summed up in two simple syllables such as these.

Draco did not stir. His gaze intensified, until Hermione was certain the temperature had gone up several degrees in the room, or was that just her frantic heart as it pumped blood ever the faster? Then, suddenly, Draco got up. With a measure of incomparable grace, he leaped out of his chair, landing softly on the ground. In two quick strides, he made his way across the room. Before Hermione's eyes had the chance to widen, Draco was in front of her, his glorious scent filling her nostrils like some heavenly aroma that was sure to have come off an angel.

Something in Hermione's mind screamed.

He was a murderer.

He was going to kill her too.

She needed to save herself. The rational part of Hermione's brain tried to get her body to move, but nothing could tear her away from her spot.

Then he kissed her. Gently. Sweetly. Apologetically. As if he would never be able to do it again.

Hermione's heart raced and her mind tried to formulate some sort of explanation.

Wasn't he going to hurt her? Wasn't he a murderer? Why would he kiss her unless…

…Unless he loved her.

Hermione didn't dare think this hopeful thought, but it remained in her mind nonetheless. She couldn't stand to have her heart broken again.

But this was worth the pain and doubt.

All pretenses were gone. Hermione could no longer remember why she was here in the first place. All she knew was that the one person she loved most was by her side, and she could not afford to let him go again.

When he finally pulled away, Hermione saw in his eyes everything that he had not said – every truth, denial, and apology was laid out before her like the pieces of a puzzle. And now she knew. No words could convey the relief Hermione felt rising within her. It was as if, with that one look in his eyes as they faced each other, inches apart, she knew everything and was certain. Draco was no murderer. He never intended to hurt her with anything. And yes, he loved her. More than she was aware.

It was with a clear conscience and spirit that Hermione kissed him back.

Draco paused for a moment, wanting to ask her something. Hermione stiffened unintentionally, worried what he might say. Why had she doubted him? Why did she refuse to believe? Everything that had passed between them in that magical moment made her certain where her heart lay. She wouldn't doubt again.

But, Draco asked a different question, so abrupt that it almost startled her.

"What's with the Cool Whip?"

Hermione laughed and glanced at the table. Sure enough, the innocent container of Cool Whip sat on the table, suddenly brought to attention.

"Let's find out."

Draco returned to his leather seat and pulled Hermione onto his lap, as if it was something he did all the time. Hermione reached for the tub of Cool Whip, but Draco beat her there, his superior reflexes and longer arms winning over. Hermione managed a pout, but ended up laughing instead. Draco snapped the lid off the container slowly swept his finger across the smooth, unbroken surface. He lifted up his finger and held the Cool Whip to the light.

"One hundred and one clever uses of Cool Whip," he proclaimed jokingly with a smile.

Hermione couldn't help but giggle. There was her Draco in that smile, the one she missed. The one that came back.

Draco extended his finger to Hermione. "A toast."

Hermione touched her finger to his and then did something unexpected in her newfound happiness. Turning in her seat to face him, she licked the Cool Whip off her finger as seductively as she could manage, never taking her eyes off his for a moment, fingertip lingering on her lips

Draco eyed her suspiciously, marveling at her change of character. Swiftly, he touched his finger to the tip of Hermione's nose, leaving a heavy trace of Cool Whip behind. Then, he bent forward slowly, as Hermione felt a shiver at his proximity and his pleasant breath on her face. Draco held the back of her head in his hands and licked the Cool Whip off Hermione's nose as a smile spread across his features.

_Oh, two can play at that game_, Hermione thought, still trembling slightly, though in a delighted way. She scooped up a bit of Cool Whip and put it in the center of her hand, pretending it was a painter's palette.

"What on earth are you doing?" Draco laughed in wonder. Hermione didn't respond. Instead, she brushed the top of her little scoop of Cool Whip with her index finger and then reached for Draco's face.

It took him a second to realize that Hermione was drawing a heart on his cheek. He smiled inwardly, amused by her antics, and let her continue. He knew she was finished when she leaned back and smirked. Draco almost recognized that smirk; was it not the one he once wore on his face so frequently? It had seemed years ago.

Hermione leaned forward, inch by inch, and pressed her lips to his. Then, she moved to his cheek and ran her tongue gently along the length of the creamy heart, starting at the very bottom, at the seemingly insignificant tip where the two halves became whole.

* * *

Note: Okay, so the first major romantic scene of the story! (Hah, and we're all the way on Chapter 48) I would really love if you gave me feedback on this chapter (meaning, please let me know if I'm simply absolutely terrible at attempting to write something romantic and made you gag or vomit or any combination of the two, in which case I am so sorry and will work hard to improve)! 

Yes, I realize that the original version of this chapter (I uploaded a slightly edited version just this afternoon - Jan. 3, 2008) had two HUGE paragraphs at the beginning that were rather hard to read through (I hate gigantic paragraphs myself, but it was the first time that I've ever written one and I wanted to see how it would turn out) so I cut them up into several smaller paragraphs, although EVERYTHING is still exactly the same - it's just a little easier on the eyes.

Here are a few quotes that inspired the writing in this chapter that I want to share with you (yes, I know I kind of stole a few words from some of the quotes but they are very beautiful, in my opinion – anyhow now I'm attributing them)…

_Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. Edna St. Vincent Millay_

_Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. Author Unknown_

_Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again. Rosa Parks_

_If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were. Anonymous_

As usual, I want to remind everyone to feel free let me know about ideas for tasks – there are no ultimate and supreme tasks; I can always modify the ones I have to make them even better (although there's not much to be done about Task #8; I actually don't think it gets any better than this! wink). Or think of it this way: imagine if Draco and Hermione suddenly appeared in your bedroom – what would you want to see them do most? Hurry and let me know before the story is finished (which, believe me, will not be for quite a while) and all the tasks have been done – then there won't be much I can do! Please review!

P.S. I finally read the books Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse (author: Stephenie Meyer) - they're great! (Haha, just felt like sharing my thought of the day...)


	49. Here Comes Big Bird

The Ten Labors of Draco and Hermione

Note: Yikes! It's been SO LONG since I've updated! I'm so sorry! I could try to explain, but my only explanation is Life. Life sucks, and then it really sucks. And sometimes it takes a while to get around it.

And this is a relatively short chapter, sigh. But, fear not, the rest of the story is on its way (just having issues getting it out of my head and onto my computer).

No, honestly I don't mind if you review me frantically and use CAPS lock and scream about how it was such a pointless chapter and not at all worth the wait. It's your right to review, and I deserve shouting and frowny faces, so go ahead. However, very nasty and hot flames will be used to heat the houses of the poor and homeless in the winter. Think on that.

Warning: this chapter is weird, meaning, you might not like it. It is broken up into a lot of sections involving different characters. And, it's a bit more awkward than funny (awkward like when your parents attempt to crack a joke but fail completely and you can't decide whether to pretend to laugh or hide under a mattress). But, I'll let you decide.

This chapter is about Fred and George's first day as members of the Hogwarts staff, because I love those two characters and feel obligated to dedicate a chapter to them. If you are looking for Draco/Hermione romance, go back, reread the last chapter, and pretend that our beloved couple is still together in the teacher's lounge doing certain activities involving large amounts of Cool Whip.

Disclaimer: Obviously, I do not own Harry Potter. If I did, I think he would run away from all the harassment.

* * *

Chapter 49 – Here Comes Big Bird

There were two things in the universe which Professor Sprout was afraid of, and one involved the death of Piglet from Winnie-the-Pooh.

The other was that her greenhouses would be rampaged by a giant yellow canary.

After that day, Sprout seriously needed her Cool Whip back.

* * *

_Four hours earlier_…

"Say, George, this teaching thing could take some getting used to," Fred remarked, reclining in his new leather lounge chair they had "imported" (meaning _Accio'd_) from Italy.

"Indeed, Fred, indeed." George sat up suddenly. "You know what this office needs?"

Fred thought for a moment.

"A smokin' hot _veela_-secretary with a thick Bulgarian accent and a French manicure?"

"Exactly!"

George rubbed his hands together.

"D'you think we can get one off eBay?"

* * *

Snape was in a good mood. He had brushed his teeth that morning (meaning, he placed a toothbrush within five inches of his mouth), called his mother (who had been the butt of precisely 188,951.5 "yo momma" jokes throughout Snapey's adolescent years), and, top it all off, he had invested in McDonald's, and their stock was on the rise.

It was a good day.

And then, it happened.

"HOLY MATRIMONY! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!"

Snape bent over, peering intently into the mirror above the sink in the men's bathroom. He ran his fingers through his hair repeatedly, but to no avail.

A wail of agony escaped his lips.

This was impossible.

Unheard of.

_Inconceivable._

Severus Snape was suffering from hair loss.

* * *

"YES! HIGHEST BIDDER!" cried George, jumping out of his chair in glee, images of a veela with a thick Bulgarian accent and a French manicure spontaneously flashing on his computer screen.

But wait, there's more.

"Now, we just have to pay the shipping rates… Twenty five thousand Galleons for air travel, foreign passports, illegal smuggling fines, and liability insurance to cover the young men who commit suicide as a result of veela-induced unrequited love."

"Wouldn't it just be easier to _Accio_ her over?" wondered Fred.

The twins paused in contemplation.

"_ACCIO_ SMOKIN' HOT VEELA WITH A THICK BULGARIAN ACCENT AND A FRENCH MANICURE!"

And then, they waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Fred scratched his nose.

George filed his fingernails with a nail file containing the image of Hannah Montana.

All of a sudden…

A yellow canary flew through the window.

Yes, _through_ the closed window.

George blinked.

Fred twitched.

The canary hiccupped.

And then, it started.

* * *

Severus Snape was frantically grabbing books off the library shelves in a vain effort to reverse his sudden hair loss.

"What on earth are you doing? Stop throwing those books!" a voice screeched from around the corner.

Snape halted and realized that he was indeed discarding all the useless books ("How to Fix a Nimbus 2000", "The Ancient History of Peaches", and "The Noble Art of Running Away From a Squirrel") in an untidy pile wherever he went. And he had already gone through seventeen bookshelves.

Madam Pince came into view as she swooped down upon the intruder.

"_Professor Snape_! I am astonished by your lack of respect for library materials!"

_She's so mean nowadays… she used to think I was sexy…_ Snape mused.

_Maybe it IS the hair loss…_ Snape's eyes widened, and he abruptly dropped the stack of books he had been carrying.

Madam Pince's eyebrows drew together in a furry line.

"OUT!"

"Wha?"

"GET OUT OF THE LIBRARY. THIS INSTANT."

Snape snatched one last book off the shelf and made a run for it.

"AND DON'T EVER COME BACK! I HOPE THEY FIRE YOU FOR LACK OF HYGIENE!"

* * *

The yellow canary (which had defied the laws of physics by flying through the window) opened its beak.

And spoke.

With words.

"On behalf of the Confederation of International Trade within the Magical Territories of Europe, the United States, and Puerto Rico, you gentlemen, Fred and George Weasley, are hereby charged with one count of illegal smuggling of prohibited goods under violation of Article three, Section nine hundred seventy-two point five one of the International Code of Wizard Law."

"…"

"You lost me at 'the Constipation of International Trade'…"

"And what the heck are you anyways? Are they too cheap to send owls anymore?" George poked the canary with his wand.

"You, sir, are under ARREST!" chirped the canary angrily. Which was a hard sight to take in, giving that a three-inch yellow puffy thing was talking with words and arresting you for illegal smuggling.

"Oh yeah? You and what army? Hah, I've always wanted to say that," Fred let out a chuckle.

"I say, we should just get him," George declared.

The Weasley twins advanced on the poor, stuttering canary with their gorgeous flaming red hair flapping in the light breeze coming out of the vaporizer recently installed in the back corner.

Suddenly, loud footsteps were heard coming down the corridor. George opened the door of his newly furnished office to see what all the noise was.

Oops.

Snape was running down the corridor while reading pages from a book titled "Hair Loss Reversal Spells"…

…and performing said spells at random, jabbing his wand in the air every few seconds.

"HAIR EXPANDIO!"

_Crash._

Mrs. Norris morphed into a wiggling Persian rug.

"ANTI-BALDO!"

_Bang._

Peeves suddenly sprouted unseemly amounts of nostril hair.

Just then, Snape passed by the Weasley twins' office.

"GROW-O RAPIDO!"

_BOOM_.

Suddenly, the yellow canary was nowhere to be seen. Instead, the Weasleys found themselves face-to-face with Big Bird.

On steroids. There seemed to be some sort of illegal thing going around Hogwarts that day.

"AHH!" cried Snape, turning around and running away.

"AHH!" yelled Fred, grabbing a baseball bat.

"AHH!" shouted George, pulling out a can of pepper spray.

The overstuffed canary gave a squawk.

"What do we do with it?" Fred panicked.

"Shoot it!" cried George.

"Burn it!"

"Shave it!"

The canary started running around trying to escape the evil clutches of Gred and Forge. But being a canary, it promptly ran into the window. Or rather, through the window.

Again.

And according to the laws of gravity…

"Crap. CRAP. CRAP!" George grabbed his hair. "What do we do now?"

Fred opened the window and peered over the edge.

"I think it crashed into a greenhouse."

George let out a breath.

"We are _so_ fired."

* * *

Contrary to popular belief, Severus Snape possessed a conscience. And although his conscience often went on sick leave and "mental health" days, it tended to resurface whenever it felt that our dear Sev-sev was straying from the path of righteousness. And cleanliness.

_Oh Sev-sev…_

"Wha? Who's calling?" Snape stopped running away from the Weasley's office.

_Severus Cornelius Rutherford Tinky-Winky Udolphus Daniel Radcliffe Pompilion Wendall Anges Snape..._

Snape blinked. "Eh?"

_It's me…_

"Heh?"

_Your conscience…_

"Oh. But it isn't Mother's birthday, or Wormtail's April Fool's Joke, or the anniversary of Voldemort's nose job… what are you doing here?"

_You've been a bad, bad boy…_

Snape shuddered. "So?"

_And you know what happens to naughty people…_

Snape gulped. "What?"

_They suffer from…_

_From…_

_From…_

_HAIR LOSS!_

"GAH!"

_HAIR LOSS!_

"AHH!"

_HAIR LOSS!_

"WAH!"

Snape's conscience was having a fun day.

"MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!" Snape shrieked, spinning around in circles. Thank goodness the hallway was deserted, or somebody could've gotten scarred for life.

Snape sat down on the floor and started wailing.

"Oh, I wish Mother was here… What do I do? Don't leave me to die!"

_There is only one thing you can do to repay what you have done…_

"What is it?"

_You must confess your crimes!_

"I confess! I confess everything! I broke into a McDonalds, stole socks from a hobo, borrowed Flitwick's Playboy, and turned McGonagall's pet cat into a piece of fried chicken!"

_Anything else?_

Snape broke into sobs.

"I… I… tried… on… my… mother's… clothing!"

Minutes later, Snape's nervous breakdown was broadcast on CNN, BBC, and YouTube, under a mysterious account known as "the-teaching-staff-at-hogwarts-except-for-snape".

* * *

Meanwhile, news of the greenhouse incident had spread as quickly as Wormtail's fart in a public bathroom without ventilation.

Sprout was having a heart attack.

"My plants… my poor plants… Daphne and Isabel and Quimby and Sebastian… what will I do without you?"

"She names her plants?" George whispered to Fred, who shrugged.

"Professor, we will be happy to cover the price of repairs-" Fred began.

"NOTHING CAN TAKE THE PLACE OF THE LOVE OF A PLANT!"

George blinked.

"NOTHING!"

Sprout gave a mighty hiccup, and George noticed that her breath smelled heavily of Cool Whip.

"Okay, then. Well, if there is nothing more we can do here, Fred and I offer our deepest regrets for our momentary lack of judgment-"

"-and we wish you a lovely, wonderful, fulfilling, flippidy-doo-dah day," finished Fred. The twins slowly stepped away from the sobbing professor.

"Wait… what are we gonna do with the canary-thing?" George glanced at the body of the canary, which had miraculously survived the five-story fall and was starting to regain ample consciousness to arrest the twins again, only this time on charges of animal abuse.

"Uhh… well…" Fred stopped.

"There's always the Forbidden Forest."

* * *

Notes: Short chapter, I know! But that was kind of a filler (I really don't like filler chapters, but they exist for a reason); the upcoming chapters will be a _lot_ more interesting, especially since Task #8 is only a couple chapters a way (okay so maybe a little bit more than that but it is coming soon)!

Have you ever suddenly thought of an idea and then wrote about it only to realize that it came from somebody else, after you did all the work of writing it out (okay so maybe this has never happened to you, but just pretend)? Well, that's what happened in this chapter: the idea of Big Bird came from CrazyGirl47's The Prank War (which is a hilarious story and everyone should read it if they haven't already done so), and I didn't realize it until I had already mentioned it in the previous chapter and written all about it in this chapter. Oops. The part that the gigantic canary is from Chapter 10 (or somewhere around there) of the Prank War, where Fred and George feed Pig canary creams. This is also featured in Why One Should Never Feed An Owl Canary Creams (same author, brilliant writing).

My idea with Big Bird isn't the same as the one from the aforementioned stories (although they all involve Fred and George… after all, who else would end up with a blown up yellow bird on their hands?), but I felt that I should give CrazyGirl47 credit all the same for coming up with the funny idea in the first place.

Also, check out my profile page – I have set up a poll on what your favorite chapter of this story is! Please vote! The results will be revealed in my next update! Also, if you haven't already done so, please check out my most recent story, "Harry Potter Buys Life Insurance"! It's pretty short and worth a read.

One more thing: I know I've been asking for task ideas for Draco and Hermione, and as of right now, I have them mostly completed. But, I'm still looking for some ideas for the FINAL task (this would be for HERMIONE), which will end the story (wah!). I already have the ending mostly planned out, but I'm just looking for a little inspiration on the task that will go along with it. So… ideas? Leave a review or a private message! Thanks!


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